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#31 of 57 Old 09-01-2010, 11:30 PM
 
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Oh Ericka. I wish you and your family peace after a time. Your family and little Landon will be in my thoughts so very much. You hang in there, just keep swimming, and allow yourself time to grieve mama.

Eleanor- Mama to Awesome Jacksonblueman.gif (1.0) and Rad Alli dust.gif(2.0) King Julianecbaby.gif (3.0) who was released to rave reviews in February.
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#32 of 57 Old 09-01-2010, 11:47 PM - Thread Starter
 
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The longer the night goes on, the harder this gets. DBF has fallen asleep. and I was ok for most of the day, but now the pain seems so raw. All i want to do it go get Landen's little box and sit and talk to him, but I don't think that is very healthy for my healing. I feel like I will wake up tomorrow and this is all a bad dream. So selfish to think WHY ME? What did I do wrong? We loved this little guy so much. I just can't stop the tears at this point. I'm usually the strong one..

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#33 of 57 Old 09-02-2010, 12:29 AM
 
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Oh, Erika, I am so so sorry. That is so scary and so sad and I am just so sorry for your loss. I'm so sorry for your precious little one. I am glad you did get to hold him. I don't know really know anything about grief and healing, but I, personally, don't find anything wrong with looking at him again and talking to him. This is horrible and tragic and shocking and something that just happened so you need time to heal. No one can expect you to "get over" this immediately or even real soon. Does your hospital have a loss support group? I know many hospitals and churches do. I know that's not what you want right now, but when you feel strong enough, it might be comforting. I'm just so sorry. No mother should ever have to go through this.

Milly, stumbling horribly on God's path, married to my amazing Superhero, and mama to my 3 awesome boys, and my amazing rainbow baby girl!  Missing our Little One, lost 11/09, and our son, stillborn 11/10

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#34 of 57 Old 09-02-2010, 12:43 AM
 
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Oh mama. I am so sorry.

Living my dream. wife to dh, mom to ds1 (9/07) and ds2 (2/11), owned by pug and cat. Does it get any better than this?joy.gif
 
 
 
 
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#35 of 57 Old 09-02-2010, 02:04 AM
 
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The questions are the hardest. The 'why did this happen with all the love around' ones. Love to you and your bf, hold onto each other and your other children, and celebrate the short love infused existence lived by little Landen. I've been there, same kind of timing. My heart goes out to you.
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#36 of 57 Old 09-02-2010, 02:12 AM
 
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I'm so sorry for your loss. I wish we always got to know why. I'm glad you didn't have to get the d & c so you got the chance to hold and name your son.

Quote:
Originally Posted by eakelly5 View Post
The longer the night goes on, the harder this gets. DBF has fallen asleep. and I was ok for most of the day, but now the pain seems so raw. All i want to do it go get Landen's little box and sit and talk to him, but I don't think that is very healthy for my healing. I feel like I will wake up tomorrow and this is all a bad dream. So selfish to think WHY ME? What did I do wrong? We loved this little guy so much. I just can't stop the tears at this point. I'm usually the strong one..
Talk to him. Why not? How could it be bad for you to say goodbye? Don't we all do that with funerals anyway? Isn't it considered normal when a person talks to a deceased family member at their grave?

Bri helpmeet to Chaise mama to K(2/07)  M(3/09) & A(2/11)

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#37 of 57 Old 09-02-2010, 07:24 AM
 
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I'm so sorry for your loss.

Sarahknit.gifmarried to Kylehopmad.gif Mama to Orion  bouncy.gif08/07 and introducing Alice! babygirl.gif 02/11
DCP to 1 busy munchkin! and a CRST too!
 
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#38 of 57 Old 09-02-2010, 08:04 AM
 
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My heart is breaking for you...
Sending you love and healing thoughts...

Coco
xx

Celebrating the arrival of our twins twins.gifCharlie & Chloe, born Jan 28th 2011 !

 


 

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#39 of 57 Old 09-02-2010, 08:39 AM
 
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I am so so sorry for your loss.

J & A together for 6 years love.gif married since 11/09 & so in love with our DD, Reed Kylie born 2/5/11! stillheart.gif
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#40 of 57 Old 09-02-2010, 11:36 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Milly_P View Post
I am glad you did get to hold him. I don't know really know anything about grief and healing, but I, personally, don't find anything wrong with looking at him again and talking to him.
I completely agree with this. I know I would feel the same way, Erika. You might also want to consider having a formal funeral or other ceremony with family and friends. It would allow you to grieve deeply and be supported by those who love you.

stork-girl.gif She's here! She's here! She's here!
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#41 of 57 Old 09-02-2010, 01:04 PM
 
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I am so so sorry for your loss.


Feelings of anger and sadness are normal, take the time to heal and please be gentle with yourself.

Michelle ~
Mama to ~ Finnegan(10/06) ~ Samuel (7/08) ~ Henry (2/11) ~ He's here! joy.gif Baxter (11/12)

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#42 of 57 Old 09-02-2010, 01:41 PM
 
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I am so sorry for your loss.
Jenne

joy.gifOur joy is born!  joy.gif
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#43 of 57 Old 09-02-2010, 01:44 PM
 
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I am so sorry Take care of yourself.

Wife to J, SAHM to W (03/06) ribboncesarean.gif at 32w4d, C (10/08) ribboncesarean.gif, and H (02/11) ribboncesarean.gif

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#44 of 57 Old 09-02-2010, 06:36 PM
 
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I'm so very sorry.

