Body image and sex - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 11 Old 10-25-2010, 03:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I need some support. As many of you know (), I am hugely pregnant. I am not taking this change to my body nearly as well this time as last time. I am very insecure and feel like a fugly old woman. I also had a period of about 2-3 weeks where I was hornball central. I think that DH has issues with hurting the baby or me during sex, or something, even though I have told him over and over, and he knows, that isn't something to worry about. We have only had "good" sex once in the last three or four weeks. There have been other times, but he either couldn't or was over way too fast. Normally this would be fine, but with the combination of my poor body image and my high libido, I am taking it really hard.

Then last night I found some discarded porn in the recycle bin of our home (and only) computer. I should have just left it and gotten on with my evening, but I couldn't. I didn't open the images/videos, but I googled one of the names. She was your basic nightmare. Blond, huge boobs, huge lips, porn star makeup. The exact opposite of me.

I told DH that I didn't want to see any of the porn. He asked if I wanted him to delete it, and I said no, which is true. I told him that it makes me feel bad to see it. He said he would delete it all and not download anymore.

Help me get past this. I am seriously so hormonal, I have been crying about this since last night. I keep having to duck into the bathroom at work. People probably think I have the runs. It is ridiculous, right? I usually have no issues with him looking at porn, but right now, I just can't deal with it. How much is too much?
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#2 of 11 Old 10-25-2010, 03:38 PM
 
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See I have the opposite problem going. Sex has become pretty painful for me, and my DH is taking it personally. He thinks I'm not attracted to him anymore. I can't make him understand, because this did not happen during my last pregnancy. I was kind of relieved when I found some porn.

That being said, I really don't think it's uncommon for men to have sex issues when their partners are pregnant. Even though my DH is into it, there are certain things he will not do that he normally would even though I repeatedly tell him that it won't harm the baby.

It sounds like you are frustrated because you want it and your DH is channeling desire into another area. I totally understand why you would feel that way. Add that to pregnancy hormones and that's a pretty bad combo. Did you talk to him about feeling rejected? Talking to a man about their sex issues can be like talking to a brick wall sometimes.

I guess I don't really have any advice, just .

Me, DH, and 2 babyboy.gif.
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#3 of 11 Old 10-25-2010, 04:30 PM
 
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I so hear ya on this issue.

This is my third and I was overweight to begin with and my image sucks (for me). Normally I can handle it but this time I am very sensitive. If dh was watching porn I would be so pissed. I am okay with porn and even like it but when i am pregnant all normal rules go out the window. Guess what you are making a baby. If he can't stop watching porn to make his pregnant wife happy ohh hell hath no fury.

Personally I try to give myself a break as I am making a baby. But it doesn't help when I see cute FTM who still have the cute baby belly and I have a saggy belly plus a baby belly. Ugh. Not to mention when I take the time and effort to get dolled up and I get no response or not lovin. Seriously do you know how much work this was with two kids and a full time job. Yeah guys just don't get it.

Mandy, Mama to three wildfire girls and another little one on the way. Due 1/30/13

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#4 of 11 Old 10-25-2010, 05:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
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See that's the thing ... he is willing to give it up ("forever" he says ), but that isn't what I want. I think it is healthy to have an outlet that isn't living, breathing, and ready to help you cheat on your mate. I just want him to want me, or in the absence of that, to tell me that I am not hideous.

He just doesn't get it, and I don't know that I would expect him to. I feel reeeeeally stupid actually for getting so bent out of shape over it. But I can't help it, I am in the grips of a massive hormonal fixation.

Blah. Hopefully this will pass soon.
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#5 of 11 Old 10-25-2010, 06:10 PM
 
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I'd probably be upset about the porn...not that I'm against it. But I think it should be an open thing. I tell my DH to go take care of business on his own before but he thinks it's something married men shouldn't do or he's above it...I'm not really sure. I'm feeling the same thing but it's not all my hubby. He doesn't ask or try nearly as often. I think part of it is me being pregnant & the hurt me or the baby thing, but the other is b/c he's working so much & is so stressed at work.
For me I feel wierd like it's at the point where I feel wierd enjoying it or having it b/c I'm pregnant. I know it sounds absurd, but it's kind of how I feel. I think it's worse after u have a baby. Everything down south doesn't go back to normal right away & it take smore than 6 weeks to lose the weight when u get the "go" from the dr. I wasn't a fan of it after DS for some time.

Monica-28, DH, Andrew-29 DS-almost 3, DD born 1/13/2011.
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#6 of 11 Old 10-25-2010, 06:22 PM
 
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Just wanted to sent you Your reaction and emotions are totally valid and I hope you start feeling like a sexy goddess soon.

Amara ~ Married to my HS sweetheart, we're having a blast with baby Z (1/29/2011)

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#7 of 11 Old 10-25-2010, 08:31 PM
 
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Originally Posted by AmaraMonillas View Post
Just wanted to sent you Your reaction and emotions are totally valid and I hope you start feeling like a sexy goddess soon.
Absolutely!

boogiemonster | the hairy scotsman | anna the elf | lucy the sprite | wee faerie faye, born 01/02/11

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#8 of 11 Old 10-27-2010, 12:25 AM
 
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Totally valid. I love love love my pregnant body...and yet, I suddenly hate every naked non-pregnant girl in the universe, and I may have "lost" our last issue of Playboy between the mailbox and the front door.
Hopefully we'll both be less hormonal soon :S
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Jenny (27) partner to Michael (28) mama to Zoe (8) Selene (4) Garvin (2) and baby Gwendolyn (born 14 Jan 2011)
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#9 of 11 Old 10-27-2010, 01:23 AM
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i'm sorry you're feeling bad. huge hugs!!! i can't stand the idea of having sex. luckily, HB is on board with that. it would cause a real problem i think if we weren't on the same page.. i do feel unattractive but i've also had medical stuff going on so no way i'm going to have someone poking around there. not so much body image (i like my round belly.. not the flab hanging off it, but the round belly) but definitely not feeling sexy. not even 0.00001%!

January 2011
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#10 of 11 Old 11-03-2010, 03:29 PM
 
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Originally Posted by babyjelly View Post
Totally valid. I love love love my pregnant body...and yet, I suddenly hate every naked non-pregnant girl in the universe, and I may have "lost" our last issue of Playboy between the mailbox and the front door.
Hopefully we'll both be less hormonal soon :S
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OMG this made me laugh so hard I just snorted tea all over my keyboard!

And seriously, Pirogi, to you!!!

Ironically, I have been struggling with a not-great self/body image over the last couple of years, yet somehow with this pregnancy and +20 pounds, I feel like a total goddess - thankfully DH is crazy about how I look. (I need to give him credit, he's crazy about how I look all the time, not just when I'm pg ) So, my total hornball state (as you put it!) is a big plus to him. Also, I had a similar experience discovering porn on his computer (not even in the trash, LOL) - difference being, they were all women who looked alarmingly like ME - so while I was startled, it didn't hit me in quite the same way. I just so, so feel for you!!! I almost want to send my DH over to take your DH out for a "guy talk" about this...
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#11 of 11 Old 11-03-2010, 06:25 PM
 
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Oh, mama...so there with you!

I think I look like a whale. DH keeps telling me how sexy I am. He was gone during this part of my previous pregnancy so it wasn't an issue. It doesn't help that I have no sex drive anyway...and feeling totally unsexy doesn't help!

Not to mention when I can get in something that resembles "a mood" sex is so awkward!

Kas (24), Helpmeet to Stefan (25), Mom to Franklin Gaudelio 4/15/09, Jonathan Boswell 1/2/11
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