Please Help Me Be Excited - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 22 Old 08-11-2010, 02:23 AM - Thread Starter
 
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So as most of you know this pregnancy has been stressful. My baby is going to be here on Friday and all I can think about is "thank god this is all going to be over" and being so nervous and scared about the dang spinal. I am not in the least worried about the section itself, just about the spinal. I had one last time and I'm pretty sure it wasn't that bad, but for some reason I am freaking out about it now. I am also not looking forward to the hospital stay. I HATE hospitals and feel so uncomfortable there. I keep trying to tell myself just to make the best of it but I am no good at talking myself into anything. Everyone around me is soooo excited about this baby and honestly, the baby is the last thing on my mind. I can't even get excited about meeting him. This will be his birthday and I am just not happy about it. I can't get past the section and the hospital stay long enough to even think about meeting him, seeing him, kissing him, holding him. I'm sorry for the rant, but I just don't feel like I can talk to anyone about this.

I had a major breakdown today. I already had issues with my MIL being a wench a while ago when DH asked them to wait until the next day to come. She told us that if we didn't want them up there the same day, then maybe they shouldn't come at all. That maybe nobody should come see the baby. Then today, I explained to my sister that there was no point in her taking time off from work because my section wasn't until lunch time, so by the time they get started it will probably be 12:30, 1:30 by the time I am in recovery and 2:30 by the time I get out of recovery and that we want to spend some time with the baby before everyone comes up, so she could come up after work/supper. She told me "whatever, we just wont bother coming til Saturday then", in a snotty voice. I kind of lost it on her. Told her I have to have freaking surgery and that when DD was born I was totally left out of everything. While I was in surgery/recovery, my whole family was there holding and seeing my daughter before I even got to. Then there's my mom. She thought she would be waiting at the hospital with DD while I had my section. I had to tell her last night that I wanted her to stay at home with DD and that we would call when we wanted them up. That I wanted to be there when DD meets her new baby brother for the very first time. She was totally, completely understanding, but I feel as though I hurt her feelings (even though didn't).

Anyways, just needed to get this stuff off my chest. Thank you to anyone who read this.

Jaclyn, Madly in with DH, Scott. Mama to Calli Elizabeth (23 months) & our new little man, Bode Keam (9 weeks).
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#2 of 22 Old 08-11-2010, 03:25 AM
 
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So sorry things are rough for you now. You have every right to be nervous about your c/s, it is major surgery for goodness sake! Just try to remember that even if those first hours or days are not ideal, you will have a lifetime to make positive memories with your new child. Be easy on yourself.

CD'ing, homebirthing, milk making school teacher. Supporting my family on my income and trying to get out of debt in 2013!
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#3 of 22 Old 08-11-2010, 07:36 AM
 
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I think the extended family is being completely unreasonable. This is your time to bond with your baby, husband, and daughter. Everyone else just needs to understand that. It will be nice to have that alone time. You have enough to worry about with out their childish behavior! This birth isn't about them it is about you! You need to spend this time working through your fears and making peace with the birth. Good Luck mama! Will keep you in my thoughts.

Wife to Dh and homeschooling, mother to DD16  DS12  DS9  DS5  DS3. Due with 6th child in March 2014.

 

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#4 of 22 Old 08-11-2010, 09:41 AM
 
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s from me too. I couldn't read and not post. I am so sorry that you are having to go through this and can't have the birth you wanted (being a VBACer myself I know how much that means!) and it angers me so much that your MIL and sister don't get that this is YOUR time, YOUR baby, and it is just a question of respect to wait until mother and father have had their time with their newborn. Ugh!
Why don't they get that it is hard enough for you to have to go through the whole surgery sh*t again? Maybe you should just let your DH deal with them and be your advocate. Just blank them out as good as possible until well after the birth. Tell DH you need a break from all that and need some peaceful time to prepare mentally for what is to come.
s again...!

