Are you going to find out your baby's gender? - Mothering Forums

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Old 09-29-2010, 05:43 PM - Thread Starter
 
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This time around DH and I have decided to have a delivery surprise. It's going to be sooo hard for me at the 20 week u/s not to find out but I think I can do it. This will be our last child so I think the surprise will make it special.

If you waited until birth to find our your baby's gender, were you glad you waited? This is new to me so I'm sorta wondering what it will be like, especially when it comes time to purchase some clothing.

Mama to 5 busy bees (12, 9, 7, 3, 2) and expecting #6 June/2014

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Old 09-29-2010, 05:47 PM
 
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We will be finding out the gender if possible. I'm too much of a planner, and I think it would drive me absolutely crazy to wait until the baby is born. Plus, we had a pretty rough time agreeing on DD's name, and I would not want to be fighting that battle while trying to take care of my newborn!

Mom to DSS D (7) , DD Elizabeth (8/09) , and expecting DC3 3/30/11
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Old 09-29-2010, 05:48 PM
 
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We waited with my daughter and will definitely wait again. It's the best surprise and I think it really motivated me in labor b/c I was just dying to know boy or girl and get to that moment as soon as possible.

Mom to DD1 8/09 and DD2 4/11

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Old 09-29-2010, 06:09 PM - Thread Starter
 
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We waited with my daughter and will definitely wait again. It's the best surprise and I think it really motivated me in labor b/c I was just dying to know boy or girl and get to that moment as soon as possible.
Aww yeah. I can totally see myself pushing harder because I just *have* to know if it's a boy or a girl.

Mama to 5 busy bees (12, 9, 7, 3, 2) and expecting #6 June/2014

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Old 09-29-2010, 06:10 PM
 
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I do not want to find out...but dh does. He said that I can wait..but knowing that he knows will not work out lol. I'd have to know too. Boo. This may be our last...I'm going to try to talk him out of finding out. Hehe put on my pouty face...that usually does the trick!
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Old 09-29-2010, 06:18 PM
 
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I can't wait to find out asap (if possible, of course. Baby's do their own thing in there. Rofl)!!

Wife, 27, to DH, 33, and Mama to DS1 Josiah - 8/09, DS2 James - 3/11, 10 angel babies, 3 foster children, and one adorable ALMOST ADOPTED son - 5/05 

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Old 09-29-2010, 06:26 PM
 
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We had a surprise with DS and it was great. This time, I'm wondering if knowing will help with DS's transition as a big brother (I'm an only child and so is DP so we are clueless about sibling stuff). My thought is that knowing it's a little brother or little sister will help him adjust more easily.
That's my main motivation at this point for finding out. Otherwise, I loved hearing "It's a BOY!!!"
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Old 09-29-2010, 06:37 PM
 
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I had a surprise with DC and kind of regretted not finding out. I think we had an ultrasound past the time when you could have seen the sexr but thought a surprise would be more "us". In the end, I seriously didn't even care about the sex after the birth so wish I had had that excitement of finding out while I was pregnant.

This time, I'll find out for sure *if* I decide on an ultrasound.

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Old 09-29-2010, 06:54 PM
 
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Our first was a surprise.

The surprise was wonderful. Awesome, amazing, etc. It felt like an added gift to the whole "my first child" thing.

But I didn't have an ultrasound with her, so it really just wasn't an issue. Since I've decided to have an ultrasound this time, we were both "I kind of don't care" so I decided we'll find out and see which way we like better. Then if/when we have more we can go that route.

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Old 09-29-2010, 07:13 PM
 
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We're definitely going to find out the baby's sex (we'll let it work out it's own gender). We don't really care, but our son does. He feels a little outnumbered by all of the girls in the household and he feels that a little brother will even out the playing field.

DW and I are moms to two teens (DD 17 and DS 15) adopted through CAS in 2007 and a toddler (DD 2) born at home in March 2011.

