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#1 of 24 Old 09-28-2010, 01:36 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Is anyone having a baby shower? Is this your first baby?

This will be my second boy so I already have plenty of baby gear and clothing. The women my husband works with were asking, one of my friends asked and my son was asking if we could go to the baby shower tomorrow for the baby. As far as I know I am not having a shower. I always thought you had a shower for the first baby and then reused that stuff for subsequent children? We had two showers when I was pregnant with our son.

What are you doing?

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#2 of 24 Old 09-28-2010, 02:19 PM
 
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I'm having showers - three, actually. One with work ladies, one with MIL's friends and family, and one with my mom's friends. This is my first. I've always heard the same thing, that baby showers are more of a first baby thing. When my SIL had her second they had a little party sort of like a shower, but without gifts.



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#3 of 24 Old 09-28-2010, 02:26 PM
 
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No shower for me. It's #5... I have a ton of girl clothes but I have a feeling I'm going to have a boy.... I gave all of my boy stuff (save a few favorite items) to my sister 3 years ago when she had my nephew. I never saw anything I gave her on him and then she told me that she threw everything away because her cat peed on it. (I know I keep posting about this. Sorry. It really bothers me.) So.. anyhoo...

My thoughts on subsequent showers.... I had a shower with #1, 3 and 4. There was 6 years between my first and third and I'm one of those people that gives stuff away to those that have a need for it. I saved everything from #3, I desperately wanted another baby but didn't conceive for another 6 years. I had a girl, lol. I got lots of pink at her shower (3 boys then a girl, LOTS of pink). I don't think it's right to 'ask' for a shower this time around... and I don't see anybody offering, lol. I think all babies should be celebrated and it's really not about the gifts/material stuff. I may have a meet the baby get together once I'm on my feet more after he/she is born.

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#4 of 24 Old 09-28-2010, 02:33 PM
 
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I didn't really have a proper shower with DS. A few women from my mother's church group had a bit of a celebration for us, but it was somewhat laced with disapproval from several members (I was newly engaged and 19 when I got pregnant.) It was an entirely uncomfortable situation, and the lack of a celebration with my friends made me quite sad.

Honestly, I'd love to have one this time just to celebrate the fact that we are having another child, but I really don't expect it and since no one has offered, I doubt it'll happen.

Kay
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#5 of 24 Old 09-28-2010, 02:45 PM
 
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I had two work showers (I worked in 2 buildings with 2 different staffs) and .....frankly, I can't remember now if we actually did a shower with dh's family or they just sent gifts - must have been very memorable. That was with #1. No shower for #2 and no one has mentioned a shower for #3. I'd kinda like one since I purged everything from our little house thinking that we were done having babies and could use some things. But, it's not really something that I think you can ask for.
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#6 of 24 Old 09-28-2010, 02:48 PM
 
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Not a shower but a Mother's Blessing...on 10/30. Can't wait!!

Ashley~certified nurse-midwife mama to 6 little novaxnocirc.gifhomebirth.jpglotbirth.gif loves, including sweet Cordelia Jane born at home waterbirth.jpgon 11/12/10.
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#7 of 24 Old 09-28-2010, 03:10 PM
 
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My sister and friend are throwing me a shower for this baby. I had one with DS, but not with my DD. It's been 7 years since my last baby and it feels like my first time around...heehee. My daughter and I are really looking forward to the shower, it's going to be on Oct.16th.

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#8 of 24 Old 09-28-2010, 03:15 PM
 
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I think traditionally they are more for your firstborn. We had 1 babyshower for DD1 with church friends. Four years later, with DD2, we had recently moved closer to family and what didn't get ruined or given away when moved was completely out of season, so my sister decided to throw me a shower. 2.5 years later we're expecting a BOY. After my sister found out it was a boy she decided that she wanted to throw another shower. And a friend from church is also having a shower for us. And my mom bought a bunch of stuff she is sending my way. I only mention that because seriously, no one even offered to buy a gift (or expressed a congrats for that matter) for the baby until AFTER they found out it was a boy. And we waited until 30 weeks to tell family/friends.
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#9 of 24 Old 09-28-2010, 04:05 PM
 
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I had a couple of showers for dd1, then 1 for ds (I was POSITIVE I was having a boy, so I got boy clothes there - good thing I was right! ), and with dd2 I had a frozen dinner shower after she arrived, where people got to meet her and brought a dinner I could put in the freezer. I didn't need much for her, but my mom and mil bought her a whole bunch anyway.

