Would anyone like to be pampered or surprised or a baby shower before baby.....but not getting it? - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
Old 12-15-2010, 02:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
momtoS's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 2,755
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)

I would NEVER tell anyone in real life this. EVER. I feel selfish for saying it. BUT.

 

With my first I had a shower. It was nice to have a shower.

 

With my second I planned a little playdate and called it the Big Sister party, my oldest got to pick out a cake and play with her friends and I got to show off Little Sister.

 

This time....was a surprise...the baby I mean...I was done having babies.

 

I am tired, exhausted, overwhelmed, down in the dumps. I would love for someone to surprise me. Like a small shower thingy, or maybe a few girls getting pedicures or something. Or some sorta of pampering thing. Dessert at a fancy restuarant.  Something.

 

NOTHING.

 

Certainly nothing before the New Year everyone is too busy. And after....well I don't see it happening. Then I will have a newborn and two other kids. I will be even more overwhelmed, exhausted etc than I am now. I won't have time or energy.

 

Of course, I want a happy healthy baby......but I would love a little attention too.

 

I haven't starting planning for baby. I am thinking of another homebirth....but haven't planned anything.....I don't even know what to do with my kids even I have a homebirth.

 

I am just generally sad.

momtoS is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 12-15-2010, 02:55 PM
 
soccerchic21's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Burien, WA
Posts: 3,149
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

hug2.gif

 

You aren't being selfish and that is exactly what this forum is for to let out how you feel. 

 

There have been a few times when I wish my DH would notice how tired I am and offer a pampering but I know he is just as busy and tired so I plan it for myself. Are you able to do that? Maybe get a sitter for the day and go get a pedicure before the baby is born?

 

This is SUCH a hard time of year too. I notice everyone else is so busy with their families and the holidays. Maybe after your baby is born people will come out and offer help and bring gifts. 


Sarah - wife, mom to Riley 7/9/03 and Jacob 7/15/05 and Hannah 1/5/11 a successful vbac.gif
soccerchic21 is offline  
Old 12-15-2010, 03:25 PM
 
thebigfam's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 578
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I was pretty in the middle on having a shower.  This is my second baby his 4th but first together.  The ladies at my church said they wanted to throw me one but nada.  So now I am frusterated that I have to get everything needed for the baby and am a little dissapointed that they didn't do anything.  This is the first baby born in our church for years (a very small church of mostly old people) oh well. 

thebigfam is offline  
Old 12-15-2010, 04:43 PM
 
~adorkable~'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: State Of Bliss
Posts: 4,400
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I've been holding this feeling down as much as i can nearly this whole pregnancy.

 

i lived pretty isolated in the first place (2 hours away from largest group of friends) but at 18 weeks i moved across the country.

 

i gave all the hints i could, told folks the last time i would see them while still preggo, even finally ended up crying in front of one of my longest closest girlfriends about the fact that here i was with my first and only pregnancy and i was not getting any sort of shower. 

 

still nothing, nothing from family (who i have traveled 6+ hours each way to visited 2 times now this fall) nothing from friends, nothing from my one sister that is actually in the same city as me.

 

I'm heartbroken, beyond words.

 

i did finally get a quickly thrown together tea party with 6 girls from the school that i left and they each bought the babies a book, this was the sweetest thing ever and in light of its the only thing, it means the world to me.

 

i jut had all these visions of what a baby shower would be like, and here i am with twins to get ready for and not a dingle person has asked about a baby registry or if i need help or visiting or anything.

and since I'm so far away from anyone i know i cant even throw myself one, i have no one to invite that is close enough that I'm not just looking like I'm pathetically asking for gifts.

 

yeah ok I'm clearly pouting and feeling sorry for myself and in the big picture it is pointless, right now at 34 weeks and overwhelmed by a empty nursery, its just hard.

 

thanks for this thread, whining there for a sec kinda felt good, sad huh


partners.gif 2twins.gif  So what if I don't fit cleanly into a defined parenting style, my kids don't fit into a personality archetype either!

 
~adorkable~ is offline  
Old 12-15-2010, 05:39 PM
 
gemasita's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Apex, NC
Posts: 1,491
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

It was a long time before anyone suggested a shower for me.  I started thinking maybe we wouldn't get one.  But now we are having a couple so I am feeling better.  But I don't think we will get a lot of the stuff that I really want - cute cloth diapers, baby carriers, mama pampering items.  We registered for all of that from an online cloth diapering site and so far, haven't gotten anything from there. 

