Will you find out the sex in advance? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 54 Old 03-03-2010, 10:18 AM
 
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Personally, I love pink I've loved having three girls! I'm not into frilly stuff, but pink rules. We don't have hardly any "gender neutral" clothing, so if this one is a boy, I have a lot of shopping to do. Which will be hard because dh and I aren't into sports and that kind of stuff. Cute boy clothes are hard to find.
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#32 of 54 Old 03-03-2010, 02:41 PM
 
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We're going to let it be a surprise! We both think it would be fun to wait and share the excitement at the actual birth. It might drive my mother crazy, though- she's already pestering me about it. Even more reason not to find out

DH (34) and Me (31) 1/20/10 @ 5 weeks, Awaiting our October pumpkin due 10/30/10!
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#33 of 54 Old 03-03-2010, 05:47 PM
 
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for my first, we really thought we were having a girl. The tech thought it might be a boy but was non committal. A week before the birth, I thought it was a boy. Our oldest is a boy.

For our second, the tech told us a girl. We picked out a girl's name and half heartedly picked out a boy's name. The day before the birth, we had to go to the hospital to fill out forms consenting to the c-section. It was a horrible miserable experience. All I did was cry. After that we went to our mw's to get the tech to confirm breech position. The confirmation was done and we mentioned that we couldn't wait to see our Stella. I cleaned up and the tech paused and said, "did you say Stella?, well what I saw might be a swollen labia, but I'm not sure, let's check again." Not a swollen labia, infact a testicle and a very prominent penis. We went home, forced to think about our boy rather than feel sad about having a section. We thought of a new name and took 20 hours to really adjust to having a boy. The next day our Max was born.

This time, I don't want to find out. I don't believe I will trust the tech anyway. I also want to pick our my own girly clothes and not get tons of clothes other's think are cute. We are hoping for a girl, but I think three boys in my life would be a wonderful wild and crazy experience.

Children deserve the respect of puzzling it out.
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#34 of 54 Old 03-03-2010, 06:07 PM
 
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Just felt the need to mention that we already got some newborn clothing hand-me-downs... most "gender neutral" but quite a few items featuring tractors, baseball bats, and other "boy" things.

I'm sure a little Sophie (if that's what we're having) won't mind one bit sporting a onesie with farm equipment on it. We sure won't. Lol.

And, if we were lucky enough to get "girl" hand-me-downs from some kind friend or family member, I don't think we'd think twice about putting our infant boy in a butterflies or pink hearts onesie, either.

... this is, of course, coming from a girl who was quite the tomboy growing up. Lol. I got more than a few "boy" hand-me-downs, even in grade school. But yeah, the "gendered" stuff (regardless of baby's sex) doesn't really bother me in the least. Our nursery is likely going to be jewel-toned and fairly "neutral..." but I'll take free when I can get it, darn it!

Part hippie-chick, part type-A career woman, all mama. Enjoying life as a wife to my partner of 11 years, and a mama to our smarty-pants toddler, Cadence.

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#35 of 54 Old 03-03-2010, 06:31 PM
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Responding to Lyndzies, I used to feel that way too, not worrying so much about putting flowers on boys or dinosaurs on girls. I mean, those items aren't inherently gendered, right? But I tend to feel awkward pretty easily in social situations, and even the gender neutral (much less "cross gender") clothes seemed to cause a lot of awkwardness. Like, in public, everyone wants to compliment your baby, which is nice, but they seem to assume that if the child is NOT dressed head to toe in pink, it must be a boy. I mean, you can't tell if an infant is a girl or boy just by looking, so people look for cues (which is probably why most infant clothes seem to be so infuriatingly and emphatically "gendered"). So they say, "oh, what a handsome little guy he is, what's his name?" or whatever, and I'm forced to say, "oh, thanks, her name is Ivy." And then they look confused, followed by embarrassed, followed frequently by what I interpret as a somewhat accusing look for "cross-dressing" my child and misleading them into this uncomfortable situation, and they say, "oh, uh, sorry, I just thought because of the... well, uh, she's a really pretty baby.... [awkward trailing off]". Once or twice, no big deal, but it seemed to happen ALL.THE.TIME. and I'd rather just avoid the discomfort. It made me want to paste a pretty bow to her nearly bald little head as a clear sign. Actually, though, I started trying to make sure she had some identifiably girly item on most of the time--like, socks with flowers (this was before she was wearing shoes, so socks were generally visible), or even a girly blankie if her outfit had no pink/butterflies/flowers/hearts. Sad, but true. I caved to avoid social discomfort.

