prior cesearean mamas - Page 3 - Mothering Forums
Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#61 of 102 Old 11-18-2010, 07:59 PM
 
First Time Mama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 362
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

 Can't believe I just saw this thread. I planned a homebirth with my son. I was a beginning doula, and student midwife before my son was born and had a lot of faith and trust in the birth process, and was excited and looking forward to giving birth, and did not have fear. I had a long labor at home, a lot of it on my own, I labored probably about 20 hours on my own before I asked the midwives to come.  Then I labored through another night and early morning with them in attendance. I pushed for hours and my ds never descended (due to a malposition that I was not aware of at the time), and I ended up exhausted and level of pain was too much for me to cope with without any progress. So I made the very tough decision to transfer, and I cried at the loss of my dream of a homebirth as I had always believed I would have my baby at home. Upon transfer our reception by the hospital staff was negative, and I felt judged as a "failed homebirth" and then the worst thing I could imagine (besides losing my baby, or having my baby damaged) happened. The o.b declared that I needed a section. I felt powerless and helpless, and was in so much pain. I agreed through my tears, and that is when my heart broke. Physcially, the section went smoothly, my son was born healthy, but I was devastated and in such shock.  It was really, really hard for me to lose out on the birth I wanted for my son and myself. I had created an image of birth and birthing women as strong and empowered, and birth as beautiful and peaceful, and mine was not. I was very traumatized by my surgery. I remember afterwards, family and friends saying "congratulatons!" and I remember thinking "what are they congratulating me for? I couldn't birth my baby, I failed at something women are designed to do."  Having a cesearean was a huge loss for me.

 It has gotten better with time as I have worked on healing and I am now 37 weeks into my second pregnancy and planning a hbac.  I have had a lot of fear and anxiety over wheater it will work this time or not. Anxiety attacks, a lot of tears, even regret over being pregnant, as I don't feel ready to face it all again. If I have a repeat c/s or traumatic birth I don't know how I will cope, but I also know that just scheduling an elective is not right for me. Sometimes I have wished I could, as I think a c/s under controlled circumstances would be less traumatic, but I can't just schedule and not try to vbac. For me, I would always wonder what if? and I think that would be worse for me than even not suceeding at a vbac. Because at least I will know that I tried. Also, for me I think having a hbac is giving myself the best shot at having a vbac. I searched hard for my midwives and selected them carefully and really feel I can trust them. If I still end up with a c/s or hospital transfer after giving myself the best chance I could to labor and birth unhindered, then I feel it will be because this time it was really appropritate which is more than I can say for my first birth. I still desperately want a homebirth,but I know that I can't control that, and am trying to come up with a plan, think through other scenarios/prepare for a different kind of birth as well. Thanks for starting this thread!


Maria, wife to DH, mama to DS 09/2007, #2 12/2010 and hoping for a
First Time Mama is offline  
#62 of 102 Old 11-18-2010, 08:01 PM
 
Carolina Kel's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Washington
Posts: 118
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


 

Thank you for sharing! I am so happy for you that your BPs are looking good this time around. Oh, and your current OBs comment - ugh. How freaking rude. I hope you are able to get stationed in WA again. DH and I would love to try for either WA or AK area when he re-ups. There are lots of CG in both states and we are DEFINITELY ready to get away from DC and all the drama. ugh.

 

What is your EDD for this babe?

 

There's a pretty heavy CG presence in the Puget Sound, so if you can make it out here, by all means. :) It's a great place to be a crunchy mom. :)

 

Miss Skadi is supposed to be born 4/18/2011... although with I knew when the "O train" pulled into the station and I really think that it should be about a week prior. We'll see :)


fencing.gif Carolina Kel 
Pagan * Grad Student * Amateur Ninja * Bibliophile * Photographer * Cyberpunk* Cooking Diva * Wife to RJ & Partner to Abeja * Mamí Valkyrie to Eiríkr (2/26/2009), Skaði (3/18/2011) and a surprise munchkin due 8-23-2012 * I love my tribe of hearts! *

Carolina Kel is offline  
#63 of 102 Old 11-19-2010, 06:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
nerdymom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: too far away from the mountains, VA
Posts: 2,714
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by First Time Mama View Post

 Can't believe I just saw this thread. I planned a homebirth with my son. I was a beginning doula, and student midwife before my son was born and had a lot of faith and trust in the birth process, and was excited and looking forward to giving birth, and did not have fear. I had a long labor at home, a lot of it on my own, I labored probably about 20 hours on my own before I asked the midwives to come.  Then I labored through another night and early morning with them in attendance. I pushed for hours and my ds never descended (due to a malposition that I was not aware of at the time), and I ended up exhausted and level of pain was too much for me to cope with without any progress. So I made the very tough decision to transfer, and I cried at the loss of my dream of a homebirth as I had always believed I would have my baby at home. Upon transfer our reception by the hospital staff was negative, and I felt judged as a "failed homebirth" and then the worst thing I could imagine (besides losing my baby, or having my baby damaged) happened. The o.b declared that I needed a section. I felt powerless and helpless, and was in so much pain. I agreed through my tears, and that is when my heart broke. Physcially, the section went smoothly, my son was born healthy, but I was devastated and in such shock.  It was really, really hard for me to lose out on the birth I wanted for my son and myself. I had created an image of birth and birthing women as strong and empowered, and birth as beautiful and peaceful, and mine was not. I was very traumatized by my surgery. I remember afterwards, family and friends saying "congratulatons!" and I remember thinking "what are they congratulating me for? I couldn't birth my baby, I failed at something women are designed to do."  Having a cesearean was a huge loss for me.