 

After all the infertility we went through, and then on top of that, me feeling horrible from practically day 1 of this pregnancy, I am in a poopy mood most of the time too.  I think that's why I'm a little upset about not getting any of the things we really want.  I've waited so long for this baby and we'll have to mostly make do with what we have.  We will be so low on money with me not working for a while.  I wish I didn't have to worry about money but it's really terrifying me, as much as I just want to enjoy those early months with our one-and-only baby.  I know I'll be stressed when I think about it.

 

Yes, whining does feel good....


Jamie, DW to Jeff, birth and postpartum doula and Hypnobabies instructor.
4 years and 5 IVF cycles in the making, Elliott was born at home in water on 2/2/11.
gemasita is offline  
Old 12-16-2010, 12:58 AM
myk
 
myk's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: small town manitoba
Posts: 999
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

i never had a shower with my first. my best friend (at the time.. she promptly disappeared after the birth) specifically told others NOT to give me a shower because she was handling it. and then she never did, she actually stopped calling me within 3 weeks of the birth.. i missed the whole "shower" experience.

 

it's rare in my circle to ever have a shower for a second child, even if it's one partner's first (it's daddy's first birth), so i suspect i'll miss out on the shower experience entirely. i admit i'm bummed about it. it's not even about the gifts, it's about getting together with friends and saying "hey, cool! new baby! let's have some fun.."

 

i have a gift registry started at a major retailer, just because daddy's family are all out of town and might want to send something. well, maybe. his sister's kids are all fully grown, his brothers never had kids.. so this one is kind of special timing-wise, i'd think. but i don't have the guts to say "by the way, i registered at.." because it just sounds too much like "you'd better get me a present." nobody's asked, and how do you bring it up without looking like a selfish cow? i don't work outside the home, so a work shower is out of the question (unless HIS coworkers do something, they're almost all moms, only 2 guys work there, but really.. *i* am not their coworker, *he* is, and you don't generally throw a shower for the dad who's not into the many rituals we womenfolk tend to do).


January 2011
myk is offline  
Old 12-16-2010, 06:42 AM
 
monica82's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Columbus, Ohio
Posts: 348
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I feel a little bit of this. We were quite spoiled w/ last one though. We had a traditional shower, then a couple's shower-it was smaller & included DH & all men/hubbys.  Plus my work gave us one & his work had a double one-for us & another couple due the same month.

 

This time we r 7 hrs away from family/friends. I stay at home-so no work for me. His work is diff people now & their job is too stressed. We did have a shower back in NC, but hubby couldn't make it.  No attention from family, friends or co-workers this time. Just chasing my toddler. My hubby isn't trying to be mean, but he's really stressed w/ his crappy job & barely has time/attention to give to our DS. I had 2 prenatal massages last time-as gifts....this time I haven't even had a pedicure-unless u count one for a wedding back when I was 9 weeks.  I like this post, it makes me feel like it's ok to be selfish for 3 minutes. :)

 

I didn't help u, but know that u aren't alone & we aren't being selfish. We're just humans and want some love & attention...and know that we won't be getting any after the baby.


Monica-28, DH, Andrew-29 DS-almost 3, DD born 1/13/2011.
SAHM. BF
monica82 is offline  
Old 12-16-2010, 07:47 AM - Thread Starter
 
momtoS's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 2,755
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)



Quote:

Originally Posted by soccerchic21 View Post

hug2.gif

 

You aren't being selfish and that is exactly what this forum is for to let out how you feel. 

 

There have been a few times when I wish my DH would notice how tired I am and offer a pampering but I know he is just as busy and tired so I plan it for myself. Are you able to do that? Maybe get a sitter for the day and go get a pedicure before the baby is born?

 

This is SUCH a hard time of year too. I notice everyone else is so busy with their families and the holidays. Maybe after your baby is born people will come out and offer help and bring gifts. 



I am going to ask hubbie if I can do a pampering thing after the holidays, but I guess, I am looking for girl's night/day thing....do you know what I mean?

