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#1 of 13 Old 09-03-2010, 11:01 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm having a hard time dealing with the whole L and D thing. I just really, really, really don't want to do it. I've not even had bad experiences. All of them are very vivid in my mind, though. BUT, I don't want to keep myself from labor by holding this in.

A few months ago when I broke my toe, the doc at the ER wasn't so very experienced with the numbing shots. WOW. OUCH. And then I was very thankful I had decided to get numbed before she tried to relocate it because she jerked and pulled and tugged. Oooohhhh, I don't know how I would have endured that if it hadn't been numb. And she couldn't get it back in place.

A few days later, when I could get in to see a specialist, I was dreading the numbing shots beyond belief. I felt like such a complainy whimp. I just kept talking about it. I kept saying how I just didn't want to do it again. I knew it wouldn't be that bad, and I'd be okay, but I really wasn't looking forward to it.

Turns out, the guy was REALLY good. Barely hurt at all. And then he popped my toe right back in place. Instant relief. I was amazed, and very thankful.

I'm guessing labor is going to be like my toe situation. But, I'm having a hard time convincing myself that I can do this. That I want to do this. That it won't be that big of a deal.

I mean, I KNOW what it feels like. I can feel it distinctly in my mind. I know the happy rush afterwards. I've been "empowered", and I don't feel compelled to do it again. Ya' know? My first three births I had a very strong mental clarity about the whole thing. This time...I'm really faltering.

Thanks for reading. Thoughts?

"If you keep doing the same things you've always done, you'll keep getting the same results you've always gotten."

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#2 of 13 Old 09-03-2010, 11:09 PM
 
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I feel exactly the same way. EXACTLY. I know I can do it and I know that I'll be glad when I'm holding my baby. But I don't want to do it at all. I'm just choosing not to think about it at this point. LOL.

Emily: Homebirthin' mama to 3 boys and a girl.
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#3 of 13 Old 09-03-2010, 11:12 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Did you say before that your births are fast with big babies?

"If you keep doing the same things you've always done, you'll keep getting the same results you've always gotten."

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#4 of 13 Old 09-03-2010, 11:18 PM
 
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OMG, you guys have totally expressed how I'm feeling perfectly! I was so psyched to give birth to ds2 (who was my first VBAC baby). I felt so amazing afterward, empowered and like I could conquer the world. But I still really remember how it felt and I wish I could get an epidural and be at home. I think I'd feel differently if more time had passed to dull the memory, but ds2 is just now 18 months old so my memories are vivid.

Wife to an amazing man love.gif, mommy to 3 wild dudes: ds1 (5/23/05 @ 30 weeks), ds2 (3/5/09) hbac.gif, and ds3 (9/26/10) hbac.gif. Part time librarianread.gif, full time mommysupermod.gif, occasional chef and maid.

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#5 of 13 Old 09-03-2010, 11:40 PM
 
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My midwife says this is why our bodies become so antsy and miserable and our minds become so CRAZY to get the baby out. Because if we didn't reach that point, we'd never be able to let go of our fears of giving birth!

I'm sorry you're facing these fears. I'm facing my own worries and am wondering if it's blocking my birthing but I can't seem to get rid of them. Talking about them outloud is not working.

I think I need to put my hypnobabies fear release cd on. Do you have that?
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#6 of 13 Old 09-04-2010, 12:10 AM
 
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I would say to keep in mind that there is a lot you can do to produce the endorphins that commonly go along with the oxytocin when you are in labor, no so much when you dislocate your toe, you don't get near as much of the 'happy hormones'. I'm sure you know this having given birth before. So yes, it is intense, and your uterus IS pressing down and squeezing a baby out, and it is extremely outrageous the feelings you feel, but your body was designed to deal with it.

I'd say it's great you are getting this out, and keep in mind that the uterus is the only organ that has muscles that work in opposition of each other. So if you can really focus on letting go of everything, the progressive muscles will work, and the 'don't labor now' muscles will relax. I think a lot of the time, what becomes excruciating for a mom is when these two muscles are battling.

Hang in there! You CAN do this!
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#7 of 13 Old 09-04-2010, 03:28 PM
 
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My first birth experience was awful and with a few complications. I'm excited about the chance to have a different experience this time but also VERY nervous. My anxiety has gotten out of control as the birth approaches. I have debilitating insomnia. I don't know how much longer I can live in this state. I hope the baby comes soon because the longer it takes, the more amped up I get.

Just1more: my friend has had two babies and she said that breaking her ankle was far more painful than giving birth. You're not a wimp about your toe! It's hard to compare the pain of childbirth to other types of pain.

