How long after birth will you allow/have company? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 13 Old 01-06-2011, 06:20 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I am trying to figure out what is reasonable. My relatives, even ones who have not seen me in a year will be knocking at my door 2 hours after I have the baby......I DON"T want that.

 

How long is a reasonable time to say no to visitors?

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#2 of 13 Old 01-06-2011, 06:31 AM
 
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I think I'm going to have my parents and DH's parents visit at the hospital and 2 different couples that we know. One is our baby's god parents and the other are two really close friends. But as far as when I'm home I want no visitors for about a week. My in-laws live a mile down the road from us but I know that they will be really respectful about calling before visiting (I hope) but my mother, who drives me insane, is retiring about a month after the baby is born and I know that I will have to practically beat her off with a stick to keep her away. After all, in her mind, I am having this baby for her. shrug.gif


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#3 of 13 Old 01-06-2011, 07:49 AM
 
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My parents and DH's parents will be coming to the hospital - my parents will be watching DD for us so they will have to bring her to the hospital before we leave.  As for friends and other family, I'm not really sure who will come to the hospital I just hope they have the decency to at least call first.  I don't mind visitors, as long as they are healthy and let us know ahead of time that they are coming.

 

When I had DD I had to have a c-section and my aunt, uncle and cousin showed up at the hospital completely unannounced just a few hours after the birth.  I was still doped up on morphine from the surgery, had a catheter in, trying my best to start breastfeeding and as puffy as a balloon from all the IV fluids.  I was so annoyed that they just showed up and walked into the room without even knocking!  And these are relatives that I only see at Christmas so I'm not even close with them.  When I saw them at Christmas they asked three separate times where we were having this baby and I almost wanted to lie so they didn't do the same thing again!  But instead I'm just going to ask our parents not to tell anyone that the baby has arrived until we're ready for visitors, that way we'll be ready for visitors even if they show up unannounced. 

 


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#4 of 13 Old 01-08-2011, 01:39 PM
 
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I have let everyone know that grandparents are welcome at the hospital and everyone else can wait until we get home. Most of my family is local so we want to have the first couple of days to ourselves. My mom will bring DD to the hospital right away and then we will call MIL & FIL who may or may not come visit. Hopefully g-parents will handle calling everyone. I don't think I can keep visitors away for long, as long as they aren't annoying and play with DD 1st they can hang out for a bit..and they better bring food!

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#5 of 13 Old 01-08-2011, 06:38 PM
 
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can't you tell your nurses who you do/do not want visiting?  Our neighbor is a post partum nurse and she says they have various policies in place to keep the visitor situation under control.  


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#6 of 13 Old 01-09-2011, 02:42 PM
 
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Well I had a c-section and there were problems with my bladder so I had a catheter for like 3 days. Not fun, and certainly something I wanted anyone else to see - ugh. I told the nurses not to give out my information, and apparently it is hospital policy anyway, so if you don't tell them you are there or what room are in, they can't ask for the information. Ah that was so great, my mom called my cell wanting my phone # and room # and I told her there was no phone because it cost money (sometimes that is true) and then just said that because of the extent of surgery - which was a longer operation than most, that they suggested I not see anyone because my blood pressure was low and they wanted me to rest.

 

Recovery hasn't been great, my mom is coming on Monday to help out since DH has to go to work to get his computer. She will be the first visitor and it will be a little less than a week later.


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#7 of 13 Old 01-11-2011, 06:53 AM
 
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Hi Mamas,

 

It's so personal.  And I think it depends on the visitors, too.  I'm planning an HBAC and I'm hoping one of my two best friends will be here to help wrangle DD and DS.  My sister, niece, and best friends from work will be welcome for short (15 min) visits soon after.  The midwives strictly enforce a short-visits and mother-must-rest policy and anyone who wants to stay longer than 15 minutes must clean or bring food :) (which they would do anyway).

 

My parents are in their 80's and don't travel well, I don't think they'll meet DC #3 until we bring the babe up there.  My MIL and FIL will need cardia resuscitation after the shock of finding out we HB'd but when they recover they will be welcome after the 2 week mark.

 

Those are my rules :)  I'm a married adult, this isn't an open for business office or something, and nobody can pile in on me without my permission.  DH will just show them the door.

 

XO

 

-Xen


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#8 of 13 Old 01-11-2011, 07:18 AM
 
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Quote:

Originally Posted by Xenopus View Post

 

Those are my rules :)  I'm a married adult, this isn't an open for business office or something, and nobody can pile in on me without my permission.  DH will just show them the door.

 

XO

 

-Xen


I like that :-)


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#9 of 13 Old 01-11-2011, 08:05 AM
 
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My situation is different b/c we are 7 hrs away from all family and friends. My mom & MIL will be on there way as soon as they hear we are in labor. We will have someone watch DS until they get here...don't really have that many people close to us so I prefer our moms to take care of DS asap.  They will both probably stay a couple days. Each are coming back at some point to stay for a week or so. Then hubby's grandmother will come as well for a week or 2. She's very active for her age. But besides that I won't have people just stopping by b/c all aunts, uncles, etc are far away.


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#10 of 13 Old 01-11-2011, 09:33 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Xenopus View Post

Hi Mamas,

 

It's so personal.  And I think it depends on the visitors, too.  I'm planning an HBAC and I'm hoping one of my two best friends will be here to help wrangle DD and DS.  My sister, niece, and best friends from work will be welcome for short (15 min) visits soon after.  The midwives strictly enforce a short-visits and mother-must-rest policy and anyone who wants to stay longer than 15 minutes must clean or bring food :) (which they would do anyway).

 

 How do the midwives enforce this?

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#11 of 13 Old 01-12-2011, 06:16 AM
 
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Oh, good question. I should have said, they put up a sign... reinforce DH's and my desire to keep people out.  And strongly encourage it.  But, yeah, they don't post an armed guard.

 

It's easier when one can say, "My midwife says (or my doctor says) no long visits."  People seem to respect that more than Mom's wishes.  (sadly.)


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#12 of 13 Old 01-12-2011, 08:10 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lillymonster View Post

 

 

Recovery hasn't been great, my mom is coming on Monday to help out since DH has to go to work to get his computer. She will be the first visitor and it will be a little less than a week later.



I just wanted to update, I had my mom come to help me with my older daughter, since I feel like she has been a little neglected. BAD idea, basically ignored my daughter in order to hold my baby, talk to me. I got no nap, my baby got no sleep, and my poor older daughter was acting badly the rest of the day. So I am not having anymore visitors. If you have other children, I think the attention on the baby from other people is harder for them then the just having another baby in the house. Just something to consider.


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#13 of 13 Old 01-12-2011, 10:44 AM
 
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nak

 

I had originally been planning 2 weeks before visitors. I went stir-crazy after 3 days and called a couple of friends to come over, and it was the best thing I could have done. Since then we've had company every day or two.  Yet another thing that went completely differently than I anticipated.

 

That said, we have no family within driving distance. I might feel differently if we did.

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