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#1 of 32 Old 10-28-2010, 07:28 PM - Thread Starter
 
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DTD?
After ds we waited 4 weeks b.c i thought that is what the mw said. I was suprised at my 6 week visit to learn I was now cleared to DTD.....oops.

This time we are counting down to the 6 week visit although i kinda don't want to wait. I am healed (only had a superficial tear) and spotting occasionally. It has been sooooooooo long since we had that connection I really am missing it. Anyone else have input on how long is ok?

P.S. we will be using tons of condoms. The mw freaked me out and said every year there are several woman who are pregnant at their 6 week check up. I maybe want another one but not that soon!
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#2 of 32 Old 10-28-2010, 07:31 PM
 
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they told us 6 weeks, I totally don't want to wait but I did have stitches so I'm kinda thinking I should.

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#3 of 32 Old 10-28-2010, 07:35 PM
 
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I have stitches and am still spotting so we're waiting too. A little over 4 weeks pp right now. The increased blood flow from healing down there has made for some, ah, interesting dreams, but gotta admit I'm nervous for the real deal.

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#4 of 32 Old 10-28-2010, 09:49 PM
 
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One of my midwives said 6 weeks, one said when the bleeding had been stopped for 3 days. I'm 4 weeks pp and I've been ready to dtd for 3.5 weeks, but the stupid bleeding is still there. As soon as it stops I'm going for it. I feel healed, I miss the connection and I'm sure I'll be much less crabby after some.

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#5 of 32 Old 10-28-2010, 09:52 PM
 
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I never went by the recommended time frame I went with what my body told me and with each that meant about 2.5 weeks pp when the bleeding stopped enough.

 
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#6 of 32 Old 10-29-2010, 12:04 AM
 
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Last time we just did it when it was comfortable, at around 2 weeks. My bleeding only lasted a week and I had no tearing.

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#7 of 32 Old 10-29-2010, 11:01 AM
 
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Am I the only one with ZERO interest?? 2 weeks pp and very content to wait. My OB says sex is fine once the bleeding has stopped, but I am not interested right now. Though to be fair, I have pretty much no sex drive to begin with. I should have been a nun
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#8 of 32 Old 10-29-2010, 12:30 PM
 
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i've waited anywhere between 10 days and 3 weeks, altho, this time, we still have yet to dtd and i'm almost 5 weeks. physically i'm ready now, but haven't been any sooner. not because of tenderness or anything, but because the idea of doing it w/ lochia--the less-than-pleasant discharge that accompanies a healing uterus just doesn't seem sexy or appealing to me. i'm so thrilled to say that as of a few days ago, i'm lochia free and back to my normal discharge self, lol. dh is definitely chomping at the bit!

(and not that i've been bleeding this whole time, just not yet my normal.)

i also got a prescription for the progestin only pill a few days ago (told dh hormone birth control, at this point, is better than birthing again--def the lesser of two evils) and have since began seriously contemplating a copper iud. consequently, dh scheduled a consultation for the Big V, too. definitely no more oopsies for us!
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#9 of 32 Old 10-29-2010, 01:32 PM
 
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We're planning on waiting the full 6 weeks. I had one tear that required a few stitches but to be honest, while I've been craving sex for a little while now, I'm having difficulty feeling desirable. DH tells me I'm glowing even more now than while I was pregnant but half the time I feel under showered and leaky breasted and just a little frumpy. It doesn't help that during our entire pregnancy we only DTD twice!! I just wasn't in the mood ever and now I feel out of practice....

I am looking forward to it, though! We'll be using condoms for the time being. I've been having some long stretches without feeding at night and I just don't trust EBF to be enough for us. We don't want another baby quite yet!
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#10 of 32 Old 10-29-2010, 03:16 PM
 
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with our first we waited 6 weeks, after dd2 we waited 4 weeks and this time we waited 5 weeks ( we would've done it sooner this time but i was bleeding until 4 1/2 weeks)

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#11 of 32 Old 10-29-2010, 03:24 PM
 
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I am so jealous of everyone who was done bleeding by 3 weeks. Lucky.

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#12 of 32 Old 10-29-2010, 04:20 PM
 
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We did it right up until my induction at 41 weeks. I love pregnant sex. Yes, I have a little bit of interest--some erotic dreams--but the lochia makes me feel a bit icky. I'm three weeks pp and dying for it to stop. Also, I had some stitches from small tears, so this makes sex a bit scary. I have, however, resumed a pretty strenuous workout DVD that I like, and it didn't seem to affect my healing.

