Any advice for telling the dad? - Mothering Forums
Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 25 Old 06-07-2010, 10:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
smeep's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 2,812
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
I haven't been seeing him for very long (about a month and a half) and found out on Friday that I'm pregnant (and, yes, I was responsible about it, this bean just wanted to show up now I guess). All the guy friends I've asked have said I should tell him in person, but I may not be able to (basically, he lives 45 minutes away and broke his phone yesterday so I don't know if he's still coming by tomorrow like we discussed). Any tips? What to say, what to do, or what not to say/do? Hopefully I can tell him in person, but I'm incredibly nervous either way. Logic says he'll stick around, but I'm paranoid anyways.

- Emy . Single mom to DS nut.gif Ezra (15.12.05), angel2.gif Thames (reincarnated 18.04.08) and DD rainbow1284.gif babyf.gif Allora (11.02.11) and dog2.gif Hoppylactivist.gif  novaxnocirc.gif  waterbirth.jpg fambedsingle2.gif bfinfant.giffemalesling.GIFcd.gif

smeep is offline  
#2 of 25 Old 06-08-2010, 12:00 AM
 
nintendork's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Carrollton, TX
Posts: 1,016
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
This is a tough one, without knowing the guy it is hard to give advice. I would say go with your intuition on this. Personally I would like to be told in person.

Wife of the husbandit and mommy to the wonderful G-Mack, born 1/30/2011
 
nintendork is offline  
#3 of 25 Old 06-08-2010, 12:04 AM
 
chely7425's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Washington
Posts: 3,649
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
DDCC but I was in a VERY similar situation when my now DH and I got pregnant with our first. Our first date was July 14th and I found out I was pregnant August 6th... so yeah, I feel your pain!! I didn't handle it so gracefully.. I called him freaking out after I took the test asking if he hated me. Thankfully he had a lot more grace under pressure than I did!! I think telling him in person is ideal but however you tell him will be fine, it is what you guys do with this turn of evens that really matters, not how you tell him.

Rachel, proud Army wife to my superhero.gif and SAHM to my crazy boys jumpers.gif... Trevor 4/08, Trenton 6/09 and Travis 10/10
chely7425 is offline  
#4 of 25 Old 06-08-2010, 12:13 AM - Thread Starter
 
smeep's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 2,812
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Rachel - Wow! So glad to hear a similar situation that turned out well! Our first "date" was 28th April...so I have a bit more time under my belt than you did, haha. I just hope it works out as well! Thanks for making me feel better.

- Emy . Single mom to DS nut.gif Ezra (15.12.05), angel2.gif Thames (reincarnated 18.04.08) and DD rainbow1284.gif babyf.gif Allora (11.02.11) and dog2.gif Hoppylactivist.gif  novaxnocirc.gif  waterbirth.jpg fambedsingle2.gif bfinfant.giffemalesling.GIFcd.gif

smeep is offline  
#5 of 25 Old 06-08-2010, 01:07 AM
 
MaerynPearl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Hubert NC
Posts: 14,540
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
DDCC -My fiance and I had been together 2 years when this one decided to show up... though we had only been together in person a total of a bit over a month...

My ex husband and I had been together 2 months when my son decided that no condom can hold him back lol

and my first baby I had been dating the guy and living with him for 3 months when baby showed up (unfortunately I lost that baby)

I seem to have this odd track record with that...

All said, I have gotten 3 different responses. First swore it wasnt his kid and I cheated on him. However, at the time, he was cheating on me. Guilt, I think, played a huge part of that accusation. Second got really depressed but stuck around. If it werent for eventually getting my daughter out of it as well, I almost wish he hadnt. Hes not around much now. And current was so excited... he put up pics from both of my ultrasounds on his desk at work because he is so excited to be a daddy! We were really hoping to wait until we got married... but he came home from Iraq and was very impatient I guess lol.

So really, it depends highly on the guy and a little on the situation (but MOSTLY on the guy)

Its best to tell him in person though. I wish I could have told DF in person, he had already gone back to where he is stationed by the time I got my BFP and I had to call him on the phone to tell him.

Artist, photographer, stay-at-home-mom and Marine wife. Mom to 4; a boy and three little girls.
MaerynPearl is offline  
#6 of 25 Old 06-08-2010, 10:35 AM
 
Tresa's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 250
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
He's dating you, a woman with a kid already, so he's got to be okay with the idea of kids. Right?