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Old 09-29-2010, 07:18 PM
 
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We will be finding out the gender at the 20 week anatomy scan. I was kind of wanting it to be a surprise this time, but DH is hoping for another girl, and he claims that he will need time to "process" if this one is a boy

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Old 09-29-2010, 07:31 PM
 
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I'm undecided. Our first two were surprises, on purpose. I loved not knowing, I loved the surprise at the birth, although with DS2 I didn't even think about it until someone asked what he was, then I looked and wasn't sure LOL. Not because he's small, just because I was so dazed I couldn't remember which was which

This time, I'm considering finding out. It will likely be our last, and I would love the time to sort through clothes and get rid of things we won't need (if it's a girl). I'd kind of like to experience the other way of doing things, just for something different.

In the end I'll probably opt to be surprised though. I still fantasize about the baby slipping out and it being a girl... that moment wouldn't be the same if we already knew. Of course we would have that moment of surprise at the scan, so.... who knows??

Allison.... mom of DS1 (7) and DS2 (4) and awaiting #3 near the end of April 2011
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Old 09-29-2010, 08:04 PM
 
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DH really doesn't want to find out the sex. I was sort of stuck in the middle. I want it to be a surprise but I also really want to know NOW. I think I can wait until birth. We found out with our first, and it would be more fun to find out after they're born. I also think it makes people anxious to find out when I give birth.

Heather, DH Adam, DS Kayden 6/08, angel baby 10/10
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Old 09-29-2010, 08:35 PM
 
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I don't know! I've always said I didn't want to, because people I've talked to who went with the surprise said it was like the best thing ever to find out at birth. I think DH would like to find out, though. My main issue is my own impatience--I just don't know if I could hold out at 20 weeks. But I would feel like I was letting myself down, depriving myself of this ancient experience, if I didn't.

My one fear is that I really, really would like a girl. For as long as I can remember I've fantasized about my future daughter. Now, when I envision having a little boy that makes me overjoyed, too, but I am just afraid that if I find out at birth I will need an adjustment or feel disappointed if it's a boy. Finding out ahead of time would give me time to get used to the idea of a boy, which of course I have no doubt I would love just as much--it would just mean different expectations.

That said, I know someone who was told w/absolute certainty by three techs that she was having a girl--imagine THAT surprise when it wasn't so!

Fiction writer by training, writer/editor of anything anyone will hire me for by trade. Me + D=my girls E (4/2011) and little N, 1/2014.

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Old 09-29-2010, 08:50 PM
 
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Yes, we will be finding out this time. We did last time as well. I figure, it's a surprise at the delivery whether you know the gender or not. You've got yourself another baby after all.

Mother to L.O. born at home 10.17.08 EDD for #2 4.21.2011
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Old 09-29-2010, 09:22 PM
 
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Originally Posted by gumshoegirl007 View Post
(we'll let it work out it's own gender).
we'll let the kiddo work out his/her own gender in due time

as to sex... I'm so conflicted...
I found out at 20 wks w/ DS. Just bc I was young and it had never really occurred to me to not find out.

W/ DD, I so badly wanted the "amazing surprise" everyone talks about. So, we didn't find out, and we had tons of 3rd tri ultrasounds. We covered our eyes and no one told and we were geared up for a great surprise.
The waiting was great. We were excited and it was fun bc everyone was interested in my birth and it was great to give DD at least her fetal life to live un-gendered.

Then she was born... and it was really anti-climatic. I don't know what I had been expecting, but I didn't even look to see her sex until someone reminded me to bc I was so in awe of birth (and I had a significant hemorrhage w/ my placenta that kind of made me a little shocky)...

Plus, we have a REALLY hard time w/ girl names, and we hadn't settled on a girl name thinking there was a 50/50 chance we didn't need one... she wasn't named for many days after birth and the stress of naming her was a huge downer during babymoon.

So... I don't know what we're going to do. Honestly, I'm not even sure why we wouldn't find out- on some level, I feel guilty finding out at US... like, it would be more natural or "real" to wait...and like I'm gendering my kid before I have to... does anyone else feel like this?