 



Quote:
Originally Posted by thebigfam View Post

I was pretty in the middle on having a shower.  This is my second baby his 4th but first together.  The ladies at my church said they wanted to throw me one but nada.  So now I am frusterated that I have to get everything needed for the baby and am a little dissapointed that they didn't do anything.  This is the first baby born in our church for years (a very small church of mostly old people) oh well. 

 

Could they be planning a surprise for you? I really hope you get a little shower or something!

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Adorkable~ View Post

I've been holding this feeling down as much as i can nearly this whole pregnancy.

 

i lived pretty isolated in the first place (2 hours away from largest group of friends) but at 18 weeks i moved across the country.

 

i gave all the hints i could, told folks the last time i would see them while still preggo, even finally ended up crying in front of one of my longest closest girlfriends about the fact that here i was with my first and only pregnancy and i was not getting any sort of shower. 

 

still nothing, nothing from family (who i have traveled 6+ hours each way to visited 2 times now this fall) nothing from friends, nothing from my one sister that is actually in the same city as me.

 

I'm heartbroken, beyond words.

 

i did finally get a quickly thrown together tea party with 6 girls from the school that i left and they each bought the babies a book, this was the sweetest thing ever and in light of its the only thing, it means the world to me.

 

i jut had all these visions of what a baby shower would be like, and here i am with twins to get ready for and not a dingle person has asked about a baby registry or if i need help or visiting or anything.

and since I'm so far away from anyone i know i cant even throw myself one, i have no one to invite that is close enough that I'm not just looking like I'm pathetically asking for gifts.

 

yeah ok I'm clearly pouting and feeling sorry for myself and in the big picture it is pointless, right now at 34 weeks and overwhelmed by a empty nursery, its just hard.

 

thanks for this thread, whining there for a sec kinda felt good, sad huh



I understand. I would love to drop a hint or two as well. But...I don't even want it to be about gifts. Just some friends that are excited about a new baby......and I haven't even got that.

 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by gemasita View Post

It was a long time before anyone suggested a shower for me.  I started thinking maybe we wouldn't get one.  But now we are having a couple so I am feeling better.  But I don't think we will get a lot of the stuff that I really want - cute cloth diapers, baby carriers, mama pampering items.  We registered for all of that from an online cloth diapering site and so far, haven't gotten anything from there. 

 

After all the infertility we went through, and then on top of that, me feeling horrible from practically day 1 of this pregnancy, I am in a poopy mood most of the time too.  I think that's why I'm a little upset about not getting any of the things we really want.  I've waited so long for this baby and we'll have to mostly make do with what we have.  We will be so low on money with me not working for a while.  I wish I didn't have to worry about money but it's really terrifying me, as much as I just want to enjoy those early months with our one-and-only baby.  I know I'll be stressed when I think about it.

 

Yes, whining does feel good....


Yes, it does feel good to get it out to someone. Prehaps we should throw ourselves some sort of virtual shower....LOL
 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by myk View Post

i never had a shower with my first. my best friend (at the time.. she promptly disappeared after the birth) specifically told others NOT to give me a shower because she was handling it. and then she never did, she actually stopped calling me within 3 weeks of the birth.. i missed the whole "shower" experience.

 

it's rare in my circle to ever have a shower for a second child, even if it's one partner's first (it's daddy's first birth), so i suspect i'll miss out on the shower experience entirely. i admit i'm bummed about it. it's not even about the gifts, it's about getting together with friends and saying "hey, cool! new baby! let's have some fun.."

 

i have a gift registry started at a major retailer, just because daddy's family are all out of town and might want to send something. well, maybe. his sister's kids are all fully grown, his brothers never had kids.. so this one is kind of special timing-wise, i'd think. but i don't have the guts to say "by the way, i registered at.." because it just sounds too much like "you'd better get me a present." nobody's asked, and how do you bring it up without looking like a selfish cow? i don't work outside the home, so a work shower is out of the question (unless HIS coworkers do something, they're almost all moms, only 2 guys work there, but really.. *i* am not their coworker, *he* is, and you don't generally throw a shower for the dad who's not into the many rituals we womenfolk tend to do).



Your comment "hey, cool! new baby! let's have some fun...." that is what I was looking forward to, just people getting together to celebrate with me.....and it is disappointing not to have it.