Men generally know how it works, the sex and conception thing, and they know there can be surprises.

I'd tell him the next time you talk to him, if it's in person or on the phone. Or if you think in person would be better (I think your men friends recommending you do it in person is a strong persuasion to go with that plan), tell him you need to see him SOON.

Congratulations

Mommy to ds (4.5), dd(3) and growing a little Valentine's Day babe!
Tresa is offline  
#7 of 25 Old 06-08-2010, 01:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
smeep's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 2,812
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tresa View Post
He's dating you, a woman with a kid already, so he's got to be okay with the idea of kids. Right?

Men generally know how it works, the sex and conception thing, and they know there can be surprises.

I'd tell him the next time you talk to him, if it's in person or on the phone. Or if you think in person would be better (I think your men friends recommending you do it in person is a strong persuasion to go with that plan), tell him you need to see him SOON.

Congratulations
Yeah, he was even once engaged to a woman with three kids so he obviously is okay with the idea. He even jokingly said once, "You could be pregnant right now." And of course I was all, "Nooooooooo way!!!! That's why we have contraceptives!" I can't remember if that was the night I suspect we conceived, or the week after...either way, it looks like he was right. I know he was just kidding, but most guys who would run upon finding out they got someone pregnant wouldn't even JOKE about it. Ugh, if I don't hear from him today I'm going to tell him it's important...which I wanted to avoid because I don't want him to suspect, but then again maybe it would give him a little warning to get used to the idea?

And, thanks.

- Emy . Single mom to DS nut.gif Ezra (15.12.05), angel2.gif Thames (reincarnated 18.04.08) and DD rainbow1284.gif babyf.gif Allora (11.02.11) and dog2.gif Hoppylactivist.gif  novaxnocirc.gif  waterbirth.jpg fambedsingle2.gif bfinfant.giffemalesling.GIFcd.gif

smeep is offline  
#8 of 25 Old 06-08-2010, 07:48 PM
 
OkiMom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 5,407
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
No btdt advice but I do know you need to tell him soon. One of my friends got pregnant with her ex-boyfriends child, found out shortly after they split, and decided to wait to tell him so she could adjust. Someone mentioned to him that she had been sick all the time and he put 2 and 2 together. He was very upset and hurt that she hadn't told him before. Any chance he could find out about it from someone else then you really need to tell him ASAP whether in person or over the phone.

~Heather~ Mama to Miss E (1/07), Miss A (11/08), Mr.T (2/11) and Miss A (10/12) Expecting our newest blessing sometime late Sept/early Oct.. Wife to my Marine since 11/2005
OkiMom is offline  
#9 of 25 Old 06-08-2010, 10:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
smeep's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 2,812
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
I messaged him on facebook and told him I needed to talk to him about something important and to either fix his phone and call me or come over. I'm sure he'll guess what it's about (what else would I need to talk to him about that's important?)...I'm just hoping he gets back to me soon!

- Emy . Single mom to DS nut.gif Ezra (15.12.05), angel2.gif Thames (reincarnated 18.04.08) and DD rainbow1284.gif babyf.gif Allora (11.02.11) and dog2.gif Hoppylactivist.gif  novaxnocirc.gif  waterbirth.jpg fambedsingle2.gif bfinfant.giffemalesling.GIFcd.gif

smeep is offline  
#10 of 25 Old 06-10-2010, 06:01 AM
 
SJ78's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Dubai
Posts: 38
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Hi Emy, Congrats

did you finally get to see him/talk to him? how did he take it? I'm sure he'd be excited

keep us posted

take care

Sharifa
SJ78 is offline  
#11 of 25 Old 06-10-2010, 11:26 AM
 
nintendork's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Carrollton, TX
Posts: 1,016
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Yes, how did it go? I have been thinking of you and hoping all is well.

Wife of the husbandit and mommy to the wonderful G-Mack, born 1/30/2011
 
nintendork is offline  
#12 of 25 Old 06-10-2010, 11:57 AM - Thread Starter
 
smeep's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 2,812
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
I haven't heard from him yet, but he doesn't get online often. I'm getting so impatient waiting!!!