I'm not anticipating any kind of shower this time around - my dh is a very competent cook (does easily half the dinner cooking in our house) and will be home for baby's first 2 months (yay parental leave!!!), so I won't need the frozen dinners. My mom and mil will probably go to town anyway, though.

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#10 of 24 Old 09-28-2010, 04:47 PM
 
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I've been on the giving end of showers for subsequent children and love the idea. I think all children are worth celebrating, first or fourteenth, and that the shower should be more of a celebration of that child than simply a gift-giving opportunity. However, we've never been offered a shower for a subsequent child. We had a "welcome baby" party for #2, couldn't get our acts together for #3, and here we are with #4. My mom mentioned someone wanting to give us a shower, but I haven't heard a thing about it. I'm certain if we end up with another boy that no one will even consider it, despite that I had to get rid of a LOT of our stuff in the last three years and could use help with a few things. And, really, can't we just celebrate a sweet new baby and forget all the other stuff?

Sigh. Sorry. I'm not bitter about it... Certainly not. I have literally done showers for friends on babies 1 through 4 (ALL of them) and have never even had a suggestion we should have one for any other than our first.

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#11 of 24 Old 09-28-2010, 05:15 PM
 
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I've been on the giving end of showers for subsequent children and love the idea. I think all children are worth celebrating, first or fourteenth, and that the shower should be more of a celebration of that child than simply a gift-giving opportunity.
ITA Heather. I've also been on the giving end of celebrations for subsequent children. I really did hope for a shower this time-- as a celebration of these new babies and our growing family. It doesn't look like it's going to happen and I'm a bit bummed about it. We also haven't gotten a lot of excitement from our immediate family. I was hoping my mother would come to stay for a short while before/after the birth but she doesn't seem interested.

Luckily dh does get some parental leave this time and can help out in those early weeks.
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#12 of 24 Old 09-28-2010, 05:21 PM
 
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I'm getting two showers-one by my mom for my friends to come to, and the other by MIL for the old ladies on their side of the family. This is dd#3 and I've never had a shower before. Plus, I agree that all births need to be celebrated-it's not her fault she has older sisters!!
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#13 of 24 Old 09-28-2010, 05:27 PM
 
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I think the idea of a frozen dinner shower sounds like the worlds greatest idea! I would love it! We only had a shower for #1, but people have still given us tons of lovely gifts for each baby since!

Iowaorganic- mama to DD (1/5/06), DS1 (4/9/07), DS2 (1/22/09), DS3 (12/10/10), DD2 (7/6/12) and a new kid due in early 2014

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#14 of 24 Old 09-28-2010, 06:24 PM
 
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This is my 2nd (and another boy) and I wasn't really planning to have a shower.. but my good friend decided she had to throw me one. I did register, but there really wasn't much we needed for this baby.. I had my shower on Sunday, and it was really nice because it made this baby and pregnancy feel special, and more real... I got a lot of clothes, so it will be nice for Ian to have some of his own clothes that aren't hand-me-downs ... plus Liam was born in the summer (August) so all of the new-baby clothes (that he outgrew immediately, he was 9 lbs at birth) are summer clothes and I didn't have any fall/winter new-baby clothes.... It wasn't necessary, but it was fun!

