Risking My Baby - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 22 Old 09-29-2010, 03:23 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I am feeling like the worst mother ever. I have had my hours reduced at work and can no longer afford to have them reduced. I called the Dr and told them I needed to be released back to my regualr shifts, they HIGHLY reccomended I not do it. I have 5 kids and am our only income. I essentially found myself literally saying I had no choice and I had to take the risk to feed my family. What kind of mother does that? I already am SICK about not having the money to buy this baby what he needs. I am finding myself detatching from him and I just feel as though I might not be able to do this. I feel like I am being selfish bringing another child into our family when I am struggling to pay for the ones I have now. Why should Riley suffer? I am feeling overwhelmed and very depressed....worthless to be honest. After YEARS of infertility why in the world has this little boy been handed to us at such a horrible time in our life?

 

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#2 of 22 Old 09-29-2010, 04:47 AM
 
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I'm sorry you've had to make such a tough decision. You're an RN, correct? Is there anyway you could get shifts that are less strenuous or that give you more flexibility in terms of frequent breaks? I would talk to your employer about that.
The only other thing I could suggest would be to find a group that could support you if you need extra time off. Here is BC we have a group called Best Babies. They offer prenatal vitamin vouchers, cook meals for each other, provide counseling for anxiety and depression and just provide support to mama's at risk. I would ask your doctor if there is a similar program in your area. I completely understand where you are coming from but it sounds like you are already being a good mom by just doing everything you can for your family.
Bottom-line, you need to weigh the pros and cons. It sounds like you are doing what you have to for you and your family. I don't think you would be doing anything better for your baby if you were living with the stress of not being able to meet the needs of your family. Hang in there, right now I think the best thing would be not to be so hard on yourself and try to get rid of some of the stress because it doesn't do you or Riley any good. Big hugs!
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#3 of 22 Old 09-29-2010, 08:39 AM
 
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DDCC
I am an RN, too and am the only income for our family. It's a very tough spot to be in. Our work is extremely tough on the body and the mind and we do it for 12 hours+ at a time.

Is there anyway you would consider trying to transfer to Preop testing or something a bit less strenuous? How about trying to find a job in a clinic? Or home health, which is less money, I know, but it's mostly driving and one patient at a time.

A transfer within hospital might be the easiest as long as there is a position available. I chose not to go into ICU when we moved recently because I knew I wanted to be pregnant and believed it would be too much for my body. If my step down position proves to be too much, I will request a transfer and hopefully get one.

Momma to DS 1, age 8 and rainbow baby DS2 4-21-11.
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#4 of 22 Old 09-29-2010, 09:05 AM
 
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thats a hard place to be! Im sorry you are going through all this stress.

~Heather~ Mama to Miss E (1/07), Miss A (11/08), Mr.T (2/11) and Miss A (10/12) Expecting our newest blessing sometime late Sept/early Oct.. Wife to my Marine since 11/2005
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#5 of 22 Old 09-29-2010, 10:15 AM
 
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Just offering hugs and support....

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#6 of 22 Old 09-29-2010, 10:51 AM
 
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just sending more hugs i am so sorry you are having to deal with this stress during your pregnancy.
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#7 of 22 Old 09-29-2010, 11:44 AM
 
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sending big hugs! i think riley would understand that you have to put the families needs on equal level with his own needs. it is the way it works in a family, in the world. have a heart-to-heart with him if you feel so inclined...i always think this is a good idea

i'd also really suggest making sure you get as much help as possible when at home, that way, you're not overworked at work and then the same at home... do you have support? is there others you can look to for additional love and support?

my thoughts are with you. love, hugs and peace to you.

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#8 of 22 Old 09-29-2010, 12:33 PM
 
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Do you have any other pressing health concerns? I'm sure you feel terrible physically - dead-tired, sore, etc., but you shouldn't feel like a terrible mother. Working class women all over the world have always worked straight through pregnancy because that's how mouths get fed. As long as there are no other complicating factors, Riley will be fine. Don't add to your stress by beating yourself up over it. And I agree with the others about help at home - is there any way to get more support from loving friends/family?

Hugs to you, strong hardworking mama!
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#9 of 22 Old 09-29-2010, 01:11 PM
 
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Stopping by to offer hugs and support..
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#10 of 22 Old 09-29-2010, 01:33 PM
 
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Originally Posted by cactuspear View Post
Do you have any other pressing health concerns? I'm sure you feel terrible physically - dead-tired, sore, etc., but you shouldn't feel like a terrible mother. Working class women all over the world have always worked straight through pregnancy because that's how mouths get fed. As long as there are no other complicating factors, Riley will be fine. Don't add to your stress by beating yourself up over it. And I agree with the others about help at home - is there any way to get more support from loving friends/family?

Hugs to you, strong hardworking mama!
Yes! All of this! Please let go of the guilt.

At the same time, geekgolightly has good advice about possibly taking on a less stressful position for you own sanity.

Best of luck!

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#11 of 22 Old 09-29-2010, 01:36 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by geekgolightly View Post
DDCC
I am an RN, too and am the only income for our family. It's a very tough spot to be in. Our work is extremely tough on the body and the mind and we do it for 12 hours+ at a time.