- Emy . Single mom to DS nut.gif Ezra (15.12.05), angel2.gif Thames (reincarnated 18.04.08) and DD rainbow1284.gif babyf.gif Allora (11.02.11) and dog2.gif Hoppylactivist.gif  novaxnocirc.gif  waterbirth.jpg fambedsingle2.gif bfinfant.giffemalesling.GIFcd.gif

smeep is offline  
#13 of 25 Old 06-10-2010, 12:46 PM
 
MissMorgan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 274
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
ddcc
My partner and I had not been dating for terribly long (3 months?) before this little one decided it was time. I was SO SCARED to tell him.. believe me! I've thrown up twice in this pregnancy.. once last week when I had to put my cat down and once right before I had to tell him. I was afraid he would leave, or act like a jerk and accuse me of stuff. BUT! I was SO SO WRONG! We both cried when I told him but he has been the most wonderful supportive person in the entire world. I love this man more and more every day! I wish the best for you and while I know its nerve wrecking the best thing to do, really, is try to tell him face to face!
MissMorgan is offline  
#14 of 25 Old 06-10-2010, 01:27 PM
 
nintendork's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Carrollton, TX
Posts: 1,016
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My best friend ever (a guy) met a girl online a couple of years ago, they ended up DTD on their 3rd date and lo and behold she was pregnant! We were all shocked but now they have a beautiful two year old daughter and a son due in October. We often comment that Emily (his wife) is the best thing that ever happened to him and they are one of the happiest couples we know. Its funny because he married his high school sweetheart after being together for 5+ years and they were divorced before they made it to their one year anniversary (she cheated).

Wife of the husbandit and mommy to the wonderful G-Mack, born 1/30/2011
 
nintendork is offline  
#15 of 25 Old 06-11-2010, 09:15 AM
 
echospiritwarrior's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 2,194
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
congrats! I hope it goes smoothly! update us when you can.

orngbiggrin.gif mom of three with stork-suprise.gif on the way

echospiritwarrior is offline  
#16 of 25 Old 06-11-2010, 11:40 AM - Thread Starter
 
smeep's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 2,812
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Thanks for all the positive stories!

He finally messaged me back last night. He asked what I wanted to talk to him about, so I just told him. I soooo wanted to tell him in person, but oh well. It was hard to gauge his reaction (obviously, since I couldn't see his reaction in person). He seems a bit in denial like I was, and seems to be leaning toward not keeping it but it looks like he'll stick around. We talked for over three hours and he's going to try and come over Sunday (his suggestion) so those are good signs. I'm that he really will stick around!!!

- Emy . Single mom to DS nut.gif Ezra (15.12.05), angel2.gif Thames (reincarnated 18.04.08) and DD rainbow1284.gif babyf.gif Allora (11.02.11) and dog2.gif Hoppylactivist.gif  novaxnocirc.gif  waterbirth.jpg fambedsingle2.gif bfinfant.giffemalesling.GIFcd.gif

smeep is offline  
#17 of 25 Old 06-11-2010, 11:54 AM
 
nintendork's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Carrollton, TX
Posts: 1,016
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I think him wanting to come over Sunday is a GREAT sign. Gives him time to process but he still wants to see you. Hope things just get better from here!

Wife of the husbandit and mommy to the wonderful G-Mack, born 1/30/2011
 
nintendork is offline  
#18 of 25 Old 06-11-2010, 12:28 PM - Thread Starter
 
smeep's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 2,812
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Yeah, it was completely his suggestion, so I take it as a very good sign. I'm glad it's gone relatively well thus far.

So you're near me, I see! When's your EDD? Mine is the 9th, but I'm not expecting it until at LEAST the 16th (based on when DS, myself and my siblings were all born - 41-43 weeks). If you need any local references, or just local crunchy mama support, let me know!

- Emy . Single mom to DS nut.gif Ezra (15.12.05), angel2.gif Thames (reincarnated 18.04.08) and DD rainbow1284.gif babyf.gif Allora (11.02.11) and dog2.gif Hoppylactivist.gif  novaxnocirc.gif  waterbirth.jpg fambedsingle2.gif bfinfant.giffemalesling.GIFcd.gif

smeep is offline  
#19 of 25 Old 06-11-2010, 12:51 PM
 
nintendork's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Carrollton, TX
Posts: 1,016
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
EDD is Feb. 4th according to Fertility friend and Feb. 1st according to everyone else lol. Thanks for the support, where in Dallas are you?

