Friend says I'm having phantom pregnancy - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 16 Old 08-21-2010, 09:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My DS3 was stillborn 3 months ago, at 23weeks gestation. I had a very heavy period a month later, lasting a long time. Next cycle was exactly 28 days followed by normal period. This last cycle we only dtd on probably about cycle day 10 and cycle day 24. We weren't trying to get pregnant, weren't preventing, but really didn't expect to be pregnant based on the days we dtd. However I did have signs I may have ovulated early. With my 3 past pregnancies I've fallen pregnant as soon as I've had a regular cycle (first time coming off oral contraceptive, second time first normal cycle after long term breastfeeding, with DS3 first month of trying).

I had all my usual pregnancy symptoms, I get nausea pretty much from implantation, was falling asleep on the lounge each night (only do this when pregnant) plus a few others. Was suspicious and had a test left in the cupboard so decided to test the day my period was due and I had no signs at all it was imminent and got a very clear positive result.

A week on, so now I would be 5weeks pregnant, all same symptoms, and my friend keeps bringing up not to get my hopes up because she is convinced it is a phantom pregnancy, possibly due to the trauma of losing my son. Not just as a passing comment, she is almost certain of it. I'm finding this quite upsetting as I already have a lot of emotions to process being pregnant again while grieving my son, unable to believe I will really get to keep this baby, and all of that. Now she has me feeling as if I'm crazy and just imagining everything and I'm googling everything I can find on phantom pregnancies.

She is a very close friend and has been an amazing support for me since losing my son, so I don't want to just cut contact or anything. My GP said he will do bloods at 7weeks so the results are clear, instead of having ambiguous results and having me stressed. Then I'm meant to have a dating scan at 8weeks so they can track growth this time. So now I'm waiting anxiously for the blood test thinking maybe it will show I'm not pregnant after all, just crazy.

Has anyone had a phantom pregnancy? Could this be all in my head?
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#2 of 16 Old 08-21-2010, 09:25 PM
 
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I say keep your distance from that friend, at least until you can get some official confirmation. Even if she is sincere in her concern (I assume she is), she's messing with your head. I don't know anything about phantom pregnancy but I don't see how you could have gotten a positive test unless you are pregnant! Would it put your mind at ease to get more tests (pink dye)? Have you told your friend how you feel? If she is a really close friend she will be supportive of you telling her that what she is saying is hurting you. It sounds like this is a whole layer of stress and anxiety that you do not need right now. I would look for some other sources of support until you are able to get that blood test.

What you are going through sounds awful, and I hope you are able to have some peace.

Fiction writer by training, writer/editor of anything anyone will hire me for by trade. Me + D=my girls E (4/2011) and little N, 1/2014.

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#3 of 16 Old 08-21-2010, 09:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for your reply. I'm thinking of doing some more tests, just for peace of mind. Wondering though if it's a phantom pregnancy caused by the trauma of losing my son, and I'm having symptoms because my body is messing up my hormones, then could those hormones produce a positive result even if not pregnant?

I haven't said how upsetting it is to her, but have listed all the things that make me believe I am pregnant. I know she is just very worried about me, given that I have been very depressed since losing my son, and have only just started to improve a little. But you are right this added stress definitely isn't helping.

I will probably just avoid discussing the pregnancy with her till I get the bloods done. I just wish she hadn't put this doubt in my head in the first place.
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#4 of 16 Old 08-21-2010, 09:46 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CheekyLilMonkeys View Post
I just wish she hadn't put this doubt in my head in the first place.
I sure wish that, too. She is not a doctor or a psychiatrist. Even if she is, she's not YOUR doctor or psychiatrist and frankly it stuns me that it would not occur to her how difficult that theory may be for you to hear, how it would not help you in any way, but only make things more stressful.

No, I don't think your hormones being out of whack, whatever the reason, could cause a positive test. Implantation is what results in a positive test, and that is pretty darn hard to fake!

