Anyone else feeling like their other children are being neglected? - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 13 Old 08-26-2010, 07:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
trimestersdoula's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,820
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I totally feel this way. I have so little time now with DD, it seems like. She is also acting out like crazy. Is it normal for second time moms to feel like they are neglecting their first or am I doing something wrong? DS is just soooo demanding.

Anyone else feel like this? Does it get better?

Jaclyn, Madly in with DH, Scott. Mama to Calli Elizabeth (23 months) & our new little man, Bode Keam (9 weeks).
trimestersdoula is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#2 of 13 Old 08-26-2010, 08:27 PM
 
COgirl19's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Colorado
Posts: 423
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
yes, I know exactly what you mean - as I was considering posting a thread just like this! DD1 isn't even acting out that much but I really don't know how I am going to give both the attention they need once the grandparents leave. I know everyone adjusts with time but yeah, I feel guilty and am wondering if this is normal.

Crunchy Christian Wife and Mommy to awesome DH and DD1 (4/25/07) and DD2 (8/13/10)
COgirl19 is offline  
#3 of 13 Old 08-26-2010, 10:46 PM
 
CrunchyChristianMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Kansas City, MO
Posts: 2,618
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
My older DD is a little neglected sometimes too right now. I've decided to neglect the house more instead.

When the babe is sleeping, I put her down all swaddled up tight and she sleeps pretty well, so then I try to devote some serious time to my older DD. It's helping some with the acting out. Today I also took her to story time at the library and to our local children's museum where we have a pass so that she could do some things she loves. That really helped with some of the jealousy problems we were having the day before. Today is only the second day I've been without any help though, so I figure there will be a bit of an adjustment period.

Elizabeth - Doing life with Scott partners.gif

SAHM to Evelyn - my crazy little Celiac (4) energy.gif Annabelle (2)  love.gif and Abraham (born 6/20) buddamomimg1.png
adoptionheart-1.gif  Follow our journey  mdcblog5.gif

CrunchyChristianMama is offline  
#4 of 13 Old 08-27-2010, 12:47 AM
 
Dahlea's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,881
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
This o's totally me. We were going outside for
Water play every afternoon it was nice and we haven't done that since she was Born. I just don't know how to incorporate her safely into some activities so we just don't do them. When I'm not feeling neglectful I'm feeling mean. I have no patience for any of the things he does anymore I feel like I messed up by having another kid not that I was perfect or our relationship was but we didn't watch tv and had a lot more fun before I got pregnant/had the baby.

Oh and when it's not my toddler, I feel like I'm screwing over my newborn. She doesn't get held nearly as much and has to fuss/cry more than he ever did because I just cant drop everything. I feel like its unfair to them both.

Mama to a wild thing (10/08) and a new thing (8/5/10) and wife to the love of my
Typos+weird words=typing on my iPhone
Dahlea is offline  
#5 of 13 Old 08-27-2010, 01:26 AM
 
lookatreestar's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 971
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
my ds isn't a newborn anymore but he is going through some serious anxiety and won't let me leave the room without him. so like a pp said, instead of neglecting either kid i tend to neglect the house instead. i just stopped putting pressure on myself to do everything

mama to one '07 and one '09
lookatreestar is offline  
#6 of 13 Old 08-27-2010, 01:28 AM
 
lookatreestar's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 971
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dahlea View Post
This o's totally me. We were going outside for
Water play every afternoon it was nice and we haven't done that since she was Born. I just don't know how to incorporate her safely into some activities so we just don't do them. When I'm not feeling neglectful I'm feeling mean. I have no patience for any of the things he does anymore I feel like I messed up by having another kid not that I was perfect or our relationship was but we didn't watch tv and had a lot more fun before I got pregnant/had the baby.

Oh and when it's not my toddler, I feel like I'm screwing over my newborn. She doesn't get held nearly as much and has to fuss/cry more than he ever did because I just cant drop everything. I feel like its unfair to them both.



i know. it is SO hard. i think that happens regardless, but really things do get better and both kids adjust and in the end it is worth it when you hear them in the next room giggling so hard they can't breathe.

mama to one '07 and one '09
lookatreestar is offline  
#7 of 13 Old 08-27-2010, 03:39 AM
 
HaikuMommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: CA - moving to Maui soon
Posts: 266
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
For me, the worst part is when 2yo DD is crying while newborn DD is also crying. I am tandem nursing, but have not mastered nursing both at once -- mainly cuz 2yo is super big, size of a 3.5yo, but of course she only has the skills/understanding of a 2yo so the positioning is difficult. She wriggles around too much. But my older babe will hear the newborn crying and get upset and want to nurse, right as I'm starting to nurse the little babe. I am trying to teach her to take turns but she doesn't understand and screams like a banshee, sobs and tantrums. I feel like jumping out the window sometimes! (Not literally...)

