So disappointed - midwife for VBAC - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 26 Old 08-24-2010, 01:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I had a meet-n-greet scheduled for a midwife tomorrow for a hospital VBAC, one I felt really good about. I had met with a different one last week and did not really like her though I'm sure she's a good midwife. I didn't schedule with the second one yet, waiting for the meet-n-greet, but SHOULD have because now she's booked for April! I am so sad, and actually started crying on the phone with the receptionist. I was told last week that I would be fine waiting until the meet-n-greet or shortly after to schedule, and I wish so much that I wouldn't have waited. I feel I have few options for a midwife who I'd click with, who would deliver at the hospital, and I don't know what I will do now. I wish there was something I could do! I really wanted THIS midwife for my birth!

Alicia, wife to an loving and faithful DH, and mama to three fantastic though nutty children (cs, then an HBAC, then a VBAC!!).
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#2 of 26 Old 08-24-2010, 02:28 PM
 
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Ask to be put on a waiting list? A lot can happen between April and now. Some moms might end up transferring care b/c of a billion different things that will risk them out of MW care.

><> I'm a Christian, knitting, sewing, cooking SAHM to the fearless adventurer Jack born 11/08, and  a  USCG wife
And we are joyfully awaiting a new addition in April 2011! <><
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#3 of 26 Old 08-24-2010, 02:30 PM
 
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Wow, mama...I'm surprised that a MW could be booked when we're all so early in our pregnancies. Of course it's possible that you may not have clicked with this one either, but maybe keep the meet and greet (if she's willing). That way you can see for sure if you would have preferred her and can and ask her to add you to a waiting list. Unless there's another reason that she's booked - like maybe she blocks off some time for vacation?

I'm sure you've been to the ICAN site for recommendations for MW in your area. I hope you find a care provider that you connect with!

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#4 of 26 Old 08-24-2010, 02:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm on a waiting list and I'll still go to the meet-n-greet (I originally wasn't going to but you and my husband recommended it).

That is true about transferring care and an opening...I wouldn't wish the other reason on someone (a m/c since it's still early)...

I think I will probably just wait a week or two and see what happens, then I should probably get care from someone else in the meantime and transfer over. Should I go with the other midwife I didn't really like? If I had to have her for the birth, I would (her personality just kind of annoys me). Better that option than a worse one? At this hospital, these are the two independent midwives. Otherwise, I could use 1 of 7 midwives in another group but I would have to cycle through all of them for prenatal care and get any one of them, which isn't very appealing for me. I feel like I need to know the midwive who will attend my vbac. And this hospital, by the way, is the #1 place to have a VBAC.

ETA: re filling up already - this midwive is really busy and desired in our area. I wish I had taken that more seriously last week and made an appt.

Alicia, wife to an loving and faithful DH, and mama to three fantastic though nutty children (cs, then an HBAC, then a VBAC!!).
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#5 of 26 Old 08-24-2010, 02:54 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Another question, would it be smart to schedule an appt with the other midwife who I'm not wild about, to not risk losing her availability also? (mainly since these two are the two independent options at the hospital I really want). I do feel like I could like her better as time went on (she just talks so much and doesn't directly answer my questions).

I think I will do that. I don't want to strike out twice. I don't know if it's taboo or offensive were I to switch back to the one I really want, if she freed up. They are each other's backup at this hospital for VBACs.

Alicia, wife to an loving and faithful DH, and mama to three fantastic though nutty children (cs, then an HBAC, then a VBAC!!).
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#6 of 26 Old 08-24-2010, 03:19 PM
 
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In my experience, when a mom is waitlisted with another practice, she seeks care elsewhere, and when an opening frees up, she switches, if she still wants to. I know a lot of moms here who do that with the birth center, because it is the only birth center that a huge HMO allows you to use, so a lot of moms wait list in hopes of getting in there.

><> I'm a Christian, knitting, sewing, cooking SAHM to the fearless adventurer Jack born 11/08, and  a  USCG wife
And we are joyfully awaiting a new addition in April 2011! <><
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#7 of 26 Old 08-24-2010, 03:24 PM
 
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I would definitely schedule an appt / the other MW. Like others have said, a lot can happen in the next few months, there may even be some mamas who risk out of MW care and go to OBs, it's not always loss related.

On a side note, nerdymom, where in VA are you?

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#8 of 26 Old 08-24-2010, 03:29 PM
 
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I'm in Fairfax County. You?

><> I'm a Christian, knitting, sewing, cooking SAHM to the fearless adventurer Jack born 11/08, and  a  USCG wife
And we are joyfully awaiting a new addition in April 2011! <><
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#9 of 26 Old 08-24-2010, 03:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for the feedback. I had to leave a message with the other m/w so hopefully I can get a call back soon and secure an appointment for a few weeks from now.

