"your going to get fixed right?" vent/rant - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 13 Old 09-28-2010, 01:24 PM - Thread Starter
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and so it starts the inevitable "your going to get fixed arnt you?" was I broken?? I guess *most* people assume that this baby was a oops since it has been a few yrs since our last child (NOT by choice btw) and since we have a "big" family of boys surely this was our shot at the proverbial golden child....a girl

I havent even had this baby yet and it seems that every conversation I have someone ends up mentioning it. In fact they seemed shocked when we say we are not done, at least now we dont think so. I love the subtle undertones in my familys comments about random people or friends of friends being "fixed" (uhhhhh I HATE that word I would rather they just say sterilize its what it is) or how there are big families out there (hint hint) I mean we live in modern times now theres no need for that many.

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#2 of 13 Old 09-28-2010, 02:07 PM
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"Don't they use the word 'fixed' in terms of getting dogs and cats spayed or neutered?" Would totally be my response. I'm not broken, in fact I'm a very fertile working mama here!! . Yay for big families!!
(no we're not done yet either )

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#3 of 13 Old 09-28-2010, 02:35 PM
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Heck, we *ARE* done after this one, and DH *IS* getting the big V, and it *STILL* bothers me when people assume that. Can't imagine how much it would bother me if we were going for more after this one.

Equally annoying... we're going to have two boys when this little one is born. Yes, I am happy about this. No, we are not going to try for a girl. No, I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything. Now, to quote Oscar the Grouch, "Go away and stop bothering me!"

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#4 of 13 Old 09-28-2010, 02:47 PM
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I've been getting this since baby #2! And especially after #3. My granny acted personally offended that I wasn't getting "fixed." And I REALLY hate it when people say "well all the Catholics I know use birth control!" Well whoopy freaking doo for them I DON'T!

I really hate how people can't comprehend that anyone would WANT to have more than one or two kids, like it makes you some kind of freak. And of course, since our first three were girls, people assume we only had more to try for a boy. And since this one is a boy, they further assume we're "done." Well, we'll be using NFP to post pone pregnancy for a few years (need a bigger house and vehicle and dh needs to finish school!) but we aren't "done."

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#5 of 13 Old 09-28-2010, 02:59 PM
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My mother asked me that very question last week. I've been very clear with her that I do not appreciate her intrusive questions or input. Whether my DH and I are considering vasectomy or tubal ligation is NONE of her business.

He who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe is as good as dead; his eyes are closed.  ~Albert Einstein
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#6 of 13 Old 09-28-2010, 03:21 PM
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With both my last two pregnancies, the ILs have made comments along the line of "well, I hope it's a girl so you can stop having kids." As if we're only having more so we can try for a girl.

More often, though, we get "are you going to have more?" which I just don't see why it's anyone's business. We're actually leaning towards this being our last, but nothing's set in stone at this point... and shouldn't you wait until after you're out of the pangs of late pregnancy/early infancy to make that decision, anyways?

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#7 of 13 Old 09-28-2010, 03:56 PM
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I COMPLETELY understand!! I've been getting those comments when I was pregnant with our last. We were done at that point and this one is a bc baby. (So was my first.) But after being pregnant with this one and going through the rollercoaster of emotions, we've decided to NOT get the big "V" while I'm hormonal from pregnanacy, birth, and breastfeeding. Now we are totally accepting of more babies, but after a year or two so my body can heal and I can get my dental surgery done after bf'ing. But I cannot stand when people and family ask if we are done and when is hubby getting his V done. I don't like having to defend our decisions so normally don't say anything, but I'm getting to the point where I'm gonna have to get rude about it! The comments just don't stop from family especially!

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#8 of 13 Old 09-29-2010, 04:32 AM
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weird is this an american cultural thing that you guys routinely get "fixed"?? like, is it the norm to get "done" after a couple of kids? like i've heard it's the "norm to circ boys over there?? (here i've never heard of anyone even being offered circ, you'd have to seek it out for religious reasons etc)

over here sterilization, sure it's not unusual but it's by no means expected, in fact it's seen as a little bit odd or extreme...because well "what if" etc...at least in my experience.

i'd have to pay to get it done because i've only got 2 kids so docs would be reluctant....I wonder if i get it half price because i've only got one tube left...lol :P

but yeah, sheesh it's nobodies business to just ask/assume like that, it's incredibly rude!

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#9 of 13 Old 09-29-2010, 09:21 AM
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We got this non-stop as soon as we started telling people we were having a boy this time. Because girl + boy = perfect family
To be honest, we haven't decided whether or not to have more, but really it's nobodies business but mine and DHs.
I did a post about this a few months ago and my favorite response was somebody said a member of their church with a big family shuts people up by responding with "How was your last pap smear? O I thought inappropriate were OK with you since you started with one"

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#10 of 13 Old 09-29-2010, 05:08 PM
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So annoying!! I hear ya.

I'm due Oct. 14 with #6. I've been asked by 3 different OB's if I'd like a tubal. The first one I busted out laughing so hard I had tears in my eyes.

Um, no, we find we can space our family size just fine by avoiding the exit on the throughway that leads to the FERTILITY CLINIC.

They read my file. I've had fertility babies, except for one spontaneous conception.
I'm 44 years old a couple of weeks after this baby is due. So why would I want an additional surgery?

If I popped into their practice and said "I'd like to schedule a c-section today, because it's convenient and I'm annoyed at the discomfort of pregnancy in the 37th week", they would say no,

because surgery has risks. And premature babies are at risk.

But I shoud have a tubal ligation.... and it's low risk? baa haa haaa.

I'll take my chances on the twins my OB's aunt had at 48. Because you just know there's an epidemic of pregnant 48 year olds. Oh yeah, uh huh.

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#11 of 13 Old 09-29-2010, 05:14 PM
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Originally Posted by Ashley_R View Post
We got this non-stop as soon as we started telling people we were having a boy this time. Because girl + boy = perfect family
Yep, we're getting it too since this baby is a girl. "Oh, you must be so happy! Now you can stop having babies!"

Yes, I can stop...eventually. How many babies from now, well, that's the bigger question.

It's irksome though. I would have been just as thrilled with another boy!

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When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of, he always declares that it is his duty. --George Bernard Shaw

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#12 of 13 Old 09-29-2010, 10:14 PM
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We're having another girl and I'm sick of hearing, "Oh now you just need a boy!" Why do I need a boy, are we under the Freudian belief that I will not feel powerful enough until I make a penis?

To Corban's Mum, yes it is very common here for people to get these procedures done. There's this post-war "American Dream" mentality that dictates perfection in the form of 1 house, 2.5 kids and a dog. The ideal seems to be 2 kids, c/section, and we'll just tie your tubes while we're in there on the last one. We have this really stubborn inability to let go of notions that were proved ineffective 40 years ago.

Nik! Mama to Evelynn Rose 08/19/08 and Autumn Lily 11/02/10
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#13 of 13 Old 09-30-2010, 10:08 AM
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I get this from everyone (family/friends) because I get so sick during pregnancy. I really try not to complain - in fact I've had very limited contact with my sister during this pregnancy because she was so angry with me for getting pregnant - but it can be hard. In spite of having difficult pregnancies, I really feel strongly about NOT wanting to use the birth control options that other people seem to believe are wonderful. I would rather go through the miserable pregnancy and get the beautiful child. And I'm lucky that while nursing I have a longer than normal stretch of infertility, so I get about a 2 year break or so. This one might be the last, but it might not. I don't know. Anyway, it's hard to explain to people why I'm not going to get "fixed", so I just try to avoid the subject.

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