Are you finding out the sex? - Mothering Forums
View Poll Results: Are you finding out the sex?
Yes 24 48.98%
No 19 38.78%
Maybe/Not sure yet 6 12.24%
Voters: 49. You may not vote on this poll

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#1 of 32 Old 10-27-2010, 12:49 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I didn't find out with DS. I was excited to find out when he was born, but it wasn't as cool as I was hoping because he was a C/S and there was no big "It's a boy!" announcement or anything, I just happened to hear the doctor say to one of the nurses, "Oh, she thought it was a girl." I'm torn with this one. I'd love to have the big "It's a ______!" moment, but I'd also love to have a name picked out for sure, maybe get some stuff embroidered with the name, and I know DS is dying to know.

We looked into the local 3d/4d ultrasound place and they require a written confirmation of a medical ultrasound before they'll do it. Well, we're not having the routine ultrasound, so I guess that rules that out. So we'd be going with the pee-in-a-cup at home test, which is only 78-80% accurate anyway, so to be honest, we'd probably be too uncertain to get stuff embroidered. Most likely, we'll just have to suck it up and wait.

What are you doing? Are you finding out the sex and why/why not?

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#2 of 32 Old 10-27-2010, 08:10 AM
 
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We definitely are finding out. We're planners and I'm also impatient and I want to get as much ready as I can before hand.

Ryan 08-28-08  & Julianna 5-3-11
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#3 of 32 Old 10-27-2010, 09:44 AM
 
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Nope, definately not finding out! I've never found out with any of my kids,and the wait has always been worth it. It's endless conversation for the entire family, we make a pool and place our bets, and it's the wonder of who's growing inside me the whole time that makes it so worth it. It's such a wonderful discovery, and watching their personality unfold, picking the name and not having this whole personassigned beforehand that's really important to me. I feel I would miss out on all this if I knew before.

I completely respect everybody's own wishes, and if they just want to know, then that's completely fine, but I just don't understand the 'need to be ready' arguement. I've never had a problem being ready for any of my babies. I can't fathom what there is to plan. I certainly wouldn't want my whole child's world completely 'gendered', so perhaps that's why.

Amanda; mama to: Axel (Dec/04), Evangeline (Apr/07) and Ramsey, (Feb/09) born unassisted! Jethro Vader (Apr/11) and #5 due April 2014. 
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#4 of 32 Old 10-27-2010, 09:55 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Queen of my Castle View Post
Nope, definately not finding out! I've never found out with any of my kids,and the wait has always been worth it. It's endless conversation for the entire family, we make a pool and place our bets, and it's the wonder of who's growing inside me the whole time that makes it so worth it. It's such a wonderful discovery, and watching their personality unfold, picking the name and not having this whole personassigned beforehand that's really important to me. I feel I would miss out on all this if I knew before.

I completely respect everybody's own wishes, and if they just want to know, then that's completely fine, but I just don't understand the 'need to be ready' arguement. I've never had a problem being ready for any of my babies. I can't fathom what there is to plan. I certainly wouldn't want my whole child's world completely 'gendered', so perhaps that's why.
well said!

for me, it's about wanting that ultimate surprise; not making any assumptions about the little one growing inside me; not wanting others to make any assumptions about our baby; not wanting to hear all of the cliche things about boys or girls before we even meet the kid; not wanting all [baby] blue or [baby] pink stuff (i don't like those colors anyway); wanting to see the baby before i make a pick a name for them... i also suspect it'll be just the extra "push" i need during labor to get to the end... is it a girl or a boy???

i support any/everyone else in their decisions to find out... that's for them.

OP, good poll and discussion!

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#5 of 32 Old 10-27-2010, 10:01 AM
 
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wehrli, my thoughts exactly.