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#15 of 24 Old 09-28-2010, 08:43 PM
 
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This is our first, and our church just gave us a nice, big shower. My DH is our church's music minister, and everyone has been asking for forever when we were going to have kids...so they are almost more excited for us than we are for ourselves! Even without the shower, though, we had already been given alot of things by friends and family who just wanted to help out...most of it second hand, but still very useful. All in all, I'm feeling very blessed because almost the only things I am going to have to buy are all our cloth diapering supplies. I am so thankful for such a generous church family!

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#16 of 24 Old 09-28-2010, 09:46 PM
 
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Nope. I had a very small one with #1 and another very small one with #3 (it was dh's first bio child so his mom did it), but nothing otherwise. I don't care about getting stuff, but I would like to bake a bunch of stuff and have people celebrate this baby. Everyone seems apathetic or negative about this baby.

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#17 of 24 Old 09-28-2010, 09:50 PM
 
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Just popping in because I fully expect these babies to be born in November, LOL! My sister is having a small shower for me this weekend because with twins, there's just extra stuff needed. I really appreciate it!

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#18 of 24 Old 09-28-2010, 11:19 PM
 
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Not exactly shower related, but since none of my family is close enough to be throwing a shower...

Is it rude to tell them, in polite but no uncertain terms, that we do not need clothing? That we, in fact, have clothing coming out our ears, and I already have given half the hand-me-downs we've received away and still have enough for surprise triplets?

After the birth last time, we got a deluge of baby clothing. That was a different situation, since we didn't know the sex before the birth, so no one could send us gendered stuff before the birth. And in that case, we didn't have quite so many hand-me-downs, and were a bit worried about what we'd manage for clothing. I'm not assuming people will go quite so crazy this time. I'm just a little afraid of it.

I think one of the things I like least about being poor is that it's assumed that, if we're doing something frugal, it's out of need. I started making a bunch of preemie prefolds out of old t-shirts yesterday, as that's the only thing we truly *need* at this point, and it seemed much more sensible to recycle and take the chance to make something neat and pretty for the baby that falls within my limited sewing skills than to spend $50 on stuff that we're going to use for 2 months max. And a friend immediately offered to ship me her cloth diaper stash that she's done with. Which I can't complain about, and it's very generous, and I haven't turned her down (though I've made it clear that we don't actually need it and a lot of it will likely end up redistributed to other friends). And, realistically, if we weren't pressed for money I probably would have ordered the dipes a month ago. But that doesn't change the fact that I'm primarily doing it for the joy of it.

And I think I'm feeling a little sensitive about this today, because my mom bought DD1 shoes for her birthday. She asked what DD wanted, and I said slippers, because it's something she wants. I guess my mom interpreted this as not being able to buy her shoes ourselves. Truth is, DD has so many shoes that at least half of them are put away because they're just too much of a mess, and the last thing she needs is another pair. She just doesn't have slippers, and it was something that was just then becoming an apparent need with the seasons changing at the time she asked, so I mentioned it as a possibility. And I haven't bought slippers in the meantime primarily because I'd already mentioned it to my mom. It's possible that I'm reading too much into this, except she's done this a lot frequently - asking what we need, and then acting like we're horribly neglectful people if we actually say something.

Maybe it's my fault for being practical when asking for presents, rather than asking for toys. Or for assuming that asking what we want/need is an actual request for information, rather than a cue to say "Oh, whatever you want."

I'm a bit bugged because I feel like we always end up having what we NEED for the baby, and I feel so incredibly blessed for that, and for the generosity of friends and strangers who really aren't in the position to give us anything beyond hand-me-downs, but what they do give is totally beyond generous because they could have just sold it. Which makes me feel like a horribly ungrateful person because I know no one is likely to actually look at our registry and buy us the fun stuff that we're never going to get around to justifying buying for ourselves. If I've had fun stuff (nice carriers, things like that) with the other kids, it's either hand-me-downs or something I made myself. And I feel especially ungrateful whining about it in a thread where there are people who *are* worried about clothing and such.

So, anyways, rude to say "Don't get us clothing"? Rude to include a link to the registry in doing so?

