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#1 of 5 Old 09-28-2010, 01:03 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I am really stressing about my baby shower in 2 weeks. I am very excited about it - lots of family are coming and it's my first shower ever. But I'm feeling kind of stressed about the whole weekend. I just found out that my husband's sister and fiance are flying in from Boston to come to my shower. This is only the 2nd time in the 8 years we've been together that she's been able to visit us here. DH's mom is also driving 5 hours and many members of my family are coming as well. My shower is at noon on Saturday.

Here's the complicated part: a friend of mine from high school (who is also pregnant) is driving 7 hours to come to my shower and also scheduled her own shower at her parent's house (2 hours from mine) on Sunday. So basically, I have lots of family coming to town and I have to bail on them half the weekend since I have to leave late Sunday morning to go to my friend's shower. I told her when she scheduled it that I would be able to go, but that was before I found out that SIL and fiance are making this huge effort to come down here from Boston. Now I feel like crap cause I'm barely going to be able to spend time with them. But I can't really tell my friend I can't go to her shower after she is driving 7 hours to come to mine. Also before I knew they were coming I said I'd go out to dinner with this same friend and a couple other friends in town for a "girls night" Saturday night after the shower. That was my friend's idea - I said maybe I could do it and she went ahead and messaged all my friends on facebook and set this whole thing up.

Now I don't know what to do. The ridiculous thing is that I wouldn't have been upset if she didn't come to my shower. In fact, I was assuming she wouldn't. I haven't seen her in probably 2 years. We talk on the phone every couple of months and I enjoy talking to her, but really she's not someone I would spend a ton of time with if she lived in town. We have very little in common anymore. So now I feel stuck in this commitment to my friend (who apparently cares more about maintaining our friendship than I do) while missing out on spending time with SIL and other family that I don't see much. What do I do?

Lori ~ wife to DH 5 yrs ~ DS born naturally 11.20.10!
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#2 of 5 Old 09-28-2010, 01:13 AM
 
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I would pick whether to go to the girl's night out or the friend's shower, not both, then explain your decision to your friend. Let her know that your family commitments have changed and you understand if that means she isn't comfortable attending your shower. She's a grownup who's likely juggling her own family and friend expectactions and commitments right now. Hopefully she'll understand.

Think of it as good practice for all the times you will be shifting plans/lowering social expectations/balancing family needs after baby is born. And then take a deep breath and enjoy your shower and all your family.

Massage therapist and artist, wife to English DH since 2002, Mummy to Oliver Finn 10/20/07 and Eamon Anthony 12/2/2010
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#3 of 5 Old 09-28-2010, 01:41 AM
 
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I think if she truly does value your friendship and desires to maintain it more than you, then she will understand if you can't do the girls night out or stay at the shower the whole time. Tell her about how family is now coming who you never get to see and therefor can only do one or the other and maybe not for a very long time. I think she'll understand.

and if she doesn't understand? It doesn't sound like you are hugely into maintaining the friendship anyway. Sounds harsh of course, but family comes first when you actually like the one you have and a friend needs to understand that or they aren't worth even the small effort you might put in. Priorities are important.
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#4 of 5 Old 09-28-2010, 08:52 AM
 
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it's very nice of her to make the effort to come to your shower, but yes I would explain that it was unexpected, but you are seeing family you haven't seen in 8 years and would like to just attend the shower.

Mommy to 2 beautiful girls dust.gif4/07 and babyf.gif1/11
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#5 of 5 Old 09-28-2010, 03:25 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for the advice, ladies! I sent her a message today telling her that my SIL will be flying in and I need to spend some time with her so I can either attend the shower or the girls' night, but not both. I'm waiting to hear back from her. I would actually rather do the girls' night since I feel like that would be better quality time than my friend and I will have together at either shower, but she may rather I just come to the shower. We'll see. I already feel better just taking this step to make sure I am not having to do both!

Lori ~ wife to DH 5 yrs ~ DS born naturally 11.20.10!
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