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#13 of 32 Old 10-29-2010, 04:34 PM
 
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Am I the only one with ZERO interest?
Nah, no interest here. Between pregnancy and nursing, it's been three years since I've really "wanted" it... and that was a brief spell between when I went off the birth control pill and when I got pregnant (BCP kills my sex drive).

Poor DH .

Last time, I think we tried at six weeks and it was still too painful/uncomfortable. I don't remember when we actually successfully did it. I had pretty significant and poorly-placed tearing, though, so... maybe it'll be different this time??????????

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#14 of 32 Old 10-29-2010, 06:26 PM
 
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After my first, we waited 14 days. My mw always said to wait until I stopped bleeding - so that's always what we did. It was slightly longer after my 2nd, maybe 3 weeks and a little longer after my 3rd. I don't think we've ever waited until 6 weeks. DTD is actually the first thing on my "Things I can't wait to do when I'm not pregnant!" list. We've still been dtd, but it's just not the same with this big ole belly.

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#15 of 32 Old 10-29-2010, 06:29 PM
 
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I think it was about a week pp. It felt ok during, but after it felt as though my vagina had swollen so much it was hanging on the outside of my body...does that even make any sense?...well that is what it felt like. I could barely walk. We waited the same time frame with my last baby and it didn't hurt at all. Please tell me it is next to impossible to get pregnant a week PP . After years of trying to get pg, and then 9 months of being pg, birth control was the last thing on my mind. It wasn't until the other night I was sitting up in bed nursing my newborn that I was like ...we had unprotected sex!

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#16 of 32 Old 10-29-2010, 06:36 PM
 
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Nah, no interest here. Between pregnancy and nursing, it's been three years since I've really "wanted" it... and that was a brief spell between when I went off the birth control pill and when I got pregnant (BCP kills my sex drive).

Poor DH .

Last time, I think we tried at six weeks and it was still too painful/uncomfortable. I don't remember when we actually successfully did it. I had pretty significant and poorly-placed tearing, though, so... maybe it'll be different this time??????????
Oh, good, I was starting to feel like a weirdo! I've been pregnant and/or nursing for the last 5.5 years, non stop, so yeah. No desire for quite a while from me. The first 2 I think we did the standard 6 weeks. Last time was a vba2c and we did at 4 or 5 weeks but it was really pretty painful for me (I had an episiotomy that tore into my rectum, blah). I'm starting back on my NFP charting today, and my instructor wants us to have sex around 5 weeks when we're still within the 56 days of infertility (for charting purposes mostly!)
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#17 of 32 Old 10-29-2010, 08:27 PM
 
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Both times I waited about 5 weeks, until there was no bleeding at all. I do think it's a good idea to use condoms just in case.

Super crunchy Mama to DS1, DS2, DD and wanting a bunch more!  We homeschool, bed share, homebirth and baby wear. We're attached, we only cloth diaper and we don't vax. There's a lot more to us than that, but it won't all fit. 

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#18 of 32 Old 10-29-2010, 10:25 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I haven't been on BC pills for years and I love that because when I ovulate my sex drive goes through the roof. Not so good for not having babies but at least DH loves it. I really doubt I am ovulating already but that is how my drive feels (4 weeks pp on sunday) so we will be extra careful. I got my cycle back last time at 12 weeks pp and it was regular even though I was EBF so I really don't trust my body.

I hear you all on the lochia....the smell gets me. It's not like an infection bad smell but it certainly has a destinctive watery like smell that is not sexy at all. As long as DH doesn't care I think I can put it out of my mind. Although I kinda feel like a virgin and am more worried about laughing nervously and ruining the mood.
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#19 of 32 Old 10-30-2010, 11:10 AM
 
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mentally i have no interest at alll, though i get the physical urge randomly...

i'm just terrified... terrified of hurting down there, terrfied of any weight/pressure being applied to my scar site, terrified of getting pg again etc etc

oh yeah and terrified of DH honking my tender BFing hooters too hard lmao

so yeah even when lochia doesnt toally stop (im 3 weeks pp atm) i recon im going to have grown my virginity back by the time i let him near me haha poor chap

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#20 of 32 Old 10-30-2010, 02:55 PM
 
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I've felt physically ready for, um, 2 weeks now? (3 weeks pp) I'm not going to though until the lochia stops... not because I'm grossed out so much, but more because I don't want to risk doing anything else that might prolong it because I am SO OVER PADS In reality though, both of us have been too tired to manage *any* level of intimacy, blah.

Last time we didn't have sex until 5 MONTHS postpartum, but that had more to do with him not being interested in sex than my physical recovery. (I think we had sex 2 times max during that pregnancy.)

