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#1 of 17 Old 02-13-2010, 07:23 PM - Thread Starter
 
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We are planning a homebirth this time with #2 and I know I will have no support from my family, which makes me really sad. I had a hospital birth with DS and he was 5 weeks early. So, I know that will be one of their reasons for no/limited support. My MIL is a retired NICU nurse, and appearently has seen some sick babies come in from homebirths...so she is not fond of midwives. Other than that, my family is pretty closed minded about stuff like that...even when I try to inform them of studies/whatnot, they don't listen. I know it's ultimately my decsision, but it would be nice if they would lend some support, KWIM? Have any of you dealt with a situation like this before? It makes me really nervous to know that I'm going to have to tell them that I'm seeing a midwife and planning a homebirth. Anyway, just a vent...thanks!

Meredith
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#2 of 17 Old 02-13-2010, 07:44 PM
 
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I'm kind of in the same boat. With #1, I was planning to go to a birth center with a MW and everyone seemed to think I was crazy and "brave". I ended up in the hospital and everyone told me "I told you so".
This time, we are planning a homebirth and I plan on not telling anyone until the last minute. If they ask, I will just tell them that we haven't decided yet. I don't want any negative comments this time around.
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#3 of 17 Old 02-13-2010, 07:46 PM
 
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I didn't tell people I didn't think would be positive towards my choice. I juat didn't need the negativity. (Until the 7th month, when suddenly I didnt care, lol) It's surprising how you can field questions without being too specific. So just throwing that out there; you don't HAVE to tell until you are comfortable doing so.

ETA: just realized this was posted in a DDC, hope you don"t mind my joining the discussion.

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#4 of 17 Old 02-13-2010, 07:54 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Yeah, I'm really thinking that I should wait a while. I am seeing an OB as well...Just in case I have to deliver early...that way the insurance would be taken care of...last time we had an issue with the insurance not wanting to cover, because we hadn't "pre authorized"...in the end it all worked out, just didn't want to have to go thru that again.

Meredith
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#5 of 17 Old 02-13-2010, 08:15 PM
 
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We might have a homebirth and if we do I'm just not telling anyone. After the birth when I can show off my perfectly healthy baby, fine. But if I tell them before everyone will only freak out and stress me out. I'll just say "At my appointment they said" instead of "The doctor said" if anything comes up and we're discussing visits.

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#6 of 17 Old 02-13-2010, 10:19 PM
 
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i tried to have a homebirth with#2 but it didn't work out. i had a some support until he went almost 3 weeks overdue. then, my mother, really became unsupportive and was really stressing me out bigtime (which i really didn't need at that point) We ended up in the hospital b/c my midwives turned my care over to an OB for being so far overdue and I really got that "I told you so" type of stuff from my mom.
but I would say, that if they aren't going to be supportive then you might want to ask them to just stay away. I was a nervous wreck towards the end and I was really doubting myself because of all of the negativity around me. Now that i'm pg with #3, I'm getting "you're not going with them are you?" a lot. and it's unfair for others to put their ideas about your birth onto you.
Good luck mama!

Chelsea, Christian, Wife to Trey, Mommy to Oliver (11/3/2005), Abner (5/01/2008) and Baby #3 ( Due 9/27/2010)
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#7 of 17 Old 02-13-2010, 11:54 PM
 
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That stinks I only told those that were supportive too. We didn't even tell DH's family, we let them assume it was going to be in a hospital. They lived about three hours away from us and just happened to visit, unannounced, the morning DD was born. They were really confused as to why there was a pool in the living room While they did not react negatively, they didn't say anything positive either- I was totally fine with that.

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#8 of 17 Old 02-14-2010, 09:54 AM
 
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I just wanted to offer hugs. I can't offer any real personal experience because I am risked out of homebirth, but would LOVE to have one otherwise.

My sister and I were born at home in 1978 and 1981. My parents were told by various OBs never to set foot in their offices again if they were planning to birth at home. But they did it, and I used to watch videos of our births and see pictures - birth has always been a very normal thing in my mind, rather than a scary medical procedure (though, for me personally, it is actually somewhat medical).

B, happily married to M. Mother to two boys: B (3/08) and A (9/10)
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#9 of 17 Old 02-14-2010, 12:01 PM
 
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both mom and MIL are nurses and nervous people!! I've laid some groundwork but they both are so anxious. We'll see its probably one of the reasons we haven't told anyone we're preg yet.

