Okay... at the risk of being told off by "well meaning" people out there, I'm going to admit a few things. I'm 12 weeks pregnant today. I'm starting to feel guilty because I have been reading a few forums and people seem to go all out on this pregnancy thing in terms of lifestyle changes. It has made me feel guilty because I'm not doing this, and now I'm paranoid I'm going to be a bad mother already!!
I don't smoke, and I have stopped drinking since I got my positive. In the past 8 weeks I have had one glass of wine, but I thought that one glass wasn't going to cause brain damage or anything.
I thought that the food regulations were a bit OTT, so have been ignoring them. If I want to eat brie or camembert, I eat it. If I want ham, I have it.
I saw someone on another forum stressing over getting a dental xray, and another member saying to ask for a lead apron. Another person posted about the cat pooing inside the house, and someone else advised her to leave it there all day for the husband to pick up when he got home.
I was trying to be relaxed about things, but am I taking it too far?
For me, it's about choosing my battles and weighing the risks. So when I forgot I was pregnant at Easter and had a glass of wine, I didn't kick myself for too long, but I am holding off on any more until I'm in my second trimester.
My pregnancy was such a surprise that I was taking some relatively hefty and unsafe anti-anxiety meds for the first few weeks after conception, but I went off them once I knew I was pregnant. I'm continuing my asthma medication, but if drugs have been linked to issues with heart development or problems, I'm avoiding those entirely because we both have family histories of heart problems.
I've had a few sandwiches with lunch meat and not worried. I'll have a glass of wine here and there in a few weeks, but I am avoiding hard liquor. If there were cat poop sitting on my carpet, I'd probably move it. It's really hard for me to find unpasteurized cheese here, so that's not even an issue. I will probably break down and eat sushi before I actually give birth. But I've also been known to jaywalk aggressively on occasion and dance in summer thunderstorms, without getting hit by a car or lightning, so I may just be pushing my luck.
There seems to be a really important difference between doing things because you believe they're worth the risk, and doing them just to spite people, and it doesn't sound like you're just choosing to do everything "wrong" to make a point. Be well, mama!
I don't eat luncheon meat (listeria), but I don't usually anyway. You couldn't pay me to eat soft cheeses, because I think they're gross. I do steer clear of sushi, but it's not like that was a daily event for me pre pregnancy, so no big deal. My cats poop outside, so we don't even have a litter box, but if we did, that job would definitely be handed over to my husband for the duration of the pregnancy. I did stop smoking the day I got my positive, and I also gave up drinking. I may have a few glasses of wine throughout the next few months, but I'm pretty strict with no alcohol during the first trimester. I also wouldn't get x rays while pregnant, and avoid any drugs unless I absolutely have to have them.
So I don't think I'm OVERLY cautious, but I do think there are precautions during pregnancy for a reason. However, would I stress if I had to have an xray? No. Would I leave cat poop in the house. Hell no, but I would wear gloves to pick it up.
Do I think you're going to be a bad mom because you're not freaking out about all this. NO! Keeping your stress level low is just as important as all the other warnings they tell you about. If your educated about what and why the precautions are during pregnancy, and you make informed, educated choices, then more power to you, whatever those choices are
You're not a bad mom! I think a lot of those "don'ts" are way OTT, honestly. I eat hot dogs and lunch meat on occasion, sprouts, raw cookie dough, because I've never had a problem and the risks are so miniscule that I have bigger worries-like car crashes or tornadoes.
I think relaxing instead of stressing about every.single.thing is healthier for you. For stress has a much higher risk of actual harm then some stinking Brie!!!
I ate subway last night... It was delicious and totally hit the spot.
I eat what I'm hungry for but don't overdo it, same as when I'm not pregnant. This is number 5 for me... things have changed so much since I had number 1, I think more people are panicky about stuff and I'd rather not obsess over it. I don't see any harm in a glass of wine or a beer on occasion but I understand that some people choose not to take that risk.
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I think relaxing instead of stressing about every.single.thing is healthier for you. For stress has a much higher risk of actual harm then some stinking Brie!!!
I was really strict with my first but am fairly relaxed now with number 3. I don't drink alcohol at all but part of that is because I'm a lightweight. I'll have an organic egg that isn't quite cooked all the way and will eat lunch meat if it sounds good. If I want sushi then I opt for the vegetarian kind which I have been having quite often. Cheese doesn't sound at all good to me but again I would probably have some if it sounded good. I say relax and listen to your instinct as that is what a "good" mom does. One of the hardest lessons for me to learn was that I need to do what works for our family and let all of the negative comments go in one ear and out the other.
i have a few sips of wine or beer lately, and i have been drinking a bit of coffee, though good organic coffee, which IMO makes all the difference. I also drink black tea most days because honestly i think i would not be able to function without.
