So... was this your last? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 26 Old 09-25-2010, 03:01 PM - Thread Starter
 
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For those who might not know or remember my story, we went through IF with our dd, ds and dd2, and losses in between. Toby's pg was a complete shock and surprise, the most delightful surprise of my life needless to say, but TOTALLY unexpected. We had moved, passed on all baby things (well most anyway), decided that as much as we would love a surprise someday (not that we ever thought we'd get one in a million yrs!! ) we would not return to our RE or any procedures or meds. We were told we wouldn't get pg w/out assistance. And I truly believd we wouldn't, I never had before and had great reason to bel. I couldn't.
It was strange at first, finding out we were expecting again, my emotions were very mixed, I was floored. I had started back working a bit with a small business I was planning to buy into. We were getting horses, I'd started running. I was debating on finishing my masters... there were very different plans...
anyway we had never discussed birth control before for obvious reasons and decided that after the birth of this unexpected miracle dh would have a vasectomy at some point. Our biggest concern obviously is money ~ enough for college and all they need before they are grown. It is very impt to us they are able to go to college and we want to assist in financial support for that. They will be enetring college every few years......
Well... things have changed from pg thought. Dh and I discussed the vas last week and I told him I didn't want him to have it done. He said 'not at all or just not yet?' I said 'not at all'. Today I got up the nerve to say it out loud, which I haven't yet, and didn't have any idea I would feel this way after his birth, and told him I don't want to make it so we could never have another. I told him I can't say that I don't want another baby. He laughed and said 'then we've *really* got van troubles' (our van is on its way out) and we can't fit everyone in to go where we need to go and have been juggling... anyway...
but... I thin he knew I've been feeling this way. We've been together for 20 yrs and he knows my stuff before I do .
Not that I will try, not that we will prevent with something permanent either... just... I dunno...
Well, this got long, but I was wondering where others might stand. If you've had changes of heart either way., what you're doing, etc.
Am I insane?

natural birthin', baby catchin', cloth addicted, intactalactavist mama of 12/00, 6/03, 10/07, 8/10 & our angelcubs three
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#2 of 26 Old 09-25-2010, 03:17 PM
 
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it may be our last....we aren't sure yet. I always thought I would want one more but now I am not so sure....to be honest I am enjoying NOT being pregnant and not sure about my ability or desire to handle more than two children. I am not sure I would be able to give them all the love and attention they need. We babysat for a friend of ours and were taking care of 4 kids total...it kind of reaffirmed my thoughts on that. I love my kids but I want to have a life of my own too.

I still don't want to entirely eliminate the possibility. I am probably going to go with an IUD. I don't have to think about it or keep track of pills and can be sort of confident we won't get pregnant again....but if we do change our minds we can take it out. So we will see how that goes.

Crunchy Christian Wife and Mommy to awesome DH and DD1 (4/25/07) and DD2 (8/13/10)
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#3 of 26 Old 09-25-2010, 03:32 PM
 
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Ayla was my last baby for sure. I had a tubal the day after she was born and I feel no remorse or regret about it at all so I know for sure my family is complete. But I understand the feeling of not being ready to call it quits on making babies, even if the circumstances of your life are not perfect to welcome another addition. I felt like that after my 5th baby, but when I was expecting Ayla I knew without a doubt that I was done.
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#4 of 26 Old 09-25-2010, 04:59 PM
 
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Annabelle may or may not be our last biological child. We plan on adopting in the future, but are not sure if we will adopt 1 or 2 children. I think we will end up with 4 kids though. Although, I will admit that I often feel like COgirl does, that I'm not sure how I will divide myself between 4 of them!

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#5 of 26 Old 09-25-2010, 05:36 PM
 
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We kept saying this would be our last, and DH was all set for the big clip, but now I told him to wait. I just don't want to close the door on another just yet. So I, too, am thinking the IUD route. That way we still have the option to have more at a later date.