Happily married, crunchy mama crazy in love with our little man, Bam bam (10/5/10) due aug 2014 with our rainbow bean missing our 3 angel babies (9/09, 7/12, 12/12)
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#10 of 17 Old 02-14-2010, 01:53 PM
 
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I chose not to tell my dad or the ILs about our first homebirth until I was about 38 weeks along. Why stress them... and me... out?

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#11 of 17 Old 02-15-2010, 12:01 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ILovePie View Post
I just wanted to offer hugs. I can't offer any real personal experience because I am risked out of homebirth, but would LOVE to have one otherwise.

My sister and I were born at home in 1978 and 1981. My parents were told by various OBs never to set foot in their offices again if they were planning to birth at home. But they did it, and I used to watch videos of our births and see pictures - birth has always been a very normal thing in my mind, rather than a scary medical procedure (though, for me personally, it is actually somewhat medical).
Thank you! Hugs back to you!

Meredith
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#12 of 17 Old 02-15-2010, 12:03 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you all! I feel waiting to tell them is the best option for now. Only MIL knows...and I sent her an email the other day asking her why she felt the way she did...so hopefully that will get the communication flowing and I can tell her what I know, and hopefully make her feel better...because I truly doubt she knows about the good side of midwifery

Meredith
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#13 of 17 Old 02-15-2010, 09:02 AM
 
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Some ideas of things to ask your MIL:

Has she never seen sick babies from the hospital? How about babies who are premature due to being induced or c-sectioned before they are ready?

Remind her that she will only ever see homebirth babies that have some kind of issues because the vast majority of healthy ones never enter the hospital. Also, can she really say that those babies have problems because of the location of birthplace? Or would they have had them anyways?

Good luck.

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#14 of 17 Old 02-16-2010, 12:52 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by honeybee View Post
Some ideas of things to ask your MIL:

Has she never seen sick babies from the hospital? How about babies who are premature due to being induced or c-sectioned before they are ready?

Remind her that she will only ever see homebirth babies that have some kind of issues because the vast majority of healthy ones never enter the hospital. Also, can she really say that those babies have problems because of the location of birthplace? Or would they have had them anyways?

Good luck.
Those are the exact questions I have in store for her I feel she has been very endoctrinated because her births were all the "knock 'em out, drag 'em out" kind. And, of course, being a NICU nurse doesn't help. I'm definitely not going to let her change my mind, no matter what horror stories she comes back with...because I know differently...I do my homework on birth and children...it's not like this is some "shot in the dark"....I'm glad to hear her opinion but, in the end, all I will say is "thank you". Thank you very much for your input Honeybee.
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#15 of 17 Old 02-16-2010, 10:34 PM
 
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meriberi, I see you're in Texas--I know lots of homebirth types in my part of TX (DFW) don't know where you are. You can message me if you like and I can send you links....Regardless, you might also try using meetup.com to look for homebirth support groups/midwifery supporters etc. in your area...I know up here there are lots (and they all send me emails, lol)

Can you afford a doula? Lots of them are very reasonable and good to have as part of your support crew. If not though, having people who believe in what you're doing to talk to (not just on the internet) can really help in dealing with clueless fam/friends.
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#16 of 17 Old 02-17-2010, 02:57 AM
 
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In some ways, it may be better to know what your up against and train yourself not to care. It would be great to have support, but there are just some people from whom you are never going to receive it, no matter what. Giving her all the information is great, but I know a few NICU nurses (no family connection) who were pretty awful to me during my first pregnancy because they just felt they had to "protect me". I imagine it is a lot worse when it's family.

My take is: Find support where you can in friends and family, and cut anyone off if they start to be obnoxious. You can always rebuild those connections later after the baby is born and their negativity wont be harmful to your mental state.

XM,: mama to ds (5/08), dd (9/10) and ds (6/12) ! whale.gif :C.H.S & M.

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#17 of 17 Old 02-17-2010, 03:04 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by xekomaya View Post
In some ways, it may be better to know what your up against and train yourself not to care. It would be great to have support, but there are just some people from whom you are never going to receive it, no matter what. Giving her all the information is great, but I know a few NICU nurses (no family connection) who were pretty awful to me during my first pregnancy because they just felt they had to "protect me". I imagine it is a lot worse when it's family.

My take is: Find support where you can in friends and family, and cut anyone off if they start to be obnoxious. You can always rebuild those connections later after the baby is born and their negativity wont be harmful to your mental state.
Yeah, I have really gotten to that point that it doesn't matter what people say to me because I don't care...because most of the time, they don't even know what they are talking about. And, I have to not let myself stress about it, and I haven't so far I don't plan on telling most people until I am near labor. Thanks!

Meredith
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