I posted something a few weeks ago about my midwife giving me a very rough and painful internal exam..and I haven't had the easiest pregnancy. (tons of in law drama). I'm having to switch midwives at the last second now and I'm so upset..
I didn't allow my midwife to do anymore internal exams until yesterday at my 39 weeks appointment. She pressured me into it but I kindly explained to her that last time she checked me, it was very painful and that I was upset and had shooting pains in my cervix for days afterward. I requested that she be very gentle if I allowed her to check me. She seemed like she was going to comply and I gave her a second chance.. I regret it so so bad. I don't know if she was doing this on purpose or if she is just some sicko that enjoys watching women in pain.. She shoved her fingers in me so hard and far up my cervix that I was SCREAMING "ouch!..stop!..that hurts so bad!..please stop.." Literally screaming and crawling up the table trying to get away from her. (I've never had a problem with health care providers checking me before..) I got dressed and walked out only to be greeted by her receptionist who told me that I owed them $500 more. (which I didn't) She argued with me for 10 minutes and finally pulled out all of the files and I was right..I didn't owe her a dime more.
At the visit before this one, we talked about the kind of birth that I want and I asked her if she would do a warm compress when I was pushing, etc..and no matter what I said she replied with one of two things.. "we'll see when we get there..I just don't know." OR "it's different with every woman so I just can't tell you." This made me feel completely insecure about her.. She couldn't even guarantee ONE thing that I requested. I don't trust her one bit.
I woke up with cervical pain (from her exam) this morning and in tears. I called my doula (we are rather close) and she urged me to follow my instincts to find another midwife. I've been on the phone all day long begging for someone to take me.. and we aren't comfortable with a homebirth so finding a midwife in a birthing center or hospital is even harder. I found one midiwfe who would take me but it would be in a hospital..not a birthing center like I prefer but if it comes down to it, anything is better than my original midwife. (This was my first midwife experience and I have always done with OB's..I'm apprehensive about the whole thing now and am even considering going back to a doctor.) I'm just so confused and overwhelmed at this point.. I'll do ANYTHING to avoid my old midwife.. and I get to call her, fire her, and attempt to get some of my money back from her tomorrow. HUGE mess.
There's really nothing anyone can do for me..I just have to keep trying. I guess I'm just venting and need a hug..or for someone to tell me that things are going to work out. I'm a wreck. This has been one rough pregnancy..
I hope you all are having a better experience than I am. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.
Oh honey, that sounds so terrible. I am SO sorry for you . Let me tell you though, I switched to my midwife at just over 37 weeks with my first and we had a wonderful home birth. I hear you that you're not comfortable with a home birth though The point is, it ain't over 'til the baby's out.
Praying you'll find a solution soon.
Christ-centered loving wife & mama to 2 miracles! One & one . We live simply and mindfully. Expecting another blessing Feb 2015
Catie - Happy wife to Aaron (01.05), mama to Liam(08.08), and Ian (11.10)! and due Feb 2013 with blessing #3!
Remember that a birth center birth is just a home birth in someone else's home... Unless you're a good distance from a hospital or have other extenuating circumstances at home, it's all the same as far as resources and care.
I hope you can find a wonderful and supportive provider to care for you!
HeatherB ~ mama to 3 wonderful boys: 03/02; 09/04; 09/07 - and Eliana, 11/13/10!
Founder of Houston Birth Alternatives: Be Informed, Encouraged, Supported birth support group and aspiring midwife.
Happy SAHM Mom and CBE to three boys: DS1 (11/06), DS2 (7/08), DS3 (11/10) and D?4 (12/12)!
I'm so sorry that happened to you. Keep calling providers and explaining your situation.
I did switch midwives at 38 weeks with my last pregnancy and had a wonderful homebirth.
Midwife (CPM, LDM) and homeschooling mama to:
13yo ds 10yo dd 8yo ds and 6yo ds and 1yo ds
Good for you for trusting your gut, I would have done the same thing, especially after another internal exam like that. Keep doing what you are doing and have faith that it will work out! Even though it is far from the original plan, in my opinion a midwife in a hospital setting still sounds more pleasant than a midwife who isn't respectful OR trustworthy. Thinking of you!
Right now my only option is one midwife that will deliver in a hospital. (I've never seen this hospital and it has bad reviews and very high c-sections rates so I'm a little uneasy about it.)
Still waiting on a call back from a birth center nearby and from one other midwife. (that said probably not but she'll think about it..)
I've called SO many midwives and you would think that a few would be compassionate enough to take me on in a time of crisis. Guess not. Might end up being a UC..
I really, really hope that everything turns out the way you wish.
For what it is worth I had my third child in a hospital with really bad statistics and was able to wrangle my way around (with midwifes help) to not have ANYTHING, no constant monitoring, IV, nothing. Let us know when you find out, I will be thinking about you.
and yes, I blog.
Would your doula be supportive of a UC? Obviously she couldn't act as a midwife legally, but she could definitely be a big help.
Have you called any other homebirth midwives?
I'm so sorry, mama...
- Emy . Single mom to DS Ezra (15.12.05), Thames (reincarnated 18.04.08) and DD Allora (11.02.11) and Hoppy
Find out how you can make your experience known. I ended up writing a several page letter to the medical board in my state who then opened an investigation, and cleared him, of course. But, if anyone else ever has problems with him, they can get my information. I wish I had sued him.
Praying for Peace over our loss.