CD'ing, homebirthing, milk making school teacher. Supporting my family on my income and trying to get out of debt in 2013!
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#6 of 26 Old 09-25-2010, 06:56 PM
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Edie's definitely our last biological child. We both feel 100% sure about that and my husband already went and got a vasectomy. I never, ever want to be pregnant or go through childbirth again. I am treasuring every day with this last baby because I know I'll never have another.
However, we may adopt a child (probably toddler/preschool aged) in a few years. It's something we've discussed a lot. We have no idea where we'll be in 5 years so it's too early to even think about seriously right now.
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#7 of 26 Old 09-25-2010, 07:11 PM
 
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Yes, this was our last! But don't tell DH ;-)
I will be getting an IUD because he just doesn't want me to lock that door.
Anyone have recommendations between ParaGard vs. Mirena? (copper vs. hormonal)

Happily married mother of DD1 (10/87), DD2 (7/08), and DD3 (8/10)
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#8 of 26 Old 09-25-2010, 09:34 PM
 
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Breckin will most likely be our last. But I told my husband to hold out on the vasectomy just in case we want to try for a 3rd, though I doubt it!

Colleen (35) married to Brian (35) 11/06; DD Emilia 6/6/08; DS Breckin 8/2/10
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#9 of 26 Old 09-25-2010, 10:38 PM
 
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Dh thinks this was our last. I'm not sure... in fact, I think we'll have one more. But, we've agreed to hold the conversation for the moment and not to worry about it. At any rate, no permanent measures will be taken. And, frankly, we're so fertile that unless we take permanent steps (and even then?!) I doubt this will be our last.

me, wife to dh, the movie geek (7/01), mama to ds1, budding Star Wars geek (10/05), dd, budding princess of the dirt (03/08) and ds2, budding extrovert. watch out! (8/10).
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#10 of 26 Old 09-25-2010, 11:49 PM
 
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We're probably not done. I didn't enjoy pregnancy all that much but I am adoring having a newborn again. My recuperations were awful with ds1 and ds2 but much easier this time and I'm just loving having a little peanut to fawn over. I'd also like to try for a girl, although we wouldn't do anything to sway our chances, just hoping for that 50/50 chance. I could see us ending up with 4 or 5 eventually. I just turned 32, so I figure I've got time.

Mama to Peter (3/8/04), Leo (3/12/06), Timothy (7/24/10), and boy #4 due on the summer solstice 2014
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#11 of 26 Old 09-26-2010, 03:53 AM
 
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This was our first and we definitely want at least one more, but that will probably be it because I just turned 39 and I don't want them back-to-back.

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Originally Posted by HaikuMommy View Post
Anyone have recommendations between ParaGard vs. Mirena? (copper vs. hormonal)
Check over in Family Planning. I had the copper one for a year and a half, it made me bleed like crazy (overflowing a Diva Cup in an hour and a half for 48 hours straight, every period). Other women have a better experience with it. I did appreciate the convenience on the days I wasn't bleeding (about 50% of the time).

Mirena is supposed to make your periods lighter, but after many years on BCPs I won't go back on any hormonal BC.

Paula, mama to DS M (7/2010) sleepytime.gif and Watson (1998) dog2.gif and welcoming baby Penny (8/1/2013) babyf.gif

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#12 of 26 Old 09-26-2010, 01:15 PM
 
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If u ask DH yes most definitely, but he was "done" after one too... I am not sure. This baby was a miracle seeing as we were told we can't have kids without IVF since accirding to my RE I had never ovulated (obviously he was wrong) and dh has major sperm issues.... but she's herte she proved them wrong and it could happen again I am open to it, and i think DH is open to it just doesn' want to try... i think that because we have not been using any bc since DD was born and that doesn't seem to be changing

Nicki wife to Rich, Mama to 7 y/o DS, and a beautiful Princess Aug 2010
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#13 of 26 Old 09-26-2010, 02:26 PM
 
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We weren't sure but have decided to try for a 3rd with the same spacing thesetwo have. We tried for 5 years for our first and then our second was a surprise-we weren't actively trying.