 



Quote:
Originally Posted by monica82 View Post

I feel a little bit of this. We were quite spoiled w/ last one though. We had a traditional shower, then a couple's shower-it was smaller & included DH & all men/hubbys.  Plus my work gave us one & his work had a double one-for us & another couple due the same month.

 

This time we r 7 hrs away from family/friends. I stay at home-so no work for me. His work is diff people now & their job is too stressed. We did have a shower back in NC, but hubby couldn't make it.  No attention from family, friends or co-workers this time. Just chasing my toddler. My hubby isn't trying to be mean, but he's really stressed w/ his crappy job & barely has time/attention to give to our DS. I had 2 prenatal massages last time-as gifts....this time I haven't even had a pedicure-unless u count one for a wedding back when I was 9 weeks.  I like this post, it makes me feel like it's ok to be selfish for 3 minutes. :)

 

I didn't help u, but know that u aren't alone & we aren't being selfish. We're just humans and want some love & attention...and know that we won't be getting any after the baby.



yup love and attention.......

momtoS is offline  
Old 12-16-2010, 07:49 AM
 
laurac5's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 171
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Oh, man, now that I'm posting on this thread I can never tell any of my friends my username for this forum.blush.gif

 

I made the mistake of realizing a couple of weeks ago that all of my friends had showers for their second babies -- even when the gender wasn't different.  So yeah, it stings a little, especially since on top of the different gender thing, we lost all our baby stuff in a fire this summer.  So it's like we're buying for our first.  I've put off buying anything that can be bought in a big box store (blankets, clothes, burp cloths, co-sleeper sheets) just in case someone wants to throw a shower... but with about a month to go, I don't think it's happening.

 

OTOH, the economy is lousy.  My husband and I are doing fine financially, and some of our friends are unemployed or are otherwise having a tough year financially.  So I know I have no right to be sulking about baby gifts.  We don't need the gifts, and my friends have offered to help in plenty of other ways... and honestly the help they've offered is needed far more than the things on my imaginary registry.  Besides, my family is taking care of some of the baby things... my mom brought us a whole wardrobe of boy and gender-neutral clothes (spoils from her thrifting habit), my sister gave me baby things for an early Christmas present, and my in-laws have already added the new baby to their tradition of giving all family members a gift when it's anyone's birthday.

 

The pp who mentioned the holidays also made a good point... apparently January is the wrong time to be expecting a baby if you want anyone to notice.  winky.gif  Everyone's so busy right now... you never know, we may end up with something happening very close to our due dates or after our babies come.

 

hug2.gifto all the other mamas posting on this thread... I must sound so spoiled to those of you who are stressed by finances.  I sincerely hope that your friends will step in to help soon...


Laura geek.gif, mom to fencing.gif Savannah (born 10/2008) and Indy (born 01/2011), and babyf.gifCheyenne (born 11/2012)

laurac5 is offline  
Old 12-16-2010, 08:18 AM
 
expat_canuck's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 201
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Like Adorkable, my partner and I moved across the continent when I was about 6 months pregnant. I'm fairly sure that if I had stayed in the same city, our friends would have done *something* for us.   My closest friend in our old city made us an amazing baby scrapbook, and my partner's closest friend's mom made a gorgeous quilt for the baby - both gifts that we know we'll cherish for years, and so, so appreciated, I'm kind of amazed how little acknowledgement about this huge life change that we've gotten from some friends that we thought were very close. I mean, they have asked how I'm feeling, but that's about it. I didn't have the guts to say anything about a shower in our new city, despite the fact that its my hometown. A lot of my old friends still live here, but I felt weird inviting people to a baby shower when I had barely seen them, or kept in touch only by facebook for years and years. My mom keeps insisting that her friends and family friends want to give us baby gifts, but honestly? I haven't seen any kind of evidence of that. I mean, that would be great, and not to be rude, but what are they waiting for??? 

 

 My family has helped us tremendously (I mean, they are letting us live in their basement suite apartment rent free for as long as we need, helped us so much with our move, and, like, feeding us, and so much stuff), and my friends have given us boxes and boxes of hand-me-down baby clothes, which is awesome, but we no one has offered to help with big ticket items like strollers or car seats. Another close family friend wants to buy us a crib....but we a) don't have room for a crib in our tiny 1 bedroom apartment and 2) are planning on co-sleeping. I've told this friend both of those things, several times, and even suggested point blank, that I would love a gift of either help with buying a car seat, or a gift of a sling or ring carrier, but her reply was that she'll buy us a crib when we're ready for one. Not to be ungrateful, but that might not ever happen...

