Jenne- you'd be amazed how common that attitude is. My dad would like to express it, but since I totaled the family van at 21 with both my nieces in it because of a 2 year old in a booster (turned my head to tell her to sit down) he doesn't have much wiggle room.
Thinking of you, pixiekisses
mcs - Good luck!
3xmama - That's weird, and creepy. Some guys are just winners.
Okimom - I hear you on being tired. Also on being anal about car seats.
DCP to 1 busy munchkin! and a CRST too!
Pixie- wishing you calm, quiet, non-progressing days until you get to February! And if Popcorn thinks he's coming sooner than that, then I wish you peace in handling the experience.
Ugh. The tandem stroller came in the mail today (and it's AMAZING) and so naturally I couldn't wait until DH got home from work to assemble it, so I did it myself. And of course, had to take it around the block with my daughter when I was done. My SPD is raging now and I knew it would for moving around that much. But at least that's one more thing to check off the to-do list! I also cleaned and vacuumed out the car and installed the carseat. That thing is in there tight! DD (2.5) was so tickled to see a carseat near hers. "You mean... I get to sit next to the baby?! Awesome!!!!" She cracks me up. They're in captain's chairs in the middle row of the minivan, so there's a decent distance between them. I doubt she could throw things on him, but we'll see.
nosce- Im trying to figure out how to set up our carseats right now, I need to wait until I get the bucket to figure it out all the way. I remember with DD1 and DD2 they were across the car from each other (no middle seat belt so one was behind each front seat) and DD1 still managed to throw toys/food/etc at DD2. And try to feed her things. Hopefully theres enough room where you don't have to tell her 100 times "no feeding the baby your food".
So I was thinking last night and realized I really don't want to share this baby with anyone except the girls and DH. With DD1 my MIL came at 2 weeks and stayed for a week and while she was a great help she ALWAYS wanted to hold her. Ended up being where the only time I got to hold her was when she was nursing (which was horribly painful and not exactly a bonding experience) and then the whole extended family visited when she was 2 1/2 months old and stayed for 2 weeks and again I never got to be with her because I felt bad if I told them it was my turn. Between that and having to go back to work at 6 weeks pp with her I didn't really feel that bonded until she was almost 4 months old, we moved to Japan (so no family to come "visit") and I left the military. Even then though my husband was always trying to take her from me as soon as she was done nursing and he was home. With my second her first week she was in the NICU (and they had a "policy" where the parents were only allowed to hold the child during feedings) and then I had a rough recovery (I could barely get out of bed for almost 2 months after the birth) so I didn't really bond with her until she was several months old. Again DH was always stealing her away from me whenever he was home so I ended up being basically a person to feed her and didn't get much cuddle time, I didn't bond with her until DH left for a month and a half to training and I got some time with just the girls and me..
This is worrying me a bit since we move so close to after the birth and are staying with the in-laws for around a month. Would it be totally horrible and awful of me to insist that they can only hold him a short period of time but I get first dibs on cuddle time. I really want to feel connected to this one right off the bat and Im hoping it will help with the depression I usually get after birth. I know they will hate it because in their opinion its "their" baby to but honestly I really want the baby to myself, DH and the girls at that age. Its not like Im going to say they can't hold him but I don't want him snatched out of my hands right when we get off the plane and never get to hold him (except for feedings) until we leave the house. I think I would explode if that happened again. Ive already talked to DH about the fact I want to spend some time bonding without him trying to take the baby from me all the time and he almost understands (almost but he loves newborn cuddles as much as I do) but my in-laws I doubt are going to understand. Am I being selfish since this is the only time they are going to see the kids for a while? I don't know why but Im feeling really strongly that I need to be the one taking care of him for the first few months without well meaning interference. I don't mind DH since hes the Dad and needs to bond but I can't stand the idea of him being passed around like some kind of baby doll and thats what my in-laws like to do when there is a baby around. Im already telling my SIL she can't take him in and out of his carseat because the car seat since last time she messed up DD's straps and it took me hours to fix them.