Fiction writer by training, writer/editor of anything anyone will hire me for by trade. Me + D=my girls E (4/2011) and little N, 1/2014.

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#5 of 16 Old 08-21-2010, 11:27 PM
 
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I agree with Blanca. Phantom pregnancies, they're not as common as the television makes us think. They are extraordinarily rare. And I am almost 100% certain that you wouldn't get a positive hpt.

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#6 of 16 Old 08-22-2010, 12:31 AM
 
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Yes, I would avoid the friend, or at least avoid talking about the pregnancy with her. According to all-powerful Google, hysterical pregnancy or phantom pregnancy does not result in a positive hpt. Having the doc confirm it will make you feel better, but I don't think your body is imagining it.
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#7 of 16 Old 08-22-2010, 10:01 AM
 
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Wow, that sounds crazy!! Some people can be the best source of support for one thing and then really terrible in other life events. If she's super close to you I think I might just write it off that she's not especially good at supporting you in a pregnancy after a loss...at least not at first. But, don't let her get to you! What she's suggesting is super weird - like I think she's been watching too many soap-operas!

Mama to DD September 2001 and DD April 2011 *Winner for most typos* eat.gif
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#8 of 16 Old 08-22-2010, 10:53 AM
 
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DDCC

I've seen the occasional phantom pregnancy on these boards, but none that came with positive home pregnancy tests. IMO, the positive test result moves you entirely out of that category.

The best slant I can put on your friend's comment is that what she's really trying to say is that she doesn't want you to get your hopes up and get all excited and see your heart broken again. I have to work pretty hard to get to that slant though.

I would agree that it's a good idea to keep your distance and look for other sources of emotional support for what you're going through now.
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#9 of 16 Old 08-22-2010, 01:54 PM
 
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I feel for you, I really do. *hug* I was right there with a "friend" in March when I lost my baby. I had a missed miscarriage, which resulted in me being about as sick as I have ever been in my entire life, yet she had it in her head that if my miscarriage wasn't exactly like hers, than it wasn't possible, and I was lying, and it was all in my head. She literally told me this. She also went on to relate how her husband had known a family where the mom wanted to be pregnant so bad that she wore maternity clothes, felt pregnant, and her milk even came in, but she never was pregnant.

I know a lot of it, for my friend, was that she REALLY wanted to be pregnant again herself, and she couldn't bear the thought of me getting there first. We were very close, and our babies are only 7 weeks apart.

You know...when I had a raging fever of 103-104 for EIGHTEEN days straight, I really could have used a meal or some help with my cleaning from her, but NO...she cut off the friendship when I finally got back with her, a few weeks later after I started to feel better, because I was terribly hurt by her comments. Where people come up with some of the things they think they are entitled to say, I really have no idea... Sorry this turned into a rant of my own

Wife, 27, to DH, 33, and Mama to DS1 Josiah - 8/09, DS2 James - 3/11, 10 angel babies, 3 foster children, and one adorable ALMOST ADOPTED son - 5/05 

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#10 of 16 Old 08-22-2010, 10:19 PM
 
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If you get a positive test, then you get a positive test . I'd kindly tell your friend that you heard her, and to stop bringing it up. If you have too, don't talk about it at all with her.

I'm so sorry for your prior loss, and congratulations on this new life.

Alicia, wife to an loving and faithful DH, and mama to three fantastic though nutty children (cs, then an HBAC, then a VBAC!!).
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#11 of 16 Old 08-22-2010, 10:24 PM
 
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It is highly unusual to get a positive on a pregnancy test and experience a phantom pregnancy or pseudocyesis (if you want to look it up), it's actually not impossible though. That said... I think your friend is concerned about you but showing it the wrong way. I think if you have a positive test, have symptoms, and plan to get the pregnancy confirmed as soon as you can then maybe I would just tell her you appreciate the concern but need for her to step back a bit because she's really upsetting you and messing with your head. ((hugs))

Nic, loving mama to 5 with a SURPRISE 6th on the way.

