Just irritated/wanted to vent about being uneducated and interventions. - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 11 Old 01-11-2011, 09:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My cousin-in-law (who lives across the country from me) is due about a week before I am.  This is her first baby.  We aren't close, but we do know what's going on with each other via facebook. 

 

Anyway, after having contractions all night long the other night and consulting with her OB the next day, the possibility of being induced was discussed.  (I don't know the reasons why though she mentioned something about "the baby's levels" all going back to normal the next day.)

 

The induction was decided against yesterday, but found out today it's scheduled for Friday.  (Her due date is the 16th or 17th.) I'm sure that works well for my aunt and family, who flew out there to be there for the birth, but still.  (And again, I don't know the details, but it doesn't seem to be an emergency.  The only thing I can think of is that the doc told her it's going to "be a big baby" so of course she's not looking forward to that--if he's right, that is.)

 

She's excited/scared/nervous and her friends/family are all "get the C!" "don't forget your epidural!" (Which she wants) etc. It just bothers me how uneducated people can be and stay.  I can't bring myself to say anything (Good luck?  Hope it works for you?  Hope you enjoy it?) so I'm just keeping my mouth shut.

 

Perhaps it bothers me more because I'm hoping my homebirth goes smoothly and I won't end up in the hospital, since my previous birth was supposed to be at a birth center and I was forced to transfer?  That I wish I could be that happily ignorant, even though I'm super glad I'm not? 

 

*Still shaking my head*

 

Vent over.

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#2 of 11 Old 01-11-2011, 10:10 PM
 
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:hug I know how that feels. I think you're right not to say anything snarky.  Really, just heap on the congratulations when her little one is born and when you have your wonderful, beautiful homebirth, you can gush about how awesome it was!  Maybe that will help her think about her experience and give her some food for thought for future babies.


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#3 of 11 Old 01-12-2011, 12:38 AM
 
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I agree with homemademom.

 

And I agree with you, too, laerhk, with how frustrating that is!  I am pagan and am friends with lots of pagans, who are notoriously open and "hippie" and whatnot, and even several of them have said, "Wait, you're doing it WITHOUT drugs?!"  Like they're shocked that's even an option.  Most of them are super supportive, but I was surprised to find ANY who were surprised I was doing things naturally.  Not that I like to advertise that fact and go on and on, but I didn't want to sit by and let "well at least you'll have an epidural" go by uncorrected.  I was like, "Actually, no."  It's also weird to me that people are very surprised to hear you can give birth in a position other than lying flat on your back.duh.gif


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#4 of 11 Old 01-12-2011, 02:40 AM
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it is very frustrating! a couple of my cousins (in a family filled with nurses who are advocates for natural-birth) have had unneccsary inductions that turned out to be hard on mama and baby.

 

but, i too, think that homeademom is right- your story alone (without "preaching") really can have an impact. a good friend of mine, who just had her third baby, knew my story, and took my advice (which she asked for,) read a bradley book....and had her first unmedicated birth!

 

so, maybe for next time.....

though, i hope that it goes well for her....


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#5 of 11 Old 01-12-2011, 11:42 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by meg007 View Post

I agree with homemademom.

 

  I am pagan and am friends with lots of pagans, who are notoriously open and "hippie" and whatnot, and even several of them have said, "Wait, you're doing it WITHOUT drugs?!"  Like they're shocked that's even an option.  Most of them are super supportive, but I was surprised to find ANY who were surprised I was doing things naturally.


I think this is another reason why my frustration.  Perhaps I have the whole CA/vegetarian stereotype in my head.  How can she be so "educated and aware" about food, but not birth?  Just goes to show us that anyone can be uneducated about birth, right?

 

Thanks for all the support, ladies!!

 

 

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#6 of 11 Old 01-12-2011, 12:59 PM
 
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I totally hear you.  It's doubly frustrating for me, because I'm high risk, and so it is just infuriating seeing people throw away low-risk pregnancies and have these intervention filled births when I would LOVE to have a homebirth (or even a natural hospital birth!).  I guess it's just hard to see people not know how good they have it!

 

It's also annoying, because now I'm having an "elective" repeat cesarean since my practice doesn't do VBAC.  I feel like I get lumped in with people who are totally uninformed who have elective repeat cesareans, when I'm about as informed as you can get as far as birth stuff goes, and have decided that taking the risks involved with a scheduled cesarean are much lower than taking the risks of having a care provider who doesn't know how to deal with hypertension in pregnancy (as happened with my first pregnancy).  Sigh.  Only in America, right?  I shouldn't have to say "well, here's a care provider who can keep me healthy in pregnancy, and so I'm having the birth that I DON'T want in order to have the healthy pregnancy that I DO want."  

 

Let's keep fighting the good fight, ladies.  I hope my daughters/friend's daughters/daughters in law never have to deal with the way birth is handled in America right now.


