Small rant about big size - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 26 Old 10-26-2010, 04:04 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I met my new mother-in-law, (out-law, really, dp and I aren't married) But to get to the point....the first thing she said to me was, "You look 10 months pregnant!" and then..."Are the doctors worried???" Sigh. No. The midwives aren't worried. I'm measuring spot on. But thanks for the vote of confidence in a culture that over-values the tiny.
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#2 of 26 Old 10-26-2010, 04:19 PM
 
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My mom will not stop talking about how big my belly is, how that must mean that the baby will be born before christmas (which would mean a premature baby) or I must not know my dates properly, and how I have to be careful not to have a fat baby, because a fat baby will "be fat for life" or I'm going to have to have a c-section because "you can't possibly have a baby over 9 lbs naturally". Or she'll say something like "wow you're really waddling today, I bet you can't get that baby out soon enough!" as if I would prefer a premature baby to some occasionally hip stiffness when I'm walking. If I eat anything with fat in it - butter a piece of bread, or anything - she has to mention how eating lots of fat might be good for baby's brain development, but that I don't want the baby's head to be too big - as if brain development and head size were in any way correlated.

it. never. ends. I know she means well but it absolutely drives me crazy.

I mean, I measured ahead at my last appointment, but I don't actually think my midwives measured me properly, because only now, a month later do I feel my fundus being where they thought it was last time. At any rate, it drives me nuts, and if I ever say anything to my mother about it, she gets incredibly hurt and defensive, so I just try to ignore her. sometimes it's easier than others.
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#3 of 26 Old 10-26-2010, 04:43 PM
 
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dont you just love it !!!!!!!! you really can't ever please anyone with how much weight you gain or don't gain during pregnancy. I had gastric bypass 3 years ago and lost 160 pounds before I got pregnant, so now people just say "oh you don't even look pregnant..I know I do by the way because I busted right out of my pre-pregnancy clothes at about8 weeks.I have only gained 12 pounds according to the doctors. So now I worry if I dont gain enough weight and they is some thing wrong with the baby is that my fault.....oooh and P.S. you can have a 9 lb. naturally just ask my mom who had me (9lbs. 7oz. ) and my sister (9lbs. 13oz.) naturally with no drugs :smile

Engaged to my soulmate Thomas ...mom to Benjamin (11) Savannah (under a year) , and expecting Henry (January 21, 2011 )
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#4 of 26 Old 10-26-2010, 04:44 PM
 
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Ugh...my MIL, in the first trimester, asked if "they" thought the baby was going to be big. WTH? Thanks a lot.

Jamie, DW to Jeff, birth and postpartum doula and Hypnobabies instructor.
4 years and 5 IVF cycles in the making, Elliott was born at home in water on 2/2/11.
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#5 of 26 Old 10-26-2010, 05:15 PM
 
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I gained a lot with my first, and not very much this time. MIL keeps asking me - are they concerned? You don't seem that big?

Thanks, I am right on where I am supposed to be. Funny how some people see you as "huge" and some think you are too small!

Mommy to 2 beautiful girls dust.gif4/07 and babyf.gif1/11
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#6 of 26 Old 10-26-2010, 06:30 PM
 
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I am constantly getting questioned about my belly size. People tell me that I look like I have just a few weeks to go, that I must be having twins, that I must have a HUGE baby in there. Uhm, I am 5'1", have a short torso, and there is only one place for baby to go. So far I am measuring right where I should be.

Cristina, Mama to Michael 03-16-06, Nathan 01-16-11, and an angel 01-20-09,
Go with your gut, follow your heart.
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#7 of 26 Old 10-26-2010, 07:06 PM
 
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What.

WHY do people feel the need to comment about the bodies of pregnant women? At all?

So. Effing. Rude.


 
 
 
 

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#8 of 26 Old 10-26-2010, 08:21 PM
 
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Don't hold it against your MI/OL - everyone here (in the Netherlands) too seems to feel the need to comment on the size of my belly. Interestingly, the assessment covers the range: nice belly, big belly, smally belly, etc. Once I got a bit worried when a man in the communal shower area in the pool (!) told me he hadn't noticed I was pregnant at 26 weeks... For the record: according to the doctor (and a recent u/s) I am measuring spot on.
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#9 of 26 Old 10-26-2010, 08:35 PM
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ha. i'm measuring a full 6 weeks ahead of schedule, i get the comments all the time. hopefully she's just making sure you guys are ok.. even though i do wish people would mind their own business sometimes!

January 2011
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#10 of 26 Old 10-26-2010, 10:28 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thtr4me View Post
I am constantly getting questioned about my belly size. People tell me that I look like I have just a few weeks to go, that I must be having twins, that I must have a HUGE baby in there. Uhm, I am 5'1", have a short torso, and there is only one place for baby to go. So far I am measuring right where I should be.
Yup, me too. Petite and short waisted. And my babies are 10 pounders. When I'm close to being due I am quite large out front. Once I could hear various people at the mall gasping and saying "oh my god!" as I walked past. That same mall visit a lady insisted I must be having twins. Nope, just one. Are you sure??!! Yup.

