Why am I so sad and negative all the time? I feel like I have tried just about everything to find happiness and yet it eludes me. I really don't feel like I want to go on and just keep riding this roller coaster of a life and wait for the good days I'm sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. Please tell me there's a way for me to feel good. That life won't always be the way it has been for the past 15 years. I can't keep faking it. Nothing seems to work, for long. Gracias.
First of all, I want you to know that I have been there. Really. I have been suicidal twice in my life. I've been deep in the dark pit several times in my life. And I'm sorry you are there now. It always makes my heart heavy when someone lets me know they are in that place. I know how lonely and frightening and helpless it feels. Especially during the holidays. Its such a really awful place to be and you have been there for such a long time. I'm sorry. I truly am sorry that life has felt this way for you all this time. Your sadness is deafening to me. I feel it completely throughout my body as I tap into you. It's this dull ache that you need some serious relief from. And I hear that you need it long term now, no more short cuts that don't help for very long.
The problem that I see is that you do not know who you are. You know who you think you are, at least through other peoples eyes and society's eyes and the Churches eyes. In fact, one thing that comes up big for me is that there is some kind of fairly large issue coming from a religious aspect. This is either, a bad experience happened to you in/through the Church or you cannot get your mind/heart to coincide what the Church is trying to tell you. I feel there is family pressure here as well.
But the fact of the matter is that you need to be YOU. And you CAN be happy when you choose that person (you) over everyone else. When you realize that it is 100% okay to be true to your own body/mind/spirit. What your truths are, what your thoughts are, what action that leads you to. When you decide to let what other people think go and live according to your truths, that is when you will be happy.
Life will change drastically. People that are not in alignment with you will fall away. Good. Let them. Not everybody needs to like everybody (just respect). Habits will change. You will realize things you have been doing to sabotage your health and well being. It could even be realizing something you previously thought was funny, really isn't that funny to you. Like you could even totally change the movies you watch. That is just one example of once your perception changes, and the real you comes out, you let go of the 'shoulds', that are generally placed on you by other people; but only because you let them.
It's time to get them out of your mind. Those people's voices, that up to this point have been telling you what to be, how to act, what to think. When you break free and become yourself, life takes on a whole new meaning. I see people do this all the time in my work. I had one client describe it as "coming home to yourself". I think that is beautifully put.
You can come home to yourself. It is time. Everything will be different then. Happy. Life still has it's ups and downs. Being human is hard. But it is very very rewarding.
Thank you so much for reaching out to me. I hope I have offered you something to snag onto to make it at least through this day or at least this moment. You can find yourself. You will find yourself.
I wish you much joy and happiness and mostly peace!
Thank you for answering me on Christmas. It's a very hard job you have. I appreciate your empathy and sincerity. I have to be totally honest here. With no disrespect, and remembering I am in a deep pit of despair and perhaps asking too much. I don't feel much help from your answer. It was a very long and nice way of saying be true to yourself. Which is what I could read in any one of the self-help books lining my shelves. I need something more specific. There's got to be something I can do. I'm wasting my life with my negative thoughts and while I understand everything you said, I don't see how it can help me. What actions can I take specifically right now to feel better?
Again, no disrespect. I shouldn't expect so much from my ten dollar question. I have spent thousands on therapy, pills, books, CD's, and none of them have the answer either. I guess I was just hoping for a Christmas miracle.
Thank you for your honesty. I feel no disrespect at all. I value honesty. I am the one that moderates all threads and approves them. Sometimes people don't always like what I have to say, or let me know that it doesn't ring true for them, and I still approve the feedback because I am confident in my work. I also appreciate that you recognize that I took the time to answer your question on Christmas. I was planning on taking these last two days off. But when I approved your question it caused me a lot of concern and I sat with it for awhile. And so now I want to put something back to you, in complete honesty.
You keep looking outside yourself. Spending thousands of dollars looking for the magic answer from a book, a pill, a psychic etc, isn't going to work if it doesn't make you reflect internally. And see what YOU are doing wrong. If you are thinking negative, then stop thinking negative. Yes, it is that simple. It will take some practice to make that your norm...to become a glass half full person. I'm not going to tell you there is some deeper meaning to your negative attitude. It is called a negative attitude. Now, I do truly understand that depression can be an all consuming pit. As I stated earlier, it's lonely and scary and can be difficult to climb out of. But the deal is still the same. Nobody can say anything to fix it or do anything to pull you out of it. Obviously, right? It hasn't worked for you so far. Only you can do it. It's time for you to take responsibility for the life you are creating. Until you are ready to do that, than things will stay the same.
I know this after an early life of being sexually molested, suicide attempt at 12, bulmia, suicide attempt again at 21, psychiatrists, pill etc. Only until I had had enough of the crap by 22; until I was so freaking tired of living that way did I choose differently. I finally screwed my on head on straight. I did it.
First I got to know myself. I let all facades drop. I didn't pretend anymore to be who I wasn't. I stopped caring what people thought about me. I no longer tolerated judgment. I dropped negative people and situations out of my life and allowed in only positive. I got some Spirituality in a major way. I tuned into my intuition to guide me instead of trying to be told what to do by everyone else. I began to accept myself fully for my great traits, and my "character flaws" and I worked with what I got. I stopped treating myself like sh!t and treating myself like my own best friend. I demanded respect and I only gave it if deserved.
I flipped my whole entire world around. I did it because I finally loved myself. As totally cheesy and stupid as that sounds, it is the truth. Plain and simple.
So I go back to my original answer. Although somewhat generic sounding, I do feel like this is your problem. You don't even know your own self. And you clearly state you want an answer from someone else. And I am telling you there is not answer from someone else. It's from inside you. You can choose differently everyday. It is a choice. There is always a choice.
You said so yourself "I am wasting my life with negative thoughts", okay. So what are YOU going to do about that? Stop putting band aids on it and actually change your thoughts. And it will help you to find yourself, because you might actually like what you find. Wouldn't that be something? And if you don't, then change it. You totally have the power in your hands, you just don't want to take responsibility. You are afraid to face what you have created and claim it as yours. But the good news is, once you take responsibility, you can also begin to create something different.
So taking full responsibility sucks to some degree, but on the other hand, should also bring a lot of relief. Because then you can realize you truly don't want to keep living a crummy existence. It is completely up to you.
This is all I am going to have time to respond. You are right that you are expecting a lot out of a $10 question. I spend months working with people to get them to the other side of a very similar place to where you are at. But maybe if you really open your heart to listen this time. No matter if any of those books and whatever haven't worked so far. Maybe if you hear what I have written to you for only $10, maybe you could change your whole 2011 and beyond. And if nothing clicks here, then just ignore it.
But I hope some thing does. I would love nothing more than to give you a Christmas miracle.