 It has gotten better with time as I have worked on healing and I am now 37 weeks into my second pregnancy and planning a hbac.  I have had a lot of fear and anxiety over wheater it will work this time or not. Anxiety attacks, a lot of tears, even regret over being pregnant, as I don't feel ready to face it all again. If I have a repeat c/s or traumatic birth I don't know how I will cope, but I also know that just scheduling an elective is not right for me. Sometimes I have wished I could, as I think a c/s under controlled circumstances would be less traumatic, but I can't just schedule and not try to vbac. For me, I would always wonder what if? and I think that would be worse for me than even not suceeding at a vbac. Because at least I will know that I tried. Also, for me I think having a hbac is giving myself the best shot at having a vbac. I searched hard for my midwives and selected them carefully and really feel I can trust them. If I still end up with a c/s or hospital transfer after giving myself the best chance I could to labor and birth unhindered, then I feel it will be because this time it was really appropritate which is more than I can say for my first birth. I still desperately want a homebirth,but I know that I can't control that, and am trying to come up with a plan, think through other scenarios/prepare for a different kind of birth as well. Thanks for starting this thread!



 

Thank you for sharing your story! If you look at some of the first posts, I share my story and it is very similar to yours. I have spoken with moms who felt they made poor decisions (like early epis and etc) that lead to an unnecessary c/s, and they always try to comfort me by telling me that at least I know I tried everything to avoid it. And in a way it helps, and in another way it feels even worse because you feel like your own body let you down. And the journey down the road to renewed self-confidence is a long and rocky one! I know you are near the end of your pregnancy, and I hope you feel that you have been able to regain some of what you lost. And I hope that your VBAC is the most empowering experience of your life! Please don't forget us when you have your baby, no matter the outcome, we are HERE for one another!
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Carolina Kel View Post


 

Thank you for sharing! I am so happy for you that your BPs are looking good this time around. Oh, and your current OBs comment - ugh. How freaking rude. I hope you are able to get stationed in WA again. DH and I would love to try for either WA or AK area when he re-ups. There are lots of CG in both states and we are DEFINITELY ready to get away from DC and all the drama. ugh.

 

What is your EDD for this babe?

 

There's a pretty heavy CG presence in the Puget Sound, so if you can make it out here, by all means. :) It's a great place to be a crunchy mom. :)

 

Miss Skadi is supposed to be born 4/18/2011... although with I knew when the "O train" pulled into the station and I really think that it should be about a week prior. We'll see :)


What branch of the service is your DH? Did you tell your OB when you O'd? I had a hunch my dates were off b/c I think I ovulated late (but didn't chart July, gah!) and that was confirmed by the u/s at 8 weeks.


><> I'm a Christian, knitting, sewing, cooking SAHM to the fearless adventurer Jack born 11/08, and  a  USCG wife
And we are joyfully awaiting a new addition in April 2011! <><
nerdymom is offline  
#64 of 102 Old 11-19-2010, 08:51 PM
 
Carolina Kel's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Washington
Posts: 118
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Quote:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Carolina Kel View Post

There's a pretty heavy CG presence in the Puget Sound, so if you can make it out here, by all means. :) It's a great place to be a crunchy mom. :)

 

Miss Skadi is supposed to be born 4/18/2011... although with I knew when the "O train" pulled into the station and I really think that it should be about a week prior. We'll see :)


What branch of the service is your DH? Did you tell your OB when you O'd? I had a hunch my dates were off b/c I think I ovulated late (but didn't chart July, gah!) and that was confirmed by the u/s at 8 weeks.

 

Both RJ and Tryst are Army guys, just different MOS. :)

 

I did tell the OB when I O'd - and it went it one ear and out the other (like I said, I really don't like this guy). According to my LMP and my O date, I should be due 4/11, but Skadi is measuring for the 4/18 date. If she's like her brother, she's measuring behind. So I dunno. shrug.gif


fencing.gif Carolina Kel 
Pagan * Grad Student * Amateur Ninja * Bibliophile * Photographer * Cyberpunk* Cooking Diva * Wife to RJ & Partner to Abeja * Mamí Valkyrie to Eiríkr (2/26/2009), Skaði (3/18/2011) and a surprise munchkin due 8-23-2012 * I love my tribe of hearts! *

Carolina Kel is offline  
#65 of 102 Old 11-20-2010, 05:19 AM
 
jr'smom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Illinois
Posts: 1,716
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

First Time Mama, thanks for sharing.  You did a wonderful job at expressing your emotions.  You described mine as well for the loss of my first birthing experience and the way I felt going into my second.  I pray that you get the birthing experience you want this time.  I still can't just accept a RCS with my fourth, even though I've done everything I could the 1st three times and ended up with CSs.  Unfortunately I don't have any other viable option, so I've made peace with the CS that is coming.  At least it won't be a surprise this time.  But I will still have the feeling of my body "failing" at birthing.  I do positive affirmations, but it's hard to shake that deep down feeling.


Mom to 5 amazing kids! (DS8, DS7, DD4, DD2 and DS0)

jr'smom is offline  
#66 of 102 Old 11-23-2010, 06:03 PM
 
First Time Mama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 362
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

 Thanks Ladies, I didn't realize this was the April DDC, no wonder I didn't see  the thread. I will let you know how the birth goes.


Maria, wife to DH, mama to DS 09/2007, #2 12/2010 and hoping for a
First Time Mama is offline  
#67 of 102 Old 11-24-2010, 08:23 PM - Thread Starter
 
nerdymom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: too far away from the mountains, VA
Posts: 2,714
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by First Time Mama View Post

 Thanks Ladies, I didn't realize this was the April DDC, no wonder I didn't see  the thread. I will let you know how the birth goes.