Is there anyway you would consider trying to transfer to Preop testing or something a bit less strenuous? How about trying to find a job in a clinic? Or home health, which is less money, I know, but it's mostly driving and one patient at a time.

A transfer within hospital might be the easiest as long as there is a position available. I chose not to go into ICU when we moved recently because I knew I wanted to be pregnant and believed it would be too much for my body. If my step down position proves to be too much, I will request a transfer and hopefully get one.
I have inquired and I work in a small hospital and there really is nothing else open other then a few jobs on ICU...ironically. It is exhausting, mentally and physically, but I just try to insist that I have help when it comes to lifting and such. It is not ideal, but it is the best option I have right now.

 

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#12 of 22 Old 09-29-2010, 01:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Do you have any other pressing health concerns?
Yes, I am diabetic and have had a fair amount of bleeding this pregnancy

 

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#13 of 22 Old 09-29-2010, 04:21 PM
 
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I am really sorry to hear about your situation. I don't really have advice but just wanted to offer you hugs and support.
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#14 of 22 Old 09-29-2010, 08:57 PM
 
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Is FMLA an option?

- Emy . Single mom to DS nut.gif Ezra (15.12.05), angel2.gif Thames (reincarnated 18.04.08) and DD rainbow1284.gif babyf.gif Allora (11.02.11) and dog2.gif Hoppylactivist.gif  novaxnocirc.gif  waterbirth.jpg fambedsingle2.gif bfinfant.giffemalesling.GIFcd.gif

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#15 of 22 Old 09-30-2010, 04:10 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Is FMLA an option?
No, I have not been at my job long enough.

 

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#16 of 22 Old 09-30-2010, 07:27 AM
 
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again.. Im sure if you let your co-workers know the situation they will help out with the lifting and all. When I got pregnant with DD1 I had just had a miscarriage and I spotted during the first trimester/second trimester, the Marines I worked with tried to do as much of the lifting and all that they were around for. If any of them saw me carryin anything they would come and carry it for me, I didn't ask they did because they knew the situation. If Marines could be that considerate Im sure doctors/nurses can too.

~Heather~ Mama to Miss E (1/07), Miss A (11/08), Mr.T (2/11) and Miss A (10/12) Expecting our newest blessing sometime late Sept/early Oct.. Wife to my Marine since 11/2005
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#17 of 22 Old 09-30-2010, 08:43 AM
 
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This is such a tough spot, mama. I'm so sorry you're in it.

If I were your supervisor, and I knew what you were going through, I would bench you for the duration. I'm sorry, you're a nightmare of a worker's comp claim just waiting to happen.

I'm a little miffed at your doctor's office, too. Rest is a practical and financial challenge for a *ton* of families. You cannot just issue the order and expect it to do any good, you really have to help the family find resources to make it possible.

Do you qualify for any disability benefits, either through your job or through the state? Does your doctor's office have any suggestions or resources for women in your situation?
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#18 of 22 Old 09-30-2010, 09:04 AM
 
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I just had to send some love and healthy vibes your way mama

orngbiggrin.gif mom of three with stork-suprise.gif on the way

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#19 of 22 Old 09-30-2010, 12:56 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by alicia9178 View Post
I am feeling like the worst mother ever. I have had my hours reduced at work and can no longer afford to have them reduced. I called the Dr and told them I needed to be released back to my regualr shifts, they HIGHLY reccomended I not do it. I have 5 kids and am our only income. I essentially found myself literally saying I had no choice and I had to take the risk to feed my family. What kind of mother does that?
What kind of mother does this?

A good, loving mother who is stuck between a rock and a hard place.

In a perfect world, no one would ever have to make these choices, but we live in a society with a *lousy* social safety net. That means that good parents, amazing parents, sometimes have to make awful choices.

Again, I am so sorry, and again, see if there's any kind of disability that you qualify for.
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#20 of 22 Old 09-30-2010, 03:03 PM
 
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((((Hugs)))). I am so sorry you are going through this..prayers being sent for your situation and your family. I did want to also add that this does not make you a terrible mother. ((((hugs))))

Wife to a wonderful husband and mom to 6 beautiful children. Also to one sweet angel, who we will always keep in our hearts 10/2012

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#21 of 22 Old 09-30-2010, 08:00 PM
 
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Ditto on what MeepyCat said. You are doing the best you can, that make you the best mother for your family.

Living my dream. wife to dh, mom to ds1 (9/07) and ds2 (2/11), owned by pug and cat. Does it get any better than this?joy.gif
 
 
 
 
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#22 of 22 Old 10-26-2010, 04:05 AM
 
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Yes, I am diabetic and have had a fair amount of bleeding this pregnancy
Yikes. I'm so sorry that you are dealing w/ this and have to work. Floor nursing is such a hard job. Hopefully your manager and co-workers could give you a bit of slack (fewer patients or lots of help). I would talk to your manager.

Alicia, you are a fabulous mom. Only a mother would sacrifice her health to take care of her children. Women are so strong. Please don't be hard on yourself. Sometimes we just do what we've gotta do.
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