I don't eat deli meats because i dont like them, but if i did, i likely would anyways.. i have been craving some junky stuff, like ramen noodles and macaroni and cheese (which i make from scratch, so not so bad i guess and the noodles i use good noodles and then organic chicken stock for the broth) but that is how i do things anyways.. We eat a healthy diet, lots of fruits and veggies, mostly organic, we try to do local as much as possible. we dont eat meat unless its organic and or we know where it comes from..
we do bake cookies and eat sweets a bit but i try to limit that and buy/consume good sugars..no HFCS and stuff like that.
I am planning to paint most of my entire house in the next few days..i got no VOC paint, but still, who knows how safe that is.. i plan to open all of the windows and have a fan going. my midwife says i should wear a respirator mask, but i can tell you right now that's not going to happen..too much fuss and i don't like things covering my face.
I haven't started taking prenatal vitamins because they still make me feel pukey. I did pick up liquid calcium.mag with vit D yesterday and have been taking my B-complex with folic acid.
In past pregnancies I felt a lot more like i needed to be the perfect mother, but i know not that im a good mom, and i dont need to push myself over the edge to prove anything to anyone anymore.
eta: on the sushi, i think eating sushi is much safer than eating most other processed foods, meats ect. i only eat veg, sushi because im not keen on fish in my sushi, but if i loved it i would for sure eat it (if there was a place anywhere near to get it that is)
Yeah, uh. I'm happy to keep anything down. It's ironic, normally my diet is pretty healthy. Very low in processed food etc. Now I'm living on junk food and am just THANKFUL that I can keep ANYTHING down. My last pregnancies were horrible in that I couldn't eat anything until the last tri. I lost tons of weight and had to take all kinds of meds (which, again, I felt really guilty about). Now I feel giddy with joy if I can eat Cheetos and a Coke, and if I can keep down a McDonald's burger I am ecstatic, because it means that I'm getting SOME calories. Nutrition, perhaps not very much, but it's better than literally starving and wasting away to nothing.
I'm kinda worried though because apparently my midwife is really into nutrition and running panels to make sure you're getting healthy food. I hope she gets that I'd love to eat healthy if I could. Hopefully later in the pregnancy things will improve but I'd hate to have a midwife conflict because I'm not eating enough greens or something.
WAY too much pizza, Burger King, Sprite, and Raspberry lemonade lately. But *nothing* sounds good and I'm happy just to eat. Cooking though, ew. Not unless forced.
I'm pretty relaxed about most of the 'rules'. I don't expect to struck down from above if I eat sushi or have a sip of my DH's beer etc. although it annoys me that I would get the hairy eyeball from strangers if I do those things in public. It's like most things in life, certain precautions are reasonable but no one should be living their life walking on eggshells. Books like 'what to expect' make it seem like we have to walk through a mine field of hazards while pregnant, I just don't think that's the case. I don't think it's worth worrying over minor things like that, pregnancy is stressful enough.
Well, I don't know. I certainly don't judge you if you do things *I* personally would not do. This baby (like my DS) is the result of IVF. We only had one shot at doing it, it cost over $20,000 and was very emotionally and physically difficult, and I guess I feel like after having gone through all that, why would I do something I feel could be risky? Not that this baby is more precious than a baby conceived without artificial means or anything. I guess maybe that could be taken the wrong way.
Also, my DS has skin issues and some food intolerances, and he's not even vaccinated and had a home birth and has never had antibiotics. I just feel like whatever I can do to help a baby who may be predisposed to some kind of autoimmune disorder is what I should do.
But then my idea of what's risky might be different from someone else's. I change the cat's litter box every day -- she's an indoor cat and I wear gloves. I eat hot dogs and deli meat (though mostly Applegate Farms...is that less risky?) and I've had brie several times before I realized it was a "soft cheese." I'll probably be drinking some raw milk straight from the farm here and there. I want to have DS's bedroom painted before the baby comes. And I just may color my hair when I'm in the third trimester, because my hair is a dirty-blonde color otherwise and I want to look good for the birth pictures.
I clean the litterbox, because we feel the risk is lower for me than it is for my husband, who has asthma. Can't wait till this kitten gets old enough to go outside, though! I don't wear gloves, but I do wash my hands with soap afterwards. My understanding is that, having had cats for most of my life, the chance of primary infection now is pretty low. I also don't see it commonly recommended that pregnant women avoid gardening, which is another common source of infection.
Sushi: There are some varieties that are cooked, and therefore not a risk. When we lived in Virginia during my last pregnancy, one of the restaurants had a cooked sushi plate, which included many of my favorites anyways, and we went there all the time. Not that I think there's a high risk from raw sushi at reputable restaurants, but there are options if you prefer to avoid raw.
