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Old 03-22-2011, 05:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Can we talk siblings? What's the age gap between your youngest child and the next youngest? How is that child adjusting to Baby? do you feel comfortable leaving them alone together while you leave the room? At what age would you let your baby sleep next to the older child? If you are cosleeping, are you all in the same bed? What is the arrangement?


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Old 03-22-2011, 06:18 PM
 
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Well technically my second youngest is 15 minutes older than the youngest lol ;) But the next oldest is about 2.5. I don't trust him alone with the babies because he wakes them up, tries to pick them up, tries to share his sippy, etc. He just wants to help but can't. He loves to give them kisses and give them their binkies and wants to hold them. Overall he's adjusted to them very well. I wouldn't trust any of the kids to sleep by the babies until they are at least a year. We have the crib set up side car style so the babies are by me but I still have my space (I don't sleep well with anyone touching me).


 


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Old 03-23-2011, 06:22 AM
 
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DS is 3 1/2.  He loves DD, adores her (The first thing he said when he got home from my parent's was "I want to hold my baby now.") and is adjusting well.  A little acting out, tantrums and such.

 

I'm fine leaving them alone in a room together, he often keeps an ear out for me while I shower and such.  She's usually in the crib or swing though, if I left her on the floor, he tries to lay on her.  We're working on that.

 

He doesn't sleep with us anymore, though he sometimes crawls in in the morning for 30min or so before Daddy will get up with him.  We plan to have them in the same room and potentially the same bed when she is around a year old.  Well, technically her crib is in his room, but she doesn't sleep there at night.


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Old 03-23-2011, 10:03 AM
 
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I have a 4.5 yo and a 2.5 yo.  Those 2 boys fight day and night.  They are 21 months apart.  My oldest loves the baby, wants to hold him, look at him, etc.  My middle boy is kind of "eh" about it. 

 

The 2 boys sleep together in a double bed.  We had bunk beds for them but they still slept together in the bottom double bed.  Oh well.

The oldest comes into our king bed in the middle of the night and my husband goes to sleep with the youngest in the double. so it's me, Henry and my oldest Finn.  I make sure Finn is way over on his side when I do nurse Henry in the middle (I can't nurse from both boobs sleeping on one side, I have to flip over).

 

He's good with the baby, although if Henry is on the bouncer on the table or something, I wouldn't dare leave the room.  But if Henry is strapped into his swing and I need to go to the bathroom, I'll let my 4 yo hang with him for a minute.

when I need to take a shower, Henry is with me in the bouncer in the bathroom.

 

 


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Old 03-23-2011, 12:02 PM
 
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Well, I'm not experienced since Jeni is only my second child, but I'll share what's been going on so far.

 

I totally leave the girls together if I have to shower or something.  Normally Jeni is on the Boppy or the swing and asleep.  Maiya hasn't acted out towards her at all.  Maiya can get more tantrum-y, but not towards Jenevieve, just like loud stamping about and the like.  The few times they've been left alone in the same room, Maiya just reads to Jenevieve or plays on her own.

 

As far as cosleeping, we have two mattresses on the floor, a full next to a queen.  My husband sleeps in the full and Maiya starts our sleeping next to him.  In the night, she scoots over towards me.  Jeni is on the "edge" (really about 8-12" away from the edge) of the queen with me, but I sleep with my arm around over her head.  When she can roll over, we're going to re-address the order of how we all sleep.  In the mornings, I wake up flanked by both girls.


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Old 03-23-2011, 03:21 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nosce View Post

Can we talk siblings? What's the age gap between your youngest child and the next youngest? 3.5 yrs

 

 How is that child adjusting to Baby? Great! There doesn't seem to be any jealousy. She loves helping take care of him & entertaining him.