We'll probably find out just bc of the name issue. We already have two boy names and one girl name... but if we need TWO girl names, heaven help us. That to me seems like a cheap reason to find out, but, seriously, it was a brutal way to spend a babymoon.

Gah. So conflicted. Any advice welcome.

Others that have mentioned older sibs- I DO think it would have helped DS if we had found out prenatally w/ DD. He was very attached to the idea of a little brother and it took him a month or so to bond w/ her just bc she wasn't his brother. That said, it was a really good lesson in gender for him bc he tells everyone now how it doesn't matter if your sibling is a boy or a girl, bc you will love them the same.

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Old 09-29-2010, 10:01 PM
 
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I always said that if we had another it would be a surprise. We did find out with the girls but I just want the experience of it being a surprise. Honestly, I'm dying to find out. I've been second guessing the decision lately. I don't want a bunch of green and yellow. I'm not worried about my girls they will be thrilled with whatever. (although the older one really wants to know!) One of my best friends just found out what she is having and was saying how it feels so real because she can call the baby she now instead of it. I won't have that this time.

BUT it really does drive people NUTS when you don't find out. I love that!! I think that alone is enough reason to keep it a surprise.

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Old 09-29-2010, 10:10 PM
 
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We didn't find out with our first, and did find out with the second. It was a lot of fun each time.... so I don't know what we're going to do this time.

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Old 09-29-2010, 10:23 PM
 
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We will be finding out! We'd find out now if we could! I have no clothes so I want to be prepared!

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Old 09-29-2010, 10:34 PM
 
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We wait with each of ours, and love not getting the sneak peak. We have had a boy's name picked out from the beginning, still waiting for a little boy but so far had two girls. The first one was going to be Molly but when she was born dh said she didn't look like Molly, so we spent a few days naming her (Ada). Second one we were undecided and spent a few days naming her after birth (Annabelle). I love naming a baby after birth--for us it was a delightful babymoon activity!

I don't like the gender specific clothes and decor so this isn't a problem for me. Not a fan of pink, flowers, or little animals. We had a tie-dye baby shower last time and friends came over to tie-dye baby clothes. We still have those. And we did fabric paint too, so I have delightful little shirts with trees and sunshines, and little stick men playing guitars on them. We're ready for either gender!

Diana, homebirthing, homeschooling, homemaking wife and mother of two (plus one more coming this Spring)!
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Old 09-29-2010, 10:36 PM
 
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My one fear is that I really, really would like a girl. For as long as I can remember I've fantasized about my future daughter. Now, when I envision having a little boy that makes me overjoyed, too, but I am just afraid that if I find out at birth I will need an adjustment or feel disappointed if it's a boy. Finding out ahead of time would give me time to get used to the idea of a boy, which of course I have no doubt I would love just as much--it would just mean different expectations.
This was me with DS. Oh man, I wanted a girl so badly, that I really needed that time to adjust. If I hadn't have had it, I don't think it would have been good.

I love my son now more than anything, but I do really want a girl again, so... I need to find out.

Wife, 27, to DH, 33, and Mama to DS1 Josiah - 8/09, DS2 James - 3/11, 10 angel babies, 3 foster children, and one adorable ALMOST ADOPTED son - 5/05 

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Old 09-30-2010, 01:47 AM
 
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If you waited until birth to find our your baby's gender, were you glad you waited? This is new to me so I'm sorta wondering what it will be like, especially when it comes time to purchase some clothing.
I didn't want to find out the baby's sex with my last pregnancy, and am soooo glad I didn't! I have the most fond memory of giving birth after a very long and difficult labor (to the point where they had prepped the OR for a Csection, which I ended up not needing), and I was so gloriously happy that I had given birth vaginally and then I heard the doctor tell the room, "Shhhhh, she doesn't know yet..." and it took me several moments to finally see that he was a boy. Man, that was such a great experience.