Don't let that stop you from joining in regularly. MDC can be a very hard place to be a c/s mom, some people are very aggressive with their "advice", judgments, and commentary. I sometimes get sick of the implications that c/s moms just failed to do something "right". Sometimes things just happen, and it's really no one's place to criticize what may or may not have happened during someone's birthing. And snarky comments or even just unintentionally insensitive comments don't do anyone any good, especially an emotionally fragile post c/s mama like me!


><> I'm a Christian, knitting, sewing, cooking SAHM to the fearless adventurer Jack born 11/08, and  a  USCG wife
And we are joyfully awaiting a new addition in April 2011! <><
nerdymom is offline  
#68 of 102 Old 11-28-2010, 05:57 PM
 
mrsberman's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 269
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

minkajane-

 

I tried finding stuff online for the VA and there's absolutely nothing, unless you count the phone number to call. The most recent article (May 2010) was about getting female restrooms in all the VAs. It's just wrong. I spoke with some men I know who use the VA and they couldn't even comprehend your situation. I think they were shocked that the VA doesn't really know how to work with the situation. I hope everything works out.


married 11/06, DD May 2009, DS  April 2011successful, natural 9lbs 6ozvbac.gif

mrsberman is offline  
#69 of 102 Old 11-28-2010, 07:46 PM
 
minkajane's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Columbus, OH
Posts: 5,282
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by mrsberman View Post

minkajane-

 

I tried finding stuff online for the VA and there's absolutely nothing, unless you count the phone number to call. The most recent article (May 2010) was about getting female restrooms in all the VAs. It's just wrong. I spoke with some men I know who use the VA and they couldn't even comprehend your situation. I think they were shocked that the VA doesn't really know how to work with the situation. I hope everything works out.


It really is crazy, but they really have no idea what to do with women at all. I'm lucky I can even get pap smears. I was going to Planned Parenthood until they decided to offer them because the GPs wouldn't do them. When I had to go for my ruptured cyst, every time I had to pee, I had to stumble down the hall to a unisex bathroom in a room occupied by three old men. So every time I peed, they could hear everything and they all kept staring at me. Probably wondering what in the world I was doing there. It was awful.

 

Thankfully, DS and I just got approved for Medicaid, so if I need to transfer, I can go to the hospital right down the road and everything will be good to go.


Mandy, )O(  Proud mommy of Taylor (1/6/05) jammin.gifand Abigail (4/21/11) slinggirl.gif
Loving wife of my gamer boy Michael. modifiedartist.gifBlog link in my profile! ribboncesarean.gif
minkajane is offline  
#70 of 102 Old 11-29-2010, 10:00 AM
 
First Time Mama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 362
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

 thank, nerdymom. I agree, MDC is a hard place to be a c/s mom. I couldn't believe that I ended up with a c section because I had done everything "right". When my DS was born, MDC didn't even have the healing from birth trauma forum, and I felt like there was no where for me to share or try and process anything.


Maria, wife to DH, mama to DS 09/2007, #2 12/2010 and hoping for a
First Time Mama is offline  
#71 of 102 Old 12-04-2010, 06:15 PM - Thread Starter
 
nerdymom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: too far away from the mountains, VA
Posts: 2,714
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by First Time Mama View Post

 thank, nerdymom. I agree, MDC is a hard place to be a c/s mom. I couldn't believe that I ended up with a c section because I had done everything "right". When my DS was born, MDC didn't even have the healing from birth trauma forum, and I felt like there was no where for me to share or try and process anything.



Wow. I posted there after DS, and did receive some nice comments but  at the time I just don't think I felt like I belonged there, for whatever reason. I just wasn't ready I think, and I also felt a bit petulant for complaining when there were moms whose babies died, or ended up in the NICU for months, that sort of thing. I felt a bit odd whining "oh I'm so sad about my surgical birth and my 10lb healthy baby" even though I know it is ok to be sad about it, and that I would get support there.


><> I'm a Christian, knitting, sewing, cooking SAHM to the fearless adventurer Jack born 11/08, and  a  USCG wife
And we are joyfully awaiting a new addition in April 2011! <><
nerdymom is offline  
#72 of 102 Old 12-09-2010, 09:28 PM
 
MamaChef's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 675
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Hi, Wonderful Ladies..

Ive stayed away from the April board even though Im due May 8th and hope baby decides to make an early arrival because last time I was sooooo sure baby was coming early, I was due on the 6th of the month and she ended up almost 3 weeks late and it was absolutely demoralizing to have EVERYONE in my DDC (another board) deliver their baby but me.  But I do lurk over here once in awhile and know as those final weeks come it will be more and more.

Instead of retyping everything Ill just post what I did on the May Cesarean Mamas thread:

 

Hopefully this babe will join us HBAC... but unlike my first birth, I'm truly okay regardless of how baby comes as long as baby and I are healthy. I no longer look at the medical establishment as something that is trying to rob me of something.. or that is "bad"

Ive been to many births at this point as a doula, birth assistant and midwifery student for the last 9 years and Ive finally been able to stop romanticizing the moments of birth. They are but moments. Motherhood is a lifetime.

Ive seen Breech babies get stuck, living weeks on vents before going home to be with the Lord. Ive seen uterine rupture, massive infection from going too long PROMed. Ive seen a baby born blue from CHD, lungs filled with mec... and Ive seen almost 200 healthy beautiful bundles of joy born from vaginas, from "moonroofs".