Wife of the husbandit and mommy to the wonderful G-Mack, born 1/30/2011
 
nintendork is offline  
#20 of 25 Old 06-11-2010, 02:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
smeep's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 2,812
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
If you know your O date just count 38 weeks from that.

I'm in the Lakewood area, near downtown Dallas.

- Emy . Single mom to DS nut.gif Ezra (15.12.05), angel2.gif Thames (reincarnated 18.04.08) and DD rainbow1284.gif babyf.gif Allora (11.02.11) and dog2.gif Hoppylactivist.gif  novaxnocirc.gif  waterbirth.jpg fambedsingle2.gif bfinfant.giffemalesling.GIFcd.gif

smeep is offline  
#21 of 25 Old 06-11-2010, 05:46 PM
 
echospiritwarrior's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 2,194
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
sounds promising!!!

orngbiggrin.gif mom of three with stork-suprise.gif on the way

echospiritwarrior is offline  
#22 of 25 Old 06-15-2010, 12:49 AM - Thread Starter
 
smeep's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 2,812
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
So he came over. We stayed up for hours talking (DS was at my parents house for the night). He knows I'm set on keeping the baby and he's set on being a daddy to it! : It was a lovely night and morning. He's absolutely amazing. None of this is exactly ideal, but we're going to work through it for this baby. I'm finally really getting excited and happy about this baby, and he is as well. We are now also "officially" dating, haha. It's weird calling him my boyfriend now! One negative? He's got issues with blood and guts from humans, haha. Which means I'm going to have to team up with my midwife to help him get over it before the baby gets here so he can be there completely to support me. I'm calling my midwife tomorrow to make an appointment which he said he'll go to. Now here's to hoping he gets a new phone soon!

Thanks for all your support, everyone!

- Emy . Single mom to DS nut.gif Ezra (15.12.05), angel2.gif Thames (reincarnated 18.04.08) and DD rainbow1284.gif babyf.gif Allora (11.02.11) and dog2.gif Hoppylactivist.gif  novaxnocirc.gif  waterbirth.jpg fambedsingle2.gif bfinfant.giffemalesling.GIFcd.gif

smeep is offline  
#23 of 25 Old 06-15-2010, 12:56 AM - Thread Starter
 
smeep's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 2,812
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Oh! And he's totally on board with most of my parenting choices. He's fine with full term nursing (I specifically asked if he would have issues if our kid was still nursing at 4 years old and he said not at all), cloth diapering, homebirthing, etc. The only one he's hung up on is vaccinations, so I'll be gathering resources for him to do his own research. I told him I would NOT be circumcising our child (if it's a boy) under any circumstances. His reply? "Doesn't that cost money?" I told him that I THINK Medicaid still covers it in Texas (couldn't remember for sure) and his reply to that was, "That's BS! OUR tax dollars go to THAT?!" Amazing man, he is.

- Emy . Single mom to DS nut.gif Ezra (15.12.05), angel2.gif Thames (reincarnated 18.04.08) and DD rainbow1284.gif babyf.gif Allora (11.02.11) and dog2.gif Hoppylactivist.gif  novaxnocirc.gif  waterbirth.jpg fambedsingle2.gif bfinfant.giffemalesling.GIFcd.gif

smeep is offline  
#24 of 25 Old 06-15-2010, 08:27 AM
 
Momma Moo Martin's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Southern Illinois
Posts: 420
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
That's great, Emy! I'm so glad everything went so well!
On a side note, I didn't realize there were crunchy men just walking around out there - I thought they all had to be converted by crunchy women!

Momma to my beautiful blessing pinktongue.gif (Nov '08) and two Spirit babies angel3.gif (Dec '09) and angel2.gif (July '10)
 
 
 
 
Momma Moo Martin is offline  
#25 of 25 Old 06-15-2010, 11:42 AM - Thread Starter
 
smeep's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 2,812
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Right?? Haha. He's always been a bit of a naturalist, and just grew into it more and more. He also took a feminist class in college that I guess covered a lot of crunchy stuff. I can't believe I got so lucky!!!

- Emy . Single mom to DS nut.gif Ezra (15.12.05), angel2.gif Thames (reincarnated 18.04.08) and DD rainbow1284.gif babyf.gif Allora (11.02.11) and dog2.gif Hoppylactivist.gif  novaxnocirc.gif  waterbirth.jpg fambedsingle2.gif bfinfant.giffemalesling.GIFcd.gif

smeep is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off