Not in the mental place to have a baby? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 21 Old 08-23-2010, 01:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Is anyone else feeling this way?

I can't remember feeling this way with my other births. I'm not sure if it's due to being so busy and happy with summer activities, or school starting, or already having three kids, but my anticipation for the baby HERSELF is pretty absent. I have tons of anticipation for getting tasks done, but idunno...the thought that I could go into labor any moment, and have a newborn in my arms tomorrow, just doesn't click.

Physically I know I'm close. Mentally I feel like she's months away. I feel like, when I do actually go into labor, I'm going to have A LOT to wrap my mind around--I don't feel mentally prepared right now.

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#2 of 21 Old 08-23-2010, 01:06 PM
 
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its just starting to click for me, mostly due to a dream of having her last night.

I keep thinking... oh im not going to have her until around when the kids start school (that's been on my mind the whole pregnancy)

Uh, hello? Wake up and smell the crayons! School starts Wednesday and today we are going in to meet the teachers!!! It IS around when the kids start school.

And yet, it still doesn't fully click.

Artist, photographer, stay-at-home-mom and Marine wife. Mom to 4; a boy and three little girls.
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#3 of 21 Old 08-23-2010, 01:11 PM
 
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That happened to me in my last pregnancy. I just couldn't come to terms with actually having the baby for some reason. I never felt ready or "done" with being pregnant until I was four days overdue, then something just clicked. I think I had to surrender mentally in order to go into labor. He was born four days after that and by that time I WAS ready.

This time, I am kind of torn. I feel more ready than last time, but still can't believe it went by this fast. Definitely the fastest year of my life. I am not happy that school is starting at the same time the baby is coming, either!
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#4 of 21 Old 08-23-2010, 01:13 PM
 
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My first one, but everything seems so far off. I know that this labor could start anywhere from here to 6ish weeks from now. Maybe that is the problem! There is such a huge amount of space inbetween right this second and six weeks 2 days from now. It is hard to really understand. It's not that I don't believe it, it's just that I have no idea how to mentally prepare for it when my body hasn't been giving me so much as BH to contend with. So far, during this pregnancy I have had 1 contraction. I have no idea what I am getting into besides the things I read, which, (up until the actual labor?) have so far had little bearing on my experiences during this pregnancy.

"A baby will make love stronger, days shorter, nights longer, bank balance smaller, home happier, clothes dirty, the past forgotten, and the future worth living for." ~A.U.
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#5 of 21 Old 08-23-2010, 01:27 PM
 
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Yeah, I'm not really there in my head either. I'm not afraid to have him, but I'm don't have that feeling of being ready that I did the day before #1 arrived. I keep waiting to feel something, some change... but I feel pretty much the same as I did weeks ago.

Mom to two intact boys, born at home. DS1 11/07, DS2 9/10
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#6 of 21 Old 08-23-2010, 01:58 PM
 
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I keep mentally rehearsing that I am ready. Am I? I don't know. What I DO know is that my DH is NOT ready and it shows. He keeps talking about how the baby cannot come, blah, blah, blah. I told him that if the baby doesn't come this week, then he and my belly are going to have a sit-down on Friday night. I'll be 39 weeks next Monday, and this baby needs to know he is going to be joyously welcomed by his whole family, not begrudged by his father!

 hearts.gif(6), energy.gif(4.5),  diaper.gif (2) and  IT'S A babygirl.gif!!!!  ~9/24/12~ vbac.gifwaterbirth.jpg

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#7 of 21 Old 08-23-2010, 02:00 PM
 
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Originally Posted by RedOakMomma View Post
Is anyone else feeling this way?

I can't remember feeling this way with my other births. I'm not sure if it's due to being so busy and happy with summer activities, or school starting, or already having three kids, but my anticipation for the baby HERSELF is pretty absent. I have tons of anticipation for getting tasks done, but idunno...the thought that I could go into labor any moment, and have a newborn in my arms tomorrow, just doesn't click.