Franziska , DW to )oi , SAHM to Noah 06/2008, Sophia 08/2010, and Junis 11/2012

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#5 of 22 Old 08-11-2010, 10:39 AM
 
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I understand the anxiety. One of my sons was delivered by c/s, and it was scheduled in advance, so I had time to worry about it. What made it better for me was having a birth plan, including arms being left free, seeing and touching him as soon as he was born, having photos taken in the OR, and having him stay in the OR and in recovery with me so that I could breastfeed right away. I hope your c/s goes really well.

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#6 of 22 Old 08-11-2010, 11:10 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you so much, everyone. I keep trying to tell myself that the surgery will be quick and then I'll have my whole life to spend with this baby and not worry about the surgery anymore. I just wish I could say "I can hardly wait to meet this baby", but I can't. Maybe once I am numb and on the table, my tune will change and I can finally be excited. I think maybe this is just a case of me feeling sorry for myself. This will be my third major surgery in less than 22 months and I am just SO sick of hospitals and the recovery!!

I talked to my doctor about the hospital stay and she wanted me to stay the first night (Friday night), Saturday night and then Sunday night too and she would release me on Monday morning. I told her I would like to go home Sunday morning. My last section I had at 3PM on Thursday, stayed that night, Friday night and went home Saturday morning, so I made sure and reminded her of that. I just so badly want this to be over and be at home with my baby, my daughter and DH. Not sitting in a hospital with nurses and uncomfy beds and crappy food.

I really appreciate you all giving me things to think about and ways of trying to get through this. It means a lot to me.

Jaclyn, Madly in with DH, Scott. Mama to Calli Elizabeth (23 months) & our new little man, Bode Keam (9 weeks).
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#7 of 22 Old 08-11-2010, 11:47 AM
 
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DDCC

Your family is being awful! JUST AWFUL!

You take as much time as you need to recover and have some private time with your baby. I don't care if you call them at 10 at night and say that they can come and visit, they ought to be waiting for YOU to make that call. Seriously--that time when you first get to hold your baby, feel that quiet and hear their sounds--that is so important. Shame on them for making you feel bad because your surgery and birth doesn't fit into their preferred schedule.

You are absolutely, 100%, completely justified in wanting some time to recover and hold your baby before people arrive for visits.

RedOak ~ Momma to DS (8) , DS (4) , DD (3) , & DD 9/10 ~
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#8 of 22 Old 08-11-2010, 12:19 PM
 
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You are absolutely doing the RIGHT thing by putting your foot down this time. I don't know why but families have a way of making the birth about THEM and what THEY want instead of about Mom and baby. Stick to your guns, they will get over it. It is hard enough having surgery, you have every right to make it the birth you want.

Crunchy Christian Wife and Mommy to awesome DH and DD1 (4/25/07) and DD2 (8/13/10)
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#9 of 22 Old 08-11-2010, 12:49 PM
 
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ITA with the PP's. The birth is about the baby and about you. It's about the surgery, the birth, and the recovery and bonding period. I have experienced problems speaking up to family members in the past, and it's not good. I've gotten walked on, and been completely exhausted by people who have trouble thinking about the feelings/emotions/and physical needs of others who just gave birth.

I won't stand for it anymore, and am starting to find my voice. I pray you can find yours, as well. It's a REALLY crappy place to be in to want to share this special event on your own terms, and to have others only think of themselves! I'm very sorry!

I hope you become very excited (just a couple of days away! ) and that your day is very special, and that you are able to work through your fears a little before then..those of us who have had a scheduled c-section can truly relate to the fear leading up to it. We're here for you, and I can't wait to read your birth story and see pictures of that gorgeous baby!

Blessings!

Blessed Christian Wife and Homeschooling Mother to 8: 17 (our 1st homeschool graduate!), 12, 11, 9, 5, 4, 2 and with blessing #9 and #10 due to arrive April 2015



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#10 of 22 Old 08-11-2010, 01:03 PM
 
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I agree that it's time for your DH to stand up for what you both need. Honestly, maybe it's best to say the surgery was postponed until Saturday--or say that you guys would prefer for everybody to meet the baby once you get home, as you don't like hospitals and don't want to associate the joyous moment of your baby meeting his relatives (cough...cough) with a hospital?