Almost as good was my husband coming up to me a bit later and whispering in my ear, "honey, I knew it was a boy all along." He had called the doc for my amnio results and found out it was a boy and never told me.

This time around, I'm severely torn. I want to have that moment again - but man oh man I'd love to have a girl (I have 2 boys already, and this was a surprise pregnancy). I would kind of like to have girl stuff ready if need be since all I have is boy stuff. I just don't know what to do yet...and my anmio is in 3 weeks.

Jordana, mama to almost 8 year old Evan, 3 year old Atticus, and 1 year old Tabitha - my gifts from heaven

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Old 09-30-2010, 06:38 AM
 
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I'd like to wait--I love the feeling of anticipation. My husband doesn't seem to care one way or the other, so we'll probably wait. Even if we did find out, I wouldn't tell anyone, because I really don't want to end up with piles of pink or blue clothes.
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Old 09-30-2010, 02:19 PM
 
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DH and I are still trying to decide which way to go. I think I would like to wait this time. We found out for both DS and DD. This one is due right between their birthdays and I still have all of both their newborn clothes, so I don't need to buy anything new for this baby, which makes it easier. We also aren't doing a nursery for baby since they will be in our room for at least the first 15 months or so. So there is no real need to know. I am just not sure I can hold out and not find out!

I liked knowing as soon as possible with my last two, it also helped with figuring out names. With this one we are set if it is a girl, but if it is a boy, we are kind of stuck on names, so it would be kind of nice to know if we need to focus on boy names or not. DH and I are still undecided if we will find out, at the moment I am leaning towards not, but I could change my mind anytime in the next 6 weeks.

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Old 09-30-2010, 06:01 PM
 
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My DH's biggest disappointment at DD's birth was that neither of us thought to tell the doctor ahead of time that DH wanted to announce the sex of the baby. So the doc did it. I suppose since the guy came in on his day off at 6 in the morning to be there for my homebirth transfer, the least we could do was let him announce the baby's sex. But DH really wanted to do it. So this time, we're not going to find out until the birth either, and we're going to make sure the midwife knows that this part is DH's job!

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Old 09-30-2010, 06:13 PM
 
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For those of you who are finding out. I read about this in another DDC a few weeks ago. Have the tech write down the sex and put it in an envelope and seal it. Take the envelope to a bakery and have them make a cake. Either pink or blue and then frosting white or neutral- whatever. Then you can have a party and when you cut into the cake you will know what the sex is. I think that is a really fun idea. If I had heard about that last time I totally would have done it.

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Old 09-30-2010, 06:21 PM
 
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We will be finding out the gender if possible. I'm too much of a planner, and I think it would drive me absolutely crazy to wait until the baby is born. Plus, we had a pretty rough time agreeing on DD's name, and I would not want to be fighting that battle while trying to take care of my newborn!

Claire, mommy to Robbie (8/23/08) and Brena (4-22-11) and wifey to Joe
 
 
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Old 09-30-2010, 07:46 PM
 
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Yes! It's as much of a surprise at 20 weeks as 40. I like to prepare ahead of time and I really don't like surprises. I'm the kind of person so looks at the restaurant menu online before we leave so I know what I want. lol.

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Old 09-30-2010, 07:52 PM
 
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We found out for the first two and had #3 be a 'surprise'. I was all geared up for this huge moment, and as a pp mentioned, the whole thing was kind of anticlimactic. #3 was a boy and even though I had been feeling 'girl' my whole pg, I wasn't surprised. I was incredibly happy, but no big surprise.

So, we are going to find out if we can. I like knowing better, plus it will make prep for baby a bit easier -- we gave away a lot of baby stuff before we found out about this babe.

Baking mama to dd (7.5), ds (6), ds (3.5) and someone new in April
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Old 10-01-2010, 11:38 AM
 
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I would find out yesterday if I could. We named DD at the 20 week u/s. I talked to her every day and by the time she was born it was so awesome to welcome this old friend.

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