I'm switching midwives.. and I'm 39 weeks pregnant. Help. - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 21 Old 11-03-2010, 10:01 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I posted something a few weeks ago about my midwife giving me a very rough and painful internal exam..and I haven't had the easiest pregnancy. (tons of in law drama). I'm having to switch midwives at the last second now and I'm so upset..

I didn't allow my midwife to do anymore internal exams until yesterday at my 39 weeks appointment. She pressured me into it but I kindly explained to her that last time she checked me, it was very painful and that I was upset and had shooting pains in my cervix for days afterward. I requested that she be very gentle if I allowed her to check me. She seemed like she was going to comply and I gave her a second chance.. I regret it so so bad. I don't know if she was doing this on purpose or if she is just some sicko that enjoys watching women in pain.. She shoved her fingers in me so hard and far up my cervix that I was SCREAMING "ouch!..stop!..that hurts so bad!..please stop.." Literally screaming and crawling up the table trying to get away from her. (I've never had a problem with health care providers checking me before..) I got dressed and walked out only to be greeted by her receptionist who told me that I owed them $500 more. (which I didn't) She argued with me for 10 minutes and finally pulled out all of the files and I was right..I didn't owe her a dime more.

At the visit before this one, we talked about the kind of birth that I want and I asked her if she would do a warm compress when I was pushing, etc..and no matter what I said she replied with one of two things.. "we'll see when we get there..I just don't know." OR "it's different with every woman so I just can't tell you." This made me feel completely insecure about her.. She couldn't even guarantee ONE thing that I requested. I don't trust her one bit.

I woke up with cervical pain (from her exam) this morning and in tears. I called my doula (we are rather close) and she urged me to follow my instincts to find another midwife. I've been on the phone all day long begging for someone to take me.. and we aren't comfortable with a homebirth so finding a midwife in a birthing center or hospital is even harder. I found one midiwfe who would take me but it would be in a hospital..not a birthing center like I prefer but if it comes down to it, anything is better than my original midwife. (This was my first midwife experience and I have always done with OB's..I'm apprehensive about the whole thing now and am even considering going back to a doctor.) I'm just so confused and overwhelmed at this point.. I'll do ANYTHING to avoid my old midwife.. and I get to call her, fire her, and attempt to get some of my money back from her tomorrow. HUGE mess.

There's really nothing anyone can do for me..I just have to keep trying. I guess I'm just venting and need a hug..or for someone to tell me that things are going to work out. I'm a wreck. This has been one rough pregnancy..

I hope you all are having a better experience than I am. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.


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#2 of 21 Old 11-03-2010, 10:08 PM
 
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((((Hug))) im so sorry that this is happening! What a huge stress and upset that you really do NOT need right now. I wish I had some amazing advice or suggestions.. I think following your instincts on this one is a very good idea. she sounds like a terrible midwife. and You WILL find a new MW who will help you have the birth that you want. Tell yourself that over and over, and make it BE.. deep breaths.

 

 

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#3 of 21 Old 11-03-2010, 10:10 PM
 
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#4 of 21 Old 11-03-2010, 10:17 PM
 
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I'm sorry

This is a tree on fire with love, but it's still scary since most people think love only looks like one thing instead of the whole world. *
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#5 of 21 Old 11-03-2010, 10:24 PM
 
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I'm sorry you're dealing with this now! I hope you find someone better soon.

Casey - Mama to my little lovey girl 6-2-07 and my littler lovey girl 11-16-10!
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#6 of 21 Old 11-03-2010, 10:24 PM
 
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DDCC

Oh honey, that sounds so terrible. I am SO sorry for you . Let me tell you though, I switched to my midwife at just over 37 weeks with my first and we had a wonderful home birth. I hear you that you're not comfortable with a home birth though The point is, it ain't over 'til the baby's out.

Praying you'll find a solution soon.

Christ-centered loving wife & mama to 2 miracles! One & one . We live simply and mindfully. Expecting another blessing Feb 2015
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#7 of 21 Old 11-03-2010, 10:32 PM
 
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that sounds awful. I am so sorry for you mama! I believe everything happens for a reason, and for some reason you are being led to find a different MW.. I really hope you find a good one, you will be in my thoughts.

Catie belly.gif- Happy wife to Aaron stillheart.gif(01.05), mama to Liambikenew.gif(08.08), and Ian jammin.gif (11.10)! homebirth.jpgnocirc.giffamilybed1.gif and joy.gif due Feb 2013 with blessing #3!

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#8 of 21 Old 11-04-2010, 02:07 AM
 
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Sorry you had to deal with this.

Bobbi, wife to dh love.gif and mom to dd1 (6-6-04) blahblah.gif, ds (4-1-06) nut.gif, and dd2 (1-18-08) flower.gif. Welcoming our newest ds babyboy.gif (11-24-10)!
 
 
 
 
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#9 of 21 Old 11-04-2010, 02:25 AM
 
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I'm so sorry, mama. It sounds like making a change is absolutely the right thing to do.

Remember that a birth center birth is just a home birth in someone else's home... Unless you're a good distance from a hospital or have other extenuating circumstances at home, it's all the same as far as resources and care.

I hope you can find a wonderful and supportive provider to care for you!

HeatherB ~ mama to 3 wonderful boys:  reading.gif 03/02; modifiedartist.gif09/04; sleepytime.gif 09/07 - and Eliana, babygirl.gif 11/13/10!  
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#10 of 21 Old 11-04-2010, 10:04 AM
 
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I'm so sorry! I think you're doing the right thing in switching, though. Good-luck!

