baby only sleeps with me - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 17 Old 10-25-2010, 04:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
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It seems like P will only sleep/nap when i am right there with her. And by with her, I mean that I usually have to be in contact with her (like right now, she is napping on a pillow leaning against me after nursing). I think I'm okay with this, but sometimes I wish I could let her sleep for a little bit and get something done. If I have her in the wrap or babyhawk I can get things done, but there are somethings that are really hard to do with her in front of me (I haven't been able to get her on my back well yet).

Does anyone else feel the same way? or should I just be happy that she sleeps and enjoy the snuggles?

I think this post is also prompted by the constant narrative on it I get from my mom and other people. "Are you still holding that baby?" "Are you gonna put her down?" "You have to teach her to sleep by herself..." I'm getting so sick of hearing it, but I guess it is eating at me a little too - making me second guess myself.

Mama to Penelope!! born 9/19/10. Missing Elliott 10/10/09. And expecting expecting again Oct '14!
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#2 of 17 Old 10-25-2010, 04:27 PM
 
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"You have to teach her to sleep by herself..."

nooooooo you dont.

yes, it will make her first year or two a little difficult for you... but my DD1 was the same (and DD2 is now) and when she was ready to sleep by herself... I didnt have a little one wandering out of her room looking for me. DS, however, was fine napping by himself but never stayed in bed when he got older. Just last night I had to tell him five times to go back to bed... and he is almost 8 years old! his sister? out within ten minutes.

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#3 of 17 Old 10-25-2010, 04:37 PM
 
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I'm torn about the "teaching" to sleep on their own theory too. My boys would hardly ever nap without me being right there with them....for almost 3 years! And they still come crawl in bed with me sometimes at 7 years old. I needed the extra sleep with them, but with this baby, I need to get stuff done around the house and with the older kids. She prefers to have me with her to sleep, but still will nap without me like once or twice a day. Then, we co-sleep at night. I just don't wanna loose that napping by herself time I get to really get things done around the house. It IS hard to do some things while wearing a baby. And my baby still doesn't really like being in a carrier (she wants me to hold her with my arms).

Interested to see what others opinions are...

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#4 of 17 Old 10-25-2010, 04:54 PM
 
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Isla is the same way. It's exhausting but I honestly think trying to train them to be alone when they're not ready can backfire and make them more insecure. I held dd1 all the time as a baby (even though she didn't need me to the way dd2 does) and she was an extremely confident preschooler. At age 3 she would just march into drop off playgroup or preschool and not even look back to wave goodbye. So I think it's fine, except that it does make life a bit tougher when they cry every time you're more than an inch away!

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#5 of 17 Old 10-25-2010, 05:28 PM - Thread Starter
 
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thanks for the positive reinforcement!

I want to be her security, and honestly i'm okay with her wanting to crawl into bed with me when she's 7, because i remember doing that around that age and how much i loved snuggling with my parents for part of the night sometimes. and i didn't cosleep with my parents as an infant, nor was i worn, or even breastfed.

Mama to Penelope!! born 9/19/10. Missing Elliott 10/10/09. And expecting expecting again Oct '14!
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#6 of 17 Old 10-25-2010, 05:28 PM
 
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Originally Posted by bethanta View Post
"Are you still holding that baby?" "Are you gonna put her down?"
IGNORE IGNORE IGNORE


I held my Emma CONSTANTLY, got all the stupid comments-- "are you ever going to put her down?" "Yes, when she's in high school." [probably doesn't help that I'm an extremely sarcastic person]

She's a very independent toddler and naps by herself just fine.

Hold your baby as much as you want-- it's your baby, not their baby, after all. Feel free to explain that to them

Kelly (28), in love with husband Jason (38) and our awesome babies:  Emma 4/09, and Ozzy 8/10

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#7 of 17 Old 10-25-2010, 05:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by pacifica View Post
I'm torn about the "teaching" to sleep on their own theory too. My boys would hardly ever nap without me being right there with them....for almost 3 years! And they still come crawl in bed with me sometimes at 7 years old. I needed the extra sleep with them, but with this baby, I need to get stuff done around the house and with the older kids. She prefers to have me with her to sleep, but still will nap without me like once or twice a day. Then, we co-sleep at night. I just don't wanna loose that napping by herself time I get to really get things done around the house. It IS hard to do some things while wearing a baby. And my baby still doesn't really like being in a carrier (she wants me to hold her with my arms).

