Even the mailman has an opinion! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 20 Old 06-16-2010, 12:13 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Geez, it's not like we have 11 kids, but even if we did!
The mailman couldn't get in the gate because DH left a stump he wanted to do woodcarving on in the way, so I was explaining briefly as I took the mail, that yes, I needed to do some major yard cleanup, but hadn't done anything in weeks because we were expecting, and I hadn't been too functional lately.

So... I should have expected this, because once you have more than the socially-sanctioned 1.2 kids, you are an open target for everyone's opinions as to your out-of-control rabbit-like breeding habits.

He goes "Wow...THREE bundles of joy, eh?" looking pointedly at my 5 yo DD and 2 yo DS.

I said, a bit icily, "I have friends who have 5, and they manage."

And he said "Well, we have two and that's a plenty."

I said "Everybody's got an opinion these days!" and went inside.

Erg, why the heck does he feel it's any of his business?
I swear I need to think of something more pointed to say back, because this isn't the last time I will have to hear disparaging comments about us having more than 2 kids.

I wish I had remembered in time to retort in the manner of Caroline Ingalls to the Olsen woman (who had crappy comments about her family size, and said something similar to "well TWO are PLENTY for me!" : "Yes, in your case I can see why."

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#2 of 20 Old 06-16-2010, 12:22 PM
 
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ddcc everyone has an opinion on any aspect of your life it's annoying, i know i'll deffenatly get my fair share of comments when i end up pregnant with number 5

Becky, sahm to angel.gif25/04/2000 Chloe 12/04/2002 Cameron 19/02/2004 Caitlin 28/06/2005 angel.gif24/07/2006 and Caden 14/03/2008

Xander 19/05/2011
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#3 of 20 Old 06-16-2010, 12:24 PM
 
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DDC crasher.



When I was pregnant with my 2nd I had an old co-worker say something rude about the number of kids I had. It was just just weird. I guess it was because I had quit my job (that I worked with him) when I was pregnant with my first. I didn't see him for 2 years and when I saw him again I was pregnant again. But really....2 kids????
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#4 of 20 Old 06-16-2010, 12:25 PM
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Yikes. Bad, mailman! Bad!

May I suggest adopting a very large dog and training them to bark at anyone wearing a uniform?

Really, though, I'm so sorry about that. My Mom's younger sister always said snide things about her because she had "so many kids," - so many being three. Guess how many her sister ended up having?

I'd be interested in hearing what that mailman would have to say about a good childhood friend of mine who is 29 and expecting her sixth with no plans to stop (the little girl they want is eluding them pretty well).
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#5 of 20 Old 06-16-2010, 12:29 PM
 
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Oh geez - the mailman???

When it comes to parenting, I think a lot of people feel like they've got it 'right', be it by having the 'right' number of kids, the 'right' age spacing, the 'right' discipline methods, etc. Someone doing something different is a challenge to their choices. Obviously if 2 was right for him, it should be right for everyone, you know?

Sorry you're having to deal with this! If it makes you feel any better, I'm under fire from all directions for having mine too close together in age. There are family members going behind my back stating that this MUST have been an accidental pregnancy, because WHO would choose to have 2 under 2??? You're not alone!

I thought your response was great, by the way. Maybe he'll think twice before sharing his unsolicited opinion on the topic again.

WAHM to Ladybug (13 months) and Bumblebee
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#6 of 20 Old 06-16-2010, 01:42 PM
 
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I get a ton of it too because we are having #5, but it is pretty bad when your friendly neighborhood mormon missionaries tell you that you have yours hands full, or that you have a larger family than they had. This was before we eve knew about #5!

The gender comments, now THOSE make me want to pull my hair out. Seems everyone can feel the need to tell us we are done because we *finally* got our little girl. Oh and when we found out #3 was a boy, a cashier at Walmart actually asked my TWO SONS if they were sad they were having a brother and not a sister because "girls are so much better than boys!?!?"

When people comment that they are glad they only have 1 or 2 kids or whatever, I usually reply "me too". The hands full I answer "If you think my hands are full, you should see my heart".

Heather: Mama to my amazing boys A-14.5, C-13, & M-5.5, and my sweet girl S-2.5 and introducing our little surprise Liam Michael, born 12/28!
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#7 of 20 Old 06-16-2010, 01:45 PM
 
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okay, maybe if you had like 19 kids - you know, yeah, I think the Duggars have a lot of kids, but you know, their kids seem pretty decent, so who is anyone to say that more than 2 is too many?

Mommy to 2 beautiful girls dust.gif4/07 and babyf.gif1/11
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#8 of 20 Old 06-16-2010, 01:52 PM
 
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Have a .

I completely understand. Our oldest 2 are a boy, and a girl. So people couldn't understand why we felt the need to have #3, and #4. Now, we are expecting #5, and have just decided to not tell anyone we know won't be absolutely happy and supportive of us for as long as possible.

He who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe is as good as dead; his eyes are closed.  ~Albert Einstein
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#9 of 20 Old 06-16-2010, 03:03 PM
 
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Sooooo many people have told us since we have a boy and girl we are set, no need for any more kids. It has almost made me nervous to tell people we are pregnant again.