DS born 6/03, DD1 born 9/06, DD2 born 10/10, DD3 born 4/14.
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#19 of 24 Old 09-28-2010, 11:45 PM
 
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Not a shower but a Mother's Blessing...on 10/30. Can't wait!!
Mine is on the 10/22, I can't wait either!!!

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#20 of 24 Old 09-29-2010, 01:41 AM
 
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Not exactly shower related, but since none of my family is close enough to be throwing a shower...

Is it rude to tell them, in polite but no uncertain terms, that we do not need clothing? That we, in fact, have clothing coming out our ears, and I already have given half the hand-me-downs we've received away and still have enough for surprise triplets?

After the birth last time, we got a deluge of baby clothing. That was a different situation, since we didn't know the sex before the birth, so no one could send us gendered stuff before the birth. And in that case, we didn't have quite so many hand-me-downs, and were a bit worried about what we'd manage for clothing. I'm not assuming people will go quite so crazy this time. I'm just a little afraid of it.

I think one of the things I like least about being poor is that it's assumed that, if we're doing something frugal, it's out of need. I started making a bunch of preemie prefolds out of old t-shirts yesterday, as that's the only thing we truly *need* at this point, and it seemed much more sensible to recycle and take the chance to make something neat and pretty for the baby that falls within my limited sewing skills than to spend $50 on stuff that we're going to use for 2 months max. And a friend immediately offered to ship me her cloth diaper stash that she's done with. Which I can't complain about, and it's very generous, and I haven't turned her down (though I've made it clear that we don't actually need it and a lot of it will likely end up redistributed to other friends). And, realistically, if we weren't pressed for money I probably would have ordered the dipes a month ago. But that doesn't change the fact that I'm primarily doing it for the joy of it.

And I think I'm feeling a little sensitive about this today, because my mom bought DD1 shoes for her birthday. She asked what DD wanted, and I said slippers, because it's something she wants. I guess my mom interpreted this as not being able to buy her shoes ourselves. Truth is, DD has so many shoes that at least half of them are put away because they're just too much of a mess, and the last thing she needs is another pair. She just doesn't have slippers, and it was something that was just then becoming an apparent need with the seasons changing at the time she asked, so I mentioned it as a possibility. And I haven't bought slippers in the meantime primarily because I'd already mentioned it to my mom. It's possible that I'm reading too much into this, except she's done this a lot frequently - asking what we need, and then acting like we're horribly neglectful people if we actually say something.

Maybe it's my fault for being practical when asking for presents, rather than asking for toys. Or for assuming that asking what we want/need is an actual request for information, rather than a cue to say "Oh, whatever you want."

I'm a bit bugged because I feel like we always end up having what we NEED for the baby, and I feel so incredibly blessed for that, and for the generosity of friends and strangers who really aren't in the position to give us anything beyond hand-me-downs, but what they do give is totally beyond generous because they could have just sold it. Which makes me feel like a horribly ungrateful person because I know no one is likely to actually look at our registry and buy us the fun stuff that we're never going to get around to justifying buying for ourselves. If I've had fun stuff (nice carriers, things like that) with the other kids, it's either hand-me-downs or something I made myself. And I feel especially ungrateful whining about it in a thread where there are people who *are* worried about clothing and such.

So, anyways, rude to say "Don't get us clothing"? Rude to include a link to the registry in doing so?


I think if you're talking about close friends/family, it's not rude. Is there someone who you could talk to about it who could take on the role of spreading the word? Always seems easier if it doesn't come from you.

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#21 of 24 Old 09-29-2010, 01:43 AM
 
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My mom's group had gotten into a nice tradition this year of doing mother blessings for all the second babies being born. We either go out to lunch or lunch at someone's house, do some kind of blessing, like each giving a bead for a birth necklace or a square for a quilt, and anyone who wishes contributes to a group gift--an ergo for a couple of us, a spa day for a mom who has tons of baby gear but could use some relaxing time. Mine is at the end of October.