Interested to see what others opinions are...
thats the weird part to me, she used to take long naps by herself sometimes, now its like she knows even when she's sleeping if i'm there or not. Guess it's good she would sleep without me shortly after she was born, because I went through a phase where the baby blues made me need a break

and also, kind of ironically, right after i started this thread she let me lay her down and continued her nap for about an hour (she had already slept for at least 30 minutes)

Mama to Penelope!! born 9/19/10. Missing Elliott 10/10/09. And expecting expecting again Oct '14!
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#8 of 17 Old 10-25-2010, 06:19 PM
 
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thanks for the positive reinforcement!

I want to be her security, and honestly i'm okay with her wanting to crawl into bed with me when she's 7
I always welcome my boys when they do this. They slept with me until they were 6 1/2 years old and I miss them! That being said, they weren't ready to sleep in their room before that age and I was completely fine with that too.

My little girl WILL nap alone somedays, but she goes through spells of not sleeping without me too. I really need that time when she naps alone now that I'm the mother of three. Soo, I'm a little nervous to loose that small amount of independence she has.

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#9 of 17 Old 10-25-2010, 07:47 PM
 
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I'm so glad you posted this, bethanta! I was just wondering the same thing myself...

E's 8 weeks old now--she was a terrible, terrible napper/sleeper for the first 6 weeks (would actively fight sleeping, would only sleep if I was holding her sitting up in bed, pretty much never napped during the day except for small catnaps). Now she'll nap, but pretty much *only* if I'm holding her or wearing her in a sling...and then she'll nap up to 3 hours at a time, especially if she starts out with a pacifier. At night, she'll only sleep if she's laying next to me in bed. If I move her about 8 inches (literally, 8 inches) into the co-sleeper, she wakes up and freaks out.

I'm actually starting to feel anxious about the whole sleep thing, I think because a) my back is killing me from wearing her all the time and b) it feels like so many things I see/read/hear suggest if I'm not getting her into some sort of nighttime sleep routine by the time she's 3-4 months old, I'm screwed for life...

It sounds like, based on people's responses, that she'll eventually overcome the need for constant contact when she's sleeping, but I worry that when she starts daycare in January that she'll never nap, b/c she won't have that same contact that she gets at home...

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#10 of 17 Old 10-26-2010, 08:45 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Laurski View Post
it feels like so many things I see/read/hear suggest if I'm not getting her into some sort of nighttime sleep routine by the time she's 3-4 months old, I'm screwed for life...
False.

We didn't even do a "bedtime routine" with Em until she was maybe 7 months old. Her sleep was so erratic, she wouldn't sleep except for being held, etc. But once we started a "bedtime routine" (which is a relatively simple one-- at the same time each evening, we sit and read a story while drinking a cup of milk [used to be while nursing when she was younger], then her daddy puts her in a night time diaper and PJ's, then we say goodnight to everything, then rock in the chair with lights off until she's asleep. Takes all of 20 minutes now that we're good at it), she took to it quickly.

You don't have to do anything on anyone else's time schedule. If someone else had a sleep routine and a sttn baby at 4 months, great. But their baby isn't YOUR baby. Your baby will tell you what she needs. Just stay flexible.

Quote:
It sounds like, based on people's responses, that she'll eventually overcome the need for constant contact when she's sleeping, but I worry that when she starts daycare in January that she'll never nap, b/c she won't have that same contact that she gets at home...
Don't borrow trouble. January is a LOOOOONG time away developmentally. The babies will be like 4 months old then, and a lot can change in that time.

Kelly (28), in love with husband Jason (38) and our awesome babies:  Emma 4/09, and Ozzy 8/10

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#11 of 17 Old 10-26-2010, 10:10 AM
 
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We never did a schedule or fussed about nap times. They sleep when they fall asleep and they wake when they wake and that's that. Now the older boys go to bed between 8 and 9 b/c they have school, but they just go to sleep by themselves!

