anyone say no to visitors at the hospital/at home? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 32 Old 12-21-2010, 08:09 PM
 
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DDCC- Totally not strange to not want people to visit! Especially people you haven't even SEEN in 15 years.

With my first we had two sets of visitors at the hospital. One was my First Sergeant (I was active duty) and CO. No big deal, they came said congrats and left. The second was a good friend and my Platoon Sergeant (who has 3 children of his own so he wasn't fazed about me nursing in front of him), they stayed around 20 minutes to keep me company then left when DH got back from signing his paternity leave papers. At home my MIL waited 2 weeks before flying out to visit with my BIL. Honestly Id rather if my BIL didn't come because hes the type to get embarrassed at the sight of anyone breastfeeding and made me uncomfortable to nurse in my own apartment with him there. No one else visited before she was 3 months old though we went and visited my father when she was 6 weeks.. Honestly, I couldn't have handled anything more than that!! It was hard to have that many visitors.

Second was in the NICU for 6 days. One of my friends came daily and sat with me, went with me to the NICU when DH couldn't and just did whatever she could to help out. Her husband stopped by and sat with DH, talked to him and supported him. They were great, I didn't fell any pressure to keep them company, I was perfectly at ease letting her sit there and not talk to her. However, we had several people from church come by and it was bad. They wanted to come see the baby, no problem but I was limited on how much I could hold her (the NICU here sucks, you can only hold the babies for certain amount of time per hour) and they always wanted to hold the baby which meant I didn't get the time with her. Finally when we got home and people still tried to come by just to hold the baby I had enough and told DH I was going into the back room to be left alone. In-laws didn't met her until she was 11 months old (we live in a different country than them now) and my father didn't met her until she was well past a year. Neither side was interested in flying out to met her... I learned from that one to limit visitors, this time I'm only coming out if I know the person and don't mind them holding the baby or spending time talking to them.

 

This times ground rules:

NO hospital visitors unless we specifically invite you. No holding baby at the hospital until we offer (aka- no asking). There is only one person I'm planning on inviting to the hospital and that is because she is 1) a good friend and 2) going to bring my oldest two with her so they can meet the baby.

If you want to drop by a meal thanks but I won't necessarily come over to greet you, you will probably be greeted by my husband/children.

No stopping by unannounced because it drove me nuts how many times I JUST got the baby down for a nap and someone rang the doorbell.

No I'm not waking the baby up so you can see him.

Even when we are out I'm not playing pass the baby around. I let a couple of people old DD1 and DD2 and it seemed like everyone decided since I let one person hold her then they could too. I'm not comfortable with people outside of close friends/family holding my child.

No asking for favors/asking for me to babysit for at least the first two months.. might sound stupid but I was 1 week home (so almost 2 weeks PP) with DD2 and someone called and asked if I could babysit her 4 boys for the weekend and when I said no she asked if I would come help her clean her apartment then. Umm.. Couple days later another person I know asked if I would make meals for this family who just had a baby a month ago, she didn't understand why I laughed.


~Heather~ Mama to Miss E (1/07), Miss A (11/08), Mr.T (2/11) and Miss A (10/12) Expecting our newest blessing sometime late Sept/early Oct.. Wife to my Marine since 11/2005
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#32 of 32 Old 12-21-2010, 09:40 PM
 
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*sigh* I would kill for some family to visit me :(

We moved 1200 miles away from *home* and my huge family back in June and the closest family we have is DH's. While I love them to death, my MIL can be a bit overwhelming at times. She kept asking me when she should come to visit because she has to schedule in advance, and I'm like, "um... I don't really know when the baby will be born..." so she's scheduling some time off to come around the EDD and I hope to high heaven I get at least a week after the birth. To be honest, I don't really *want* THEM here, I want MY OWN mommy! It aches that she will be so far away. She had a major heart attack 8 days before DS#1 was born and we are so lucky she survived. The first time she held him (at the hospital) was VERY emotional for all of us. She is still dealing with huge medical issues and has used all her vacation time up for doctors & can't afford to go unpaid. DH doesn't get enough time off so we can't go see them until who knows when. He is probably only going to have a week off and then will have to go back to work so I will most likely be alone with the IL's most of the time.

 

Yeah sorry to go off about that, it's pity party time over here.

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