Amanda; mama to: Axel (Dec/04), Evangeline (Apr/07) and Ramsey, (Feb/09) born unassisted! Jethro Vader (Apr/11) and #5 due April 2014. 
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#6 of 32 Old 10-27-2010, 10:51 AM
 
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we are not finding out. We did find out with the first 2. I don't regret finding out with them. I liked knowing. I love little pink girl clothes and I liked having the names picked out, etc. But this will be our last and I want to know what it is like to wait and have that surprise. I love it when I have patients who are expecting a surprise. It's so much fun. So this one will be our surprise baby. My mother in law (who I love dearly) is afraid we might have some feelings of disappointment if it ends up being a 3rd girl since we have both said we would like it to be a boy and thinks if we found out we would have time to adjust. (but she is kind of excited we are waiting, too) DH and I are completely fine with a 3rd girl, though. Just because we would kind of like a son doesn't mean we'd love a daughter any less.

I think it will be hard to get through the 20 wk u/s without asking, though. Part of me really wants to know- I just want the surprise more!!

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#7 of 32 Old 10-27-2010, 11:31 AM
 
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I have great admiration for those who wait. We have always found out. Now that we have a pattern of GG BB GG B there is NOOOO way we are going to wait to find out if the pattern is going to hold. LOL! We are so strong in our suspicions that this is a boy (thus keeping the pattern) that to wait another 25 weeks would drive us batty. We also have names before we find out, and we call baby by his or her name throughout the duration of the pregnancy. This makes baby more of a reality for the younger "big" siblings. It's not some abstract "baby". It's "Isabel" or "Michael". I'm not worried about waiting to meet baby before we give the name; all of ours have names that perfectly suit them.
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#8 of 32 Old 10-27-2010, 11:40 AM
 
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We're finding out. To me, the baby's sex is such a small part of who they are, that I guess I just feel like there will be enough of a surprise in just meeting the baby. The reasons I like to know are 1) I don't like my doctor knowing anything about my kid that I don't know and 2) I hate calling the baby "it" and would prefer to use appropriate pronouns, which in English requires gender determination. I guess to me the "It's a XXX!" moment holds little appeal because I don't want to be focused on the baby's genitals--I just want to meet the whole baby!
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#9 of 32 Old 10-27-2010, 11:43 AM
 
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I haven't decided yet. I did like knowing with DS and DD. That being said newbie is likely our last and is going to be born in the same season as DD and DS, so I have everything for them I could possibly need at least for the first 3 months. I just can't make up my mind one way or the other. I don't have a boy's name I like, which is actually my biggest reason for wanting to find out, plus the whole waiting thing. I am impatient, and like to know. I am still debating which way I want to go. I still have 2 weeks to decide. I'm sort of leaning towards finding out, but I am just not sure either way yet.

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#10 of 32 Old 10-27-2010, 12:23 PM
 
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I don't wnat to know, but DH is chopping at the bit to know. We have 2 girls and he REALLY wants a boy, me too I guess. I think if he found out it was another girl he would be depressed for the rest of the pregnancy. So we will find out together on his/her bitrhday.
He knew the sex for DD#1 and i didn't know, with DD#2 we both knew. I like the surprise of not knowing.

Ivette; DH Nick since 1997, DD Ari 12/06, DD Jojo 07/08, 05/10, #4 EDD 4/29/11.
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#11 of 32 Old 10-27-2010, 01:37 PM
 
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I think DH wanted to find out at first, but I told him I really did not want to know and now he doesn't want to know just as much as me! My reasons? I have never had a REAL surprise in my life. I'm loving not knowing if it's a him or a her. The dr. told me a good quote: "You spend your whole life being referred to as 'him' or 'her', for 9 months it's just great to be human."

I love the crazy dreams I have. IRL I think it's a girl, but then i'm SURE it's a boy cause I'm always wrong. In my dreams, it's always a girl, except once where it turned out to be a boy. Last night it was a girl and she had the most gorgeous green eyes I've ever seen!!!!!

For those of you not finding out and who have not found out in the past, can you help me with this? Do you just call your baby "the baby"? Cause I've caught myself accidentally calling it "her" more than once. I correct myself every time, but I find it odd. ALSO, how do you deal with bonding & not knowing what it is? This will sound weird, but I know I have this special time to carry this baby around, it goes everywhere and does everything with me. For instance today is the first day I've ever skipped out on snowboarding--first of many to come this winter and I am here at home with "it". I want this time to be special for the two of us so I can look back and remember how much it was worth it.... but not knowing if it's a boy or girl feels weird. Let's say the baby comes out a boy and I thought it was a girl this whole time, does that change how you felt for 9 months? Does that make sense?