 

do you feel comfortable leaving them alone together while you leave the room? Not really, though sometimes I put him in his crib (that's where I change his diaper) and let him hang out there for a few minutes (he really likes that) while I go to the washroom or do something quickly that requires free hands. Ds or dd will usually go and sit on my bed (crib is sidecarred) and talk to him so I'm always calling out "are you giving him space? Make sure you're far back from him!" and stuff like that and running in every few seconds to check on them. I don't think either of the kids would hurt him on purpose but I don't trust the situation. We just came from the ped's office a couple days ago & she told us of a baby she just saw who had a lengthy hospital stay due to her 6 yr old sister dropping her- she was trying to pick the baby up when she was fussing :(

 

At what age would you let your baby sleep next to the older child? Not til youngest was a toddler and well able to get away from the other kid if needed

 

 If you are cosleeping, are you all in the same bed? What is the arrangement? Only the baby is cosleeping with us. Crib is sidecarred but he doesn't sleep in it yet. If one or both of the older ones climb into bed in the morning they are never beside the baby. Unless I am wide awake and it's just snuggle time, not sleep time.



 

 


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Old 03-24-2011, 02:43 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nosce View Post

Can we talk siblings? What's the age gap between your youngest child and the next youngest? How is that child adjusting to Baby? do you feel comfortable leaving them alone together while you leave the room? At what age would you let your baby sleep next to the older child? If you are cosleeping, are you all in the same bed? What is the arrangement?


    The age gap is just a little over 5 years. DD is acting out, but it is definitely improving - she also has suddenly started falling out of bed at night. She adores her little brother and at times aggravates me with how helpful she wants to be.

 

 

    I will leave the two of them in the room, so long as DS is in the swing or laying on the floor. DD never co-slept with us (she didn't like to cuddle) so she is in her own bed, DS is currently co-sleeping. DD is all over the place in bed, it wouldn't be safe right now for them to share a sleeping space.

 

 


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Old 03-24-2011, 07:34 PM
 
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They are 4 years apart.  My oldest is adjusting pretty well, he enjoys his little sister (except when I'm changing a poopy diaper...makes him gag).  He wishes he could do more with her, but he loves giving her kisses and hugs and rubbing her head.  It is so sweet to watch love.gif  This past week he wanted to carry her in the moby wrap and I kept having to explain why that wouldn't work too well...I felt sad because he wanted to do it so badly.  I feel mostly comfortable leaving them alone together, except if he's really energetic then I'm afraid he might accidentally step or fall on her.  She'd need to be at least 6 months or so before I'd let them sleep next to each other.  I co-sleep with her but not with him anymore, so this isn't an issue for us.

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Old 03-25-2011, 06:11 PM
 
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My two littlest are only 14.5 months apart. So far Isaac has adjusted pretty well to Lucas. He's been starting to have a little jealousy when its just the two of them and myself, but luckily that hasn't happened too much. Mostly he just wants some extra attention so we do make sure to give him some extra lovins. I definately do not leave them alone together! Isaac loves Lucas, but he's only a baby himself and doesn't know his own strenth or how to be gentle. He tries to give Lucas "hugs and kisses" and will "pat" him on the head, but he can be pretty rough about it. I only cosleep with Lucas, so that's not an issue for us.

 

Maddie, at a month shy of five (!), has adapted well to both additions. She was 3.5 when Isaac was born and was a very helpful lil girl. I felt perfectly safe to leave him alone with her to shower or whatnot. She'd either coo at him or play by herself. She does basically the same with Lucas now, she's more truly helpful now than before. :) We've never had two kiddos in bed w us, just the infants as an infant.


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Old 03-27-2011, 08:45 PM
 
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My DD is 7. She's adjusted pretty well. It annoys her that I have to punctuate helping with her during DS's short nursing breaks, and sometimes she gets a bit jealous of his being in my lap most of the time whereas she has to sit next to me to get cuddles. But mostly she has a good sense of caring about her little brother, and has been very helpful. She wants to do more with him (like carry him) than I feel comfortable with, but at the same time she readily gives him back when holding him if she's uncomfortable with the situation (if he's too wiggly for her or whatever).