Actually, now that she's a little older (18 months) I feel like we have more freedom with clothes because her hair is longer. So I can put her in navy pants and a grey sweatshirt or whatever, but she has a little ponytail, so no confusion (usually) ensues.

Mom to sweet DD 8/08, and adorable DS 10/20/10
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#36 of 54 Old 03-03-2010, 06:45 PM
 
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hyz - I TOTALLY understand where you're coming from.

Maybe part of my thinking is a result of the fact that DP can be mistaken for "sir" sometimes... not often, but definitely sometimes; so ,I guess we're used to it??

Then again, as with most things, I'm keeping an open mind. I know it's impossible to tell for sure how I'll feel until the little guy/girl is here.

Part hippie-chick, part type-A career woman, all mama. Enjoying life as a wife to my partner of 11 years, and a mama to our smarty-pants toddler, Cadence.

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#37 of 54 Old 03-03-2010, 06:51 PM
 
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Originally Posted by CherryBomb View Post
Which will be hard because dh and I aren't into sports and that kind of stuff. Cute boy clothes are hard to find.
Do you like animals? I've found a lot of cute puppy, bear, frog, etc stuff for DS. Also, airplanes and trucks, which I'm not a huge fan of, but now that DS is old enough to voice his opinion... yeah. He has truck shirts.

Me+DH+DS1+DS2+Dog=me and a house full of guys, which is really just peachy, thanks.
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#38 of 54 Old 03-03-2010, 09:21 PM
 
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Nope, we've never found out(on purpose) and won't with this one either. I won't even have an U/S most likely anyway.

With my 2nd baby, my mw was concerned about twins, so we had an U/S at 21 weeks to rule that out. We told the tech we didn't want to know the sex, but she accidentally scanned the area. She tried to cover it up by saying it was just a cord, but we knew better. He was definately a boy! I was actually kind of annoyed!

Life is to be enjoyed...not just endured!
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#39 of 54 Old 03-03-2010, 09:29 PM
 
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hyz - I TOTALLY understand where you're coming from.

Maybe part of my thinking is a result of the fact that DP can be mistaken for "sir" sometimes... not often, but definitely sometimes; so ,I guess we're used to it??

Then again, as with most things, I'm keeping an open mind. I know it's impossible to tell for sure how I'll feel until the little guy/girl is here.
We had DS in swim trunks and a button-down plaid shirt last spring, and two older ladies asked if he was a boy or girl. We said "boy" and they said he was "too pretty to be a boy." They kept saying that, over and over. I didn't really care - he is a gorgeous little kid. But it was just so strange that they were sort of insisting he couldn't be a boy! So, you know, dress them gendered and TELL people they're one sex and they'll be weirdos anyway. :

B, happily married to M. Mother to two boys: B (3/08) and A (9/10)
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#40 of 54 Old 03-03-2010, 09:52 PM
 
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Although I don't want to, my friend had her twenty week us today and found out what she is having. Kinda made me want to find out early too.
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#41 of 54 Old 03-04-2010, 10:53 AM
 
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Originally Posted by blizzard_babe View Post
Do you like animals? I've found a lot of cute puppy, bear, frog, etc stuff for DS. Also, airplanes and trucks, which I'm not a huge fan of, but now that DS is old enough to voice his opinion... yeah. He has truck shirts.
yeah, that's probably mostly what we'll go with. I love frogs and puppies and stuff. Anything sports related would just be hilarious, you should have heard dh and I trying to explain football to dd1 during the superbowl

It is a lot easier once they can give their own opinion, even though they don't always go with what I'd pick
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#42 of 54 Old 03-04-2010, 12:06 PM
 
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Cherry, you can actually find a lot of cute boy clothes that aren't necessarily all sports and monster trucks. I used to think the same thing too before DS arrived. The closest thing he has gotten to wearing something that is sport like is a onesie that said "Mommy's Little All Star" and had a baseball and bat on it.