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#7 of 11 Old 01-12-2011, 01:00 PM
 
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Oh, and, I agree - talk about how lovely your homebirth is!  Also, if you can get her to watch Business of Being Born, it'd probably be really helpful for any future pregnancies - even better if you can get her to watch it before she is induced!


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#8 of 11 Old 01-13-2011, 02:16 PM
 
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You are not privy to all of her healthcare information (or private concerns, fears, and preferences), since usually these details are left out of facebook posts. Since she has had numerous discussions w/ her doc, she has likely made an informed consent and is entitled to autonomy, respect, and self-determination from her family and friends. Though your choices and conclusion about what is appropriate differ, your decision making was likely guided by the same principles as hers. I do not view either choice as "being uneducated". Thank goodness people don't make these types of decisions for us, right?

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#9 of 11 Old 01-13-2011, 05:30 PM
 
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I understand what you mean. I have a friend on facebook who had a baby a few weeks ago. She posted from about 30wks on about how ready she was to have a baby and that baby could go ahead and be born anytime. Uhh...wha?! She started bugging her ob for an induction at about 35wks, though her ob refused to induce her (she was complaining about it!). I was just shocked, completely shocked! How can you seriously want your kid born that premature?!? All I could conclude was that she had no idea about pregnancy and birth and didn't care to educate herself. It really saddened me. A few other friends scheduled their inductions two or three months before their due date. I just can't imagine that they are actually educated. I know I wasn't with my first. I knew I didn't want an indcution unless medically necessary and once I hit 41wk and was told I was going to have a big baby and the chance of a csection would be higher if I chose to wait, I thought that was a great medical reason. Didn't want a stuck baby! I know better now, and I even consider it lucky that I had such a great ob at the time. Long induction, long pushing stage, stuck at 4cm for ten hours and I never heard anything about a csection or vacuum. I think my ob truly thought she was doing the best for me, despite the fact that her thinking has been proven flawed. I just think its sad that to get correct and accurate information, we have to do the research ourselves and then fight our drs about it.


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#10 of 11 Old 01-14-2011, 05:32 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pregnant@40 View Post

You are not privy to all of her healthcare information (or private concerns, fears, and preferences), since usually these details are left out of facebook posts. Since she has had numerous discussions w/ her doc, she has likely made an informed consent and is entitled to autonomy, respect, and self-determination from her family and friends. Though your choices and conclusion about what is appropriate differ, your decision making was likely guided by the same principles as hers. I do not view either choice as "being uneducated". Thank goodness people don't make these types of decisions for us, right?



Thanks, I coudn't have said it better. Please be careful what you say in your posts girls !


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#11 of 11 Old 01-14-2011, 09:07 AM
 
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I should have thought more before I replied, because of course I HATE the judgmental attitude that I'm getting from the people I love about having an elective repeat cesarean, and I can tell that they don't think I'm doing the right thing even though they haven't said anything out loud.  Their attitude is clearly that I've failed and that this is something to be upset about, when I don't regard it that way entirely.  Yes, I'm sad about having this kind of birth, because I'd really like to have a natural birth, but as I realized last night, I'm NOT low-risk even though this pregnancy has been uneventful, and there are very serious potential complications that we are averting by having the birth we are having.  When I think about it, though, I don't put that info on FB at all, or even share how scared I am in person with most of the people I know.  I post that "everything's going really well!" and that we've decided on having a cesarean birth.  I don't share the many nights that I've laid awake debating this choice and the myriad factors that have gone into it, because I don't think that info has any place on FB, really.

 

Intervention is sometimes lifesaving and necessary and absolutely the right thing to do for Mom and baby, and I think that the natural birth community tends to forget that in light of how often intervention is overused.  I talked with my MFM about the lack of support for my decision in the community of which I am a part in every other way (I'm taking my placenta home from the OR, for crying out loud!), and he said, "If people don't support you, they don't realize what you've been through."  Let me tell you, it is horrible to feel judged within the only community that you feel you belong to.  I'm certainly not "too posh to push," or interested in my "honeymoon vagina," and having attended a couple of beautiful homebirths I know what I'm missing out on, and it breaks my heart sometimes that I'm not able to have that kind of experience because of stupid, arbitrary health reasons that can happen to anyone and have just happened to happen to me.  She could easily be in the same situation.

 

I retract my statement about gushing about your homebirth automatically, because if someone (like my sister in law, who just had a great birth) assumed that I was uninformed/ignorant and spent a lot of time talking about her amazing birth, I'd be devastated.  I do think, though, if you two have a close enough relationship, you should call her a while afterwards when she's had time to process and see how everything was!  See how she feels about it, how it went for her.  If you aren't close enough to do that, then I agree with PP who said that probably we don't have enough information to be judging the situation.

 

I guess what really bugs me about this situation is people who clearly don't understand making comments like, "Get the C!"  I think we can all agree that is a pretty uninformed thing to say, and unfortunately very typical of most Americans' understanding of what intervention is for.


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