I feel so silly even entertaining this thought-train, but I'm stuck and I hope that someone has btdt and can help me find the way out.
I'm OVERJOYED to be pg. I was told (by multiple docs) that it was unlikely I would conceive w/o IVF. but, obviously, I did. WAY sooner than expected (and, perhaps that's where the nervousness starts). AND with twins.
I'm in my early 30s. I have a Masters degree. We own our home. I'm married. I've got two kids that are turning out pretty okay, if I do say so myself.
and, still, I'm scared to death to tell my family. (okay, not my family, so much as my mother).
My mother and I are fairly close, although it took years of personal growing and acceptance on both sides to get that way. We see the world differently and we're both outspoken and stubborn about it.
I just feel like she's going to be royally pissed. okay, actually, I know
she will. At one point after DD's birth, I mentioned "next time" and she gave me the stern "I would seriously hope you're not ever planning on having more" talk. I should have stood up to her then, but I let it slide. Frequently, when DD was a newborn, she would say "could you imagine
how terrible it would be if you had a toddler around?!?" Now that DD is a toddler, she says "could you imagine
how terrible it would be dealing with her AND a newborn??"
(FWIW, my DD is a seriously easygoing low-needs kiddo)
We're struggling financially ATM. That's going to be her biggest thing. (Honestly, it is MY biggest thing, too, but that's another post entirely). She was angry when I chose to leave my high-stress career after DD's birth... I had things lined up to start working pt again soon, but had to let it drop bc of the hyperemesis and she's already pissed about it and she didn't even know why. She wants me very much to go back to my career, and I don't intend to in the foreseeable future.
She also is of the "one boy, one girl= perfect family" camp and the "don't let the kids outnumber the parents" camp.
I have no doubt she will tell me to terminate the pregnancy- that's how strongly she feels and how outspoken she is.
She adores my kids, and she's a HUGE help in raising them, both financially and emotionally (I don't think I've ever bought an article of clothing for DD. ever.) But I certainly don't expect her help, tho I know she is the type who will help even if I don't ask. I guess, on some level, I feel really guilty adding to HER burden. I have no doubt she will love these babies to death and forgive and forget... eventually... it is just the beforehand I don't want to go thru...
I would love to keep my head in the sand about telling her... but I am OBVIOUSLY pregnant. I've been avoiding seeing her for weeks (sending the kids in from the car, calling instead of visiting, etc...) and that's starting to make me sad.
TBH, I entertain fantasies of telling her it was an accidental pg, but that seems SO ridiculous when it was an ART pg. Plus, the whole lying thing...
It was actually a sad journey TTC, bc she experienced infertility and I and my bro are Clomid babies and I would have *loved* to share it w/ her.
The ultimate irony? I was a teen when I got pg w/ DS. and I'm MORE stressed about telling her about these babies than I was back then. ugh.
Anyway. Thank you if you've gotten thru this. It helped me to put it out there.
Any tips or words of wisdom would be great.