Physically I know I'm close. Mentally I feel like she's months away. I feel like, when I do actually go into labor, I'm going to have A LOT to wrap my mind around--I don't feel mentally prepared right now.
ME, ME, ME!! Lately I've been feeling almost indifferent. Like, "Huh, I'm having a baby soon. Hmmm. Interesting." This is my second child and I definitely didn't feel this way about the first. We still haven't finished unpacking from our move and I'm totally unprepared for baby whereas with DD, her clothes were washed and ready to go like 4 months in advance! I get so wrapped up in just taking care of DD each day and dealing with my miserable pregnancy that I just haven't felt that passionate about the impending birth. I'm hoping it will all change once I see the little guy!

Oh, also my dad died suddenly in January and I'm really missing him and sad he won't get to meet to baby so perhaps that is dampening my enthusiasm because whenever I think about the birth, I feel sad that he won't be there to call afterwards. And I dropped out of Hypnobabies. I just can't really "get into" this pregnancy.

Mom to DD (3), my little peanut (9/10/09) and our newest addition 9/16/10
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#8 of 21 Old 08-23-2010, 02:09 PM
 
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Oh, also my dad died suddenly in January and I'm really missing him and sad he won't get to meet to baby so perhaps that is dampening my enthusiasm because whenever I think about the birth, I feel sad that he won't be there to call afterwards. And I dropped out of Hypnobabies. I just can't really "get into" this pregnancy.
I do not know your beliefs and do not say this with the intention of insulting you if it is against your beliefs...

But, my grandpa was there after my son was born. My grandpa died almost 9 years earlier, but he showed me he was there. My grandpa loved bald eagles, and one was flying around outside my hospital window the day my son was born (not a common sight there, especially on such an extremely cold January morning)

I had been very upset about how I was going to be a mom and my kids would never know their great grandpa (he was like a dad to me) but that totally made me realize that although he may not be around physically, that doesn't mean he isn't there!


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#9 of 21 Old 08-23-2010, 02:18 PM
 
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gradstudentmommy

Add me to the list. I was actually really happy to see this thread because I've been wondering what's wrong with me. Is there something wrong with the baby preventing me from thinking about it and bonding with it? Is there some fear I need to work through? Am I simply overwhelmed?

I think that's what it is. I just can't add more to my plate right now. I mean, things are good, but the thought of a newborn? And birth? Well, okay, but I am EXHAUSTED.

And, then, we brought this cute little puppy home. I'm so glad we did. Last night we left him home and went to a friends' house. After a while I was desperate to get back home to him! lol. He feels like my baby right now. I want to hug him and baby him and give him good things and take care of all his little needs. The cute little fella is tugging on my braid as I type this! You can't ignore cute!

And I realized that while I can't fathom another baby, it will be here in about 2.5 weeks, and it'll be okay. I'll be a good mama to him/her, and I really do have normal maternal instincts still.

That doesn't change that I'm not "nesting." Today I'm forcing us to cleanup here and there, and maybe I"ll do a little baby laundry, but...only cause I HAVE to, lol.

"If you keep doing the same things you've always done, you'll keep getting the same results you've always gotten."

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#10 of 21 Old 08-23-2010, 03:17 PM
 
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Mae-I remember you sharing that story before about your grandfather. That's so touching. My father was Jewish and he told me that in Jewish culture, they believe the soul can't leave the body until a child is named after them. Well we're naming the baby after him so hopefully that will "free him up" to come visit.

Justonemore- I still can't believe you got a puppy. That sounds like sooo much work! But it sounds like he's bringing you a lot of joy too.

It sounds like maybe this feeling of being mentally detached/unprepared is more common with subsequent babies.

Mom to DD (3), my little peanut (9/10/09) and our newest addition 9/16/10
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#11 of 21 Old 08-23-2010, 03:19 PM
 
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Well we're naming the baby after him so hopefully that will "free him up" to come visit.
Thats really neat that you say that... because DS was named (middle name) after my grandpa!