 

My partner's family doesn't have a lot of extra money laying around, but they seem to think that their gift will be all buying plane tickets to come and visit after the baby's born. Which, of course I appreciate the effort, and of course we want them to visit the new baby, but that's a gift to themselves, not for us or for the baby.  My MIL has bought us some baby clothes  - most are not newborn clothes, but that's been it from his side of the family. 

 

It's not that I want our baby to only have brand-new things, or even that many *things* - I mean, we don't have room for a whole nursery full of stuff.  I feel like a spoiled brat, but really, the first grandchild of this generation on either side of my family or my partner's family is going to have mostly used stuff and hand-me-downs bought off craigslist.  I mean, that's what we can afford on our own, and if it were for me, that would be totally fine and awesome. I guess I assumed that both of our families, and friends would want to make more of an effort to help us get ready for the baby. 

expat_canuck is offline  
Old 12-16-2010, 09:53 AM
 
~adorkable~'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: State Of Bliss
Posts: 4,400
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Yeah I'm ok with no gift, even though we could really use them being as we have our hands so full with two and the move witch was not our choice at all drain us finically and it will take months more to recover from that.

What I am missing right now is anyone in real life even checking in with me. I'm 34 weeks and no one seems to notice. If I were in either of the towns that most my friends are in, they would be setting up a food plan to bring dinner over for a fees weeks, I've been a part of a handful of them. It's that kind of love and support that I'm really miss. Out of sight outa mind I guess.

I keep telling myself that what I did get, the tea party was wonderful. And have decided to use it as the theme for my baby quilts I'm making (each of the 9blocks have a image from something that we experienced that month while preggo) embrace the positive right?

partners.gif 2twins.gif  So what if I don't fit cleanly into a defined parenting style, my kids don't fit into a personality archetype either!

 
~adorkable~ is offline  
Old 12-16-2010, 09:53 AM
 
whoami's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: saturn
Posts: 240
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

In a way I want one because then that would mean someone actually cared. Last time my mom threw me a suprise one and relatives flew out and such. I'm introvert though so parties are not my thing and I'm relieved we aren't having one. My friend is throwing her own party and said I should too. If I really wanted a bunch of stuff I suppose I'd do that but I don't. What kind of stings though is in my playgroup it's been tradition for everyone to get a diaper shower, but not me. It's usually a suprise and I suppose it could still happen but it's very unlikely. oh well. I would love some pampering though with a close friend or two.

whoami is offline  
Old 12-16-2010, 10:08 AM
 
annablue's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Utah
Posts: 277
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

This is my first and I didn't get a shower, either. It's not that I feel entitled to gifts, I just wish people cared. I walk around at church with my big belly and nobody says a word. Other than my parents, my relatives and in-laws show little to no interest in the pregnancy. I just want someone to ask how I'm doing, or how I decorated the nursery, or if there's anything I need.

annablue is offline  
Old 12-16-2010, 12:01 PM
 
bumminbeachbabe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Willamette Valley, Oregon
Posts: 228
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I understand the feeling. With my first my mom threw a shower and only 5 people showed up. None of them were even the people I'd grown up with. It was some random ladies that my mother in law invited at the last minute. It was kind of disappointing.

 

This time I had a friend who kept telling me that she wanted to throw me a "sprinkle". Now we're right on top of Christmas and nothing has happened. I don't think any of us really want showers for the gifts. It's more that we want people to share in the excitement of expanding our families.


Anjuli, SAHM to B (5-20-2008) and Wife to B (6-28-2006)
EDD 1/14/2011
bumminbeachbabe is offline  
Old 12-16-2010, 12:31 PM
 
thebeljur's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Orange County, California
Posts: 251
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I'm seriously tearing up over here for all of you.  To not feel cared for or celebrated....it's so unfortunate.  Hugs to you mamas.  hug2.gif 

I do think it's perfectly acceptable that you throw a celebration.  I know it's not the same thing as someone else doing it for you; I completely understand that.   I guess people might feel overwhelmed and distracted with the holidays so they're just not taking the initiative to organize something.  (Trying to give the benefit of the doubt.redface.gif)  Maybe you can just have a casual brunch or something to say you want to celebrate and honor this new life that's about to be welcomed into the world.  Tell them gifts aren't required, and that you just want them there to celebrate in your happiness by letting the world know how excited and happy you are. 