It's 100% fine and normal for you to be more concerned about your upcoming surgery than meeting your baby. As anesthesia seems to be your concern, is there any way you can meet with anesthesiologist prior and talk about your concerns? Epidurals are also used for c-sections, maybe that's something you'd prefer especially as its scheduled? I think you should talk with anesthesiologist about your options and concerns.

Good luck

Mom to DS(8), DS(6), DD(4), and DS(1).  "Kids do as well as they can."

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#11 of 22 Old 08-11-2010, 01:11 PM
 
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Aww, hon... do not feel bad about not being excited about the baby yet. That's perfectly reasonable! It's not about him yet. It's about you and what you have to go through first.

You are such a devoted mama that I know it will become all about him(her?) very soon. Until then, you do what you have to do to enjoy/get through these next few days. That might include a pedicure and/or telling your family where to get off.

Many ((hugs)) and prayers for you!

Catholic homeschooling mom of two daughters and four sons... baby Mark born on 8/27/10. Kidney Disease Awareness
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#12 of 22 Old 08-11-2010, 01:17 PM
 
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Originally Posted by VillageMom6 View Post
...and/or telling your family where to get off.

MIL- "Yeah, maybe you really shouldn't come at all if you are going to act like this."
At the hospital where we are delivering they have you come in and meet with the head nurse and fill out a huge birth plan (awesome hospital by the way.) She has it written all over the place that NO ONE is welcome AT ALL except myself and my partner. And then she has it written that they are to put up an extra sign on the door. I'm not dealing with anyone thinking that they have the "right" to come in and screw with my most intimate moments.
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#13 of 22 Old 08-11-2010, 03:16 PM
 
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Sheesh, that's rough! I understand wanting some alone time to recover and meet baby. I am feeling that way and I'm having a HB...I think people just get excited and don't think sometimes. But those comments are uncalled for. Throw it back at them. If they're going to threaten, call them on it. I have to do this with my DC sometimes.

As far as not being excited, I can understand that. Don't worry, once you're with baby, those feelings will surface! Especially given that you won't have visitors to interrupt for a bit.

We're being very selective about who we're telling asap that baby is born and who we're waiting to tell. Heck, we may wait to tell everyone!

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#14 of 22 Old 08-11-2010, 03:33 PM
 
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I completely agree with you wanting some time to recover, meet YOUR baby and be there when your DD meets him. I can't believe your family is being so insensitive about it. I told my parents to wait a week, granted they're 800 miles away, but I want some time with my family before my parents are at my house. No one has batted an eye at my request, and I guess I should really be thankful to them for being so understanding. I think your requests are completely normal.

I would be nervous about the spinal too. It's a scary thing, but just try and relax. the spinal will come and go, but then your baby will be here, and you will be excited when you hold him in your arms. I am not stoked about labor at all, but it's after labor/birth that I know will be the important part.
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#15 of 22 Old 08-11-2010, 04:12 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Gosh, thank you so much for all your responses!! I am sitting here bawling my face off and it feels SOOOO good to do it!

I just went for lunch with DH and he told me his parents are leaving Friday morning for Calgary (4 hours away). I am happier than heck that they won't be around but I feel so bad for DH. When I had DD they knew when the c/s was scheduled for but went 2 hours away to go shopping anyways (everything is always more important than their grandchild(ren)). This time they are doing it again, because her birthday is Monday and she wants to get away. He asked them to come see the baby Saturday morning but they will be gone until Sunday. He is pretty upset that they have done this twice now. He isn't even going to phone them when the baby is born, he is that upset. When DD was born they came up to the hospital at 10 at night when they got home because it was convenient for THEM.