I'm kind of nervous about the birth control aspect. We'll be using condoms with spermicide until after he has a vasectomy and the follow-up testing, but I'm seriously considering a copper IUD too which he thinks is overkill. Or maybe even Essure or a tubal... I really, really don't want anymore kids but I also have no desire to go back on hormonal birth control. The big thing stopping me from getting an IUD is the prohibition on menstrual cup use with them. I really hate pads and tampons and I've yet to try sea sponges.

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#21 of 32 Old 10-30-2010, 06:45 PM
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Wow, it sounds like you all have better luck than I did. With my first, we had to wait almost 6 months! I had pretty bad tearing, and we tried a few times before that, but it just hurt too much and we had to stop. Even at 6 mos it was still really tender. This time I had a much smaller tear, so I'm hoping to heal much faster. I'm still only 1.5 weeks post partum now, though, and still bleeding, so nothing here yet. My doctor said to wait 4 weeks, fwiw.

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#22 of 32 Old 10-31-2010, 06:06 PM
 
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We waited a few months last time, and most likely will wait around 3 or 4 months this time too. I'm tired and tandem nursing and have no interest, and he's tired and fine with waiting.

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#23 of 32 Old 10-31-2010, 06:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Yeah so totally tried it last night. Wasn't too bad but it will probably be a month or more before it feels like it did before. I did giggle like a school girl but dh didn't even notice. It's such a relief to pass that milestone.
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#24 of 32 Old 10-31-2010, 06:32 PM
 
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My OB told me privately that we could do it whenever we wanted to after bleeding had stopped. With my husband in the room, he said 6-8 weeks . He later told me that he does that so guys don't pressure their partners into having sex early on.
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#25 of 32 Old 10-31-2010, 06:44 PM
 
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Last time it was a little before 4 weeks. Now, with a 2nd degree tear up into my vagina, I just don't want to do it any time soon. We dtd the day before DS2 was born and DH is already asking =/

ETA: And I won't even consider dtd using a condom with my healing tear. That sounds so painful. Tho my cycles didn't return til 14 months pp for me last time, so I'm not too worried about getting pregnant.

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#26 of 32 Old 10-31-2010, 08:05 PM
 
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I'm 2 1/2 weeks pp now and also have no desire whatsoever. I had a 3rd degree tear and am still pretty sore down there, even though I've stopped needing any pain reliever for it.

I'd like to master pooping first. That's continued to be a real difficulty for me.

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#27 of 32 Old 10-31-2010, 10:43 PM
 
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DDCC: Reading the replies makes me think you're alll crazy ! lol

I was terrified until ds was like 8 months and even then it hurt like crazy. Pretty sure I didn't enjoy it until he was like 15 months and that was when my periods came back.

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#28 of 32 Old 11-01-2010, 02:14 AM
 
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I cant wait to DTD! My libido came back in full force a few days after DD was born and it seems to have this time too. We waited 2 weeks after her, and I'm 11 days PP now but still a bit sore from the grazes. Hopefully in another week.

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#29 of 32 Old 11-01-2010, 03:25 AM
 
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I cant wait to DTD! My libido came back in full force a few days after DD was born and it seems to have this time too. We waited 2 weeks after her, and I'm 11 days PP now but still a bit sore from the grazes. Hopefully in another week.

SAME HERE!!! I told my DH how sexy he looked the other day and he said "Don't even use words that have 's e x' in them... It's too far away...." I feel like we're in high school again where we're only allowed to kiss and then you get all giddy but have to walk away! I'm 8 days PP and am going to ask my MW at my 2 week appt if I have to wait till 6 weeks or if 3 is ok!

I will add though that we weren't DTD much in the last weeks of my pregnancy. The last time we did it was pretty painful for me so we haven't had a lot of action in a while.

And it's normal to not want to do anything! I don't want anyone to feel bad or weird if they're not ready to go. Everyone is different and responds differently to all the hormone changes and life changes. And every husband has their unique response too! After our first, my DH wasn't into the idea the first couple weeks.. It's ok to need these weeks to adjust. Respect your body and feelings and it'll all come back in time.

Super crunchy Mama to DS1, DS2, DD and wanting a bunch more!  We homeschool, bed share, homebirth and baby wear. We're attached, we only cloth diaper and we don't vax. There's a lot more to us than that, but it won't all fit. 

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#30 of 32 Old 11-01-2010, 05:35 AM
 
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i really really thought the DH wouldnt ever want to go near me again after seeing his daughters head poking halfway outta there then shooting BACK UP when my waters broke... then the grimness of a c section then afterwards him helping to change my chux pad in hospital after i haemorraged... yeah i really did NOT expect him to be like a frisky puppy at 6 days PP but hey ho....

.... my method of contraception?? a rolled up newspaper by the bed *WHACK* down boy! lol sooo not up for it.

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