Most of his baby/newborn clothes were puppies, frogs, jungle animals, some dinos. Now that he is older (11mos tomorrow!!) he has a lot of cute options... cute little polos, fleece hoodies ... I love the combo shirts that are a long sleeve "button down" type "shirt" under a cute t-shirt. We have an adorable one that has a little surf logo in the corner and the t shirt is dark brown and the other shirt is a small brown plaid.

I have a friend that had a girl first and a son 3 yrs later. She felt it was easier to find cute clothes for boys than girls. That you can find "normal" clothes just shrunk down to baby size. She felt everything girl is just tooo cutesy and frilly. Another friend that just adopted a girl after having a boy... was complaining to me that all little girl jeans have some added flair (stitching, applique, etc) that then you have to coordinate a shirt with. She was jealous of DS plain old jeans.

Oh, and we are definitely finding out. I can't wait that long and I like the time to process my feelings about gender before the birth. I just have different visions of a boy-boy family vs a boy-girl family. Maybe if we have a 3rd we will wait. I do think it would be fun to wait

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#43 of 54 Old 03-04-2010, 12:22 PM
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smartycat, it's totally true about the girls' jeans! It's awful! And you know what else--most of them seem to be kind of slim cut and low rise, too! Can anyone on earth tell me why a 9 month old girl should be wearing tighter jeans than a 9 month old boy? It kills me. Hmph. And my daughter can't fit into them anyway, because we use cloth diapers so her little cloth covered bum is too big to fit in the tight girl jeans! I end up making a lot of her pants myself, OR we just buy pants in the boy section. I mean, really.

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#44 of 54 Old 03-04-2010, 12:53 PM
 
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DH wants to find out what we're having, doesn't matter to me either way. We'll find out cause I think that will help him get more excited. We picked a girls set from pottery barn (got it used at Craigslist) that I think is pretty gender nuetral (its this one ). As far as clothes its a baby, I plan on putting either my little girl or my little boy in plenty of blues, rainbows. I'm not a big fan of pink so I don't anticipate getting too fru fru anyway

Happily married, crunchy mama crazy in love with our little man, Bam bam (10/5/10) due aug 2014 with our rainbow bean missing our 3 angel babies (9/09, 7/12, 12/12)
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#45 of 54 Old 03-04-2010, 12:54 PM
 
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That's SO true about the jeans! But my 8.5 year old LOVES embellished jeans She's very girly, which is funny because when she was a baby I was very "no gender stereotypes!"
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#46 of 54 Old 03-04-2010, 02:29 PM
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Dirkey, that's a pretty sheet set! I think it will work fine for either a girl or boy.

Mom to sweet DD 8/08, and adorable DS 10/20/10
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#47 of 54 Old 03-04-2010, 03:56 PM
 
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Thanks HYZ I love it I plan on hanging the quilt on the wall as decoration and I already made a bird mobile.. luv it.

Happily married, crunchy mama crazy in love with our little man, Bam bam (10/5/10) due aug 2014 with our rainbow bean missing our 3 angel babies (9/09, 7/12, 12/12)
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#48 of 54 Old 03-04-2010, 04:16 PM
 