Artist, photographer, stay-at-home-mom and Marine wife. Mom to 4; a boy and three little girls.
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#12 of 21 Old 08-23-2010, 03:48 PM
 
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I haven't even packed my hospital bag yet.

Yes, despite being already dilating and effacing, having constant prodromal labor, and being told "any day now."

I think it won't really be "real" to me until I'm pushing. Literally with my last pregnancy, I didn't really "GET IT" (in my underneath-mind, not just on top, if you know what I mean) that I was having a baby until they said "Okay, you're complete and can push at any time." Once I started pushing it hit me like a train OH MY GOD I AM GOING TO HAVE A CHILD. Hahaha. I reckon I've always been a little slow.

Kelly (28), in love with husband Jason (38) and our awesome babies:  Emma 4/09, and Ozzy 8/10

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#13 of 21 Old 08-23-2010, 04:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by gradstudentmommy View Post
Lately I've been feeling almost indifferent. Like, "Huh, I'm having a baby soon. Hmmm. Interesting."
This is it exactly for me. I feel like it's happening to someone else...not as if one of the greatest loves (and relationships) of my life is just days or weeks away. You'd think there would be more than just "huh....interesting." I feel so blahhhhh about it all.

Quote:
Once I started pushing it hit me like a train OH MY GOD I AM GOING TO HAVE A CHILD. Hahaha. I reckon I've always been a little slow.
Kelly~ Thanks for lightening my mood...that's hilarious!

RedOak ~ Momma to DS (8) , DS (4) , DD (3) , & DD 9/10 ~
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#14 of 21 Old 08-23-2010, 06:09 PM
 
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Glad to hear that I'm not alone in this. I'm feeling physically done because of GS and tons of hip/pelvic pain (maybe SPD?), but I just want to stop being pregnant. There seems to be a disconnect for me that not being pregnant any more means there will be a newborn in the house.

Wife to Brian , mother to Xander 10/26/05 and new squishy, Claire 9/26/10 .
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#15 of 21 Old 08-23-2010, 06:16 PM
 
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I totally didn't feel ready when I had ds. Granted, it was an induction for pre-e, so that might be a big part of it.

I am super prepared this time around though. Last time, it was so crazy and stressful. The recovery from c/s, the NICU stay, the literal rearranging of our bedroom to prep for baby as we brought him home from the hospital, having NO clothes ready, much less a pack of diapers.....

I think the whole experience was a bit scarring, for me. Hence the only thing I have left to do, now, at 35w3d is to finish packing the birth bag. Note the 'finish' part. And it's not nesting hormones either. It's more a fear of repeating the past. Let's just say the idea of the house being a mess when I go into labor brings me to tears.

And Kelly, if you are 'late', I didn't really 'get' it until ds was a week old. I can remember thinking 'wow, I'm really a mom now. And this is MY son. OMG, this is MY baby. When the fudge did this happen!?!?!?!' and, then the logical side would be all 'duh, remember 9 mos ago....'

Ami

Wife to dh, Mommy to my heavenly angel, J (06), and my earthly angels, S (07) and E (10)

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#16 of 21 Old 08-24-2010, 11:20 AM
 
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And Kelly, if you are 'late', I didn't really 'get' it until ds was a week old. I can remember thinking 'wow, I'm really a mom now. And this is MY son. OMG, this is MY baby. When the fudge did this happen!?!?!?!' and, then the logical side would be all 'duh, remember 9 mos ago....'
Haha this was me too.. It's like I'm ready but I'm not. I'm ready for him to get here being pregnant is driving me nuts now . But I don't think oh I'll have two kids soon even though I keep talking to DD about baby brother coming and her being a big sister soon. I just doesn't seem real ya know. i know I have a good long time left (i'm just 35 weeks now) but I don't know maybe things will click a little more after this weekend when I have my belly blessing.

Jade, momma to Ariana 5/23/06 and Trystan 9/28/10
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#17 of 21 Old 08-24-2010, 11:45 AM
 
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I was/am.