Ill get the anatomy U/S at 20 to rule out heart defects.

I'll get a U/S at 37 weeks to look at the thickness of my scar.

Ill listen happily via doppler at appts and sometimes in between just because I love hearing my babe's heartbeat.

I know now that love, life and God are stronger then fear, absolutes, "golden" hours.

To get ready for this birth I spent almost 3 years processing my life and all of the things I had internalized or been taught about birth with professionals that for the most part were able to not pin their perceptions onto my dreams. Ive let go of a fairytale that having a baby through my vagina somehow made me a mother.. a woman. That doing it that way was somehow "the right way" or "the best way".

I also took the advice of absolutely everyone from therapist to OB to unlicensed midwife on the best things I could do to prepare my body and mind for an EMPOWERED birth after Cesarean. I've lost the bulk of the extra weight Ive been carrying around. I've drastically changed my diet. Ive worked hard on my marriage and my relationship with my daughter. I take the supplements my body needs that my diet doesnt provide. I walk atleast a mile most days, try and be very aware of my posture and Im really focusing on weight training to strengthen my hip abductors and lower back. Ive faithfully done chiropractic to get my pelvis in alignment and will continue through my pregnancy. I've also had great success with using Egoscue to get my body back in alignment. I've done mayan abdominal massage to loosen any adhesions and make sure my uterus is positioned healthfully, getting the best bloodflow and nourishment it can to be strong.

I've been doing the internal work from The Pink Kit for months and will continue it through my pregnancy.

But mostly, Im working on the meditation of "Surrender" and "grace". Surrendering all of my baggage, others baggage, control... and grace for myself and the people involved in this process that God has brought everyone in my path for a reason and that anyone can be a teacher.. anyone can be a friend. Even an OB with a scalpel.

 

I had so much regret about my section in the months.. year after. My midwife was an absolute shit who dropped care for me during an incredibly stressful time, 43 weeks pregnant.. it sucked. Went in for an NST that showed a nonreactive baby and frankly, I was just sick of fighting at that point. I had been fighting with my midwife for 2 weeks, getting barraged by my family with dead baby stories... I felt like my body was broken so I consented to the section. I recovered really well, baby did great, but we had nursing problems after. It seemed like one thing after another, we couldnt get a break.. baby sensed all my stress. I spiraled into horrible PPD.. it actually morphed into PPOCD by the time I got help at 16 months even though I was surrounded by a birth community who should have saw all my signs even though I was living in complete denial and trying to play pretend that I was handling everything. I went through all the motions.. I am lucky that I do feel I bonded to DD almost immediately, but I still wished for so long she could have come out the "right" way.. when she was colicy, or grumpy, or wouldnt breastfeed for 5 weeks.. I wondered why when I had done everything "right" it had to be so hard. I didnt harbor resentment, but I honestly felt persecuted by the universe. I knew it was time to talk to someone when I started having horrible panic attacks that isolated me and kept me at home.

My first thought when I found out I was pregnant with this baby is, has there been enough time where I was actually present for DD? Has it been enough time to make up for all those months of feeling underwater, disconnected? Is her cup full?

I am so thankful for my therapist who helped me climb out of the deepest darkest depression Ive ever faced, never once pushing drugs on me, which were a big deal breaker for me, all I had was nursing.. her number is on speed dial this time

Anyway, all of this is to say, I understand how a birth can totally rock everything you are and everything you thought you knew about yourself. I've been over post op reports, xrays of my pelvis, the final month of my pregnancy.. over and over and over.

I did alot of journaling to help dig my way out of the depression.. I remember clearly the day when the lightbulb finally flipped for me, when I finally had grace with myself.. I wrote this..

I'm so sad that so many women have been sold a fairytale of birth as panacea.

I am so sad that our chronically undermothered society has turned birth into the litmus test for "good enough".

How much pressure to pack a whole lifetime of motherhood into one event..

How tragic that the miracle is life, but so many focus on the hours of birth. The MIRACLE is LIFE. It's not the uncomfortable, squeezing, intense, often traumatic way that life emerges from its mother's womb.

What feels like eons ago, I wanted to be a midwife to help women get their fairy tale.. I wanted to be a midwife to heal women so that they didnt have to write these stories or so they could have vaginal births after their cesarean to heal these stories. I wanted to be a midwife because I felt (mostly male) OBs were robbing women of becoming mothers. I wanted to "protect" them.

It's as if a floodgate has opened now that I've realized that it's the fantasy, it's the measuring up.. it's the good enough.. it's the shame.. it's the perspective... that has robbed women of feeling like they became mothers the "right" way. It's those things that made me refuse a picture of my baby's first moments of life in the OR because " I dont want to memorialize this." .. I had failed. Who wants a picture of that?

NO! I didnt fail. I carried a life for 43 weeks, defying every doctor's prediction since I was 16 that I would even get pregnant. I loved every.single. moment of my pregnancy. Every move, every kick... I cared for her with everything I had and everything I was. I WAS/AM GOOD ENOUGH.

Now I want to be a midwife so that I can help bring healthy babies into the world and give them healthy mamas with healthy expectations of birth.. Women who know they have a whole life time to be even better then "good enough".. not just one single moment. I want to realign their expectations.. to lay hands on their scars both internal and external. I want to love them so that they can love themselves and know that it's a lifetime, not a race. There is no finish line, there are no medals.

There is only love.

That's what being a Mom is.

Being a Mom is getting in there and loving, loving, loving.. and the first step in becoming a Mom is loving ourselves.