Angela -- mama to Jack (11/03), Adeline (6/06), Ella (11/08), and William (1/11). Accredited Leader: Attachment Parenting International of Orange County.h20homebirth.giffly-by-nursing2.gif homeschool.gif
thebeljur is offline  
Old 12-16-2010, 05:13 PM
 
thtr4me's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Sierra Madre
Posts: 345
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I really want a shower.  I don't want gifts, I just want family and friends over to eat cake and decorate quilt squares for the baby's quilt.  And just to come and celebrate the new baby growing and getting ready to be born.  But I get the feeling it won't happen unless I throw one myself.  And I kinda doubt people would come, since it is considered taboo to throw a shower (even if it is a no gift shower) for yourself.


Cristina, Mama to Michael 03-16-06, Nathan 01-16-11, and an angel 01-20-09,
Go with your gut, follow your heart.
thtr4me is offline  
Old 12-16-2010, 08:20 PM
 
~adorkable~'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: State Of Bliss
Posts: 4,400
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

 

 

Quote:
 I just want someone to ask how I'm doing, or how I decorated the nursery, or if there's anything I need.

yeah that, big time...


partners.gif 2twins.gif  So what if I don't fit cleanly into a defined parenting style, my kids don't fit into a personality archetype either!

 
~adorkable~ is offline  
Old 12-16-2010, 08:21 PM
myk
 
myk's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: small town manitoba
Posts: 999
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

well, if i can figure out how to do it without breaking the "throw yourself a party" etiquette.. when i first introduce katie to DH's work i'd like to make it an official "coming out" moment. nothing really fancy, just let all the employees know that on X date at Y time, katie will be coming to meet everyone, so everyone is welcome to join us. hopefully that'll be well received.


January 2011
myk is offline  
Old 12-16-2010, 10:50 PM
 
rosiewik's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 79
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by myk View Post

well, if i can figure out how to do it without breaking the "throw yourself a party" etiquette.. when i first introduce katie to DH's work i'd like to make it an official "coming out" moment. nothing really fancy, just let all the employees know that on X date at Y time, katie will be coming to meet everyone, so everyone is welcome to join us. hopefully that'll be well received.

 

I threw my own shower. A few relatives had expressed their intentions to throw a party just for women with a guess how fat you got, diaper a doll type thing going on. So.not.interested. Hubby and I had just moved so I threw a house warming/baby blessing/my birthday thing. I made a lot of food and asked people to contribute to a pot luck if they wanted. Some people brought gifts for my birthday, for the new house, for the baby on the way. It was co-ed, low key, and lots of fun. I played mix cds, people talked, snacked, and drank the wine punch I made. It was really nice. I didn't register for gifts anywhere so it didn't come off grabby. We mostly got blankets and onesies for the baby, so not exactly a ton of baby 'loot' but that hadn't been my aim. I just wanted to fuss over our baby a bit. I have no idea where the etiquette on this kind of party is, but I'd highly recommend celebrating yourself/baby to be and inviting others to do the same! 

 

I also intend to host a small friends/family "meet the baby" get together when the baby is a few months old as we live far from family and I think entertaining many visitors directly after birth will be too much for me. 

 

I think some people really freak out about shower etiquette, but the big idea at hand is your intent. Do you come off demanding and greedy or is your desire to simply celebrate motherhood/friends/family/new baby coming across loud and clear? I imagine most people simply want to be celebrated. Nothing wrong with that in my opinion! thumb.gif

rosiewik is offline  
Old 12-16-2010, 10:54 PM
 
allisonrose's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: NoVa
Posts: 1,996
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 5 Post(s)

The only thing I want is more consideration from my hubby. He watches me lift and carry around our 28 lb toddler without trying to see if he could carry him instead. He claimed he'd help me with the cloth diapers but that hasn't happened. I complain about how tired I am yet hubby shows little sympathy and complains himself about being tired. He even moves to the foot of the bed so that our son will come over and sleep directly next to me since our guy is a cuddly little sleeper - unfortunately he ends up on top of my body pillow often so I'm uncomfortable all.night.long. Plus my hubby often falls asleep while putting our son to bed. I'm lucky he does bed time but I get lonely without adult conversation.


