DH doesn't seem excited - Mothering Forums

 
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#1 of 9 Old 10-15-2010, 04:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
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This pregnancy was planned & he's a great father. But he seems very uninterested in me & this pregnancy. i know he's stressed at work. He's touched my belly maybe 3x. I have anxiety about baby getting here & having stuff ready and he doesn't want to talk about it at all. It's just so different than last time. I'm hours away from family & friends and him being like this just makes it extra sad. Then it's like he forgets that i'm pregnant & caring for a 2 1/2 yr old & 3 inside dogs. And throws up in my face that he has to work...i'm just venting. but biggest thing is he doesn't seem excited about pregnancy/baby.

Monica-28, DH, Andrew-29 DS-almost 3, DD born 1/13/2011.
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#2 of 9 Old 10-15-2010, 07:42 PM
 
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My father (very loving, sweet man who LOVES having children) told me that a woman becomes a mother when she discovers she is pregnant and a man becomes a father when he holds his baby. He says its sometimes hard to really bond until the baby responds to him in some way...smiling, cooing etc. It is really grounding to hear this from him, because he just loves babies and children and has been wonderful my whole life. Its possible this is happening in your house, and while it's hard to swallow now, this time will be behind you and your husband will probably snap into it when the baby becomes "real"; is born. Good luck. I'm sorry you feel alone, and I'm glad there's somewhere we can all feel free to vent (even about people we love)

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#3 of 9 Old 10-15-2010, 07:47 PM
 
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That may be true, about many men becoming fathers when they hold the baby, but he's still a husband/partner and when things are tough he should step up and increase supportiveness.
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#4 of 9 Old 10-15-2010, 08:24 PM
 
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My husband has not been huge on any of my pregnancies, even our first. This time especially I think he's been feeling disconnected because he's working so much, up to 84 hours a week, often in another state. I think his lack of interest in the baby stems from the fact that he would rather worry about the people he does see, and not the one he doesn't. Getting him to help me pick names was a chore, he acted like I was giving him a root canal. He has been totally there for our daughter who has croup and stayed up until 1am with her his first night home from a 22 long day trip in California with no days off while I slept. He has been helping me with the oldest kid who is failing two classes in high school. He has been running to Costco to get milk after work even though I am home all day. Today he went to my ultrasound only because I threatened him with certain death if he missed it after he missed my 20w one. Afterward he barely said two words to me and most of the scan he was keeping the kids calm and not looking at the screen. I got three possible gender shots and he never even noticed.

So you are not alone, your hubby is not the only one who seems to just think his wife is just getting fat & lazy... Mine doesn't get why I am having such a hard time getting the house clean, or getting dinner on the table, when I am home all day and he is working all day. He doesn't get why I cannot get motivated to go grocery shopping or why simple tasks like walking our 5 yr old to his bus stop wear me out so much.

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#5 of 9 Old 10-15-2010, 09:52 PM
 
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Do you think it's possible that your husband is stressed about the new baby? Maybe he's worried about money and being able to support your family plus your new addition? That may be why he's really focusing on work. It might be hard for him to talk about, but it's just an idea.

I hope things get better for you soon!
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#6 of 9 Old 10-16-2010, 03:35 PM
 
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I am sure it will change when your baby is born. I have been going through a little of that myself. I know my DH is stressed about money and with a third coming we decided it was more cost effective for me to not work. I think that is weighing on him too.

Lately I have been getting irritated because he doesn't touch my stomach as much as I thought he did with the other two and I mentioned that and he commented that it wasn't our first baby so it is not as exciting as the first time around to him. I have to remember that he isn't feeling every single kick and actually growing life like I am so it is different for him.

I think what a PP said hit it right on for most men. They become fathers when they hold their child. I think for me because I know this is our last child that I am cherishing every little bit because I won't be doing it again so I notice it more that he isn't cooing over every little kick like I am.

Sarah - wife, mom to Riley 7/9/03 and Jacob 7/15/05 and Hannah 1/5/11 a successful vbac.gif
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#7 of 9 Old 10-16-2010, 10:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thx for listening & sharing ur own stories. I don't think he's worried about finances, mostly b/c I stay at home. He's a great dad & very active w/ our son. So it's not like he's not the "dad" type b/c he really is. I think he's just really stressed at work & it was more exciting the 1st go round b/c it was all new. And I think it's a bit scared that he's going to have to go to jail to fight the boys off since we're having a girl this time-haha. We did go register today & he had the gun the whole time, I mostly took care of DS who was very disruptive. I could have used some help-but at least he was into the registering thing. He isn't one of those guys that gets turned on by pregnancy either. He was freaked out by having sex last time & that kind of thing.

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#8 of 9 Old 10-18-2010, 09:49 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dejagerw View Post
Do you think it's possible that your husband is stressed about the new baby? Maybe he's worried about money and being able to support your family plus your new addition? That may be why he's really focusing on work. It might be hard for him to talk about, but it's just an idea.

I hope things get better for you soon!
I think this is my DH this time around. He runs his own business and the economy has not been kind. I "try" to keep that in perspective and NOT feel like it's me/baby he's not excited about...but with pregnancy hormones it's hard ....I mean last time we did "belly shots" every week starting at 12 weeks. This time around I finally staring using the self timer He just doesn't seem very excited.

~~Angie~~
mom to Alona 12, Olivia 8, Ivy 3 , angel3.gif1/19/09 & Natalia Quinn 1.10.11
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#9 of 9 Old 10-19-2010, 11:30 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I think that the thing about them being excited WHEN the baby gets here is totally true. BFF said her hubby was the same way w/ their 2nd. He really doesn't seem to be worried, but it's hard to tell. I'm the worrier & one w/ anxiety so I think he tries to hide any bit of his own anxiety b/c he thinks that's best. When, in reality, I'd love to not be the only one concerned. I don't think he's thinking about baby sleeping in room all the time & having no "baby room" to go to. It's gonna be a lil harder than he thinks,e specially if our 2 1/2 yr old doesn't get back to a good sleeping through the night routine.

Monica-28, DH, Andrew-29 DS-almost 3, DD born 1/13/2011.
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