I hope everyone has an amazing empowered birth. Whatever that looks like for you.

kittn likes this.
MamaChef is offline  
#73 of 102 Old 12-09-2010, 09:41 PM - Thread Starter
 
nerdymom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: too far away from the mountains, VA
Posts: 2,714
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

MamaChef, you bring tears to my eyes, thank you so much for verbalizing so much of what I feel.


><> I'm a Christian, knitting, sewing, cooking SAHM to the fearless adventurer Jack born 11/08, and  a  USCG wife
And we are joyfully awaiting a new addition in April 2011! <><
nerdymom is offline  
#74 of 102 Old 12-09-2010, 10:26 PM
 
MamaChef's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 675
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Thanks, nerdymom :)

 

I wanted to share one more thing.  Here midwives are not covered by malpractice insurance if they attend Homebirths.  Most midwives ask that you write out a letter of why you want to HBAC and explain the benefits and risks as you understand them.

 

Here is part of mine to help put some of the statistics in perspective for anyone that wants to.  These numbers were all pulled from the NIH study on VBAC that was just released this year.  I had to calculate some of them, but the numbers are in the study so anyone could check them.

 

The greatest risks in VBAC with a favorable placental location involve uterine rupture and the statistics say that with a low transverse incision with a double layer closure like the one I have entering labor without artificial induction, the risks of rupture are 7-8 out of every 1000 VBAC attempts, or .7-.8%

In a birth with an unscarred uterus the chances of placental abruption are 1.1 - 1.3%, the chances of Umbilical Cord Prolapse are 1.4 - 6.2%, the chances of Shoulder Dystocia are .6 - 1.4%.  There are NO Guarantees in birth or in life. 

Out of the .7-.8% chance of UR, there is a 6% chance of the baby dying when it occurs, very rarely does a mother die.. this represents .04% of all babies born to women attempting VBAC.  Three times less then the risk to of infant death during cord prolapse (.15%,) and less then the risk of a baby dying during a cesarean section.(.05%)

 

I also really like this guide

http://givingbirthwithconfidence.org/2-2/a-womans-guide-to-vbac/

MamaChef is offline  
#75 of 102 Old 12-09-2010, 10:27 PM
 
First Time Mama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 362
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

  Mama Chef, you expressed yourself beautifully, and also verbalized a lot of how I have felt and feel. I keep worrying about if I have prepared myself enough for my vbac, mentally, emotionally, physically, but I am about to do it, any day now I will be laboring, and I am trying to have faith and surrender to the process however it unfolds.


Maria, wife to DH, mama to DS 09/2007, #2 12/2010 and hoping for a
First Time Mama is offline  
#76 of 102 Old 12-10-2010, 04:07 PM
 
EricaRN's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Indiana
Posts: 336
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

MamaChef- I LOVE what you wrote!! However, I do want to add one more element to it. I believe 100% of what you wrote holds true to my feelings as well. I have made a journey similar to yours in my healing from both of my csections. However, I have arrived at a somewhat different conclusion. I too believe that no matter how this baby decides to make its entrance I will be happy. Something I could not have said after my last "failed vbac attempt". I have learned that it's not the result that matters so much as me feeling empowered during the birth. In me feeling that I was directly birthing my baby, whether through my vagina or through my scar. As long as I still feel in control, fearless of birth and confident in my ability to love and mother my child as soon as I possibly can then I'll be alright. However, the demention that I don't think you touched on and that has become a huge obstacle I've been trying to work through, is that no matter how my baby comes out, I need to see it, hold it, kiss it and love it. Something I did not have with my previous 2 births. My daughter was taken to the nursury right away because she had passed her meconium so they needed to monitor her. She was fine, but I was not. I first laid eyes on her at 8 hours old. I had not heard her cry, seen her slimy body or touched her cheek. The OBs did not lower the screen or hold her over for me to see her. They did not believe it was important. and since I was recovering from a very difficult labor and surgery, recovering from a reaction to the anesthetic and utterly demoralized, I was not able to stay awake long enough to see her until 8 hours old.

 

With my son, my water broke 5 weeks early due to a GBS infection that ran rampant throughout my body. Again after a "failed" vbac I was wheeled to the OR for my 2nd cesarean where again I did not get to lay eyes on my son, hear him cry or even know if he was ok. They immediately whisked him away into the OR next door. He was not breathing, he was not ok. He spent a week in the NICU fighting for his life. Thankfully he survived and is a healthy happy little boy now. But no amount of working through the trauma of this birth will ever replace the 16 hours that passed that I laid in a hospital bed crying, praying that my son was ok even though I had not seen him or heard him. It was touch and go and because I was unable to get up and get down to the NICU I was unable to be with him or hold his hand and pray that he made it through.

 

Like I said, i agree 100% with what you said, except that I would also add that there's another level.... the actual birth does not matter... the method of arrival into this world does not matter. But starting with that first second of life, we HAVE to feel included. We NEED to know that we are BEING a mother to our children. And when I miss the first half or more of my child's first day of life, I am missing out on more than just a few hours. In the grand scheme of things it is but a fraction. But all time is not weighted evenly. The first minute of life carries more weight than any given minute somewhere in between. And if we're not present for it, it can do irreparable damage. Thankfully with my daughter, we bonded and have had no issues. I am very close to her. My son however is still very distant from me. I did not bond with him for a LONG time. When he was 9 months old I looked at him for the first time and thought I really really love him. Not that I didn't love him before that.... But I couldn't just look at him and light up from the inside, bursting with love. I still struggle with my connection with him. Everything is much harder with him. When he misbehaves (he's 19 months old now) I take it personally. I don't look at it the same way I do when my daughter misbehaves. I feel attacked by him when he does things that normal little "stinker" 19 month olds would do. I cry and feel unloved by him when he's being stubborn and wont kiss me goodnight. When my daughter does it I tickle her, laugh and tell her I'm taking kisses whether she's giving them or not... But it's different with my son. I know this is related to his birth. As much as I want to say it isn't, it is.

