Can I just have a little rant for a minute? - UPDATE - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 9 Old 08-22-2010, 07:10 AM - Thread Starter
 
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WHY DOES EVERYTHING HAVE TO BE SO &^%$ DIFFICULT?

I have spent *years* researching birth and looking at all the evidence. I have chosen to birth the way that I believe, based on all the research and evidence, will be most likely to result in a healthy gentle birth for both my baby and myself.

With DD I overcame numerous obstacles, like finding a homebirth MW abroad, in a country where I didn't speak the language, which was extremely paternalistic and anti-homebirth. Then I held out against ginormous pressure to go into labour naturally at 43 weeks. You'd think that at least I'd have a nice quick easy birth after all that - but no. Ridiculously difficult labour, extremely traumatic hospital transfer, BFing sabotaged, chronic mastitis for 4 months, even when BFing finally worked out it remained painful the whole 2.5 years, a very colicky HN baby who has only very recently started STTN etc. etc. Basically, I feel as though, although I tried so hard to do the right things, that practically everything that could go wrong did.

This time around, the pregnancy has been less emotionally stressful, but physically taking quite a toll on me. And now, here I am again. 42+3 days today. I have to go into hospital on Tuesday for monitoring and a BPP to check the baby. Which is okay, but I know I'm going to be facing a huge amount of pressure to induce, and I'm actually afraid that they'll pretty much lie to me to coerce me into an induction (wouldn't be the first time!). I really hate confrontation, and since my previous traumatic birth I get really panicky in hospitals and around doctors.

I've done everything I can to try to make this a good birth - planned homebirth, birthpool, doula, lots of techniques for helping with a malpositioned baby (that's what happened last time). But baby just doesn't seem to want to cooperate. The longer I have to wait the more stressed I get, and the less likely it is that things will go well - at least that's how I feel right now.

Right now, I feel like I'm waiting for my turn to play Russian roulette. The odds are in my favour that things will be okay, but there's still a chance I'll take the bullet - and having already been through that I know just how terrible it can be. But at this stage, having had this hanging over me for so long, I just want to get it over with. The waiting is making it all so much worse. Whatever the universe is going to throw at me this time, I wish it would just *bring it on*!!!

Thanks - just needed to get all that out!!

Lisa - mama to Eleanor Rose 01/08 and Saoirse Lily 09/10
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#2 of 9 Old 08-22-2010, 09:38 AM
 
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praying that you're birth will turn out better than you planned. And for peace and comfort for you as you wait. Hopefully you don't have to much longer.
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#3 of 9 Old 08-22-2010, 12:12 PM
 
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I'm sorry! It sucks to have to feel so combative and defensive surrounding birth! I hope things will work out for you, though. It sounds like you just have long gestation times and that is *not* something our medical community likes very much!

me, wife to dh, the movie geek (7/01), mama to ds1, budding Star Wars geek (10/05), dd, budding princess of the dirt (03/08) and ds2, budding extrovert. watch out! (8/10).
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#4 of 9 Old 08-22-2010, 01:03 PM
 
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rant away, that's what this place is for .

s ...! sorry things are so difficult for you. crossing fingers and toes for labor to start soon and an easier and hopefully healing birth experience with this little one. ELVs coming your way!

Franziska , DW to )oi , SAHM to Noah 06/2008, Sophia 08/2010, and Junis 11/2012

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#5 of 9 Old 08-22-2010, 01:36 PM
 
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Oh, mama. I am so very sorry that things have been so stressfull for you. Sometimes, no matter how well we prepare ourselves, things seem to be more difficult than they should be. You are a very strong-willed woman, and I know that you would not be given these difficulties if you could not raise above them. (Which doesn't help when you are in the middle of whichever hardship is currently in your way.) But remember, that this, too shall pass. You have survived quite the ordeal in your past birthing experiences. Remember what you have accomplished when you feel that your back is to the wall.

and all of my best wishes to you and your LO. to a good experience with your BBP and to a positive birthing experience. You deserve it!

"A baby will make love stronger, days shorter, nights longer, bank balance smaller, home happier, clothes dirty, the past forgotten, and the future worth living for." ~A.U.
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#6 of 9 Old 08-22-2010, 03:09 PM
 
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Sending best wishes for a good birth, hope it happens soon.

Paula, mama to DS M (7/2010) sleepytime.gif and Watson (1998) dog2.gif and welcoming baby Penny (8/1/2013) babyf.gif

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#7 of 9 Old 08-24-2010, 12:57 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Well, we went out to the hospital for the monitoring today, and I was very pleasantly surprised!! They were quite nice to me, baby passed with flying colours, and they have agreed to continue to support my plans for a homebirth as long as the bi-weekly monitoring remains good. We have tentatively booked an induction slot for Friday week, which would make me 43+1 by their count, but 44+1 by mine - which is what I decided ages ago would be the outside limit for my own comfort. Though the head midwife even suggested that if everything still looked okay at that point that I could always ask for an extra few days and move the induction back a bit.

So feeling much more relaxed about it all now. Though really hoping the full moon tonight gets baby moving!!

Lisa - mama to Eleanor Rose 01/08 and Saoirse Lily 09/10
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#8 of 9 Old 08-24-2010, 01:02 PM
 
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Wow, that sounds so wonderful! I'm glad you were able find some support and can relax into that. It'll make getting into a birthing head-space so much easier!

me, wife to dh, the movie geek (7/01), mama to ds1, budding Star Wars geek (10/05), dd, budding princess of the dirt (03/08) and ds2, budding extrovert. watch out! (8/10).
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#9 of 9 Old 08-24-2010, 03:18 PM
 
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DDCC - so happy to hear that the pressure is off. Sigh!!

Best wishes for a wonderful birth and a contented baby

Alicia, wife to an loving and faithful DH, and mama to three fantastic though nutty children (cs, then an HBAC, then a VBAC!!).
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