Mama, I know how you feel! When I was pregnant w/ my 5th my kids were 6, 5, 4, 2 yrs old. It was SO hard, dp was gone across country and we had to wait 2 months before we could come...only to have him gone all.the.time for his job (he travels A LOT) to a place where I knew not one person and had no family/friends. It was so hard and I was so stressed. That was my hardest pregnancy, I was very depressed b/c of where we moved to, etc and so off balance...life was upside down and I wasn't even the same , I felt. Top it off I had MS until near 7 months along that was very bad, not HG bad, but close.
It was a tough time and very difficult. It sounds like you are taking steps toward helping yourself, and that is wonderful and such a big step to take. Pregnancy is hard, add in that many kids and it can feel damn near impossible. I know how you feel
Do you live in an area where MDC mamas meet up? Or LLL meets? Maybe a diaper circle or yahoo crunchy group so you can branch out and meet more friends? It's hard to have no support system when you need support the most, I know that feeling all too well. I wish I lived near you! Our kids are near the same ages now...8, 6, 5, 4, 17 months. It is great to have MDC or other places online when you don't have the support IRL. We are here for you and will be the support you need!
Maybe think about telling your dh, he's the only one that can support you the way you need it right now. What do you think he'd say? Why do you feel ashamed to tell him? I know what you mean though, it is great to have female mama friends to lean on for support IRL and have to help. Just seeing my mama friends makes me feel human again and I feel like seeing them and connecting w/ them helps me emotinally SO much..and that helps me be a better mama. I am moving..again..across country in 6 days and am leaving that support behind. Trust me, I will be on here often looking for support. I think we might be able to lean on one another for sure!