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#12 of 16 Old 08-23-2010, 12:59 AM
 
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Did you receive a negative test in between your loss and your current pregnancy? From what I understand, the doctors usually test your HCG to make sure it went back down. As long as your doctor had confirmed that your HCG had dropped back down to 'normal' levels, then I would say your positive test is all the confirmation you need. I don't believe your body can fake a positive test. Take comfort in the fact that your doctor doesn't seem worried.

Doula mama, medic daddy and Tenley Harper born naturally 11/29/11 delayedvax.gifbfinfant.giffemalesling.GIFcd.gif

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#13 of 16 Old 08-23-2010, 01:47 AM
 
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I am so sorry that your friend said this to you. I know that it can be very hurtful and confusing.

About 6+ years ago, DH and I were TTC, and every time I thought that I was pg, I would tell my good friend. When I finally got a positive HPT (about 1.5 years later), my friend told me that it was probably a phantom pregnancy. I really felt like she thought that I was crazy, and actually began questioning myself. My blood work later proved that it was not all in my head. Months later my DS confirmed even further that she was wrong.

So here we are preggo again and this same friend said the same thing to me all over again when I told her about this pregnancy after a HPT in July. I reminded her of her assumption the last time that we were pg, and told her how it made me feel. It ended that telephone conversation, but for some reason I did feel compelled to call her with the blood test results yet again.

I try to believe that she is protecting my feelings and wants me to have confirmation first, but my hunch says that this may not be her only motivation.

I have learned yet again what "IdentityCrisisMama" posted about. I also learned that her support is great at times to shoot the breeze, but not pg or parenting stuff.

I remember the anxiety of what she said caused, and I hope that you can breathe through these few weeks & I look forward to your confirmation. I wish that your friend had not said that to you at all. I am sure that your HPT was right.

Mom to 7-year old DS1 carrot.gif, 2 year old DD joy.gifand DS2 surf.gif

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#14 of 16 Old 08-28-2010, 09:56 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thankyou so much for the replies.

When I'd finished post partum bleeding after my son was stillborn, I actually did a hpt myself, I needed to know that my body knew it wasn't pregnant anymore (was trying to force myself to accept it too). It was a definite negative then.

Also, if I'm not pregnant, my period is getting very very late, and I'm never out more than a couple of days. I ended up doing another hpt a couple of days ago because it's still messing with my head. Very dark, clear positive came up right away. My husband thought I was crazy! All my symptoms are obvious to him. I mentioned it to my friend, that I'd done another test, and she said "well it's perfectly understandable you are feeling you need reassurance" and I thought well I wouldn't have if you hadn't of said those things!!!

Sorry for others that have had the same thing happen. The last thing we need is others adding to our concerns! I hardly mention the pregnancy to her anymore and wont till I see a heartbeat on a scan. I think it comes down to concern for me and also jealousy, because she would love another baby but seperated from her partner last year and can't see it happening anytime in the near future. Also she has just started back on anti-depressant meds.

I had bloods taken yesterday and will get results in a couple of days. So strange the lady who did it was talking about when my baby is due and how old my other boys would be - We just haven't even thought ahead to the baby actually being here. We need to confirm there is a baby in there first...then get them to 12 weeks, get past the age our stillborn son was born at. Still a long way to go till I'll believe we are actually going to have a baby to hold.
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#15 of 16 Old 08-28-2010, 10:35 PM
 
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Im glad that you got your bloodwork done, and I hope that you are able to enjoy this time during your pregnancy

Mom to 7-year old DS1 carrot.gif, 2 year old DD joy.gifand DS2 surf.gif

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#16 of 16 Old 08-29-2010, 02:38 PM
 
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So glad you got bloodwork. Please let us know what happens *hugs*

Wife, 27, to DH, 33, and Mama to DS1 Josiah - 8/09, DS2 James - 3/11, 10 angel babies, 3 foster children, and one adorable ALMOST ADOPTED son - 5/05 

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