Feeling nervous and kind of sad - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 5 Old 11-05-2010, 11:50 PM - Thread Starter
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I am starting to get really nervous about labor and about having two children. I feel like I'm just completely unprepared emotionally for the birthing process and like I'm not ready for DS to be a big sibling. I know that 38.5 weeks is a ridiculous time to start to think about this but I feel like DS and I need more time just me and him. He has started clinging and having trouble sleeping and I feel like it's because I'm exhausted and not spending enough time with him. I'm afraid he'll resent having a sibling and be mad at me. I'm afraid that I can't possibly love any baby as much as I love him.

I am planning a home birth and I'm freaking out that I won't be able to do it- that I'm not strong enough emotionally to deal with it.

We are down to the final count and I just feel so completely unprepared for this.
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#2 of 5 Old 11-06-2010, 12:05 AM
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I think it's totally normal to go through everything you're thinking and feeling---the transition from 1 to 2 can be hard. We did it when DS1 was 20.5 months. There were definitely moments that I missed having just one child, but overwhelmingly it was so amazing to see what a gift DS2 was to #1. We presented the situation to him that here was a new best friend and playmate, someone who he gets to spend his whole life with---and as a family, we live together and love together and play together. He really has seen his brother as a total gift, so much so that while #3 is in the oven, he's asking about when we'll have a #4.

The transition will happen, you'll still get alone time with each child, but now you'll be able to really focus in on it when it is happening....and consider it as a best friend you're giving #1.

I also think a HB makes things a lot easier---our son left for a playdate the morning #2 arrived, he napped over there and then came home to his house and his new brother was in bed with me. It was spectacular---no crazy hospital, I was home instead of away for 2 days....it will really help your transition.

Good luck---you'll do great!

Happy SAHM Mom and CBE to three jumpers.gifboys:  DS1 (11/06), DS2 (7/08), DS3 (11/10) and D?4 (12/12)!


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#3 of 5 Old 11-06-2010, 12:06 AM
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I can't explain how, but your heart grows to be able to fit the love of another little person into it. And you won't love either one best, just differently. Trust me.

I see your ds was born in August '08? So he's just over 2? He might, depending on his personality, have a tough time for the first couple of weeks after baby is born - my ds was 21 months when dd2 was born, and he didn't know WHAT was going on for the first while. But now (ds is 4.5 and dd2 is 2.5) they are best friends and he has NEVER resented having her around.

What is it specifically about the birth that you're afraid you're not strong enough for? You have done it once! You will be great, I just know it - somehow, the ability to "just do it" comes when we need it most.

Bobbi, wife to dh love.gif and mom to dd1 (6-6-04) blahblah.gif, ds (4-1-06) nut.gif, and dd2 (1-18-08) flower.gif. Welcoming our newest ds babyboy.gif (11-24-10)!
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#4 of 5 Old 11-06-2010, 12:18 AM
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Well said, Bobbi.

My ds is 22 months old and I did feel guilty when I found out I was pregnant. I thought I would be stealing his babyhood from him. But he has grown up so much in the last 9 months and I just keep thinking about how fun it will be for him to have a sibling to play with eventually!

As far as birth goes, I think you just have to tell yourself you can do it, until you start to believe it. I think being excited *and* scared is so normal when you're this close! Seriously, every time I have a very uncomfortable contraction, I get a little frightened!

Sounds like maybe you're just exhausted, too. Is there any way you can get some good rest before you have the baby? And maybe try to fit in some special time with just you and your ds?

Julie, wife to DH , mom of DD 8/99 and DS 1/09 , and #3 due 11/14/10
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#5 of 5 Old 11-06-2010, 04:22 AM
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Hi! Lurking from the December ddc here...I just posted the exact same post on another DDC board! My DD is 25 months and was so hard to put to bed tonight, I just about lost it thinking about how hard it will be to put 2 kids to bed! Plus, hubby is always going on business trips, and the thought of being outnumbered in the house is soooo scary. AND, I'm scared I won't be able to relate to a boy since I have no experience with them. All of these feelings have really come on strong in the last 2 weeks or so. Hopefully it's a phase, and the excitement will come back before it's time to give birth...
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