Mom to DD (3), my little peanut (9/10/09) and our newest addition 9/16/10
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#8 of 13 Old 09-04-2010, 03:56 PM
 
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I am feeling this way a bit too. I had a long first labor that overall was very positive, empowering etc and I teach childbirth prep and work as a birth/postpartum doula....and this time around I just don't really feel like doing it. DH was asking me the other day if I am feeling excited and I replied "would you feel excited if you knew that some day in the coming few weeks you would go through the most excrutiating physical experience of your life??" Its a bit of a trip, mentally, to feel fully okay with marching forward towards it all. Yes, there is the baby at the end, but the process is, without a doubt, intense and challenging. Its not exactly that I fear it (although sometimes I do!) but moreso that I just dont really want to do it....does that make sense?? I'm sure its pretty common....after having had a baby you KNOW to some extent what may come, and its just not.....well...not exciting!
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#9 of 13 Old 09-04-2010, 04:10 PM
 
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I think that's why Hypnobabies irritated me so much. It kept talking about how you could have a pain-free childbirth experience. And after having been through it, I feel like a failure because I felt so much pain and really can't imagine it having been completely pain-free. My baby was in poor position last time (posterior but slightly sideways) so I have some hope this experience might be "slightly" more manageable.

But yeah, hard to get excited about doing something that is soooo draining, especially when you haven't slept in months! It's like pulling a bunch of all nighters and then signing up to run a marathon.

Mom to DD (3), my little peanut (9/10/09) and our newest addition 9/16/10
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#10 of 13 Old 09-04-2010, 05:39 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gradstudentmommy View Post

But yeah, hard to get excited about doing something that is soooo draining, especially when you haven't slept in months! It's like pulling a bunch of all nighters and then signing up to run a marathon.
Yeah! But while also carrying a 30lb sack of potatoes with ankles swollen so thick you can't distinguish them, heartburn that threatens to burn a hole through your esophagus and a bladder that leaks every time someone says something funny....

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#11 of 13 Old 09-04-2010, 05:45 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Just1More View Post
Did you say before that your births are fast with big babies?
Sorry I posted and went to bed.

My last two were fast births and all 3 of mine have been fairly large. I've had an 8.5lber, a 9.5lber and a 10lber....the 10lber had a 16" head and chest. OY.

I was so psyched to birth my first and second...even my third. Now I'm gunshy and don't really want to do it.

Emily: Homebirthin' mama to 3 boys and a girl.
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#12 of 13 Old 09-04-2010, 09:41 PM
 
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i'm SO with you all. This baby is also our fourth, and the other deliveries have been fine, although quite long, big babies, back labor, but nothing traumatic. I have also been excited about the other deliveries, but this time I just don't want to do it. I want a free pass to skip the whole labor step. My husband is great while I'm in labor, I love my midwife, I've got everything set up for our homebirth, I just don't want to go through labor again.

Shouldn't babies just sort of slide right out of you by the time you're on your fourth. Can't I just go to sleep one night and the baby appear while I'm sleeping. Whatever happened to the stork just dropping one off? Or why can't DH have a turn giving birth?

I'm sure I'll be just fine once I'm on the other side. I'm usually a pretty agreeable birthing mom. I think that I'm just having a hard time facing the reality that I'm going to be going through labor once again sometime in the next few weeks and right now the thought of that really bothers me.

Our 3 sons: Big G 12/03, JW 12/05, little BIG G 8/07, Our BIG surprise September 2010
Three backyard chickens: Gretchen, Ms. Mollie, and Olive
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#13 of 13 Old 09-04-2010, 10:11 PM
 
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Originally Posted by randallquiver View Post
i'm SO with you all. This baby is also our fourth, and the other deliveries have been fine, although quite long, big babies, back labor, but nothing traumatic. I have also been excited about the other deliveries, but this time I just don't want to do it. I want a free pass to skip the whole labor step. My husband is great while I'm in labor, I love my midwife, I've got everything set up for our homebirth, I just don't want to go through labor again.

Shouldn't babies just sort of slide right out of you by the time you're on your fourth. Can't I just go to sleep one night and the baby appear while I'm sleeping. Whatever happened to the stork just dropping one off? Or why can't DH have a turn giving birth?

I'm sure I'll be just fine once I'm on the other side. I'm usually a pretty agreeable birthing mom. I think that I'm just having a hard time facing the reality that I'm going to be going through labor once again sometime in the next few weeks and right now the thought of that really bothers me.
This. Exactly.

OT but we also have 3 chickens: Barbara, Hilary and Eleanor.

Emily: Homebirthin' mama to 3 boys and a girl.
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