Another time at about 6 months or so I was in my regular bikini (I actually like my pregnant body!) and some 8 year old boy stopped playing in the park and said "WOW she's HUGE!!" and pointed. I really don't have any body issues or that would have wigged me out! It was pretty funny.

Mama to DS1 (4/04) DS2 (HBAC 11/06) DS3 (HBAC 12/08) DS4 (HBAC 1/11). Wife to one handsome hard working DH.
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#11 of 26 Old 10-26-2010, 11:02 PM
 
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With my first, my belly was always small. I always measured 2 wks behind (he was and day before my due date). My second, I popped SO early and looked like I'd pop at any second... Measured 2 wks behind again, and was 4 days past my due date. This time, my belly looks a lot smaller than last time, and I'm measuring ahead by nearly 2 wks! Weight gain the same with every pregnancy. I'll get comments on the same day: you look ready to pop! Followed 10 minutes later by: you don't look very big!

People drive me bonkers!

Aubree, wife to a wonderful DH, mom to Colin 12/05, Hudson 6/08, and Gavin, 1/12/11.
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#12 of 26 Old 10-27-2010, 01:20 AM
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oh yes.. the "are you sure it's not twins" question. i get that. i'm huge, so i get it... but then i say "nope, just one." "are you SURE? cause they can make mistakes you know." um, i've had 5 ultrasounds and an amnio. i'm pretty damn sure they'd have found SOMETHING by now if there wasn't just one in there. oh wait, they did. they found 2 fibroids and a dermoid. and lots of amniotic fluid. and a big kid. PERIOD!

January 2011
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#13 of 26 Old 10-27-2010, 02:15 AM
 
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With my first pregnancy every time I saw my MIL she would ask how much weight I had gained. It was SO ANNOYING!

With my first and second every time I saw my brother in law's wife she would comment on how her weight got up to almost 200 with her pregnancies and she was so fat. Thanks lady! Because I weighed over 200 when I GOT pregnant!

Sarah - wife, mom to Riley 7/9/03 and Jacob 7/15/05 and Hannah 1/5/11 a successful vbac.gif
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#14 of 26 Old 10-27-2010, 02:37 AM
 
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With my first one of my co-workers kept making inappropriate comments including:

"Oh my God your face is huge." and "You are giant. Are you sure there's only one baby in there."

Somehow she thought she was complementing me.

Me, DH, and 2 babyboy.gif.
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#15 of 26 Old 10-27-2010, 10:36 AM
 
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My Mom seems to be the only one monitoring my size. She thought I was enormous with my first and said my belly was so big it looked painful. She cautions me about gaining too much weight almost everytime I see her. This from a woman who packed on 70 pounds when she was pregnant.

It doesn't really bother me. She is very into exercise and fitness and she means well. I like my pregnant body and although I would like to gain 35 pounds with this pregnancy it's really no big deal if I go over.

Wife to my love Ted, and Mama to DS  ('09)    DD  ('11)  DS ('12) love.gif!


 

            

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#16 of 26 Old 10-27-2010, 12:26 PM
 
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DDDC Crashing

On Sunday at a bowling tournament my Rotary club put on, from a lady I'd never met in my entire life:

Her: "When are you due?"
Me: "Well my official due date is April 8-" Here she interrupts "Oh you'll never make it that long"
Me: "but it will likely be late March because I'm having two"
Her: "Yeah, you won't even make it that long."

Really?? I was wondering if I could justify slapping her and just blame it on hormones...

Wife (32) of 8 years to DH (33), Mom to Logan geek.gif (7), and Tristan and Cael, twins.gif the wee ones, born 3/18/11! And OMW a surprise babyf.gif due 2/2013!
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#17 of 26 Old 10-27-2010, 12:53 PM
 
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DH's uncle (of all people) has convinced my MIL that I am going to have a Christmas baby. Um, I'm due at the END of Jan! Reasons: I had an 18-week u/s and he's convinced that they only do them at 20 weeks so I must have been 20 weeks when I had the u/s. And I had my embryo transfer the day after Mother's Day so according to her, I was already way pregnant that day. Huh? I assured her that I know when I got pregnant down to the hour but her brother convinced her that they are LESS sure of my dates BECAUSE I did IVF? People are weird.

I knew I would get comments while pregnant but I never in a million years would have guessed how much I HATE it. I knew I would hate it, but I LOATHE it. If I could live in a cave for the next 3 months, I would be so happy.

Jamie, DW to Jeff, birth and postpartum doula and Hypnobabies instructor.
4 years and 5 IVF cycles in the making, Elliott was born at home in water on 2/2/11.
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#18 of 26 Old 10-27-2010, 02:16 PM
 
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DDCC. With my first, I got all kinds of comments about how it must be twins and my MIL went on and on about how much weight I was gaining and how she never gained more than 20 lbs for any of her 5 pregnancies although all her babies were 8 lbs and up. It was like a broken record.

This time around, I'm measuring a bit smaller and since the baby dropped a few weeks ago, my measurements have shrunk even more. Now people are like, "wow, you're so tiny. Is the baby going to be low birth weight?"