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We didn't find out with our first and I was thinking I would probably wait to be surprised with this one. However, reading some of your posts, I am wondering if it wouldn't be fun to have a 20 week discovery to look forward to. But gendered clothing aside (I haven't had too much trouble staying away from the hyper masculine infant wear), I have a personal list of pros and cons for finding out:
Pros
- Easier to pick out a name
- Something to look forward to at the roughly half-way point
- Satisfying to friends and family - plus, then they can stop asking every five minutes.
- Don't have to live with the knowledge that the radiologist knows something I don't
Cons
- Calling out the sex when the baby is born - awesome!
- The guessing and speculation can be entertaining
- The radiologist/tech can be wrong
- Lastly and most importantly: Over the course of my firs pregnancy, I enjoyed bonding with my baby as a tiny person, not a 'he' or a 'she'. While it's true we can (sometimes) see the sex and not the gender on the scans, we live in a world where gendered social norms are imposed as quickly as possible. Essentially, finding out the sex means constructing ideas about the unborn child's gender in the minds of most people. Our children have the rest of their lives to either embrace, rail against or altogether change their assigned gender, but they can't really escape gender completely. My first baby didn't know or care that he was a boy, and neither did I. I think it is lovely to bond with the baby as a person who transcends, for a brief while, gender. just my OP.
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#49 of 54 Old 03-04-2010, 04:56 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Essentially, finding out the sex means constructing ideas about the unborn child's gender in the minds of most people. Our children have the rest of their lives to either embrace, rail against or altogether change their assigned gender, but they can't really escape gender completely. My first baby didn't know or care that he was a boy, and neither did I. I think it is lovely to bond with the baby as a person who transcends, for a brief while, gender. just my OP.
This is awesome. I've decided to wait until babe is born to find out now. Just have to convince DH.

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#50 of 54 Old 03-04-2010, 06:25 PM
 
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hyz, I agree completely.

And frankly, I'm not even sure names have to be gender-normative. Our culture is pretty messed up when it comes to gender. There was a time when women were second-class citizens and thus peoples' gender and/or sex were very important, but that's not (supposed to be) the case any more.

I'm not convinced that giving a baby a name like (oops, better not use actual names here because I'll offend someone who has already chosen that name!) Girlie or Manly doesn't just set them up for a lifetime of gender discrimination. I guess that's kind of radical. *shrug*
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#51 of 54 Old 03-05-2010, 12:32 PM
 
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I'm still debating, I did not find out with my daughter, I wanted a girl though so I was very happy. With my son I had not planned to even have any u/s, but I was in an accident during my pregnancy & they did one to check to make sure he was ok, they didn't offer to tell me the sex, but I asked and it was unmistakeable that he was a boy. This time I'm very anxious to know what it is, but not terribly wanting a particular sex because I already do have one of each although my husband is the only chance in carrying on his family's name and they all would like a boy, I'm cool with that, I feel that boys are much easier then girls, at least with my 2. I have a strong feeling it is a girl though. I dunno when it gets to the point that we can, if the anxiety is just killing me, I may.

Mrs. (28) Wife to the Mr. (26) Mama to K (10g) & J (5b). Expecting #3 10/10. Hoping for a HBA2C.
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#52 of 54 Old 03-05-2010, 12:46 PM
 
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We found out with DS and would like to find out with this one.

It really has nothing to do with gender stereo-typing or needing to get the right "stuff". I don't care about any of that.

There are so many unknowns with pregnancy and I think I just like being able to know something about the baby. I'm not someone who does well with surprises so maybe knowing the gender in advance helps me feel like I have a little bit of knowledge/control? Shoot, it probably isn't even that deep - I just think iti is fun to know. Plus, DH really likes to know because he feels more connected that way and I respect that.

Of course, if there was a reason we COULDN'T find out, I certainly wouldn't be upset about it or anything.
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#53 of 54 Old 03-05-2010, 02:21 PM
 
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I found out with my first 5,I couldn't help it. With my 6th I knew that I would need a c-section and I decided not to find out the sex. I figured if the birth wasn't going to be a big mystery,at least something would be. It was hard not finding out because I had several late term sonos due to GD.
I made sure not to look at the screen and that the tech knew not to tell me what the baby was. I plan on doing the same for this baby. I'm hoping I don't get GD this time around. If I do,it will be the third time.

: 2:Ma To 6 :12,8,7,5,2,1&
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#54 of 54 Old 03-05-2010, 02:37 PM
 
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We're not finding out.
Funnily enough this was one of the first things me and DH talked about way back before we even thought about getting pregnant!

Of course I've heard a few "But you have to find out! How will I know what to buy you?" because obviously that is the most important part.

My sister found out and 99% she recieved at her shower were pepto pink and frilly. A new born doesn't need a onsie with an attached tutu!
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