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Old 03-28-2011, 11:46 PM
 
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DS is 5 years older than DD. He's actually doing pretty well with her. He gets really annoyed (or rather, annoyING!) when he has to wait for her to finish nursing before I can do something for him, but overall he's wonderful. You know, aside from the "Can I touch her cheek? Can I poke her?" and the absolute insisting on giving her a big hug and kiss at night or when we leave, even if she's in a very light sleep. nut.gif But he loves her and he's really great for the most part. I do occasionally have to run out of the room for a couple minutes and he'll stand by her and talk to her or he'll hold her (I set him up on the couch with the boppy), but I don't leave him for long. DS cosleeps with my dad usually (he loves his Papi) but when he does sleep with DD and I then he sleeps on the inside of the bed and Allora sleeps on the outside, though obviously far enough away from the edge. It's not as easy when he cosleeps because I can't just roll with her from one side to the other to switch breasts so I'm glad he likes sleeping elsewhere.

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by nosce View Post

Can we talk siblings? What's the age gap between your youngest child and the next youngest? How is that child adjusting to Baby? do you feel comfortable leaving them alone together while you leave the room? At what age would you let your baby sleep next to the older child? If you are cosleeping, are you all in the same bed? What is the arrangement?



 


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Old 04-08-2011, 03:17 PM
 
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We've got a 2.75 year age gap on both sides of our DD (She's almost 3, big brother is 5.5). She is a little tantrum-y but that's more to do with lack of routine since he was born (late nights, meals at odd times, lots of visitors). She was already more attached to dad than to me so there hasn't been a huge disruption in terms of him doing more for her now that my hands are full with the baby.

 

The bigger kids both have their own beds but often end up in our bed part way through the night. Since Silas was born, I'm not usually comfortable with that many of us in bed or with the increased wakings for me between nursing and the bigger kids waking up when he's finally sleeping, or waking him with their noise, so dh usually goes to sleep with them, rather than having them come to us. On the odd time one of them does come into our bed, I usually prefer they don't sleep near the baby. It's happened once or twice and I usually make sure that baby is tucked up close to me with plenty of space on the other side.

 

They both love him to pieces and we haven't had any major jealousy issues. My problem is more the amount they want to kiss and hug him (often when he's sleeping). They really are all over him too much, to the point where I get annoyed because they are smothering him. DD especially has little concept of what is appropriate in terms of how hard to pat, kiss, rock, etc. He's a really good sport but the poor little thing!

 

I have noticed DD getting increasingly rough with him and possessive. As in, she's rocking his chair too hard and when I ask her to be more gentle and put my hand out to slow her, she's pushes me away and yells Don't! as if she has the right to do whatever she wants. He has very fat cheeks and she squeezes them too hard. She hugs him until he grunts from the pressure. Etc. This has been getting worse the last week or so and I am beginning to wonder if this is some passive aggressive jealous behaviour - acting as if she likes him but actually venting some aggression??? Anyone see this with your kiddos?

 

I get a lot of help from DS and he's very reliable in terms of being alone with Silas. DD on the other hand, I don't trust at all. She's getting more and more brave with what she thinks she's capable of and the other day tried to pick him up when I left the room for one second to grab a receiving blanket. I don't think she'll hurt him on purpose but definitely have an accident because she's a classic 2 year old who thinks she can do everything herself and gets pretty mad about any limits placed on her. Or hurt him by accident with too much love!

 

I'm trying to find positive ways to discuss this with them (appropriate times to hug and kiss, when to give space, what's too rough) but find that I'm stuck in a No! Don't! Leave him alone! cycle that probably just annoys them.

 

How's it going for you guys Nosce?

 

 


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Old 04-08-2011, 04:49 PM
 
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Quote:
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I'm trying to find positive ways to discuss this with them (appropriate times to hug and kiss, when to give space, what's too rough) but find that I'm stuck in a No! Don't! Leave him alone! cycle that probably just annoys them.


It definitely sounds to me like your DD is acting out...not only from the changes a baby brings, but also from all the No! Don't! repetitiveness.  It also sounds like this is why she's being forceful both with her brother and towards you...she's picking up on your frustration and is letting it out any way she can.  This is not the easiest thing to deal with...maybe spending more one on one time with her would help and trying to be gentler with your approach.  Instead of don't be rough, for example, say please be gentle...language is so important, especially with little ones.  I hope that helps some love.gif

 

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Old 04-08-2011, 09:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for the input, mamas.