Mama to a wild thing (10/08) and a new thing (8/5/10) and wife to the love of my
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#14 of 26 Old 09-26-2010, 03:40 PM
 
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I don't know. After three horrible back labors with posterior babies that resulted in a c-section, two hours of pushing to get a 3rd degree tear and then a 2 hour pushing stage with a forceps delivery and another 3rd degree tear, I just don't know.

I'd love to have more kids but I don't know if I can handle (emotionally and physically) another difficult labor.

I do know that even if I was done, I still wouldn't have my tubes tied or request that dh have a vasectomy. It's just too permanent and you never know what you may feel in the future.
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#15 of 26 Old 09-27-2010, 02:08 AM
 
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I always wondered how people decide this. It seems like a really really big decision. And then I had a beautiful birth, and for 2 days my best recovery yet before getting a horrible post partum infection. After 2 days in hospital with incredible fevers that they weren't able to manage or get to the root of all I could think was that I never ever ever want to be in this spot again. It's fading now, but the fear was intense.

So, 3 babies later- 1 planned, 2 surprises, with 2 HBAC's and a cesarean and now an infection in my history I kind of feel like maybe I should stop while I'm ahead and be grateful for my healthy strong kids and for my own life, and move on as a family of 5.

I just always said I never wanted an odd number of kids...

Veggie, babywearing, cloth diapering, lactivist, intactivist, 2x HBAC, non-vaccing nurse and doula, wife of my babies' sweet Dada, Momma of 3 with another coming mid summer.

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#16 of 26 Old 09-27-2010, 12:37 PM
 
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I can say, without a doubt, that we are completely done having children. Had I known I was going to feel so strongly about this, I would have opted for a tubal during my cesarean. DH agrees that we are done and will be getting a vasectomy very soon. We have a girl and now a boy and we both feel our family is complete. We lead a very busy life and more than two children would be overwhelming. I know we could slow down with how busy things are, but truth be told, both DH and I like it.....most of the time.

Also, I have now had pre-e with both pregnancies and 2 cesarean sections. I don't want to risk heart or kidney problems years from now as a result of having pre-e. I want to be healthy for in the years to come so I am able to take care of the two children I have. I also feel like I never want to be pregnant again. I am happy to have my body back and would like to keep it that way. I miss being able to go out for drinks after work. I miss being able to dirtbike!! I love dirtbiking and have been doing it since I was 3 years old. Haven't done it over 3 years now I am also sick of surgeries. I have had 2 sections and a gall bladder surgery in less than 2 years. I want to recouperate fully for once and get on with my life.

I just feel like this part of my life is done/over and I am happy with that.

Jaclyn, Madly in with DH, Scott. Mama to Calli Elizabeth (23 months) & our new little man, Bode Keam (9 weeks).
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#17 of 26 Old 09-27-2010, 06:45 PM
 
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nak

not through having children. I'm hoping for double what I have.

I'm with those who won't be doing anything permanent...ever.

caution: one-handed nak

typos likely

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#18 of 26 Old 09-28-2010, 12:43 PM
 
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I do not feel like little George will be my last, however I am sooo glad DS1 is 5 now (and helpful!)--I don't think I could handle 2 very small ones at the same time. This seems like a nice spacing, I could see waiting 4 or 5 more years to do this again (I'm 27).
I would probably like 2 more, but DF says 3 is his upper limit I'm a teacher, though, we'll see how interacting with other people's kids all day and then coming home to my own infant goes. I would definitely have more if I could stay home, but I'm not sure we'll ever be financially set to do that.
~Lindsay, mama to Gunnar (5) and George (8/22/10)

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#19 of 26 Old 09-28-2010, 06:24 PM
 
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Nope, not done, Lord willing. I had my tubes tied at the birth of #4 (had a different frame of mind at that point) and I can't imagine not having Henry (15 months) and Oliver that have come out of the reversal surgery....so, I can't imagine who I would be preventing our lives from being blessed with if we prevented more children!

It's all a very personal decision, but I feel blessed to be a mom of 6 children because with each one, God works in my life to shape me and make me a little less selfish, a little more giving and a little more in need of Him...to me, it's my path to a closer relationship with God.