Regardless of how I feel, we're not finding out

Julie, 29 married to Adam, 26... momma to Grey Radly born 3-31-11  and owner of a very happy-go-lucky hound dog Daisy!!! Pregnant with #2!!!! Due sometime in November??!!


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#12 of 32 Old 10-27-2010, 03:06 PM
 
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We have a scan on the 17th...dh will find out but I won't. and I'm going to try and not find out until birth
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#13 of 32 Old 10-27-2010, 03:06 PM
 
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We will not be finding out the sex of this LO. I didn't have any ultrasounds with my DDs and I'm not planning to in this pregnancy either. For me finding out the sex would take away from the excitement of it all. I love the guessing and the waiting and the suspense.

Deirdre partners.gif partner to Josiah , mama of jumpers.gif, and.... it's a BOY!!!! babyf.gif4/23/2011
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#14 of 32 Old 10-27-2010, 03:47 PM
 
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We aren't finding out. We didn't with the first two either. I was tempted this time, but DH doesn't want to, and that swayed me to go that direction.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Julieee View Post
For those of you not finding out and who have not found out in the past, can you help me with this? Do you just call your baby "the baby"? Cause I've caught myself accidentally calling it "her" more than once. I correct myself every time, but I find it odd. ALSO, how do you deal with bonding & not knowing what it is?

<snip>but not knowing if it's a boy or girl feels weird. Let's say the baby comes out a boy and I thought it was a girl this whole time, does that change how you felt for 9 months? Does that make sense?
We call the baby "the baby." It doesn't bother me much (but then that's what we've always done LOL). I refer to it as he or she alternately and randomly, and again that doesn't bother me since it's what I've always done.

Bonding.. I guess I just focus on the baby as a person rather than a boy or a girl or someone with a name. It doesn't seem to matter to me what the sex is, just the person-ness of the baby. One of my sisters also didn't find out, and she gave the baby a nickname (eggbert), which might have helped her with the bonding

The last question, about if the baby turns out to be different from your assumptions, that can be difficult. It happened to me with DS1. I was SURE the baby was a girl, didn't even think it was possible for me to have a boy. When he turned out to be a boy, I was a little disappointed. I think it contributed to the difficulty I had postpartum.. not quite PPD, but more than baby blues.

So, with DS2, although I thought it might be a girl, I knew it could be a boy and kept that balance in my thinking, so it didn't bother me that he was a boy. This time I'm just assuming it's a boy no matter what any "intuition" says LOL

Allison.... mom of DS1 (7) and DS2 (4) and awaiting #3 near the end of April 2011
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#15 of 32 Old 10-27-2010, 04:38 PM
 
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Allison!! I'll be so excited come April waiting to hear what you have!! I am in the opposite boat...I have 2 girls and even though I have had boy feelings I keep saying her/she just because that is what I know.

Julieee- Good questions. Since this will be our 1st time not finding out- I'm not sure what to expect.

JenniferDurham- There is NO WAY I could do that!! If he knew I would torture him until he told me!! LOL!

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#16 of 32 Old 10-27-2010, 06:51 PM
 
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Juleee- We call the baby "the baby" or "the little honu" (sea turtle in Hawaiian). I think creating a nickname for the baby is a fun way of being a little more personal than just "the baby." I do say he/she sometimes, which sends my 5 yr old into fits of curiosity, but I don't have any inclination either way so far. When I think about the baby in my head and want to send it some love I think about "my baby" or "our baby."

I just want a healthy baby that looks something like me. I'm more interested in the baby as a person than in what "kind" of person they are.

Deirdre partners.gif partner to Josiah , mama of jumpers.gif, and.... it's a BOY!!!! babyf.gif4/23/2011
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#17 of 32 Old 10-27-2010, 08:30 PM
 
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I wish they made pee sticks that told you the sex! I can't wait to find out (Nov. 9)! We name our kids when we find out and call them by name the whole pregnancy. When I caught my DD it was like welcoming someone I already knew.