So I am going to type some stuff out so I can come back and read it. If you have anything to add please feel free:

*Its my birth and my baby and I have the right to do as I want/need in order to properly bond with this baby.
*There is nothing wrong with me wanting to meet and hold my baby before everyone else.
*The spinal is a quick pinch and then its over, everything will be fine.
*My doctor/surgeon is wonderful and will do a great job
*Only 10 minutes after I get the spinal I will get to meet my new baby.
*We, as woman have to go through some pain in order to bring babies into the world. A c/s is no different.
*I can make this day just as special for me, DD, DH and the baby, just as I could if I was having a natural birth.
*The hospital stay is a very short time in the grand scheme of things (I still hope I get out Sunday )

Jaclyn, Madly in with DH, Scott. Mama to Calli Elizabeth (23 months) & our new little man, Bode Keam (9 weeks).
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#16 of 22 Old 08-11-2010, 05:17 PM
 
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Good luck mama, you are doing the right thing sticking to your guns, I can't believe how unreasonable your family is.

I really like your personalized affirmations, I think that is a great idea!

We will be thinking of you on Friday!

Paula, mama to DS M (7/2010) sleepytime.gif and Watson (1998) dog2.gif and welcoming baby Penny (8/1/2013) babyf.gif

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#17 of 22 Old 08-11-2010, 05:21 PM
 
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They sound good!

I'm sure DH is saddened, but it's probably for the best, considering...you won't have them showing up at awkward times throughout your stay. Can't wait to see pics of your LO!

caution: one-handed nak

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#18 of 22 Old 08-11-2010, 07:08 PM
 
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Awwww, that made me cry when I read that everyone else got to hold your DD while you were in the recovery room. I didn't get to hold my babies right away either, but only for maybe an hour - and that killed me! Her being passed around to multiple people while I am in another room would be devastating. I am so sorry that happened last time. Poor mama, I want to hug you and cry with you.

I'll be thinking of you and sending all the best baby bonding, snuggling, nose-kissing vibes your way.

Happily married mother of DD1 (10/87), DD2 (7/08), and DD3 (8/10)
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#19 of 22 Old 08-11-2010, 07:18 PM
 
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One small suggestion...

Instead of: "*There is nothing wrong with me wanting to meet and hold my baby before everyone else."

It is the most right thing in the world for me to want to meet and hold my baby before anyone else.



Stating things in the positive is better for sinking into your subconscious. And it totally is the most right thing in the world. I'm really glad you are sticking up for yourself and your right to bond with your child. I'm glad you are such a strong mother.

My advice may not be appropriate for you. That's ok. You are just fine how you are and I am the right kind of me.

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#20 of 22 Old 08-11-2010, 07:33 PM
 
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One small suggestion...

Instead of: "*There is nothing wrong with me wanting to meet and hold my baby before everyone else."

It is the most right thing in the world for me to want to meet and hold my baby before anyone else.


oh, J, i'm sitting here bawling. i'm so sorry your family has made you feel like you even have to reaffirm that to yourself. it *is* the most right thing, and the most important thing. i know it's hard to do with family, but just leave them out of this part. YES they get to see, meet, hold baby, but not until you and baby (and DH and DD!) are ready. as the hospital is such a stressful place anyway, maybe they can all wait until everyone is home again?

i'm sorry you're having surgery anxiety as well, but this is more understandable as it's surgery afterall.... i'm sorry you ended up having to go this route.

thinking of you. xoxo megan
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#21 of 22 Old 08-11-2010, 11:30 PM
 
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Screw them-they're being incredibly selfish. You need that time to grt excited and love on your little boy. That's your prerogative. I don't know how to help you be excited about him but I know you'll fall in love as soon as you see him because you're a great mom and you won't let this keep you down. Stay strong and don't let anyone talk you into letting them come for a quick minute or anything.

Mama to a wild thing (10/08) and a new thing (8/5/10) and wife to the love of my
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#22 of 22 Old 08-12-2010, 01:16 AM
 
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You've gotten such good cheers on here! I just wanted to give a quick and say loudly "You're gonna rock this, mama!" Youre already acting so strongly by speaking clearly in your defense and in defense of your little baby. You will be so in love with your little one as soon as you meet him! Hang in there.... you will be snuggling with your babe in such a short time!

me, wife to dh, the movie geek (7/01), mama to ds1, budding Star Wars geek (10/05), dd, budding princess of the dirt (03/08) and ds2, budding extrovert. watch out! (8/10).
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