Oki-I was kind of trying to do that without actually hanging up on him. I really don't know enough of the situation to say much and my friend is extremely honest. I basically just reiterated what she said to him in different words and backed her up. Every time we'd come to a natural stopping point and I'd try to get off, he'd start up again and we'd circle through it. I really don't think it could bite me in the butt if she were to find out and is willing to listen. I'm tempted to tell her even though I told him I wouldn't because I don't want to jeopardize my friendship with her over something like this. But I also don't want to upset her with it or freak her out. She seems pretty stressed anyway, I don't think I should nor do I want to add to it. I also don't want to get invovled in their relationship anymore than I am.
Ugh, this is really bothering me. She's about the only person I'm still friends with and actually talk with instead of only Facebooking. We're not hugely hugely close, but we are pretty good friends. I'm very desperate not to lose my last real life friend. I just had a bitter falling out with someone I thought was my best friend six months ago and I'm still reeling from it.
Wow, this is bothering me more than I realized! I need to calm down about it!!
Nosce-My kids are in captains chairs as well and I never ever thought they'd be able to interact as much as they do! Granted, DD is quite a bit older than your DD, but I wouldn't be surprised if your DD managed to toss a few crackers at the baby! Esp in about a yr and they're "sharing" snacks. Sounds like you had a very productive day!!
Rachael~~SAHM to (4/27/06), (11/18/09) and (1/29/11); married to a fabulous man! )O(
I did have a really productive day. It felt good to get stuff done.
I think as far as tossing stuff goes that I'm just not going to let Iris eat in the car for the first months or so lol. She's pretty good about doing as I say- she knows, for example, that if she throws her stuff it goes away and she can't have it any more. Of course, I'm not claiming that she's not going to toss something to E when I'm on the freeway changing lanes and going 70 mph, but one can always dream, right? If she can't handle it, well...We've got a whole other row of seats.
Here's to a weekend at home, and Popcorn cooking a little longer!
Pixiekisses - I'm so glad! Keep cooking, little Popcorn, great job staying put!
nosce - wow that's cool you got all that done, and are enjoying the new stroller! That's so cute that your daughter's excited to sit next to the baby, too.
3xmama - oh my, what a pain! I don't think you'll lose your friend over this. You didn't say anything that she didn't already tell him, you didn't drag it out, you just got out of the conversation when you could. It's totally fine! If, when you talk to her next, it seems appropriate to bring up, go for it, but I wouldn't go out of my way to share it with her, because that might make it seem like a bigger deal than it is. Just take a deep breath and don't worry too much about it, if you can help it!
Okimom - I don't think that's selfish AT ALL. I mean, granted, I'm not yet faced with those things, as my first is still not quite here yet, but I can't imagine other people holding the baby to such an extent that you only get to feed them! You're the mom, and your bonding with your baby is of utmost importance. It's totally okay to nurture that. And other people should be respectful of that, too. Though I realize some people are not. I have a friend who's not even that super close of a friend who said in a joke-y voice about my baby, "You'll be lucky to get him back!" And I said, "Well, then you'll be lucky to get him at all." haha! But really, now I'm a little skeeved, and don't want too many visitors until he's a little older! Mother-baby bonding time is super important and should be honored, imho.
Happily married to my best friend, and nature loving mama of one sweet boy (Feb 2011).
Nosce, DS is really excited about having the baby next to him too. Although he's still really confused about how it's going to get in that seat from my tummy.
Okimom, just be upfront. "My turn!" I stole my baby back whenever I wanted. Also, when they are done nursing, keep holding them. People assume they are still eating. My DH is great for giving direction too. He'll tell people to go and do the dishes so that I can hold the baby.
I got an unexpected day off today, so I'm relaxing.
DCP to 1 busy munchkin! and a CRST too!
@ Pixie: I'm glad it's looking good!