A & A treehugger.gif (09-02), DS - Rain Wildcoolshine.gif (09-05) , DD - Noa Sage goldfish.gif (06-08) & DS - Silas Blaze heartbeat.gif (02-11)   homebirth.jpg  winner.jpg
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#45 of 57 Old 09-02-2010, 06:40 PM
 
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Oh god, I'm so very sorry. just heart breaking.

Texmati-- Knitter, Hindu, vegetarian, WOHM. Wife to superdadsuperhero.gif and mom to DS babyf.gif24 months, and DD boc.gif 8 months! .

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#46 of 57 Old 09-02-2010, 07:06 PM
 
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Erika, words cannot express how sorry I am for you. This is truly heartbreaking to read, and I hope you find some healing and solace over the next few weeks. Be gentle with yourself, you've just been through something traumatic.

Sarah~ Crunchy, Wiccan, AP, Gemini mama who loves her amazing 3 year old little man and energetic DH. Learning to cope with the idea of a 2nd son.
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#47 of 57 Old 09-02-2010, 07:24 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you all for the kind, thoughtful responses, I've read every single one. I ended up having to go in for a D+C anyway this morning because I woke up in the middle of the night with awful pain and passing baseball sized clots (sorry, I know that is way TMI). I'm feeling as ok as can be expected today, although I'm sure the pain meds they gave me are taking the sting away a little bit. It's just so hard to think that just a few days ago we were making plans for finding out the sex, the kids were so excited.. and then I had to tell them the baby had died. My daughter especially is devastated. It's so hard to watch her grief.. as she said to me yesterday "We don't have a Baby Mango anymore. Now we have a Baby Angel" we all cried.. This all still seems so surreal.

erika w/ds geek.gif(10.5), ddhearts.gif(8.5), dss sleepytime.gif(3.5)
Missing angel2.gif9/1/10 @ 15 weeks, and angel.gif2/14/11 @ 13 weeks
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#48 of 57 Old 09-02-2010, 09:35 PM
 
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So, so sorry, Erika. I will be praying for you and your family. Let yourself grieve and reach out to others for help.

Milly, stumbling horribly on God's path, married to my amazing Superhero, and mama to my 3 awesome boys, and my amazing rainbow baby girl!  Missing our Little One, lost 11/09, and our son, stillborn 11/10

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#49 of 57 Old 09-02-2010, 09:58 PM
 
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Love and light, mama.

Nessa, DD1 (5) DD2 (3) & expecting again in late February/early March!
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#50 of 57 Old 09-03-2010, 01:56 PM
 
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(((hugs)))

Amee + James (1998) =
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Asheby "Bear" (November 2006)
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#51 of 57 Old 09-03-2010, 05:24 PM
 
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mama, I'm so sorry!!! When I lost my last one it was a D&C so I was never able to take him home (so-called "biohazard" - I regret it to this day) and they were shocked but granted my request to see him even though it was "just tissue." I'm so sorry for your loss, but I'm so glad that you got to see him and say goodbye to him on your own terms. Sending healing vibes your way!!!

- Emy . Single mom to DS nut.gif Ezra (15.12.05), angel2.gif Thames (reincarnated 18.04.08) and DD rainbow1284.gif babyf.gif Allora (11.02.11) and dog2.gif Hoppylactivist.gif  novaxnocirc.gif  waterbirth.jpg fambedsingle2.gif bfinfant.giffemalesling.GIFcd.gif

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#52 of 57 Old 09-03-2010, 05:28 PM
 
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Thinking of you often and wishing you peace with time. Just keep swimming mama.

Eleanor- Mama to Awesome Jacksonblueman.gif (1.0) and Rad Alli dust.gif(2.0) King Julianecbaby.gif (3.0) who was released to rave reviews in February.
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#53 of 57 Old 09-03-2010, 07:30 PM
 
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I'm so sorry and am thinking of you and Landen. Be gentle with yourself in your journey.

~ Mum to Emily, March 12-16 2004, Noah, born Aug 2005, Liam, born January 2011, and wife to Carl since 1994. ~
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#54 of 57 Old 09-05-2010, 04:07 PM
 
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I'm so sorry for your loss.

-pixie, my dear, and (A-88), N-98, Littlest-06/00-08/00, J-03 & Little Miss Cotton Ball Button-03 (SN), S-05, Hope-loss 09/09, Bean-loss 04/10, and littlePopcorn due feb. 8th -11.
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#55 of 57 Old 09-06-2010, 12:53 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you all for your kind thoughts and I wish you all continued health and happiness as you continue on thru your pregnancies We buried Landen yesterday and hopefully can start to heal now..

erika w/ds geek.gif(10.5), ddhearts.gif(8.5), dss sleepytime.gif(3.5)
Missing angel2.gif9/1/10 @ 15 weeks, and angel.gif2/14/11 @ 13 weeks
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#56 of 57 Old 09-06-2010, 09:14 AM
 
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Thank you all for your kind thoughts and I wish you all continued health and happiness as you continue on thru your pregnancies We buried Landen yesterday and hopefully can start to heal now..
s

me, dh and 2 boys = our family (oh and a cat...who is also a male...lol)
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#57 of 57 Old 09-06-2010, 06:30 PM
 
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Im so sorry for your loss. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Amber ~  Wife to Justin ~ Mama to Kaydra ~ Houston ~ Kaitlyn ~ Kaydence ~ Carter ~ Kourtney
 
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