Anyone who still hasn't told? And, who's told on Facebook? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 27 Old 10-20-2010, 08:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
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We saw our little ninja on the ultrasound today, performing some awesome ninja kicks. Since hearing the heartbeat last week, we've been letting the news out--DH told his work, and I've told the faculty of my grad program and a few friends.

But, I'm still only just over 13 weeks and feeling a little skittish--anyone else?
If you haven't told (at least not widely), when do you think you might feel safe letting the news out?

And, who has told on Facebook? Anyone choosing not to tell on Facebook? I think it will be fun, but at the same time a)I don't want to be one of those facebook pregnancy people who inadvertently might make others feel bad (I know at least one friend is struggling to get pg, and DH told her today)--and b)I still have the superstitious fear that I might be jinxing something. I don't want to have to un-tell people on Facebook.

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#2 of 27 Old 10-20-2010, 09:08 PM
 
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I told on facebook. We had each told our parents and I had emailed a friend of mine who is struggling with IF, and then told the rest of my friends and family on fb. This is #4 for us, so a more laid back approach suited us just fine.

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#3 of 27 Old 10-20-2010, 09:19 PM
 
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Before this week, I had only told one close friend. Then, last week, my belly POPPED. So, now I've told a handful of people, mostly pretty close friends who will not spread the word yet.

If you remember, I have all sorts of anxiety about telling my mom- so I haven't yet. I really, really need to this week. We're going to see her next Thursday, and I'm really, really pregnant. There's no option to hide it anymore.

I was nervous over telling people, bc of the bleeding and whatnot, but I'm getting anxious to do it now that it looks like I'm gonna be one of those moms who just bleeds and everything is okay, if for nothing else, so that the people who I've flaked on the last month or so will understand.

I'm pretty sure, after I tell my mom, I'll just put up a US pic on FB and let the chaos ensue

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#4 of 27 Old 10-20-2010, 09:31 PM
 
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we haven't told fb or anyone except for our parents, and i've told online and a close friend irl. i'm 13w today and got a heartbeat on the doppler, but honestly, since mil totally ruined telling them, i just have no heart to tell anyone else.

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#5 of 27 Old 10-20-2010, 09:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Babygrey--Good luck with your mom! I really, really hope she pulls through and doesn't make you feel bad.

Kalamos--I forgot your MIL had ruined it. Are you just going to let everyone else figure it out on her/his own, then?

Fiction writer by training, writer/editor of anything anyone will hire me for by trade. Me + D=my girls E (4/2011) and little N, 1/2014.

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#6 of 27 Old 10-20-2010, 09:50 PM
 
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I told on FB by posting an ultrasound pic. I got quite a few comments of "I thought you looked pregnant when I saw you on insert date here" LOL
Since it's number 5 not too many people were surprised.

However for DP, it's his first and he had not told his mom yet (he is still warming up to the idea of having a baby). Since I am not FB friends with her I thought no biggie he can tell her whenever. Well the grapevine got back to her and she found out that she was gonna be a grandma for the first time via second hand facebook.

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#7 of 27 Old 10-20-2010, 11:03 PM
 
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Haven't told!
well, haven't told any of my FAMILY and I'm close with everyone
My parents are away and won't be home for another week and a half, and I don't want to tell them until they're home.

I've told 2 friends, but already wish i hadn't because one went and told her mother and cousin, who is also my friend, despite being specifically asked not to tell!

I hate the telling, it's awkward, then you have to talk about it all...at least I'm aleady 13.5 weeks so it's pretty obvious. for some reason i feel firmer and more able to 'defend' myself now that i'm farther along.

the facebook tell is fun, i haven't yet.

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#8 of 27 Old 10-20-2010, 11:22 PM
 
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we haven't told my inlaws, so I haven't made an 'official announcement' on Face Book, even though a lot of my friends and my side of the family already know. I will eventually announce on FB, when dh has told his family (if he ever gets around to it). Some of my ils are on FB and I wouldn't want my mil to have to find out second hand and get her feelings hurt- that nearly happened last time! There are some folks that I only keep in touch with via FB, and I will want to let them know. I'm 14.5 weeks, but I think dh is waiting for the next dr. app. before he tells his mom. We'll finally get to hear (and hopefully see) the baby Friday.

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#9 of 27 Old 10-20-2010, 11:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hmm, yeah, if I can hold out until after the 16 week appt. in three weeks, I'll feel pretty safe by then. But I want to tell nownownow! I'm so excited, but afraid of getting burned.

Pattimomma--that's too bad about your MIL--hope she wasn't too hurt.

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#10 of 27 Old 10-21-2010, 12:38 AM
 
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We've told a few friends but no family. I'm not sure when we will tell them. DH wants to just show up one day with a baby. I won't do that to my family. I really like having this peace right now of not having to listen to everyone else tell me what to do, say stupid/rude comments or tell me their horror stories. I'm 15 weeks and not showing so I can hold out a while longer before telling.

I won't be telling on Facebook. It is just not a form of communication for me.