Sometimes babies have a magic moment where they are awake, but not really, and they stare off into space, and at that moment, you can usually lay them down somewhere and they will drift off peacefully. I take advantage of that if I can.

Mainly, my theory is, you try to put them down if you need to, and if they wake and fuss, pick them back up and hold them for bit, and it is okay. I think that not making sleep a big, tense deal is better for everyone involved.

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#12 of 17 Old 10-26-2010, 10:12 AM
 
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Thanks, Kelly! It always helps paranoid 1st time mommy me to hear from veterans who have btdt!

I before E, except after C.  Weird.
DD: 8/2010.
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#13 of 17 Old 10-26-2010, 11:50 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks, Kelly! It always helps paranoid 1st time mommy me to hear from veterans who have btdt!


Mama to Penelope!! born 9/19/10. Missing Elliott 10/10/09. And expecting expecting again Oct '14!
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#14 of 17 Old 10-26-2010, 04:19 PM
 
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You know what? Every baby and child is different. Some will only sleep on you, some will sleep on their own, some will go off to preschool without hesitating, others will want to hold your hand through everything. I say, just go with what works for you and your baby/child. If your baby needs you, be there. If you need to get something done around the house, don't feel guilty for letting your baby sleep alone (assuming he/she's content). And, definitely don't buy into the line that you're spoiling the baby if you're holding him/her! Babywearing does help with bonding, but it doesn't have to be 100 percent of the time (unless maybe baby demands it, which some do!! in that case, get help for a break for yourself)!!

Personally, I'm thrilled that my LO will fall asleep in the Moses basket by himself and will settle by himself in the car after about 5 mins of crying. DS1 never, ever was able to settle himself and always needed to be on/with me. He also needs to hold my hand through everything new, and is very needy even at almost 3. That's just who he is.

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#15 of 17 Old 10-27-2010, 11:44 AM
 
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This time goes by so fast! But I do wish I could put her down! DD is on no sort of schedule and spends her days with me, in the sling. She nurses when she's hungry, sleeps when she's tired. Our days are pretty fluid. I'm just getting the itch to put her down and get some things done, like pick up the floor in DD and DS's rooms. I can do the counters very well, but she doesn't like being upside down in the sling! At night she will sleep next to me, not touching me, but not in the co-sleeper. Her favorite place is where she is right now, her head on my bare breast, her hand on my skin.

I love the time with her, and it is SO fleeting, but am going to start working on some down time, for my own sanity, I'm a little touched out with three kids and I REALLY need to clean my house!

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#16 of 17 Old 10-27-2010, 11:53 AM
 
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At night she will sleep next to me, not touching me, but not in the co-sleeper. Her favorite place is where she is right now, her head on my bare breast, her hand on my skin. I REALLY need to clean my house!
Lila sleeps like this! If I move she wakes up. It's crazy.

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#17 of 17 Old 10-27-2010, 05:06 PM
 
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My baby is the same way. We cosleep at night and during the day, he'll only nap in a sling. Right now he's been napping almost 3 hours in my KangarooKorner pouch. I really wish he would occasionally nap on his own so I could get things done but I'm not going to even try to work on it until he's at least 4 months old. I've read that babies' central nervous systems are underdeveloped and aren't even capable of self soothing until 3 months. Occasionally he'll sleep for about 30 minutes in the co-sleeper but never longer than that unless he's next to me.

I co-slept with DD until she was 6 months. At that time I finally had to move her to her own crib for my own sanity. I was a full time student and working and she was waking up EVERY HOUR to nurse. I was delirious from sleep deprivation. I dreaded moving her to her own crib since she had had no interest in that when she was little but she loved it. She slept great and at age 3 1/2, she's still the best sleeper I know.

So just because your baby will only sleep on you/next to you now doesn't mean he/she always will! They're still newborns and need to be held a LOT to adjust to life outside of the womb. That's why they call it the 4th trimester right?

Mom to DD (3), my little peanut (9/10/09) and our newest addition 9/16/10
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