We found out the gender...but some family members don't want to know - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 16 Old 04-29-2010, 03:54 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Just had to vent on my latest frustration. We are having our second child and just like with our first we found out the gender at our 20-week ultrasound. For us, it is part of the bonding process and I believe there are enough surprises in the delivery room. We have told most of the family...so it is pretty public knowledge now, but my in-laws don't want to know. I respect their wishes; however, I have this fear that they are going to find out from someone else and I feel like the parents should have the honor of sharing that news. I suppose it would be different if my husband didn't have 6 siblings (who all know) and if we didn't live in the same town and attend the same church. My husband already dropped a "him" when talking about the baby...so I don't see how everyone who knows us both is going to be able to prevent the he, him, boy, son, etc. from slipping out of their mouths. I tried to talk to them and tell them how I feel but it ended in an argument. They said they are willing to take the chance so they can be the only people who didn't know the gender. I just don't know what else to do but I know they are going to find out in the next 20 weeks (they won't even be able to visit us unless they want to see all the blue/green stuff or attend our baby shower if we have one).
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#2 of 16 Old 04-29-2010, 04:02 PM
 
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They are being ridiculous. It is YOUR pregnancy. If I were you, I would not spend one more minute worrying about whether somebody accidentally says "he". Just speak normally about him and your plans, and if they hear something they don't want to, it is not your problem!
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#3 of 16 Old 04-29-2010, 04:09 PM
 
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They are willing to take the chance. Fine. It's not your responsibility to protect them from it. Somebody might slip, no big deal.
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#4 of 16 Old 04-29-2010, 04:23 PM
 
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That is really weird, and pretty self-centered of them, imo.

I would let it slip immediately. It's your pregnancy, and you should be able to talk about him all you want. Wherever you want. Having to tip-toe around relatives who are making you bend YOUR life to THEIR wants drives me bonkers. If this is their one failing (or one of few) as in-laws, maybe give them a pass. But if this crap is typical, stop enabling them. Life your life the way you want to.

RedOak ~ Momma to DS (8) , DS (4) , DD (3) , & DD 9/10 ~
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#5 of 16 Old 04-29-2010, 04:42 PM
 
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I'd imagine it would be pretty hard for you to keep it a secret around them anyway, if you've been using "he" and "him" to talk about the baby with everyone else. So my guess would be that you might just slip accidentally anyway...but if you want to make life easier for yourself, let it slip "accidentally" sooner rather than later!

Good luck!

I before E, except after C.  Weird.
DD: 8/2010.
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#6 of 16 Old 04-29-2010, 06:09 PM
 
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Yeah to what ROM said.

DS1 2004 ~ DS2 2005 ~ DD1 2008 ~ DS3 2010 ~ DD2 due Dec. 2014
On hospital bedrest for pPROM since 23 weeks
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#7 of 16 Old 04-29-2010, 07:18 PM
 
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I agree with the other mamas, if they don't want to know ok ,but I wouldn't change what you say or try to protect them from finding out from others.
I'm not nice so I would say who cares and tell them anyway haha.

Likes a little crunch with occasional sogginess~Misty,Mama to L1, L2, L3, L4,L5 and Loving J!
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#8 of 16 Old 04-29-2010, 07:33 PM
 
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My midwife doesnt want to know... which I find odd but whatever.

If my MIL-to-be told me she didn't want to know I would probably be heartbroken but only because it would make me feel like she didn't care about the pregnancy (aka I'm full of hormones and trying hard to feel like DFs family is accepting me at the same time)

but I am 100% positive shes just going to be super excited when we call to tell her what we are having.

Artist, photographer, stay-at-home-mom and Marine wife. Mom to 4; a boy and three little girls.
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#9 of 16 Old 04-30-2010, 01:23 AM
 
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I'd tell them...too bad. They don't get to be surprised. They already had 7 kids. This is yours, not theirs.

Just tell, "I'm sorry, I won't hide what we are having. We are excited about it, and don't want to tiptoe around you" Tell them they'll have to avoid seeing your or talking to you for the next 20 weeks, and if not knowing is more important than not seeing or talking to you than you know where their priorities lie.

That is just....so. wierd.

Heather , momma to ' Parker- 10, Carlee- 7 and our baby Genevieve Faith - 8-27-10

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#10 of 16 Old 04-30-2010, 10:52 AM
 
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I just wanted to chime in that I find this to be really strange behavior. Why should you and everyone else have to mind what you say around them about YOUR baby? That's just weird.

DH's dad is an expert at predicting gender (he says he's never been wrong). But he won't even venture a guess at ours because he says its too close (it's his first grandchild). We aren't finding out anyways, but this to me is an charming example of not wanting to know the gender. He's not requesting anything of us, you know?

SAHM to one precious 2 year old and wife to my loving DH. And here we go again!
****5****10****15****20****25**joy.gif*30****35****40
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#11 of 16 Old 04-30-2010, 03:43 PM
 
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They said they are willing to take the chance, so I don't see what the big deal is?? Maybe I'm missing something??

I would play along, but I wouldn't go crazy trying to hide it either. Now, if they find out accidentally and get mad then they'd be acting selfishly. But I would just humor them for now.
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#12 of 16 Old 04-30-2010, 05:03 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by daricsmami View Post
They said they are willing to take the chance, so I don't see what the big deal is?? Maybe I'm missing something??

I would play along, but I wouldn't go crazy trying to hide it either. Now, if they find out accidentally and get mad then they'd be acting selfishly. But I would just humor them for now.
Unless I misread the OP, I think part of the problem is that the OP would be bothered by them accidentally finding out the sex from someone, other than her and her DH, telling them. I guess if I were in their situation, I'd want the honor of telling people (*especially* future grandparents) in order to share their excitement.

I before E, except after C.  Weird.
DD: 8/2010.
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#13 of 16 Old 04-30-2010, 07:16 PM
 
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How does you SO feel about it??

Likes a little crunch with occasional sogginess~Misty,Mama to L1, L2, L3, L4,L5 and Loving J!
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#14 of 16 Old 04-30-2010, 10:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks everyone for all the support. My DH was kind of upset about it...probably because I am (and goodness knows I am full of hormones right now). I guess I just wanted to see their excitement at finding out for the first time (and now I am afraid I won't get to). We have already gotten a lot of the "oh, another boy" mildly disappointed looks and I was hoping to see some genuine excitement. Oh well, I have resigned myself to the fact that they are going to find out somehow, then they will have to deal with missing out on sharing the excitement with us (and pretending for the next 4-5 months that they don't know).
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#15 of 16 Old 05-02-2010, 02:08 AM
 
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I hear ya! DH and I found out we were are having a son from my amnio results, which was confirmed again with my 20W ultrasound. My one brother wants to be surprised, literally everyone else knows it's a boy. I won't be surprised if finds out before baby gets here.

I emailed my family the 20W ultrasound pic and the doc put "BOY" with an arrow. LOL My Mom was able to warn my brother not to open the email.

DS ( 9/2010) and TTC #2 fingersx.gif

 

 

 

 

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#16 of 16 Old 05-03-2010, 12:51 AM
 
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Maybe you could just explain to them what you told us? How you want to share their joy when they find out for the first time, and it's inevitable they'll find out before the baby arrives?

I'm sorry though...that is no fun.

Jessica: wife to my farmer and homeschooling mama to three girls and two boys

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