Mama to Blake, 5, and Grant, 3
ribbonpb.gif
allisonrose is offline  
Old 12-17-2010, 09:18 AM
 
simonsez2u's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: in the land of the tickle monster
Posts: 479
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by allisonrose View Post

The only thing I want is more consideration from my hubby. He watches me lift and carry around our 28 lb toddler without trying to see if he could carry him instead... I complain about how tired I am yet hubby shows little sympathy and complains himself about being tired...


I hear ya sister!  I finally called my husband out on it the other day.  I basically told him he was doing a suck job of supporting me through out this pregnancy.  With the first he did great.  With this one not so much. 

 

Since I have few pregnancy symptoms like moodiness or morning sickness, I think he forgets that I'm pregnant.  I'm still terribly uncomfortable, grumpy from lack of sleep, and TIRED!  When I mention how tired I am and he follows with complaining how tired HE is I want to slap him angry.gif. I work AND my body is gestating so my tired trumps your tired buddy.
 


Wife to my love Ted, and Mama to DS  ('09)    DD  ('11)  DS ('12) love.gif!


 

            

simonsez2u is offline  
Old 01-02-2011, 05:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
momtoS's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 2,755
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)

Well everyone....has anyone had anyone plan something last minute? Or a spa day or anything?

 

Nothing for me. Found out my extreme exhaustion is caused from really low hemoglobin (yeah.....greensad.gif)

 

But no mention of me or baby or anythinggreensad.gif

momtoS is offline  
Old 01-02-2011, 05:46 PM
 
kblackstone444's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: MA
Posts: 3,735
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)

I wanted a shower.  greensad.gif  My Husband left me, his family (except my Father-in-Law) disowned me, all our mutual friends chose him, my own family lives far, far away, and for some reason, my co-workers didn't give me a shower- though they gave my other co-worker a baby shower last year.  My other son is 15 years old- I don't have anything left from his babyhood to pass down to this baby, I'm not in any financial situation to throw my own baby shower, and I don't even have anyone as a labor coach, so I really am going this all alone.  I hate to complain, but is it really too much to ask to be babies just a little bit?!  Just a little?


I pray for the day Family Court recognizes that CHILDREN have rights, parents only have PRIVILEGES.  Only then, will I know my child is safe.
kblackstone444 is offline  
Old 01-02-2011, 06:16 PM
 
PoppyMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: In my own delusions.
Posts: 3,126
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)

That just sucks!  I would like to kick your coworkers butts and I won't even post what I'd like seen done to your lousy husband.  Have you gotten hand me downs?  I was just thinking I'd send you my extra moby and then I remembered I donated it to a daycare so the lone tiny baby wouldn't be stuck in a crib all day.  We're both having boys and my last one was a boy so I'm just reusing stuff but if you could tell us if there was anything you really had wanted that you didn't get maybe somebody has it.  I bet I have too much of something and if I have anything that you need I would love to send you a care package.  No luck in finding a doula in training who would take you on for free?  I just can't comprehend that, if anyone deserves a doula donating their time you do.  

PoppyMama is offline  
Old 01-02-2011, 07:32 PM
 
kblackstone444's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: MA
Posts: 3,735
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by PoppyMama View Post

That just sucks!  I would like to kick your coworkers butts and I won't even post what I'd like seen done to your lousy husband.  Have you gotten hand me downs?  I was just thinking I'd send you my extra moby and then I remembered I donated it to a daycare so the lone tiny baby wouldn't be stuck in a crib all day.  We're both having boys and my last one was a boy so I'm just reusing stuff but if you could tell us if there was anything you really had wanted that you didn't get maybe somebody has it.  I bet I have too much of something and if I have anything that you need I would love to send you a care package.  No luck in finding a doula in training who would take you on for free?  I just can't comprehend that, if anyone deserves a doula donating their time you do.  


My sister just had twin girls, so I'm set for clothes up to the 6 month size, but after that... everything she owns is pink.  I almost had a doula in training, but she lost interest, now it's kinda late- I'm 37 weeks.

 

Didn't mean to hijack the thread- sometimes you just have to let it all out, and finally, somebody else was complaining about not getting a baby shower as well, made me feel, well, not so ungrateful as I've been feeling, you know?