Alicia, wife to an loving and faithful DH, and mama to three fantastic though nutty children (cs, then an HBAC, then a VBAC!!).
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#10 of 26 Old 08-24-2010, 03:58 PM
 
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Originally Posted by nerdymom View Post
I'm in Fairfax County. You?
Southern Fauquier. My DH works in McLean. I figured you were talking about BirthCare.

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#11 of 26 Old 08-24-2010, 04:05 PM
 
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yup. I wonder if we know each other irl? lol! I know a lot of people in Fauquier County. I went to LFCC, even worked there as receptionist my last year there. Are you Presbyterian by any chance?

><> I'm a Christian, knitting, sewing, cooking SAHM to the fearless adventurer Jack born 11/08, and  a  USCG wife
And we are joyfully awaiting a new addition in April 2011! <><
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#12 of 26 Old 08-24-2010, 04:07 PM
 
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I'm laughing because I was born in Fairfax and grew up in Sterling and McLean! 2 of my sisters were delivered by BirthCare (I think - this was 18-20 years ago!). How random!

Rachel, knit.gifwifey to 2twins.gif (3/06), tandem nursing mama toenergy.gif(7/08) & babyboy.gif (4/11) and missing brokenheart.gif (7/09, 2/10, 7/10) 
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#13 of 26 Old 08-24-2010, 04:10 PM
 
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yup. I wonder if we know each other irl? lol! I know a lot of people in Fauquier County. I went to LFCC, even worked there as receptionist my last year there. Are you Presbyterian by any chance?
No, we go to a Southern Baptist church. There's little chance we know each other, though, my family moved here about 11yrs ago, and when I married 8yrs ago, I moved back to NJ for a while. DH and I moved to Fauquier County in 2005. I attended LFCC for 2 semesters but wasn't motivated enough to finish at the time

Where are you delivering this new babe?

ETA~ looking at your blog, there's also about a 7yr difference between us

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#14 of 26 Old 08-24-2010, 04:13 PM
 
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Too bad. I have lived around this area, from Stafford to FFX my whole life. I am having this baby at a military hospital, probably Bethesda Naval, since we are planning a move to MD in the fall.

><> I'm a Christian, knitting, sewing, cooking SAHM to the fearless adventurer Jack born 11/08, and  a  USCG wife
And we are joyfully awaiting a new addition in April 2011! <><
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#15 of 26 Old 08-24-2010, 04:29 PM
 
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I do feel like I could like her better as time went on (she just talks so much and doesn't directly answer my questions).
Yes, I wouldn't hesitate to keep whatever MW you like best, who is available at the best hospital for VBAC (unless you want to consider a HBAC). I've only ever seen one MW that I totally clicked with (and that was just for wellwoman care). Everyone else had their pros and cons. As you spend more time with her maybe she'll grow on you. And, yea, maybe you'll end up liking her more than this other MW. In the end, my personal feeling is that birth is such a unique thing that we're all taking a chance on whether the care provider we choose is really the best choice for birth. (unless we're lucky enough to be returning to the same MW)

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#16 of 26 Old 08-24-2010, 05:47 PM
 
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I'm so sorry you're going through this...I bounced around a LOT when I was pregnant with DD2. I didn't settle on the midwife group/hospital where I ended up delivering until I was way past 20 weeks (maybe 25?). I tried at least three other providers before finally picking that group. And even then, I wasn't really sold on the decision until I actually gave birth. Then the birth experience was so amazing and so exactly-what-i-hoped-for that I was actually excited to go back. Even though the mw I delivered with isn't with the group any more, the others are good enough that I think I still feel comfortable with the choice this time around.

So...all that to say...I know that it's really unsettling to not have your prenatal care all lined up right at the beginning. My two cents would be: get on that wait list and then line up your second choice. Don't go with the midwife you're not comfortable with...you still have to plan realistically and include the possibility that this will be it and you'll end up delivering with whatever care provider was your "second choice." Since I have firsthand experience with rotating care amongst a large-ish group of midwives, I can say it's not that bad. You just have to try to not get your heart set on any one being at the delivery and make sure you feel get to know each (that's why it's good to deliberately rotate early and often). I do know that there is one midwife at my group who I really don't care for at all and I am praying with all my might that she is not the one on call when I go into labor with this babe. :-) But...I can't dwell on that right now.

I'm really glad you have a hospital that will support your VBAC. I'll be praying you get to see the midwife you really like. :-)


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I'm on a waiting list and I'll still go to the meet-n-greet (I originally wasn't going to but you and my husband recommended it).

That is true about transferring care and an opening...I wouldn't wish the other reason on someone (a m/c since it's still early)...

I think I will probably just wait a week or two and see what happens, then I should probably get care from someone else in the meantime and transfer over. Should I go with the other midwife I didn't really like? If I had to have her for the birth, I would (her personality just kind of annoys me). Better that option than a worse one? At this hospital, these are the two independent midwives. Otherwise, I could use 1 of 7 midwives in another group but I would have to cycle through all of them for prenatal care and get any one of them, which isn't very appealing for me. I feel like I need to know the midwive who will attend my vbac. And this hospital, by the way, is the #1 place to have a VBAC.