At first I couldn't get over thinking about what I was "supposed" to be doing (finishing up school, student teaching this semester, etc). I felt completely derailed and had to figure out how to pick up the pieces of my rock solid plans.

Then that shifted from what I should have been doing to what I needed to do for this to work. I was so focused first on trying to see how school fit, and then shifting my plans to take time off of school. We're lower income so I had to figure out finances, save money, plan the big purchases, even stock the freezer, etc and that took a lot of concentration. Still does.

Now I'm slowly making the shift from all the plans to the reality that soon there will be a baby here and that all the plans in the world can't really prepare me for that. I feel like I am somewhat in denial because I keep thinking that the baby is something that is still in the distant future (and I know these next 2 weeks will drag so it's not too far from truth). I had the "I have all summer" mentality, but now summer is over and the kids are in school. I expect to have another dose of reality when it is finally September (if I don't have a bigger dose of reality with a baby before then).

Teacher Mama to (8/03) (6/06) and (9/10)
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#18 of 21 Old 08-24-2010, 11:45 AM - Thread Starter
 
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My book club friends gave me a surprise book sprinkle last night...strangely enough, that helped things feel a lot more real last night and into today.

RedOak ~ Momma to DS (8) , DS (4) , DD (3) , & DD 9/10 ~
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#19 of 21 Old 08-24-2010, 12:52 PM
 
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Oh, also my dad died suddenly in January and I'm really missing him and sad he won't get to meet to baby so perhaps that is dampening my enthusiasm because whenever I think about the birth, I feel sad that he won't be there to call afterwards. And I dropped out of Hypnobabies. I just can't really "get into" this pregnancy.
I'm with Mae... And hope I don't offend you...

My grandmother was by my side when my daughter was born. It was very clearly obvious, there was the presence of her int he room but I also felt a hand on my shoulder and neither my MW or the anstesiologist was touching me. Her presence left when my daughter left the room to be suctioned and I fully believe she went with her. They may not be here in physical but they are absoltuely a part of it spiritually.

I am so sorry for your loss. It still hurts me that my grandmother doesn't know my other children... My son was blessed to know her (though doesn't remember her) but my daughter and this bean don't... At least not in the same way. Have you talked to your care provider about how you feel? It may be good that they know what you're dealing with emotionally so that they can provide adequate support during labor and birth when it does come.

Huge hugs!

~ Fe ~
Mama to C (3-25-06) and A (1-17-09) and Jameson Grant (9-25-10) my HBA2C baby!
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#20 of 21 Old 08-24-2010, 05:05 PM
 
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DDCC

I'm due in October and am feeling like this, and am feeling quite guilty about it. I think one reason for me is that I'm feeling really comfortable. I have no great urge to get this baby out so that I could move, breathe, poop, etc.
Halloween decorations in stores are totally freaking me out. This baby will be here before Halloween.

My grandpa passed away 5 weeks before my first was born. I was so sad that he didn't get to meet my son. I've since learned that he was there next to me during my difficult birth, cheering me on, loving me. I learned that he watches out for my oldest, and sings him the lullaby his mother was famous for. What a comfort it has been to know that he was there. One might think of him as a guardian angel or a guide. My son has his name.

Children deserve the respect of puzzling it out.
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#21 of 21 Old 08-24-2010, 05:30 PM
 
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I have to discuss a small trust issue I have with my husband, with him tonight. It's been eating at me for a week now and I know that I won't be in a good emotional state to birth our baby until I talk it out with him. I know it's nothing too big for us, and this is probably more of an oversight than anything on his part, but it bothers me just the same.

I'm also very concerned over some issues I've been having with my bottom physically that has left me feeling somewhat down mentally. I can't maintain the same level of activity that I did prior to this bum issues, and it's really getting to me and feel-good hormone levels, kwim? *sigh*

I hope our talk tonight helps. I also hope I can work through some of the anxiety I'm having about what another large, overdue baby will do to my bum.

Emily: Homebirthin' mama to 3 boys and a girl.
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