DH doesn't want to know baby's sex but I do. Advice? - Mothering Forums
Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 11 Old 10-24-2010, 12:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
Lauren82's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: TN
Posts: 1,462
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I thought I would be able to deal with not finding out baby's sex, but it's driving me nuts. DH is is a natural about being calm about surprises and waiting but I am not. I suggested that the tech tell me the baby's sex while he steps outside of the room but he just got crabby with me and said that couldn't work. I definitely would not tell him to ruin the surprise for him, nor would I buy anything gender specific and leave it where he could find it. Has anyone else had this happen where one of you found out the sex and it worked out?

heartbeat.gif Mama to 5 busy bees (12, 9, 6, 3, 2) & 3 angel1.gif
Lauren82 is offline  
#2 of 11 Old 10-24-2010, 12:54 PM
 
Mackenzie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: wandering...
Posts: 2,895
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
I can't see it working. I think it would be near impossible to not use gender specific pronouns or to leave gender identifying items up on the computer or whatever... I just don't see it being feasible living with the person you are trying to keep it from or keeping a major secret from my spouse.

This is a tree on fire with love, but it's still scary since most people think love only looks like one thing instead of the whole world. *
Mackenzie is offline  
#3 of 11 Old 10-24-2010, 02:55 PM
 
kissum's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 1,119
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I think we're going to do that- I just had to promise not to tell anyone. I think we'll do just fine. I don't think I could stand not knowing! I might tell online, but I wouldn't put it in my siggy or anything like that. I think it can be done. I'm going to pick a name to call the baby (silly nickname) and use that in place of saying he/she. GL!

Ali, mama to my amazing Arabella 1/14/06
Newly married to Patrick love.gif Expecting someone new in April!
kissum is offline  
#4 of 11 Old 10-24-2010, 03:25 PM
 
Blanca78's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: The eastern edge of the Middle West
Posts: 2,079
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I haven't, but I have a friend who did this and it worked wonderfully. Her DH wanted to know and she didn't. They had a gender-neutral baby shower and he managed to keep the secret until the end (they had a girl). I think you could do it! Maybe make up some kind of gender neutral pronoun or nickname and practice using it beforehand, so you aren't as likely to slip up.

Fiction writer by training, writer/editor of anything anyone will hire me for by trade. Me + D=my girls E (4/2011) and little N, 1/2014.

Blanca78 is offline  
#5 of 11 Old 10-24-2010, 03:26 PM
 
IdentityCrisisMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 10,599
Mentioned: 5 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 79 Post(s)
We're in the same boat. For me/us it would not work to have me know and DH not. Besides, for us there is so much in the realm of child rearing that DH doesn't have much of an opinion on that I'm fine with deferring to his opinion on this.

Mama to DD September 2001 and DD April 2011 *Winner for most typos* eat.gif
IdentityCrisisMama is offline  
#6 of 11 Old 10-24-2010, 04:00 PM
 
allical1284's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 368
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by IdentityCrisisMama View Post
We're in the same boat. For me/us it would not work to have me know and DH not. Besides, for us there is so much in the realm of child rearing that DH doesn't have much of an opinion on that I'm fine with deferring to his opinion on this.
Same here (but opposite). I don't want to know the sex, but DH really does. I have talked him into everything (without really giving him options) regarding all of our parenting choices, and he has never once tried to talk me out of any of them, so this is the least I can do.

Me,fly-by-nursing2.gif wife to DH familybed2.gif , SAHM to DD (4/26/09) and DS (4/9/11) h20homebirth.gif cd.gif
 
 
 
  
allical1284 is offline  
#7 of 11 Old 10-24-2010, 04:32 PM
 
Ola_'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 3,161
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
We had a similar situation except DH is the one that wants to know. It's not even like either one of us is on the fence, we're both pretty set about it. Not sure what we will do yet, though I like some of the ideas here. DH is good at keeping secrets and surprising me with stuff - he would probably use both pronouns or keep switching girl/boy things just to confuse me.
Ola_ is offline  
#8 of 11 Old 10-24-2010, 05:15 PM - Thread Starter
 
Lauren82's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: TN
Posts: 1,462
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
The more I think about it, the more I realize how hard it would be not to spill the beans somehow. DH is doing a lot of speculating and I think my body language might give it away if he mentions something boy or girl.

heartbeat.gif Mama to 5 busy bees (12, 9, 6, 3, 2) & 3 angel1.gif
Lauren82 is offline  
#9 of 11 Old 10-24-2010, 05:31 PM
 
jenniferadurham's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 3,099
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ola_ View Post
We had a similar situation except DH is the one that wants to know. It's not even like either one of us is on the fence, we're both pretty set about it. Not sure what we will do yet, though I like some of the ideas here. DH is good at keeping secrets and surprising me with stuff - he would probably use both pronouns or keep switching girl/boy things just to confuse me.
This is us. Dh is really good about keeping secrets. Reading this though gives me hope that I could really go w/out knowing. I think I might try and go as long as I can w/out knowing. I really don't want to know.
jenniferadurham is offline  
#10 of 11 Old 10-24-2010, 05:39 PM
 
IdentityCrisisMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 10,599
Mentioned: 5 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 79 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lauren82 View Post
The more I think about it, the more I realize how hard it would be not to spill the beans somehow. DH is doing a lot of speculating and I think my body language might give it away if he mentions something boy or girl.
That's how I feel...it's hard for me to imagine DH not being able to tell. There are just so many ways to give clues - talking about names, pronouns, and etc.

Mama to DD September 2001 and DD April 2011 *Winner for most typos* eat.gif
IdentityCrisisMama is offline  
#11 of 11 Old 10-29-2010, 08:39 AM
 
caitryn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Mississippi, USA
Posts: 169
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My husband and I came to a compromise on the issue that didn't involve keeping secrets. (He wanted to know, and I didn't.) We decided to let the baby decide.

To better explain the logic of this, my mother-in-law definitely saw she was having a boy when she was pregnant with my husband. No matter what the tech did, I wouldn't uncross my legs with my mom's ultrasound, so my gender was a complete surprise.

In the end with our first, Little Man left everything out there for the world to see and even did a pelvic thrust into the camera when the tech switched to the 4D mode! lol Apparently he was proud to be a boy and wanted everyone to know it!

We go in for our "big" ultrasound with this little on on Nov. 30, and we have the same agreement. If he/she shows off, we'll know. If he/she decides to play shy, we'll just have to wait for the big day.

Married to DH since February 2005, mother of selectivevax.gifdelayedvax.gifDS (8/18/2008) and DD in (4/2/2011)!  lactivist.gif familybed2.gif  Expecting stork-suprise.gif February 2013!

caitryn is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off