I pray for the day Family Court recognizes that CHILDREN have rights, parents only have PRIVILEGES.  Only then, will I know my child is safe.
kblackstone444 is offline  
Old 01-02-2011, 08:25 PM
myk
 
myk's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: small town manitoba
Posts: 999
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by kblackstone444 View Post

I wanted a shower.  greensad.gif  My Husband left me, his family (except my Father-in-Law) disowned me, all our mutual friends chose him, my own family lives far, far away, and for some reason, my co-workers didn't give me a shower- though they gave my other co-worker a baby shower last year.  My other son is 15 years old- I don't have anything left from his babyhood to pass down to this baby, I'm not in any financial situation to throw my own baby shower, and I don't even have anyone as a labor coach, so I really am going this all alone.  I hate to complain, but is it really too much to ask to be babies just a little bit?!  Just a little?


that's awful. i'm so sorry. i was completely on my own when i had my first.. except i DID have family. i can't believe all your mutual friends are so unsupportive. and i wish your coworkers did something for you, just to be nice. you deserve so much more than you've been given.


January 2011
myk is offline  
Old 01-02-2011, 10:15 PM
 
PoppyMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: In my own delusions.
Posts: 3,126
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)

If I remember correctly you are having your baby at one of the nicer hospitals.  You might try contacting the closest county hospital to where you're going and see if they have a group of volunteer doulas and explain your situation.  I'm not planning on giving birth at the hospital but I was in a car accident recently and spent the day in OB at the county hospital and they had fliers for a volunteer group you could call when you were going in to have your baby and they would send someone out for free.  I'm sure they would not provide that much support against hospital policy but it would be someone there to be nice to you and be on your team.

PoppyMama is offline  
Old 01-02-2011, 10:17 PM
 
PoppyMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: In my own delusions.
Posts: 3,126
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)

Since you don't drive do you have good baby carrier?  Keep in touch and let me know your babies size.  Mine are born in opposite seasons and I'm in TX so there may be bigger clothes that will never be weather appropriate.

PoppyMama is offline  
Old 01-03-2011, 11:31 AM
 
NaturalMama311's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Maryland
Posts: 496
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I am with you, I am in need of some pampering myself but I doubt I will get it anytime soon.  DH took off work for over 2 weeks at the end of the year because he had to use his vacay time or lose it.  I thought it would be a nice two weeks of having him around to help out with DD and get a little rest but noooooo-----all I heard was that it was HIS vacation and he wanted to relax.  We did get some stuff done for the baby's room and spent some nice family time together but I was glad to have him go back to work today!  I felt like it was more work having him around every day because I constantly had to clean up after him and DD, plus all my other chores and shopping, wrapping, baking, decorating, etc for the holidays.  Now that he's back to work I feel like I can breathe a little. 

 

I know I'm not getting a shower, especially this late in the game.  But some time off to rest would be a real treat - DH thinks watching DD while I go to the grocery store should be enough time away for me.  eyesroll.gif  He did just mention over the weekend that I should set up a girls night soon so I can get out of the house before baby is born - then he followed it up with telling me that I should do that because HE is going to hang out with the guys this weekend so I should find some time to hang out with the girls.  Well it was nice of him to say that but then I realized he has ulterior motives. 

 

I just wish men could somehow feel for ONE day what we go through being pregnant - the exhaustion, the aches and pains, the heartburn, the feeling of being kicked on the inside, the crazy hormones and mood swings, the feeling of being completely overwhelmed by life and kids and husbands and everything else that we have to deal with!  Maybe then they would have a little empathy and give us some time offdizzy.gif


Wife to DH, Mommy to Amber 10/01/08 and Kyle 01/09/11
NaturalMama311 is offline  
Old 01-03-2011, 12:02 PM
 
Pirogi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 950
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by Simonsez2u View Post

 

Since I have few pregnancy symptoms like moodiness or morning sickness, I think he forgets that I'm pregnant.  I'm still terribly uncomfortable, grumpy from lack of sleep, and TIRED!  When I mention how tired I am and he follows with complaining how tired HE is I want to slap him angry.gif. I work AND my body is gestating so my tired trumps your tired buddy.
 


My DH does this too.  Blah.
 

Pirogi is offline  
 
User Tag List

Thread Tools


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off