Yeah I know a lot of people who roll their eyes about car seats... My parents accept it but think I'm paranoid. My sisters who should be more cautious think it's all exaggerated. They even put their little boys in the bucket when they were way too tall for it and thought it was no biggie. They don't mind used car seats and think it's going to be fine (I would use a used car seat from a trustworthy person, but my oldest sister bought a Britax from her boss's sister who she doesn't know, that's a tad too far fetched for me personally)... There are little car seats that support extended rear facing in Germany, it's rather new and expensive (200 Euros and up) and the forward facing Britaxes they have don't even have the chest buckle thingie. My super slim, yet long nephew climbs out of his car seat even on the tightest setting and my sister doesn't find that too concerning (I'd buy a different seat asap or get a buckle!). Oh well, they think we were fine without car seats so the kids will be fine too not being secured properly.... While I feel getting and installing a decent car seat properly is not a hassle and can protect my children greatly, as a car accident is unfortunately the most likely bad scenario to happen to us....
More whining, I hurt so much... Wahhhhhhhhh. I can barely pick up DS at this point (granted, he weighs 34lbs, but still)....
The baby has moved down low sometime in the past 24 hours - I woke up with lots of pressure. The only upside I really see from all of this is that unlike last time I don't have feet shoved up in my ribs, and I can still breathe (the heartburn sucks though).
wife of 8 years to DH , mama to DD (2006) & DS (2011) (Dec. 2012) due Nov. 2013
Pixiekisses- That's is great, I hope you get lots of good rest.
Y'all- Thanks for the commiseration on the carseat comment. It's nice to have people who understand!!!!
Speaking of carseats, I remember about two yrs ago now, driving home from work during rush hour and seeing this woman sitting in the passenger seat with a probably 18 mo old on her lap. I was so furious about it! I gave her a dirty look and that idiot woman actually had the audacity to roll down her window and flip me off!! I was so livid for that sweet, innocent, adorable and completely unsafe little girl. There was no car seat even in the car and I saw the same car several times afterward, with the little girl sitting on mom's lap. It was a pretty nice car, too, it didn't seem like they were too poor to afford a good seat or something. I still think about her and hope that nothing happened!
Glad that things are going well, Pixie!!
Okimom, I agree with Twinklefae, steal that baby back! He's your baby, not theirs. If they get cranky about it, that's their problem, not yours. You are just setting up the foundation for the best relationship possible with your baby. Don't let them take that away from you.
Thanks for letting me whine last night, ladies! I feel a lot better about things having talked a little more with my husband and slept on it. I'll bring it up with her if necessary or if the moment presents itself. Otherwise, I think I'll let sleeping dogs lie.
Rachael~~SAHM to (4/27/06), (11/18/09) and (1/29/11); married to a fabulous man! )O(
Good morning ladies! Today is my baby shower and I am trying my hardest to be chipper and excited despite a sleepless night. Around midnight I got incredibly anxious, I even made my husband get up and make sure all the doors are locked. It was so silly! After that I was just awake. This must be that pregnancy insomnia people keep talking about. Oh well, today is going to be a good one! Anyone else have big plans for today?
have a good baby shower nintendork :) we plan to take the kids on the train for the first time today, they are super excited. still not really sure what we can do in downtown dallas, we might just ride the train for a while, eat lunch then come home because if i walk around dallas i wont have energy for getting groceries afterwards.
Enjoy the baby shower, Nintendork! It's sunny today (freezing, but sunny) for the first time in a while. My inlaws are taking my 2.5 yr old for her second overnighter sometime this afternoon. Maybe we'll seize the sunshine and get some decent outdoor time today. :)
I can't wait for my baby shower on the 22nd- it's just one more milestone that brings us closer to Baby!
I was up most of the night and slept from 3-6am when I awoke had diarhea, then threw up, then had more diarhea. Lovely. But the contracting stopped then which was good. It snowed here today so work was canceled but I'm still going to my haircut appointment this afternoon. Hopefully it will be something easy and cute and not this awfulness I currently have. We are also trying to buy a minivan but for some reason the dealership is dragging its feet. I tend to have little patience for things like that so we may just scrap it until later in the spring.