 

My hope for this next birth is to be a participater. Not someone who'se been sidelined. But someone who is in total control. IF I need a csection, I want to be laying on that table, with the screen lowered, watching this baby being birthed out of me. And I want to hold him/her immediately. I want yucky baby goop on my face and chest, I want to kiss him/her and know that I am his/her mother. Not by having someone tell me that I am, but by KNOWING that I am. I pray my HBA2C is a dream that is realized, but if it's not then all I want is to bond with my baby.

 

Thank you for posting your thoughts! It helps me to work through my own trauma every time I discuss it and you've given me lots more to think about. I wish all of you a happy healthy birthing experience, whatever that may be!


Wife to John, Mom to Melanie (1/08), Deklan (5/09) and stork-suprise.gif due April 11, 2011 h20homebirth.gif vbac.gif & just started cd.gif
EricaRN is offline  
#77 of 102 Old 12-15-2010, 12:03 AM
 
MamaChef's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 675
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Erica,

My heart goes out to you to think of how traumatic it must be to have been separated from your babies for so long before even getting to kiss their precious body and see them.  I pray for you that you get to not just be a participant in this baby's birth, but that it is healing. ((hugs))

 

Thank you for sharing your perspective.

MamaChef is offline  
#78 of 102 Old 12-15-2010, 06:18 PM
 
trekkingirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 1,627
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by EricaRN View Post

MamaChef- I LOVE what you wrote!! However, I do want to add one more element to it. I believe 100% of what you wrote holds true to my feelings as well. I have made a journey similar to yours in my healing from both of my csections. However, I have arrived at a somewhat different conclusion. I too believe that no matter how this baby decides to make its entrance I will be happy. Something I could not have said after my last "failed vbac attempt". I have learned that it's not the result that matters so much as me feeling empowered during the birth. In me feeling that I was directly birthing my baby, whether through my vagina or through my scar. As long as I still feel in control, fearless of birth and confident in my ability to love and mother my child as soon as I possibly can then I'll be alright. However, the demention that I don't think you touched on and that has become a huge obstacle I've been trying to work through, is that no matter how my baby comes out, I need to see it, hold it, kiss it and love it. Something I did not have with my previous 2 births. My daughter was taken to the nursury right away because she had passed her meconium so they needed to monitor her. She was fine, but I was not. I first laid eyes on her at 8 hours old. I had not heard her cry, seen her slimy body or touched her cheek. The OBs did not lower the screen or hold her over for me to see her. They did not believe it was important. and since I was recovering from a very difficult labor and surgery, recovering from a reaction to the anesthetic and utterly demoralized, I was not able to stay awake long enough to see her until 8 hours old.

 

With my son, my water broke 5 weeks early due to a GBS infection that ran rampant throughout my body. Again after a "failed" vbac I was wheeled to the OR for my 2nd cesarean where again I did not get to lay eyes on my son, hear him cry or even know if he was ok. They immediately whisked him away into the OR next door. He was not breathing, he was not ok. He spent a week in the NICU fighting for his life. Thankfully he survived and is a healthy happy little boy now. But no amount of working through the trauma of this birth will ever replace the 16 hours that passed that I laid in a hospital bed crying, praying that my son was ok even though I had not seen him or heard him. It was touch and go and because I was unable to get up and get down to the NICU I was unable to be with him or hold his hand and pray that he made it through.

 

Like I said, i agree 100% with what you said, except that I would also add that there's another level.... the actual birth does not matter... the method of arrival into this world does not matter. But starting with that first second of life, we HAVE to feel included. We NEED to know that we are BEING a mother to our children. And when I miss the first half or more of my child's first day of life, I am missing out on more than just a few hours. In the grand scheme of things it is but a fraction. But all time is not weighted evenly. The first minute of life carries more weight than any given minute somewhere in between. And if we're not present for it, it can do irreparable damage. Thankfully with my daughter, we bonded and have had no issues. I am very close to her. My son however is still very distant from me. I did not bond with him for a LONG time. When he was 9 months old I looked at him for the first time and thought I really really love him. Not that I didn't love him before that.... But I couldn't just look at him and light up from the inside, bursting with love. I still struggle with my connection with him. Everything is much harder with him. When he misbehaves (he's 19 months old now) I take it personally. I don't look at it the same way I do when my daughter misbehaves. I feel attacked by him when he does things that normal little "stinker" 19 month olds would do. I cry and feel unloved by him when he's being stubborn and wont kiss me goodnight. When my daughter does it I tickle her, laugh and tell her I'm taking kisses whether she's giving them or not... But it's different with my son. I know this is related to his birth. As much as I want to say it isn't, it is.

 

My hope for this next birth is to be a participater. Not someone who'se been sidelined. But someone who is in total control. IF I need a csection, I want to be laying on that table, with the screen lowered, watching this baby being birthed out of me. And I want to hold him/her immediately. I want yucky baby goop on my face and chest, I want to kiss him/her and know that I am his/her mother. Not by having someone tell me that I am, but by KNOWING that I am. I pray my HBA2C is a dream that is realized, but if it's not then all I want is to bond with my baby.

 

Thank you for posting your thoughts! It helps me to work through my own trauma every time I discuss it and you've given me lots more to think about. I wish all of you a happy healthy birthing experience, whatever that may be!