Blessed Christian Wife and Homeschooling Mother to 8 with blessing #9 and #10 due to arrive April 2015



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#20 of 26 Old 09-28-2010, 08:21 PM
 
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!

It's all a very personal decision, but I feel blessed to be a mom of 6 children because with each one, God works in my life to shape me and make me a little less selfish, a little more giving and a little more in need of Him...to me, it's my path to a closer relationship with God.
I just wanted to say that I found this sentiment very profound. It is true that our children really do make us better people just through the blessing of their presence in our lives.

I'm mostly in awe of people with lots of kids because not only are there very limited vehicle choices that will fit the whole family, but you also have gratuity automatically added to every restaurant check. That's a big party.

CD'ing, homebirthing, milk making school teacher. Supporting my family on my income and trying to get out of debt in 2013!
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#21 of 26 Old 09-28-2010, 08:28 PM
 
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Quote:
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I just wanted to say that I found this sentiment very profound. It is true that our children really do make us better people just through the blessing of their presence in our lives.

I'm mostly in awe of people with lots of kids because not only are there very limited vehicle choices that will fit the whole family, but you also have gratuity automatically added to every restaurant check. That's a big party.
LOL, no kidding about the gratuity! Nevermind hotels...I guess it's good that we don't travel much...when we do (took our first "real" family vacation other than short deals or visiting family, to a vacation destination last Jan) the hotel choices are very limited. All of our kids go to bed early, and so we need the suites where they can go to their own room unless we all want to go to sleep at 7:30 when the little guy does...anyway, usually they max out at 4 or 6 per room! Real expensive..that's why it's a once every, oh, long time to save for deal....

Blessed Christian Wife and Homeschooling Mother to 8 with blessing #9 and #10 due to arrive April 2015



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#22 of 26 Old 09-29-2010, 12:05 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MyFillingQuiver View Post
It's all a very personal decision, but I feel blessed to be a mom of 6 children because with each one, God works in my life to shape me and make me a little less selfish, a little more giving and a little more in need of Him...to me, it's my path to a closer relationship with God.
Thanks for this. It helps to hear that perspective on it.

Quote:
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I'm mostly in awe of people with lots of kids because not only are there very limited vehicle choices that will fit the whole family, but you also have gratuity automatically added to every restaurant check. That's a big party.


Quote:
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LOL, no kidding about the gratuity! Nevermind hotels...I guess it's good that we don't travel much...when we do (took our first "real" family vacation other than short deals or visiting family, to a vacation destination last Jan) the hotel choices are very limited. All of our kids go to bed early, and so we need the suites where they can go to their own room unless we all want to go to sleep at 7:30 when the little guy does...anyway, usually they max out at 4 or 6 per room! Real expensive..that's why it's a once every, oh, long time to save for deal....
We had that problem in our family when I was growing up because we had 6 people, I can't imagine what we would have done if there had been any more of us!

Have you ever checked out http://www.homeaway.com/? You can find homes and condos and such for rent all over the country and it would be a lot easier to have multiple rooms for everyone.

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#23 of 26 Old 09-29-2010, 02:42 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HaikuMommy View Post
Yes, this was our last! But don't tell DH ;-)
I will be getting an IUD because he just doesn't want me to lock that door.
Anyone have recommendations between ParaGard vs. Mirena? (copper vs. hormonal)
Joke's on me!
Positive pregnancy test at appt for IUD implantation (7 weeks PP).
Holy cow...

Happily married mother of DD1 (10/87), DD2 (7/08), and DD3 (8/10)
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#24 of 26 Old 09-29-2010, 01:03 PM
 
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WHAT?!?! Holy cow that's crazy!!!

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#25 of 26 Old 09-29-2010, 03:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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HAIKU!!!!???? Holy Crap!!!

Congrats!!

natural birthin', baby catchin', cloth addicted, intactalactavist mama of 12/00, 6/03, 10/07, 8/10 & our angelcubs three
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#26 of 26 Old 10-04-2010, 06:23 PM
 
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Wow! Congratulations!

~Lindsay, mama to Gunnar (5)  and George (brand new!) 
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