Can anyone suggest food for us? I'm just not that into cooking these days but am getting increasingly picky...I want carbs but then I feel bad (emotionally) that I haven't had enough protein. I'm just out of tasty ideas right now. After baby? I've got that in spades but raiding the freezer each evening feels like robbing from Peter to pay uninspired Paul. And that come February Peter might be wishing he had more jars of soup and pans of casserole to eat!
I'm terrible with food rihgt now - wholefoods macncheese, ice cream, bolognese pasta and salad, some eggs here and there; lots of sugar. But between nausea, hunger, tiredness, that's all I can do right now. And I figure I gained 22lb so far and started with a very low BMI, maybe it'll help to fatten up DD?
Have fun Nintendork!
Thanks everyone! I always feel a tad bit like I'm being selfish when I say I don't want to share him. It seems to be the popular thing over here to play pass the baby around. Ive had 3 day old babies given to me (at church but the person really didn't know me, we were passing acquaintances, enough to know the name but not enough to KNOW the person KWIM) and then the parent just walked away, I had to go hunt them down. So sometimes I feel like I'm just being mean since no one else seems to mind never holding their own baby.
Car seats aren't used over here, other than the American service member families, and it scares the heck out of me! To see kids climbing all over the car, no one seat belted etc on the Expressway and no one thinking anything is wrong. Bad thing is it rubs off on a lot of the Americans. A lot of people asked why I still have my oldest (not quite 4 but she weights over 40 lbs and is around 40 inches tall) in a car seat instead of just using the seat belt since its easier. I actually won't let her ride with anyone other than me, DH or our friend (the one who is going to be watching her while I'm in the hospital) because I don't trust anyone else to use her car seat properly. The MPs are starting to crack down on improper or no car seat use so hopefully it reminds people to be safe and take care of their kids since technically you have to follow the car seat laws in the states over here (basically the base regs are rfing to 1 and 20, harnessed until at least 4 and 40, booster until the seat belt fits properly). They were talking about making it 2 years old since the new AAP recommendations came out but I don't see that happening.
DH is working again today so its just me and the girls until tomorrow night. I'm going to try to get motivated enough to start doing some of the things I need to get done before the baby comes. Wish me luck! I keep hoping the whole nesting urge will kick in this time but I don't think it will.
lots to reply to later, but for now, i just wanted to vent.
i feel so tired that i could cry. my dh planned to do a little work yesterday and then little today, but we were at ikea longer than expected (always the story ah?) and then we went to a colleage's house and stayed longer than expected too- by the time we got home it was past the girls bed time and i was dead. in the evening, we talked about a time line for shifiting furniture around this coming week- and he said that he didn't have time today which i was ok with me, b/c i needed to do some prep work. but then, this morning, while i was in the shower, he started emptying out from under our bed (a task i had asked for his help with b/c i can't get under so well now) and then......left to work, saying that he would have to stay later since he stayed longer helping out this morning. also, at the same time, he let the girls build a tent out of the dining room chairs in our room right where i would need to work. so, i think that it is really nice of him to try to "get things done" b/c he knows how itchy i am in that direction...but it was just timed wrong and my day has been terrible trying to catch back up. i really needed a down day, but instead, i have been trying to resort chaos- and i havn't been very succesful- which means that tomorrow will be more of the same. really, it isn't such a big deal, but i feel overwhelmed and like crying b/c this #$%@ apartment is too small for us and it is going to be a real struggle to keep it orginized with the baby stuff too- and while i am not a person who needs things to be super clean, i do need them to be organized. i get depressed when things start feeling out of control, and i worried that today was the begining of a hard road to come.....
on a more positive note- the girls were so sweet- they have played the whole day with almost no intervention from me. sometimes they are amazing...
mcs- hugs! My DH is always doing stuff like that, trying to "help" but in the end causing me more work... and he never gets what I ask him to get done done. Its always something I asked him to do weeks ago. I just smile and grumble to myself since I KNOW hes trying to help and he loves me. Ive started making him lists of things I need to get done that he could do any of and it wouldn't mess up what I was working on..