Julie, wife to DH , mom of DD 8/99 and DS 1/09 , and #3 due 11/14/10
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#11 of 21 Old 11-04-2010, 10:18 AM
 
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I'm so sorry--that MW seems awful. It's definitely not too late to switch---and finding someone you can trust and that you're comfortable with is the most important thing!

Happy SAHM Mom and CBE to three jumpers.gifboys:  DS1 (11/06), DS2 (7/08), DS3 (11/10) and D?4 (12/12)!

 

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#12 of 21 Old 11-04-2010, 10:21 AM
 
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I'm so sorry that happened to you. Keep calling providers and explaining your situation.

I did switch midwives at 38 weeks with my last pregnancy and had a wonderful homebirth.

Midwife (CPM, LDM) and homeschooling mama to:
13yo ds   10yo dd  8yo ds and 6yo ds and 1yo ds  
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#13 of 21 Old 11-04-2010, 10:38 AM
 
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I just wanted to add, Good for you for trusting your gut instead of sticking with the status quo. Sure, it will be tough to find someone to deliver your baby this late, but trust and comfort are so important, and your former mw wasn't giving you any of that.


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#14 of 21 Old 11-04-2010, 12:12 PM
 
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That is so strange that she was giving you the run-around on your birth plan. Uhm, HELLO? Of course birth is different for every woman, but she could at least state a few simple policies or even say "I have / have not done that before for other women" Ridiculous!

Good for you for trusting your gut, I would have done the same thing, especially after another internal exam like that. Keep doing what you are doing and have faith that it will work out! Even though it is far from the original plan, in my opinion a midwife in a hospital setting still sounds more pleasant than a midwife who isn't respectful OR trustworthy. Thinking of you!

Feisty Feminist Mama: Breastfeeding, co-sleeping, babywearing, punkrock Fire-Dancer! I live to laugh, love, and create. And then blog about it. So in love with little Des! Born 11/25/10
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#15 of 21 Old 11-04-2010, 12:21 PM
 
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naturelady So sorry you're having to find a new midwife so late in the game. That must be really tough. I'll be thinking of you and hoping and praying you find a perfectly sweet and understanding midwife (or doctor) that you're comfortable with.

Lisa ~ Homeschooling mama to 9yo ds and 7yo dd both born at home and expecting #3 in November!
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#16 of 21 Old 11-04-2010, 02:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for the encouraging words, everyone.

Right now my only option is one midwife that will deliver in a hospital. (I've never seen this hospital and it has bad reviews and very high c-sections rates so I'm a little uneasy about it.)

Still waiting on a call back from a birth center nearby and from one other midwife. (that said probably not but she'll think about it..)

I've called SO many midwives and you would think that a few would be compassionate enough to take me on in a time of crisis. Guess not. Might end up being a UC..

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#17 of 21 Old 11-04-2010, 03:03 PM
 
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Hugs Naturelady. I just wanted to add that my first two births were with a mw in a hospital & I LOOOOVED them. I had beautiful experiences.

I really, really hope that everything turns out the way you wish.

Homeschoolin' Mama chicken3.gifto Dd1 2/3/00, Dd2 1/13/03, Ds1 3/11/06 & Ds2 11/18/10!!
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#18 of 21 Old 11-04-2010, 04:09 PM
 
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DDCC--the internal exams you experienced are outright abuse, especially because you asked her to be gentle after the first one since it was painful for you and she STILL was very rough. If I were you, I would see if I could sue her for malpractice or do something that will make future clients think twice about working with her. What you experienced is outrageous...I'm very sorry you had to go through that I hope you find the care you need soon...
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#19 of 21 Old 11-04-2010, 08:10 PM
 
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Hope it works out for you very soon. I dont blame you one little bit for switching away from her, what a difficult thing to go through so late!

For what it is worth I had my third child in a hospital with really bad statistics and was able to wrangle my way around (with midwifes help) to not have ANYTHING, no constant monitoring, IV, nothing. Let us know when you find out, I will be thinking about you.

Loved wife to JT and grateful mother to M (dd age 13) L (dd age 10) T (ds age 6) A (ds age 4) E (dd age 2) and C & S (twin boys born 10/13/10)
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#20 of 21 Old 11-05-2010, 03:09 AM
 
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Would your doula be supportive of a UC? Obviously she couldn't act as a midwife legally, but she could definitely be a big help.

Have you called any other homebirth midwives?

I'm so sorry, mama...

- Emy . Single mom to DS nut.gif Ezra (15.12.05), angel2.gif Thames (reincarnated 18.04.08) and DD rainbow1284.gif babyf.gif Allora (11.02.11) and dog2.gif Hoppylactivist.gif  novaxnocirc.gif  waterbirth.jpg fambedsingle2.gif bfinfant.giffemalesling.GIFcd.gif

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#21 of 21 Old 11-05-2010, 03:55 AM
 
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DDCC - I switched doctors after a very similar situation 3 days before my due date and he was born (c-section for stubborn transverse) on his due date. There was no option for home birth or midwives, that I knew of, at the time. I ended up using state care, which had a horrible reputation but I knew nothing would be as bad as the doctor I left. I ended up with wonderful care. I even heard one older doctor tell the younger, learning doctor, to treat me gentle, that I had had a rough time so far. If you go with a doctor, know what is most important for you to come out of the delivery with - no pain meds, no snipping, etc. Chances are you can negotiate fetal monitor time, even if it means you spend a lot of time in the bathroom.

Find out how you can make your experience known. I ended up writing a several page letter to the medical board in my state who then opened an investigation, and cleared him, of course. But, if anyone else ever has problems with him, they can get my information. I wish I had sued him.

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