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#11 of 27 Old 10-21-2010, 01:51 AM
 
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We have told close friends and family, but that is it. I was getting ready to do the big FB announcement (it is an easy way to tell distant relatives and other friends we don't see too often), but a good friend of mine just had a miscarriage, and I couldn't imagine posting our good news right after her very sad news. Now, I'm not sure when we'll do it?

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#12 of 27 Old 10-21-2010, 07:40 AM
 
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Patti- I hope your MIL wasn't too upset!!
I am a pretty open book in my life- so most of my friends and coworkers knew VERY early on! The last people to know were in laws (didn't know exactly how they would take it) but after I told them I posted on facebook. I found a pic of a bun in the oven and made it my profile pic. Thats all. But more people figured it out than I thought would. Still I am getting people who post "oh, are you pregnant?"

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#13 of 27 Old 10-21-2010, 08:55 AM
 
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Since this pregnancy was so planned, our parents knew when we were trying to conceive and when we POAS and got our BFP. We told a handful of close friends during the first trimester. There was a big family wedding just at the close of the first trimester and it turns out that my father-in-law had slipped and told his parents and some of his siblings so we sent out a big email to that side of the family. Then, we just posted a nice status update on FB to finish it off.

DW and I are moms to two teens (DD 17 and DS 15) adopted through CAS in 2007 and a toddler (DD 2) born at home in March 2011.

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#14 of 27 Old 10-21-2010, 11:13 AM
 
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I am 13 weeks today and we have told all the important people.
With my DD I was so excited to post something on FB but this time around I'm not doing a big announcement. I was thinking maybe when I'm really really showing I'd just post a family picture and let people figure it out that way. I don't know...just down on the FB lately.

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#15 of 27 Old 10-21-2010, 01:27 PM
 
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My husband has been reluctant to tell. He really wanted us to hold out to twelve weeks before telling anyone, but I told some friends before that because I wanted their advice on doctor issues. I told my family at 11 weeks, and we told his parents at 12 weeks, but he still hasn't told his sisters (we're at 13.5 weeks now). I'm not sure if he's hoping it will go away if he ignores it or if he just doesn't want his sisters to go on and on about babies (he hears enough of it from me). Since I'm FB friends with his niece, I haven't told FB yet.
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#16 of 27 Old 10-21-2010, 07:21 PM
 
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I may never mention it on FB. I have a friend whose wife would be so insanely jealous. She tried to have a second baby with her new husband for several years and has not been able to. But he's in his early 50's and she is 45 so it's just not going to happen for them.
It's best that she doesn't know until the baby comes. Call me paranoid but she's a practicing witch and is very talented with her craft. And even though she doesn't practice black magic she can't control herself with annoying spells. She seems to ignore the "what goes around comes around".

Is this crazy of me?

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#17 of 27 Old 10-21-2010, 08:15 PM
 
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Regarding facebook, I don't think I will make any "I'm pregnant" status, ever. But I talk about it on wall posts with people who know, and I did put a status about having food aversions, today finally at 14 weeks+2. I didn't even put the little babes first saunogram pic on there, and no one in my family has seen it besides my ds and dh, and it has been over 3 weeks. I don't plan to share the saunogram pics on facebook. I will hopefully have my anatomy scan a couple days before thanksgiving, so will be able to show my family on thanksgiving the pictures then and avoid facebook all together for that one.

I did find it interesting that one of my friends announced her pregnancy on facebook so early after I told her that both myself and my cousin announced both our pregnancies right away and then went on to both miscarry those babies and how hard and awkward it was, but even my above cousin announced her BFP again the same day she found out, when she was barely 4 1/2 weeks, so I guess it is just your personality I guess. This time around I told no-one but my dh and sister until a week later, by that time i found out that my sister was telling people so i figured i better just tell people myself.

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#18 of 27 Old 10-21-2010, 08:55 PM
 
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I have lived away from "home" for 5 years, so announcing on facebook was a must for us! We don't stay in touch with a lot of people from back home except for the internet. We did tell all our family via skype or on the phone. I had 55 or so comments from my friends afterwards so I took screen shot pictures of those comments and have them printed off to put in the baby book!

It's interesting to read about some ladies concerns about making their friends feel bad, I never thought anything like that because I do not know anyone TTC. Thank you for mentioning that though ladies!

I actually got a message from my first boyfriend's sister saying she was actually pregnant too, but was waiting to announce it on facebook for a few more weeks! That was exciting!

Julie, 29 married to Adam, 26... momma to Grey Radly born 3-31-11  and owner of a very happy-go-lucky hound dog Daisy!!! Pregnant with #2!!!! Due sometime in November??!!


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#19 of 27 Old 10-21-2010, 10:56 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I like your idea of taking a screenshot for a baby book, Julieeee!
I kind of want to tell on Facebook because there are some more distant friends and so on who I would like to know, but I'm not quite ready yet.