Happily married mother of DD1 (10/87), DD2 (7/08), and DD3 (8/10)
HaikuMommy is offline  
#8 of 13 Old 08-27-2010, 05:42 AM
 
Dahlea's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,881
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by HaikuMommy View Post
For me, the worst part is when 2yo DD is crying while newborn DD is also crying. I am tandem nursing, but have not mastered nursing both at once -- mainly cuz 2yo is super big, size of a 3.5yo, but of course she only has the skills/understanding of a 2yo so the positioning is
Omg yeah how in the heck do people do that??? I cannot do them together at all. Wish I could. Instead my toddler stands in front of ke and looks all pathetic and makes little slurpy noises. Way to pull the guilt trip card kid!

Mama to a wild thing (10/08) and a new thing (8/5/10) and wife to the love of my
Typos+weird words=typing on my iPhone
Dahlea is offline  
#9 of 13 Old 08-27-2010, 03:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
trimestersdoula's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,820
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Im sorry you all are feeling this way too. I feel like you do, too, Autumn. When I'm not feeling neglectful, I feel mean. I too, don't have any patience for Calli's nonsense anymore. Like I will ask her to come give something to me and she will run away as fast as she can. I am finding all of this pretty stressful. I am really hoping it does get better cause if it doesn't, I'm following HaikuMommy out the window :P

Jaclyn, Madly in with DH, Scott. Mama to Calli Elizabeth (23 months) & our new little man, Bode Keam (9 weeks).
trimestersdoula is offline  
#10 of 13 Old 08-27-2010, 05:22 PM
 
dannic's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 2,700
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Seriously, adjusting from one to two is tough. But it DOES get better and easier over time, really.
Part of it is hormones and lack of sleep for mama (and having gone through birth)--it's just the PP period.
Part of it is adjusting to being out numbered. And it's an adjustment for the kids, too. This is my fourth and my 3 yr old was rockin our world out of alignment last week, lol. But she's getting better this week.
Go easy on yourselves and your kiddos and spouse. It's a transition and like all transitions, takes some time to get used to the new normal.
It has typically taken me 3 mos for all these interplaying pieces to come into place. Once I figured that out I was able to relax and just (mostly--we all have our moments) take it as it comes.
My big priorities are mealtimes. Eating regularly keeps us all on a more even keel. I make dinner in the morning because babies tend to need more in the pm and everyone is tired and starving! Crockpots are your friend!
Having children is a blessing! Anything worth doing/having takes a lot of effort, but IMO makes the blessings that much more enjoyable!
And like a pp said, it is wonderful to sit in the rocker and watch my 3 children all playing together! (You should see the messes they are making building forts!)

caution: one-handed nak

typos likely

dannic is offline  
#11 of 13 Old 08-27-2010, 10:58 PM
 
HaikuMommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: CA - moving to Maui soon
Posts: 266
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Surprised I hadn't thought of breaking out the good ol' crockpot! Great idea, dannic - thanks!

I did get both my girls nursing at the same time today (each with a head on my thigh, bodies off to the side like a football hold). When I looked at 2yo DD and said, "Isn't this nice, both sisters nursing at the same time?" She shook her head "no", grabbed my hand and made it stroke her face. Poor babe!

Happily married mother of DD1 (10/87), DD2 (7/08), and DD3 (8/10)
HaikuMommy is offline  
#12 of 13 Old 08-29-2010, 08:54 PM
 
rlandnl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Posts: 623
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Totally, my son has been playing a lot of video games and it sucks. But DD is super high needs and will only sleep when holding her for the most part, once in a while we can get her to sleep in her swing or pack and play but we are pretty much holding her most of the time.

I have been trying to do things that I can do while holding her- watching our favorite tv shows, reading stories, but still it's hard. I think him going back to school in a couple days will be good in a way, because when he gets home hopefully she will nap a bit and we can spend some time together.

Nicki wife to Rich, Mama to 7 y/o DS, and a beautiful Princess Aug 2010
rlandnl is offline  
#13 of 13 Old 08-29-2010, 10:19 PM
 
lunarlady's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 1,324
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Not sure if it is neglect or overindulgence. We are watching WAY too much TV, but I'm so weak from my PPH that I can't do much. We tried going to the park yesterday, but I barely made it home and was bleeding like mad.

I guess I'm just not too proud about how things are going, but hoping they will improve along with my health. Tandem nursing is also a serious challenge, but if there ever was a wrong time to wean, it's now!

CD'ing, homebirthing, milk making school teacher. Supporting my family on my income and trying to get out of debt in 2013!
lunarlady is offline  
Reply

User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off