Lunch meat: rarely eat it, don't worry about it when I do. Same with undercooked eggs.
Soft cheese: My midwife says that commercial soft cheese is fine - it's the stuff your aunt makes in her backyard that's more likely to be an issue. My husband wants to get goats and start doing all our own dairy/cheese/etc. after we move. I'm hoping that we don't actually get around to that until after the baby arrives, but I'll probably put my foot down on avoiding that.
Alcohol: Rarely drank before pregnancy, rarely drink now (I think I've had two glasses of wine since I first suspected the pregnancy). I can't find any evidence that drinking small amounts on an occasional basis causes problems.
I also ride my bike. Most pregnant women around here who biked prior to pregnancy continue to do so. In an older pregnancy book, I found the recommendation that it's fine to continue biking through pregnancy as long as you're doing it on a regular basis, and therefore not experiencing sudden changes in your center of gravity. It's my primary transportation within town, and I can't see it being significantly more dangerous than driving, which they don't recommend against during pregnancy.
I feel like you should do what makes sense to you. I do eat lunchmeat (uncured, when available), but I don't eat raw or rare meat. Tempura, eel, or crabmeat sushi rolls are fine by me. Alcohol holds no interest for me, but that started right after my last period (which is odd, I normally "drink until it's pink"). Cat poop isn't too big of a concern, especially if your cat is indoors only. People usually neglect to mention that gardening without gloves carries about the same risk of toxoplasmosis as cat poop does.
I am pretty laid back, because a)this is my second pregnancy and b)I research each risk to decide if it's worth it. That being said, one of my good friends lost a baby at 16 weeks and was therefore very cautious with her following pregnancy. I don't blame her one bit!
You are not a "bad mom"! You are a wonderful mom already by listening to your own intuition about what makes sense to you. That's what this whole parenting thing is all about!
OP, I think you're in pretty good company with the rest of us. I suppose that I have avoided wine, beer, soft cheese, sushi, lunch meat just because I really don't like any of it and there's no way it would stay down right now. My dh has been handling the litter box, mostly because I'm just happy to hand that chore off, but when somebody missed the other day I didn't hesitate to clean it up. Leave poo on the floor all day? Seriously?
My guilty pleasure has been caffeine. I don't do it everyday. I gladly gave up my morning coffee because it made me retch but Pepsi has been tasting wonderful. I wish that I could say that I'm eating healthy, but I have no interest in fruits or vegetables. I'm hoping the food issue gets better in my second trimester - that's next week.
I guess I just don't feel like eating these things are riskier than anything else in daily life. Certainly any lunchmeat that you buy has the same risk (or if you read the news equal to less) than spinach. We can't even buy unpasteurized cheeses around here.
As for cat litter-there have been two recent threads with documentation to show how exaggerated toxoplasmosis risk is. I think (if I recall) there were 0-1 cases in the past 2 years of toxoplasmosis that could possibly be linked to cats. Most are caused by gardening, but the risk is quite negligible. Your risk is much, much, much greater to be hit by a car while walking. I have cleaned my cats boxes through all my children (no one ever will do it for me no matter how ill, etc!) and I'm immune to toxoplasmosis. Of course, I also wash my hands afterwards. I can't imagine not *shudder*. Of course, I wash my hands like 400 times a day, so that's no surprise. I would certainly pick it up with toilet paper and clean the area. Maybe it's b/c I have 4 kids, but I can imagine that being a lot worse to just leave around!
Thanks for sharing your experiences and personal boundaries around living with these insane "rules". It has made me feel a lot better. I live in New Zealand, so I think that the food here might be a wee bit less likely to make you sick. I have never seen anything with HFCS in it - except for some lollies that came from the special imported American shop!! (Man, you guys are LUCKY living over there, I'm already overweight, but I'd be as fat as house with access to all that yum stuff you guys have!!)
I think perhaps the women on the other forum who are being vocal about this sort of thing and policing others perhaps have a wee bit too much time on their hands. One of them was feeling guilty about eating Subway, and another advised her that it should be fine as long as she asked them to wash the lettuce in front of her so she could be sure it had been cleaned. It all seems a bit too precious to me!
I'm starting out as I intend to continue - I don't want to be an OTT mum, worried constantly about whether my kid is smart enough or talented enough. As long as he or she is happy and healthy I will consider myself blessed enough.
New Mama I can understand where you're coming from - I think if I had shelled out 20k and hung all of my hopes on one shot I would be feeling so lucky that I wouldn't want to chance it either. I have sacrificed a lot of my mental health for this baby (trying for 10 months and using a donor almost drove me mad), and although I'm nervous about things not working out (I have my 12 week scan on Monday - yikes!) I'm not going to change the sort of person I am.