 

How is it going for us? Elliott and Iris are 2.5 yrs apart. Iris has mostly slept in her own bed and came to our king size somewhere in the wee hours of the morning. In my third trimester I tried to transition her to a nap pad on the floor next to our bed, but no dice. So our setup is cradle, my side of the bed, DH's side, nap pad, and mostly we all sleep together. She really regressed, sleep-wise, after Elliott was born. But hey, it wasn't a potty regression so I figured I could deal. I keep the baby on the edge of the bed with my arm around him- obviously at a safe distance, or he's in the cradle. I don't enjoy having us all in the bed together, but it's what works for now. And like I said, I'm thanking my lucky stars that at two and a half she can take herself to the potty and wipe and everything without me. At least it wasn't that that had to go and get ruined.

 

Iris is adjusting okay to Elliott now, ten weeks in. At first she was totally horrified that I was really gone from her- I mean I felt a definite shift in the last 15 weeks of pregnancy and wasn't interested in doing as much intense play with her. Not to say that I didn't spend time with her, but I was separating. So then the baby came, and the hardest part for her was learning to be quiet. It's funny the things you forget about the way newborns are- we had prepped her that when babies were sleeping we needed to use quiet voices, but I kind of forgot that BABIES SLEEP ALL THE TIME at the beginning. So how could I expect her to always be silent, at 30 months old, when she was around him, and he was always around me? Her tantrums all revolved around "But I don't want to be quiet! I am LOUD!" or "But I don't want to be loud in my room. I want to be loud NEXT TO YOU!"

She was constantly demanding to hold him in the beginning, and there was no jealousy when she did. She couldn't stop talking about him, saying stuff like "Oh look at his cute little toes!" I wonder how much of it was parroting adults. Now she has little interest in him and is all about his stuff. She wants to swing in the baby swing, is always dragging wipes and snappis around the house and making a mess of them, is trying to shove her feet into his socks. The only things she says about Elliott is "Mommy, Elliott is crryyyyyyiiiiiinnnng." or "Please put him down." And yet, every once in a blue moon, she still asks to hold him and when she does, she lovingly pinches his toes and comments on how cute he is, and that he is the best, and she loves him.

HOWEVER. She does things almost subconsciously to him. One time she smacked him in the head five times in an hour while I was holding him and we were all watching a movie. I caught her pinching him on his brow bone hard enough for him to make that UH UH UH UH grunty panicked sound babes get. His eye area was red for an hour. When I asked her what happened, she had the most bewildered look on her face, as if she had no idea what she was doing was wrong or harmful.

 

So I'm not super comfortable leaving them alone together, because though what she does is not intentional, really, it could get worse fast. I shower with E in the bathroom in the bouncer and Iris watches a movie in the next room.

 


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Old 04-09-2011, 04:11 PM
 
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It definitely sounds to me like your DD is acting out...not only from the changes a baby brings, but also from all the No! Don't! repetitiveness.  It also sounds like this is why she's being forceful both with her brother and towards you...she's picking up on your frustration and is letting it out any way she can.  This is not the easiest thing to deal with...maybe spending more one on one time with her would help and trying to be gentler with your approach.  Instead of don't be rough, for example, say please be gentle...language is so important, especially with little ones.  I hope that helps some love.gif

 

Well, yes, that's why I mentioned it - because I realize all of the NOs are not constructive... I certainly started out with the positive language in the beginning but sometimes it escalates to where a No! or Stop! is necessary. I'm trying to think of a conversation or some rules about when and what kind of touch is appropriate.

 

I think part of it is that she doesn't actually understand just HOW gentle you have to be with a baby. Nosce's story above resonated with me...the idea that DD doesn't totally realize that what she's doing isn't ok. Much of her behaviour certainly is accidental - such as today when he was crying and she ran to him saying very lovingly "shhh! that's ok. my boy." but then held her hand over his mouth to make him stop crying.

 

Furthermore, most of her acting out has been going on for a lot longer than we've had a baby - part of it is personality and developmental stage. Overall, her behaviour to the baby is positive but I'd be naive to believe that she's not showing even a little difficulty adjusting.



 


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