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#10 of 20 Old 06-16-2010, 03:07 PM
 
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One of DH's step sisters said to me, "Hopefully you'll get your girl and you can stop!" (she has no kids) His other step sis jumped in and said, "Whatever. She'll be like me! She'll be producin'!" (she has 3 kids)

Kas (24), Helpmeet to Stefan (25), Mom to Franklin Gaudelio 4/15/09, Jonathan Boswell 1/2/11
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#11 of 20 Old 06-16-2010, 04:09 PM
 
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Argh.

I haven't had any comments about this one YET (#3), but I when I was pregnant with #2 I had at least two parents of singletons tell me that they were "too busy enjoying the first one" to have another. Oh, well, obviously my first one bores me to tears, since I'm having a second one. What on Earth?

There have been plenty of comments about the sex of this baby, because people assume that I MUST want a boy, since I ALREADY have two girls. Actually, I really don't care either way, but thanks for the encouragement.

boogiemonster | the hairy scotsman | anna the elf | lucy the sprite | wee faerie faye, born 01/02/11

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#12 of 20 Old 06-16-2010, 05:01 PM
 
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arg! This will be the first child for my partner and I to have together. We each have 50% custody of our respective 2 boys. So on some days we'll have all 5 kids at home, other days 3, and some days 1. Everyone thinks we're crazy. We just want to have a baby together! We love each other, we love our kids. What's wrong with that?
(I mean--other than the fact that he's been an unemployed engineer for so long it's making him crazy, and the recession has almost buried my hand crafted glass jewelry business...)
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#13 of 20 Old 06-16-2010, 09:00 PM
 
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Ugg...with 3 I get the "wow you have your hands full" comment all the time. I'm still trying to think up a snappy comeback for the inevitable comments I know that are going to come when they hear about #4!

Kelly (35), married to DH and living happily with DD (8), DS (6), DS (3) and introducing brand new baby James b. 1/5/11, always remembering ~Joseph~ b/d March 10, 2001. 
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#14 of 20 Old 06-17-2010, 08:58 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by apcanadianmamma View Post
Ugg...with 3 I get the "wow you have your hands full" comment all the time. I'm still trying to think up a snappy comeback for the inevitable comments I know that are going to come when they hear about #4!
Just say you have a thing against odd numbers! I get the hands full comment from people just with my two boys. And it's usually when we're out and they're being good! I can't wait to hear comments about 3. Our families haven't been too bad. Then again my mom had three, DHs mom had 3, and there are cousins who have 3 or more. His grandma loves it! She has 8, hehe. His other grandma had 2 and made some rude comment I ignored.

Aubree, wife to a wonderful DH, mom to Colin 12/05, Hudson 6/08, and Gavin, 1/12/11.
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#15 of 20 Old 06-17-2010, 11:21 AM
 
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I'm on number 4 and worked at a natural family living/parenting store throughout my 3rd pregnancy so I got asked if that was my first all the time. The comments that followed never offended me, I guess I just choose to see them as interest, compliments, whatever. If they meant it as anything other than that I'm clueless and I think I'll just remain that way
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#16 of 20 Old 06-17-2010, 11:33 AM
 
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I know a ton of families that have 3 kids. It sounds to me that the mailman was just making small talk.
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#17 of 20 Old 06-17-2010, 11:36 AM
 
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I always saw "You have your hands full!" and "2 is enough for me!" to be compliments to my ability to cope with more than they were able to.

I agree, it really sounds like he was just chatting.

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#18 of 20 Old 06-17-2010, 12:42 PM
 
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I agree that it is frustrating. Chatting or not people need to learn what is appropriate.
We were at disney world recently and my 3 little ones were playing under splash mountain on the playground and a man was like wow your hands are full do you have any others and I said yes I have one more and we are expecting in January and he said wow. You guys need to get a TV. WTH!

I also get a lot of "you got your girl so now your done right" no actually we are expecting again "0h, will this one be enough for you or are you going to keep going?"

"wow you have a lot of kids your husband must have a great job" well no he is disabled and on disability and I am currently looking for work as my nanny job just ended and my business is slow bcs of the economy.

I just think it is frustrating that people think it is appropriate to comment on my sex life, my family size, finacial ability to care for them,etc.

nicole wild.gif,  mom to 3 boys here on earth jumpers.gif 9, 7 and 4.5 and 2 girl's fly-by-nursing2.gif2.5 and 10/16/11. Always remembering my babies in heaven:  Sam (9/7/05) at 12.5 wks  angel1.gif, Morgan (2/13/06) at 6 wks angel1.gif , Emeric angel2.gif (8/9/10 at 17 wks) and Pepper angel1.gif (11/26/10) at 8wks. 

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#19 of 20 Old 06-17-2010, 02:09 PM
 
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Some people don't realize that when you give them information, you aren't asking for their opinion.

My MIL is always talking about how she had a 3 year spacing between kids and that worked out so well. When we told her I was preggo (DS will be 2 when baby is born), she was like, "Is this a good thing?" Then I saw her working out the math in her head and she said,"So DS1 will be 3 right?" Um no. I'm not an elephant; I won't be pregnant for two years. She's happy now, just shocked that other people made a different decision.

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#20 of 20 Old 06-17-2010, 02:20 PM
 
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My parents were less than pleased that I was pregnant again. Something about doing something "meaningful" with my life instead of just having children...yeah, this will only be number 2. I can't wait until we're on number 5...

Kas (24), Helpmeet to Stefan (25), Mom to Franklin Gaudelio 4/15/09, Jonathan Boswell 1/2/11
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