MCS - I am glad your girls were good, but I can understand the predicament! All of my living room furniture is stacked on itself while my husband paints the last two walls (which weren't done when I was pregnant with the first girl, so it's been a lot of hassling for 2 years to finish those two $%^$% walls!) He's been working overtime at work for extra cash since my maternity leave is largely unpaid, but sometimes I wish he'd just paint those walls, because the thought of laboring in the fishy pool staring at spackled walls is nauseating to me. :) So here's wishing the best and I'm sure the organization will work out in the end, even though it's totally overwhelming right now.
I'm Brooke! I'm a breastfeeding advocate and IBCLC. Homeschooling mama to my girls, Maiya (4/2009) and Jenevieve (2/2011) and my new baby boy, River (9/6/2013).
mcs, that's awful.
okimom, what a shame that car seats aren't more widely used over there - the Cocorro is Japanese in origin and so innovative and cute!
We had about 20cm of snow today!
I think nesting is hitting in, I've been organizing toys all day!
DCP to 1 busy munchkin! and a CRST too!
Oh and in TMI news, I lost a bit of mucous plug last night. I had none of the prelabour stuff happen last time and labour took FOREVER so it's nice to see things prepping this time!
DCP to 1 busy munchkin! and a CRST too!
you guys are so nice....thanks for understanding. today, i feel much less hectic and stressed. i think that i was just emotionally wacky yesterday- when my dh came home in the evening, i was just finishing reading aobut the shooting in arizona and when i looked up at him, i started to cry and cry.
i wonder, sometimes, what is happening with the baby when i have those super-hormone days. i hope it was something exciting like a thicker eyelashes or curly hair or something!
and thanks for all of the wishes of luck for the house. my dh, has unfourtunatly changed his mind about it again.....argh. i don't think i should let him talk to his family anymore, they are far to sensible.....lol
twinkle fae- that is exciting! i have never had any "visible" signs of impending labor....it must make it feel so real!
my dh and i visited japan before dd1 was born and since, we have always joked that all of that famous "technology" is used up in toilet gadgets- they are sure fancy. but, then something like an exported carseat.....
and, nia, i have noticed too, that they don't have 5 point harnesses here! I (still) haven't gone car seat shopping and we brought our own that dd2 still uses from america (dd1 is in a captains chair,) so i don't know if it is something that you just can't find. i'll know by the end of the week...but, when we visited with dd1, when she was still an infant, we borrowed a seat from a friend of dh's and i felt so worried about that seat- it didn't seem safe at all (and fil drives fast-fast!) another example of an "engineering" country gone wrong in the carseat department...the autobahn, but no good carseats-lol.
aidenn- the spackling would drive me batty too! you will have to face the pool in the other direction.
okimom- i think that everyone (and you) are right- just say "my turn" and take the baby back. it is good that you talked with your dh about it too so he can help you out a little. i have experienced the same to a lesser degree with my own family. my mom and aunts all take it as a personal offence if they can't get a baby to stop crying, and they don't want to give them back until they have soothed their mother ego's ......even when the baby is hungry. it can be totally silly.
here is a cute conversation btwn dd's yesterday playing that dd1 was going to have a baby.
dd1- you will be the dr.
dd2 i don't want to be the dr. today
dd1- wellllll, ok, then i will have the baby at home alone- you can do that too!
dd2- and it will come out of your 'gina!
dd1- (starting to make grunting sounds,) yes! right from my vagina! here it comes...
(more grunting)...wait! i forgot, she should be head-down, that is the best! .....
they are really paying attention! lol.
i forgot to say--- great news about popcorn- hope you are still comfortable at home! keep us updated.
.. and to ask how your shower was, nintendork?
mcs- that is adorable. The other day I met up with another mama who has the same due date as me, with a son as well. We both have daughters similar in age. There was a bit of confusion about who exactly was going to be a big sister to a baby brother and who's mama had the bump. When they both realized that we BOTH did? Oh man. That toy stethoscope was flying in the hands of miniature midwives.