MIL already driving me nuts - Mothering Forums

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Old 11-27-2010, 11:14 AM - Thread Starter
 
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My MIL is here, hanging around to provide childcare for DS whenever baby decides to show up. DS was born at 38w2d, so we wanted her here early, just in case. She arrived on the 20th and I am so over it already. She is completely unsuppportive of natural birth, she keeps defying our house rules with DS (mostly about sweets and TV viewing), she has already started in with the "well, if this baby doesn't show up while I'm here, you're in trouble". I am 38w2d today. I want nothing more than to not be pregnant anymore, but he'll come when he's ready. She's scheduled to leave Dec. 10, and I can totally see me going into labor that night. I would hear about that for the rest of my life.

Ugh......

Massage therapist and artist, wife to English DH since 2002, Mummy to Oliver Finn 10/20/07 and Eamon Anthony 12/2/2010
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Old 11-27-2010, 11:22 AM
 
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Mama, you SO have my sympathy hug.gif

 

My DH actually (bless him!) put his foot down this time...MIL and FIL can visit for a day when LO arrives, but then they can't come back until I go back to work in a few weeks.  My MIL is terrible- will hog the baby, push a bottle/formula, refused to give DD back when she needed to nurse, insists she knows my children better than me. Once she even came in my room in the morning and woke me up to see if she could "hold" DD- by the way we bedshare, and DD was clearly sound asleep next to me. And this was at 6 in the morning. Anyway, I totally understand where you're coming from. I'm hoping that this time around MIL will be busy with playing with DD and leave me and the new baby alone.

 

I hope the next days go quickly for you- and that stress is kept to a minimum. 


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Old 11-27-2010, 04:34 PM
 
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 I'm so sorry, that sounds difficult. I feel so lucky to have a great MIL. Really supportive about our birth plans and she is great with DS. She only lives 2 hours from us, so I plan to call her in labor when I am ready for her to take DS, and after baby is born so DS can meet his sibling.


Maria, wife to DH, mama to DS 09/2007, #2 12/2010 and hoping for a
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Old 11-27-2010, 04:57 PM
 
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Oh I am so sorry. I am not due until January 10 and at thanksgiving, MIL was trying to get information from me - do you think you'll have the baby before Christmas? Will you make it to Christmas Eve dinner? Do you think you are going to go early? um...if every women knew when she would have her baby, we wouldn't have all those stupid problems with EDD and being induced for being late, etc.  I am not psychic.

 

We go to a party every year which is usually 2nd weekend in December - she said if I had the baby before then, I could bring her to the party. WTF? So I'll bring my 4 wk early baby to a party a few days after birth??  honestly we decided against a home birth for this very reason...at least at the hospital, I can sick the nurses on her and tell the nurses I want no visitors. If I were to have a home birth, MIL would be sitting in her car in the driveway, knocking on the door every 15 minutes wanting to know if the baby has come yet and when she can come in. She has even advised me what hospitals I should use, all located near her house (and I might add, NOT baby/mommy friendly and not VBAC friendly at all - they are just "new" or she knows someone who went there)

 

Hopefully things get better for you soon!


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Old 11-27-2010, 08:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm just feeling so exhausted from holding the line with her. I don't want to have to expend energy that I don't have trying to justify the way we do things, trying to keep things as consistent as possible for DS as we get closer to the birth. I'm also so sick of hearing how enormous I am.
My mother, who is much better about upholding our parenting, arrives a week from Monday. Just have to hold on until then.

Massage therapist and artist, wife to English DH since 2002, Mummy to Oliver Finn 10/20/07 and Eamon Anthony 12/2/2010
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Old 11-27-2010, 09:11 PM
 
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Can DH help with that? I have found that if I tell MIL one thing, she'll completely ignore me...but if DH tells her, she'll actually listen. Teamwork is a beautiful thing! 


Running, blogging, gardening, military mama... to Louisa Mae 9/2/09 and June Elizabeth 12/7/10. 
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Old 11-27-2010, 10:46 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Unfortunately DH's coping strategy is to ignore her and hope for the best. He has no problem with me standing up to her, but won't do it himself. They all have a very English, talking around problems, but not actually discussing anything dynamic. Drives me nuts.
Usually I have no problem being the bad guy, but I don't want to have to do it right now.

Massage therapist and artist, wife to English DH since 2002, Mummy to Oliver Finn 10/20/07 and Eamon Anthony 12/2/2010
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Old 11-28-2010, 09:10 AM
 
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That sounds really tough.  If it were me, I would be having a little private chat with my husband.  Every marriage counselor/book on co-parenting that I have gleaned advice from states clearly that each party deals with their own parents.  It is a recipe for disaster for one person to constantly be the buffer and the boundary maker where all grandparents are concerned.  Of course it's probably a bit complicated because the dynamic already exists in your relationship where he takes a back seat in this arena, but that doesn't mean it's too late to change.  It is completely reasonable that he be the one to deal with his own parents.  Although I'm sure you've known them for a while, he grew up with the family dynamic, they are his parents, and it is therefore his job to navigate tough situations and boundary setting with them.

 

Good luck.  I hope that everything smooths over soon and that you are able to get some peace before you birth.


Mama~Blogger~Artist~Homemaker. Family = DH (married 6 years), baby Elinor, and our puppy Frances.
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Old 11-28-2010, 04:54 PM
 
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big hugs mama! Dealing with family can be so challenging - especially when you have little ones and on the verge of birthing. I tend to be very short/ non social at the end of my pregnancy. I just can't deal with it all!! It's exhausting! Perhaps you can take naps as often as possible and have her wait on you thumb.gif at least you'll get something out of her other than stress!! Knowing your situation, it wouldn't surprise me if you didn't go into labor until she leaves - especially if she is causing you stress. If you really want to birth while she's in town, perhaps you should have hubby discuss the need for you to be stress free during this time in order for your body to relax enough to get things going! Big hugs to you - come here to vent as often as you need to!!!


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Old 11-28-2010, 06:18 PM
 
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Sorry you are going through this stress :(

My Mom is usually super awesome after we have babies but she is away for 6 months, ugh!

So this time it is just us, which you know I am actually looking forward to especially with the coming holidays!

My inlaws wanted to come for Christmas but were being wishywashy on dates etc and basically I told DH "NO!".. It is too much for me for a number of reasons! We are building a house so they wanted to know if it would be done in time for them to come stay in it and they aren't the helpful type at the best of times so we figured for my sanity better to have them not come right now. Saves me doing all the cooking, cleaning, gift prep etc for more people than needed! SO SO glad he backed me up on that one and "got" where I was coming from! It was ricky for him to tell them but it really is for the best!


Mama to SDD (12), DD (8), DD (6), DD, (4), DS (3) and new little babe arriving Dec. We are in the process of building our cob home and homestead
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Old 11-28-2010, 07:54 PM
 
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That was my situation with my last birth. My mother was here, waiting for the birth. She finally got fed up and left! I went into labor 36 hours later... lol

Homeschooling mom of two plus baby R born December 16 love.gif
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