This is my 4th, and I've never, ever worried about lunch meat. I don't drink alcohol (ever), and I don't like sushi. If I'm craving tuna, I'll eat it, but I don't tend to eat a ton of it. (I could likely go a year or more without eating it at all.)
I definitely don't get as wrapped up in the what to/what not to dos that most mamas end up worried about. I will be careful when we have a small bit of hardwoods refinished, and I will absolutely buy low-VOC paint when we repaint our house that's for sale. I won't stay in the house while it's being painted if the fumes bother me (and just walking through Home Depot today, it bothered me - but most of their paint is probably not low-VOC, either). When we paint rooms in our new house, I'll get no-VOC if at all possible. When I bought stuff to treat bugs in the pantry, I got an all-organic, essential oil-based product.
I am FAR more concerned about chemicals and their effect on the baby (and me) than I am about potential pathogens in food. I'm also more worried about things like HFCS and partially-hydrogenated oils (which I first learned about when my MW told me how bad they are for pg mamas and your cervix). I'll avoid canned foods as much as possible because most cans are lined with BPA.
I guess the big difference is, there are places where I *know* I can be exposed to toxins. But lunch meat I buy fresh from the deli counter at Whole Foods? It's pretty unlikely to have any problems.
I feel like there are so many potential toxins in our world, you could drive yourself crazy trying to avoid them all. I get seriously depressed every time i hear about one more household item that's potentially carcinogenic (i.e. BPA in canned goods).
With all of the recalls on ground beef and salad greens for e coli, those are where my concerns currently lie. I love med rare beef, but don't allow it for myself in pregnancy. But if I come across lunch meat, I eat it.
Being a nurse has always been a concern. Luckily I'm not working med-surg with this pregnancy. In the past, I was always freaked out to take care of people with viral infections, getting chemo, etc. I would, however, use a lead apron getting a dental x-ray.
I love soft cheeses, but they all seem to be pasteurized anymore... Last night we stopped by a party where they had a margarita slushy machine. I'm 13 weeks today, so basically out of the 1st trimester. Anyway, everyone kept directing me to the water, juice and pop. However, I was feeling so queasy and the lime slushy looked so good to me. So I had a little cup (probably 1/3 C) of margarita slushy that I sipped on and it tasted so good to me! If that's going to damage my baby, then I give up!
That OTT stuff really bugs me, because it seems like those people don't have a real life! I'm so blessed to have two healthy children. With both, I drank occasional caffeine and alcohol, ate lunch meat (though it's not a standard for me) and did my best to limit generally unhealthy foods and toxins. Right now I'm really trying to eat better since my MS is fading more and more every week. I don't think that any mother who cares enough to be on these boards and interested in what Mothering magazine has to say really doesn't care about her baby, no matter how much her choices differ from some other moms, KWIM?
I'm with everyone else-do what makes you feel right. I remember reading somewhere when I was pregnant with #2 that you're just as likely to get sick eating a commercial (McDonald's type) hamburger as you are from raw fish sushi, yet there are no broad recommendations saying you can't eat at McDonald's. I think some of it is that sushi is different or seems risky, and some if it is probably that McD's and others have a lot of money to lobby too....so do what feels right.
When I was really pregnant with #2 I was lucky enough to spend 2 weeks in Ireland. I had a pint or two of beer everyday, and no one ever batted an eye. In the pubs I was looked at as a normal human, who was capable to make her own choices. I was always asked if I wanted a second (or even third). The only thing they ever worried about was that I was going to give birth in their pub!
It kind of made me realize that as a society, us Americans tend to go a bit over the top---we are an all or nothing kind of place. In reality, I think most times there is a healthy middle ground, but we don't trust people to make those choices, so we just forbid things completely.
Pshaw, I had ham and brie last night! I didn't even think about it. MIL threw an engagement party for SIL, and when the food FINALLY was presented, I was so darn hungry I dove in for whatever my stomach said would work. But MIL is super careful about food so I wasn't worried.
I tend not to stress. I would have a bit of wine if I really wanted but I'm not really into wine.
I remember coworkers basically TELLING me I could not have tea with DD. Like, we'd all be getting stuff for one another at the Coffee Bean, bringing it to school for our neighbor teachers, and I remember this one specifically saying I couldn't have any. I drank plenty of tea during that pregnancy! Just once or twice a week one tea. Or a mocha hazelnut protein drink my student teacher (who's married to a OBGYN) brought me. I drink cocoa this time (to wash out the vomit taste when I throw up midcommute, yay). I'm not worried about a tiny bit of caffeine.
I agree, it's like they want people to be aware of thsi, but they make it all or nothing instead of actually evidence based and thoughtful. Oversimplified and then taken to extreme.
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