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#22 of 24 Old 09-29-2010, 02:03 AM
 
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I think if you're talking about close friends/family, it's not rude. Is there someone who you could talk to about it who could take on the role of spreading the word? Always seems easier if it doesn't come from you.
Not really. I'd say my mom, but she's the one I'm having the most issues with at the moment (this pattern has really developed, or at least become noticable to me, only over the past year or two). Plus, split family and all.

I'll probably send out an update email with the pictures from DD1's birthday and so forth, and mention it there. And then laugh about it if I end getting a ton of clothing from my mom.

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#23 of 24 Old 09-29-2010, 10:45 AM
 
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I am having our fourth baby, and yes, I am having a "sprinkle". I don't need clothes or really anything, my last baby was a boy and so is this, and they are both born in the fall!

My mom and sister have given me a shower for all my babies. All I get are clothes, which is nice, and was necessary for the first girl and first boy, but even for my first baby I did not get anything like baby gear or anything I could not afford myself. I was just married and only 19 and I guess some of my extended family and in-laws felt we should struggle and suffer a bit. There is definitely some twinges of bitterness in this thread.
But I have to say people can be incredibly mean about when others have children, especially if it is more than the number THEY think anyone should have! If they are going to be negative, I hope those people just don't come! We are so excited about this baby, we conceived right when I asked the Lord for him, and we even want more children!

About telling guests no clothes. I asked my mom if she would tell people when they called asking what to bring for a gift that I don't need any more clothes, and I do not use paper diapers. She said well what are we having a shower for? I told her everything else for heaven's sake! Wipes. Soap. ETc. I made a registry for cloth diapers, I need some new things to go with what I already have, but I erased it because nobody understands four children, much less cloth diapers and I was afraid! So I will just be happy if people just come to celebrate!

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#24 of 24 Old 09-29-2010, 11:52 AM
 
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I was just married and only 19 and I guess some of my extended family and in-laws felt we should struggle and suffer a bit. There is definitely some twinges of bitterness in this thread.
I'm sorry. I see this type of thinking a lot, and it drives me absolutely up the wall. The people who get everything bought for them, free babysitting from the grandparents, and so forth, are those who are married, financially stable, and of an appropriate age. The ones who are broke, young, single, etc. and most in need of support are seen as needing to suffer and pay for their mistake, not get rewarded. Even if it comes at the physical/emotional expense of the baby. (Not that I think the parents themselves should suffer or have anything short of the best welcome into parenthood possible, but this kind of thinking just seems SO BACKWARDS to me, especially since these same people are often anti-abortion.)

I can't even say this bothers me from a personal standpoint, as I was somewhere in the middle - unmarried, but not unusually young, and, at the time, reasonably financially stable. And, I guess, I got an in-between sort of shower/presents.

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About telling guests no clothes. I asked my mom if she would tell people when they called asking what to bring for a gift that I don't need any more clothes, and I do not use paper diapers. She said well what are we having a shower for? I told her everything else for heaven's sake! Wipes. Soap. ETc. I made a registry for cloth diapers, I need some new things to go with what I already have, but I erased it because nobody understands four children, much less cloth diapers and I was afraid! So I will just be happy if people just come to celebrate!
I understand! I suspect a large part of my angst here is that people can't just come to celebrate. If we still lived in our old town, we'd have a celebration party, and people would bring a potluck dish or diaper rash cream or something, and coo over the baby, and I'd be perfectly happy with that. But they're not going to come all the way out here, and we don't really know anyone here yet. I'm sure my mom will come as soon as she's able, but my dad and brother may or may not come here before we go visit them around the holidays, and my grandparents are too old and sick to travel. We're on good terms with DH's mom, but she hasn't seen us since DS was born 7 years ago, so I doubt she'll make an appearance.

Greetings on Facebook just aren't quite the same, you know?

I hope people come to yours, and maybe even give you stuff you can use! Even if they don't understand cloth diapers, hopefully they'll understand wipes!

DS born 6/03, DD1 born 9/06, DD2 born 10/10, DD3 born 4/14.
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