Tonight at an event for my grad program word started trickling out--there's a Halloween party I'm going to this weekend and I know everyone will wonder why I'm not drinking, so I'll probably go officially public then. It's scary, though! I know chances are very slim that the pregnancy would have major problems, and every indication we've had is that this is a healthy, strong baby. But still, it's scary and thrilling at the same time. Like jumping off a high dive. I guess at this point if something goes wrong we'll just have to face it, and count on the support of those who know.

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#20 of 27 Old 10-22-2010, 12:25 AM
 
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I told the facebook world a few weeks ago, when I was 14ish weeks, after having heard the hb for the first time. I would have preferred to wait a bit longer, but a friend "outed" me, and I didn't want my family and friends to hear it from someone else. I posted a "family portrait" that my DD1 (5 yo) had drawn including the new baby... some people definitely missed it, which is ok by me... but plenty of people said they had wondered about my growing belly but hadn't wanted to say anything...

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#21 of 27 Old 10-22-2010, 11:07 AM
 
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I told my online IF support group right away. (The ones who I've been with for three years and were in my due date club on another site.) Family knows. My parents and sister were told immediately and we told DH's family around 7 weeks. We would have waited longer to tell them but they had a big family vacation planned for early May and we had to have our reservations canceled/transferred ASAP. I then had to tell a couple of girls that I run with because I had to bow out of a relay team run at the end of October and they were going to need to replace me ASAP. A few more friends that I see weekly or more found out in the 8-11 week window because I was so sick I was canceling plans all the time and throwing up and unable to make any play dates. Then the rest of our local friends saw me at 12 weeks and I had popped so they knew. Phew!

We won't announce on Facebook, though I am sure I will talk about it somewhat in status updates at some point or it will be obvious in a picture. I plan to do a blog post and link to it from Facebook of my daughter reading big sister books. Just not sure when. All the really important folks know, so telling the facebook pals that I don't see these days seems unimportant. Also, I am a little sensitive about the "I'm pregnant" status announcement after infertility. (Though I totally understand it and think it is perfectly fine, just not for me.)
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#22 of 27 Old 10-22-2010, 03:39 PM
 
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We've told our parents and siblings in the past week. We wanted to tell sooner, but my sister in law got married two weeks ago and we didn't want to steal her thunder. They all live far away so it was easy to wait to tell them. We told our friends in town much sooner because I was so sick. I'm usually pretty social and see my friends regularly, so I wanted them to know I wasn't blowing them off.

We still haven't told on Facebook. At this point I could just never say anything on there, but we keep in touch with a lot of far away friends and family via fb so I feel like I have to say something on there eventually.

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#23 of 27 Old 10-23-2010, 09:37 PM
 
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FB got a running day-by-day of my Frozen Embryo Transfer and everyone was waiting for me to POAS and for my betas. Seriously, I'm one of those TMI FBers! lol. The whole freaking world has known I was pregnant since 8 dpo!

Liora - wife to Pete, IVF miracle DD babygirl.gif (2.11.09) 11 year Infertility survivor! FET miracle TWIN boys babyboy.gifbabyboy.gifborn 2/28 at 32 weeks and growing strong in the NICU.
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#24 of 27 Old 10-24-2010, 10:02 AM
 
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I'm looking forward to a FB announcement. We've moved quite a bit in the last 10 years and some FB friends were once great friends who I just can't fit into the day by day. I'm nearly 16 weeks so I'd feel ok about telling in that type of way but I can't yet. I have several personal calls to make before I do that. There are certain people who I don't think should find out that way and I haven't found the time to call them. Maybe I'll do that this week.

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#25 of 27 Old 10-24-2010, 11:06 AM
 
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I would like to announce on FB, but refuse to do so until DH calls his parents and tells them. I told him this morning that he's waited so long now, that if he hasn't said anything by the time I hit 15 weeks on Thursday, he may as well wait the extra 3.5 weeks so we can tell them if we're having a boy or a girl. (though we are pretty darn sure it's a boy)
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#26 of 27 Old 10-24-2010, 11:40 AM
 
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i haven't told many people yet, close friends and my sisters and brother, and definitely not on facebook. i haven't told my best friend yet because she has a lot going on in her life right now and i don't really think she'll be happy for me. i think a lot of people think i'm overextended as it is, as i have no support from family and i think they see me having another baby as a step backwards--i have three kiddos who sleep through the night, are out of diapers and are fairly independent, so people see my pregnancy as a step back to the challenges of babyhood--it doesn't seem to matter that this is what we have wanted. it's a good thing i don't really care much what other people think! i don't know when i'll tell my mother, as we rarely speak and she lives far away--i'll probably let her know in a holiday card, since that's the next logical time i'll be in touch with her. i also think i had so many people up in my business with my last pregnancy that i like keeping it low-key and a little private--i'm excited and proud of our expanding family, but i don't need so much external validation as i did during my last pregnancy.

wow, that was interesting to think about...
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#27 of 27 Old 10-26-2010, 12:47 AM
 
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I started telling more people within the past week. I told the rest of my work teammates today and got an applause. I haven't announced on FB yet. I think my mother wanted to call around and tell more people first.

Ryan 08-28-08  & Julianna 5-3-11
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