You seriously can't win. Guess what? I weigh exactly what I did at 40 weeks last pregnancy.
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#19 of 26 Old 10-27-2010, 04:24 PM
 
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Why do people say such stupid things to pregnant women? it bothers me less when it's a man b/c they've never been in our situation. But u would think a fellow woman would be more understading & sensitive.

Last time I gained 60lbs and I ALWAYS got the "r u having twins, r u sure" and "u look like ur gonna go any day now." It was sooooooooooooo annoying.

Hang in there. Sorry it's a relative that is bothering you. My mom is far away & she's the best. It makes me miss her.

Monica-28, DH, Andrew-29 DS-almost 3, DD born 1/13/2011.
SAHM. BF
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#20 of 26 Old 10-27-2010, 04:43 PM
 
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You know I was thinking today this probably has something to do with the medical obsession with weight gain during pregnancy that was rampant through the 1980s (at least).

My mom holds it as such a point of pride that she gained exactly 22 pounds for each child. My MIL gained 40 with her second and was afraid to go to the doctor because she would get yelled at.

I'd bet that since most of our mothers/MILs were pregnant 20+ years ago this has something to do with the "huge" comments and their obsession with our weight.

Me, DH, and 2 babyboy.gif.
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#21 of 26 Old 10-27-2010, 06:02 PM
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Originally Posted by butterfly1001 View Post
With my first, my belly was always small. I always measured 2 wks behind (he was and day before my due date). My second, I popped SO early and looked like I'd pop at any second... Measured 2 wks behind again, and was 4 days past my due date. This time, my belly looks a lot smaller than last time, and I'm measuring ahead by nearly 2 wks! Weight gain the same with every pregnancy. I'll get comments on the same day: you look ready to pop! Followed 10 minutes later by: you don't look very big!

People drive me bonkers!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nanette56 View Post
DDDC Crashing

On Sunday at a bowling tournament my Rotary club put on, from a lady I'd never met in my entire life:

Her: "When are you due?"
Me: "Well my official due date is April 8-" Here she interrupts "Oh you'll never make it that long"
Me: "but it will likely be late March because I'm having two"
Her: "Yeah, you won't even make it that long."

Really?? I was wondering if I could justify slapping her and just blame it on hormones...
yup, i think hormones'll do that to ya

i LOST 2 lbs in the past 3 weeks (i've been sick) but my fundus is 10cm ahead of where it should be. isn't life fun? yeah, i'm huge.. i get it. sometimes that's just what happens. i don't REALLY mind people mistaking me for near-term, but if they push it..

January 2011
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#22 of 26 Old 10-27-2010, 06:07 PM
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oh, and another thing.. in the past 6 months i've gained 10 lbs. granted i started off at 220-225, i'm 238 as of this morning. the fact that i'm huge doesn't mean i'm getting "too fat". if anyone comments on THAT there'll be hell to pay.

January 2011
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#23 of 26 Old 10-27-2010, 07:45 PM
 
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No one comments about my pregnancy, even women due the same time I am, but I think it is because I started out at 203. I thought this time it would be different because no one noticed in my last two pregnancies either and I started those both at 250. I think at this point I would take a "you're huge" over the *blank stare* reaction I get when I say I am 8 months along.

Heather: Mama to my amazing boys A-14.5, C-13, & M-5.5, and my sweet girl S-2.5 and introducing our little surprise Liam Michael, born 12/28!
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#24 of 26 Old 10-27-2010, 09:50 PM
 
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My first son... I gained 80 pounds and delivered a 7 pound, 6 ounce baby at 38 weeks, 1 day. The comments I got... "it must be twins", "you must have your dates wrong", "you must have diabetes", or, one of my favorites- at 5 1/2 months pregnant, someone told me I looked like I was "ready to go at any moment". The one that took the cake, though, was after my son was born, when I was walking to the bathroom in my hospital gown and my gown flopped open a little in the back, and the nurse says, "Wow, he really got you with those stretch marks, didn't he?" Ummm... nice.

This one, I'm 27 1/2 weeks and I've only gained 13 pounds. In all honesty, the doctors is slightly concerned that I'm not gaining enough, but still... I get comments the other way now- "am I sure I'm this far along?", "am I having a low birth weight baby", "I should be taking better care of myself", etc. Can't win, either way.

I pray for the day Family Court recognizes that CHILDREN have rights, parents only have PRIVILEGES.  Only then, will I know my child is safe.
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#25 of 26 Old 10-28-2010, 02:30 PM
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so, i'm just wondering. has anyone ever had a "textbook" pregnancy? it seems like no matter what, you're either too small, too big, getting too fat, not showing enough, maybe it's twins, or oh no, you're going to have a low birthweight baby. and a lot of the time.. baby's just fine.

January 2011
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#26 of 26 Old 10-28-2010, 04:13 PM
 
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Replace this comment with all other annoying or thoughtless ones: "Are you growing a life? You look so alive! You look amazing! Blessings to you and your family!"

Partner to one: '08  Mama to three: '08, '11, '13  homebirth.jpgintactlact.gif
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