DDCC

 

Erica I relate so much to your sharing about not bonding with your son. I have similar feelings about my DD who was my c section baby. It really bothers me that I can't bond with her the same way that I have with my vbac DS. I wish doctors that readily give c sections at the drop of a dime could look into my heart to see the long term damaging effects. Not having that release of hormones from a vaginal birth and not holding and seeing my baby for hours after birth still affects our relationship today. I feel strongly that the missing bond attributed to my failing breastfeeding relationship with her too. I hope all you mamas get your vbac's.


living with alopecia universalis (google it), learning alongside my children DD 2003blahblah.gif DS 2007fencing.gifDD 2011jog.gif

trekkingirl is offline  
#79 of 102 Old 12-18-2010, 02:18 PM
 
jr'smom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Illinois
Posts: 1,716
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Just came to check on how everyone is doing.  Mamachef, your experience will help make you an awesome midwife!

 

AFM, I'm embracing the birth of this baby and letting go of the anxiety over not being able to VBA3C.  I'm becoming okay with it.  I look forward to my OB appt next week.  I love feeling this baby move all the time and am growing closer and closer to her everyday!


Mom to 5 amazing kids! (DS8, DS7, DD4, DD2 and DS0)

jr'smom is offline  
#80 of 102 Old 01-21-2011, 06:29 PM
 
First Time Mama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 362
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

 DDCC to say that I had my baby and got my VBAC! My birth did not go as planned, we had to transfer to the hospital and there was talk of a repeat c section, but in the end I got my vbac! I am feeling mixed. I am very happy I got my vbac, and I did feel empowered, but I am also sad that it wasn't everything that I wanted. I think that maybe I have just created a fantasy of a dream birth, though, and life doesn't always give you your fantasies. I am still processing all of my feelings around it. My experience with my midwives was absolutely fantastic, and if I were to do it over again, I would make all of the same decisions. I don't regret anything. I know that the circumstances of the transfer were out of anyone's control, and that it was necessary, there was no failure on my part. I wish I had different circumstances, but that is not what happened this time. I wish you all peace and much joy as you continue your pregnancies and await your births.


Maria, wife to DH, mama to DS 09/2007, #2 12/2010 and hoping for a
First Time Mama is offline  
#81 of 102 Old 01-22-2011, 05:21 PM
 
jr'smom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Illinois
Posts: 1,716
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by First Time Mama View Post

 DDCC to say that I had my baby and got my VBAC! My birth did not go as planned, we had to transfer to the hospital and there was talk of a repeat c section, but in the end I got my vbac! I am feeling mixed. I am very happy I got my vbac, and I did feel empowered, but I am also sad that it wasn't everything that I wanted. I think that maybe I have just created a fantasy of a dream birth, though, and life doesn't always give you your fantasies. I am still processing all of my feelings around it. My experience with my midwives was absolutely fantastic, and if I were to do it over again, I would make all of the same decisions. I don't regret anything. I know that the circumstances of the transfer were out of anyone's control, and that it was necessary, there was no failure on my part. I wish I had different circumstances, but that is not what happened this time. I wish you all peace and much joy as you continue your pregnancies and await your births.



Congratulations!  Did you write up your birth story yet?  Would love to read it.


Mom to 5 amazing kids! (DS8, DS7, DD4, DD2 and DS0)

jr'smom is offline  
#82 of 102 Old 01-24-2011, 08:12 PM
 
mrsberman's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 269
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

First Time Mama

 

Congrats on your VBAC! Enjoy your time with the new baby. I know everything didn't go as you had planned, but I'm glad that you were able to VBAC like you wanted.


married 11/06, DD May 2009, DS  April 2011successful, natural 9lbs 6ozvbac.gif

mrsberman is offline  
#83 of 102 Old 01-24-2011, 08:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
nerdymom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: too far away from the mountains, VA
Posts: 2,714
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Congrats on your VBAC!  I am really sorry that your birth was not what you had envisioned. I hope you can find peace with it in time. Enjoy your sweet baby.


><> I'm a Christian, knitting, sewing, cooking SAHM to the fearless adventurer Jack born 11/08, and  a  USCG wife
And we are joyfully awaiting a new addition in April 2011! <><
nerdymom is offline  
#84 of 102 Old 02-04-2011, 02:17 PM
 
jr'smom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Illinois
Posts: 1,716
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

How is everyone doing?  What are you all planning for this birth?  VBAC?  HBAC?  RCS?  As we are getting closer I'm wondering if there are any updates? 

 

My situation has been pretty much the same from the start.  Can't find support for VBA3C in IL.  My OB hasn't ruled it out completely, although we haven't talked about it since the first consult.  (He was the 4th OB I consulted with. I sought all of them out because of their VBAC friendly reputations, but none were willing to do a VBA3C.  This is the only one who said we could keep talking about it. All said I could wait until I go into labor up to 42 weeks for a RCS.  That's quite unusual in IL.)  I'm afraid to bring up VBAC with him at this point.  I'm just waiting for him to say anything about delivery at all.  He did say the baby was measuring 5 days smaller than we expected at the anatomy US that I did at 24 weeks.  He made a comment that at least the baby wasn't measuring big and hopefully she will stay that way.  (Since my others were 9.6 to 10.6 pounds.)  That almost sounded like he was still considering VBAC--or that he just forgot the situation in that moment.

nerdymom likes this.

Mom to 5 amazing kids! (DS8, DS7, DD4, DD2 and DS0)

jr'smom is offline  
#85 of 102 Old 02-04-2011, 08:52 PM - Thread Starter
 
nerdymom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: too far away from the mountains, VA
Posts: 2,714
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

That is good, I guess. The comment about the size does sound like he is considering it still. I hope so for your sake!