ETA: re filling up already - this midwive is really busy and desired in our area. I wish I had taken that more seriously last week and made an appt.

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#17 of 26 Old 08-24-2010, 05:52 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I got an appt for 11 wks with my second choice m/w and will just wait and see with the preferred one. I am glad at least I'm in with one of these two since the really GOOD options are slimmer with vbac.

With DS back in Pittsburgh, I had a m/w group, and there were four. That wasn't so bad since I met them at least twice during prenatal care and particularly liked a couple, but knew all four were good. Seven is more than I'd like (one is actually a neighbor! haha) since I may only meet them once, if at all before going into labor. But it's certainly an option, just not ideal.

We'll see what happens! Thanks for the support and ideas.

Alicia, wife to an loving and faithful DH, and mama to three fantastic though nutty children (cs, then an HBAC, then a VBAC!!).
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#18 of 26 Old 08-24-2010, 05:56 PM
 
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Originally Posted by nerdymom View Post
Too bad. I have lived around this area, from Stafford to FFX my whole life. I am having this baby at a military hospital, probably Bethesda Naval, since we are planning a move to MD in the fall.

Just a note to say I live in Fairfax County, too.

Cook, GL at the meet and greet! I think there's a pretty decent chance you could still get in.

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#19 of 26 Old 08-24-2010, 10:53 PM
 
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I got an appt for 11 wks with my second choice m/w and will just wait and see with the preferred one. I am glad at least I'm in with one of these two since the really GOOD options are slimmer with vbac.

With DS back in Pittsburgh, I had a m/w group, and there were four. That wasn't so bad since I met them at least twice during prenatal care and particularly liked a couple, but knew all four were good. Seven is more than I'd like (one is actually a neighbor! haha) since I may only meet them once, if at all before going into labor. But it's certainly an option, just not ideal.

We'll see what happens! Thanks for the support and ideas.
If you just feel that you are not going to do well with your second choice, one option might be to go with the large group but have a doula, that way there is a woman that you click with and who understands your needs to interface with the MW for you.

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Just a note to say I live in Fairfax County, too.

Cook, GL at the meet and greet! I think there's a pretty decent chance you could still get in.
Been to the babywearing meetings? PM me if you haven't heard about them yet.

><> I'm a Christian, knitting, sewing, cooking SAHM to the fearless adventurer Jack born 11/08, and  a  USCG wife
And we are joyfully awaiting a new addition in April 2011! <><
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#20 of 26 Old 08-25-2010, 12:38 AM - Thread Starter
 
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If you just feel that you are not going to do well with your second choice, one option might be to go with the large group but have a doula, that way there is a woman that you click with and who understands your needs to interface with the MW for you.
That's a good idea, we'll definitely keep that in mind.

Alicia, wife to an loving and faithful DH, and mama to three fantastic though nutty children (cs, then an HBAC, then a VBAC!!).
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#21 of 26 Old 08-25-2010, 05:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
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They called back today, said m/w feels overwhelmed right now and feels client care would suffer taking on more. But she also said to try her again in a month and maybe she will feel differently. So there's hope with that and someone transferring/canceling.

Alicia, wife to an loving and faithful DH, and mama to three fantastic though nutty children (cs, then an HBAC, then a VBAC!!).
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#22 of 26 Old 08-31-2010, 08:33 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm in!!! So happy.

Alicia, wife to an loving and faithful DH, and mama to three fantastic though nutty children (cs, then an HBAC, then a VBAC!!).
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#23 of 26 Old 09-01-2010, 10:17 AM
 
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That's great news! I'm glad you got in!

Ali, mama to my amazing Arabella 1/14/06
Newly married to Patrick love.gif Expecting someone new in April!
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#24 of 26 Old 09-02-2010, 02:33 PM
 
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I know what you mean. I called the HB MW I was pretty sure I wanted when I was 7W (due 4/6) and she already had only ONE opening! I went ahead and scheduled so we're doing the 1st apt and an "interview" both at 10w. Figured if I ended up not wanting to go with her I could always tranfer but if she booked in the meantime I'd be screwed. I'm floored she is already booked for April! I felt silly calling as early as I was - those other ladies must have peed and called before the stick was dry! :
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#25 of 26 Old 09-02-2010, 04:06 PM
 
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I felt silly calling as early as I was - those other ladies must have peed and called before the stick was dry! :

Mama to DD September 2001 and DD April 2011 *Winner for most typos* eat.gif
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#26 of 26 Old 09-02-2010, 09:50 PM
 
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I'm in!!! So happy.
That is awesome!! So glad it worked out.

><> I'm a Christian, knitting, sewing, cooking SAHM to the fearless adventurer Jack born 11/08, and  a  USCG wife
And we are joyfully awaiting a new addition in April 2011! <><
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