 

I'm still going ahead with my plans to VBAC at a hospital with a CNM. So far I've had a healthy pregnancy and there hasn't been anything but encouragement about my plans to VBAC. I was told that at 32 (or was it 36?) weeks I will have to have an appointment with one of the OBs, and that they will probably try to scare me out of my VBAC, but to just stand firm and it'll be ok. :) I have my GTT next week, (I'm 28 weeks now) I'm not concerned about it at all. I had an early one at 16 weeks and I was fine. It's just because I had a big baby last time that they wanted to test me early.

 

I'm nervous about VBACing but excited too. I know that most women seeking a hospital VBAC have to fight for it, and I haven't encountered that at all. One good thing about military maternity care - they are pro MW and pro BF and pro VBAC!


><> I'm a Christian, knitting, sewing, cooking SAHM to the fearless adventurer Jack born 11/08, and  a  USCG wife
And we are joyfully awaiting a new addition in April 2011! <><
nerdymom is offline  
#86 of 102 Old 02-04-2011, 09:06 PM
 
minkajane's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Columbus, OH
Posts: 5,282
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by nerdymom View Post
 One good thing about military maternity care - they are pro MW and pro BF and pro VBAC!


You're lucky! I encountered the exact opposite with my military care. I was bullied into my first C/S and asked constantly what formula DS was on no matter how many times I told them he was breastfed. I also had a pediatrician lecture me once that after 12 months they can't JUST have breastmilk, they have to have solids too. What is with this pervasive myth that if you're nursing, you're ONLY nursing and not giving solids, so you're depriving a child of nutrition if you nurse them beyond 12 months? I haven't seen them for maternity care with this pregnancy, but the GP I had to see at the VA clinic hassled me for half an hour about my plans to VBAC because "Both my kids were C/S and they're just fine!" and I wasn't even pregnant yet - and being seen for anxiety! ETA: Forgot to mention that I had to see this same doc for a school physical after becoming pregnant. I asked about the frequent urination I've had since long before becoming pregnant. Long story short, she refused to help me unless I agreed to see an OB instead of a midwife. I walked out of the office. So I haven't had the greatest experiences with the military healthcare.


Mandy, )O(  Proud mommy of Taylor (1/6/05) jammin.gifand Abigail (4/21/11) slinggirl.gif
Loving wife of my gamer boy Michael. modifiedartist.gifBlog link in my profile! ribboncesarean.gif
minkajane is offline  
#87 of 102 Old 02-05-2011, 12:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
nerdymom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: too far away from the mountains, VA
Posts: 2,714
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Wow, that is awful! I'm at an Army hospital and they started talking about the benefits of breastfeeding at my first prenatal appointment! And they gave me a book that lists their standards of care, which are fairly progressive. The only real bone to pick I have with them is that continuous EFM is standard. But as long as I'm not on Pit they will do one hour off, 1/2 hour on. So At least they are being flexible. They are used to people balking at being on the monitors continuously. I also have two friends who are Army nurses, one who wants to get into their midwifery program. She says basically the same thing I've said. But I'm sure there are huge differences in how those standards of care are implemented. And there are probably different standards for each branch too. They are very pro-vax, but hey, who (except us crazy ones) isn't?


><> I'm a Christian, knitting, sewing, cooking SAHM to the fearless adventurer Jack born 11/08, and  a  USCG wife
And we are joyfully awaiting a new addition in April 2011! <><
nerdymom is offline  
#88 of 102 Old 02-05-2011, 04:03 PM
 
First Time Mama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 362
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

 My birth story is in the December DDC thread. Planned HBAC Became Hospital VBAC The Birth of Julian

nerdymom likes this.

Maria, wife to DH, mama to DS 09/2007, #2 12/2010 and hoping for a
First Time Mama is offline  
#89 of 102 Old 02-06-2011, 04:25 PM
 
~Amy~'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Riverview, NB
Posts: 508
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

On the record, we're planning a VBAC at the same hospital where I delivered DS by c-section.  Unofficially, I'm leaning towards a UC.  We'll see how I feel when I'm actually in labor.  We're planning for both situations at the moment.  Honestly, I'd be okay with an RCS too...I just want this baby out safely and will do what I feel is the best way to accomplish that at the time.  With DS, I knew I needed to go to the hospital (had planned a HB) and my intuition was correct (transverse with cord presentation) so I'm trusting it this time too.


Tandem nursing, Baby-wearing, Co-sleeping, Car seat-checkin' (CRST) Mama to my sweet boys, Peter (4.20.08) and Jasper (4.25.11).
~Amy~ is offline  
#90 of 102 Old 02-07-2011, 09:01 PM
 
mrsberman's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 269
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I guess I'm lucky the Navy base doesn't have maternity care. I think they would hate me if I had to go there. I'm always questioning the Drs about one thing or another and it pisses them off. The only Dr who doesn't mind is mine and I think she might be a civilian.

 

I'm still planning a VBAC and I have my GTT this week or next, depending on when I make an appointment. Yesterday DH pissed me off about c/s. My boss just went in for a scheduled c/s today (her hospital has a "ban") and I had commented to DH how it's a major surgery and he laughed at me. Said something about it being so easy... He's lucky we were at a friend's house.

 

jr'smom - hopefully you will be able to vbac without restrictions from your OB.


married 11/06, DD May 2009, DS  April 2011successful, natural 9lbs 6ozvbac.gif

mrsberman is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off