Liora - wife to Pete, IVF miracle DD babygirl.gif (2.11.09) 11 year Infertility survivor! FET miracle TWIN boys babyboy.gifbabyboy.gifborn 2/28 at 32 weeks and growing strong in the NICU.
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#18 of 32 Old 10-27-2010, 08:33 PM
 
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thank you bleumoose and Oregonicmama. That's very helpful. I try not to think of it is a he/she but it's hard. I definitely care more about the person they are rather than the gender, but it's hard. I think cause it's my first my mind runs wild

Thank you ladies!!! I'm going to try to come up with a nickname.. it'll probably just be "lo"

Julie, 29 married to Adam, 26... momma to Grey Radly born 3-31-11  and owner of a very happy-go-lucky hound dog Daisy!!! Pregnant with #2!!!! Due sometime in November??!!


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#19 of 32 Old 10-27-2010, 11:24 PM
 
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Originally Posted by julieee View Post
i think dh wanted to find out at first, but i told him i really did not want to know and now he doesn't want to know just as much as me! My reasons? I have never had a real surprise in my life. I'm loving not knowing if it's a him or a her. The dr. Told me a good quote: "you spend your whole life being referred to as 'him' or 'her', for 9 months it's just great to be human."

i love this quote!!!

i love the crazy dreams i have. Irl i think it's a girl, but then i'm sure it's a boy cause i'm always wrong. In my dreams, it's always a girl, except once where it turned out to be a boy. Last night it was a girl and she had the most gorgeous green eyes i've ever seen!!!!!

for those of you not finding out and who have not found out in the past, can you help me with this? Do you just call your baby "the baby"? cause i've caught myself accidentally calling it "her" more than once. I correct myself every time, but i find it odd. Also, how do you deal with bonding & not knowing what it is? This will sound weird, but i know i have this special time to carry this baby around, it goes everywhere and does everything with me. For instance today is the first day i've ever skipped out on snowboarding--first of many to come this winter and i am here at home with "it". I want this time to be special for the two of us so i can look back and remember how much it was worth it.... But not knowing if it's a boy or girl feels weird. Let's say the baby comes out a boy and i thought it was a girl this whole time, does that change how you felt for 9 months? Does that make sense?

we are first time parents but we've picked a name for baby to call it so we can avoid him/her. We call the babe "monkey". And when him/her he/she is 'needed' we interchange between the two. It seems to help us.

regardless of how i feel, we're not finding out

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#20 of 32 Old 10-27-2010, 11:31 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Liora View Post
I wish they made pee sticks that told you the sex! I can't wait to find out (Nov. 9)! We name our kids when we find out and call them by name the whole pregnancy. When I caught my DD it was like welcoming someone I already knew.
there's that Inteligender test you can buy at the drug store... i think Feb DDC has an Inteligender prediction thread... but i don't know what it says about twins... i would guess it would be likely inconclusive.

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#21 of 32 Old 10-27-2010, 11:51 PM
 
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I didn't find out with DS. I was excited to find out when he was born, but it wasn't as cool as I was hoping because he was a C/S and there was no big "It's a boy!" announcement or anything, I just happened to hear the doctor say to one of the nurses, "Oh, she thought it was a girl." I'm torn with this one. I'd love to have the big "It's a ______!" moment, but I'd also love to have a name picked out for sure, maybe get some stuff embroidered with the name, and I know DS is dying to know.
Wow, I haven't read any of the responses yet, but couldn't help but reply to this. Yikes, what a lame doctor!

In theory I'd like to not know this time around, but it's just not going to happen that way. I didn't find out with my last and it was such an awesome moment! My husband had known the whole time but I didn't know that he knew - he had gotten the info from my doc's office but told me that he didn't. He's a heck of a secret-keeper, but he wouldn't be able to pull that off again.

When my son was born, my doc knew I didn't know, and at the moment my babe was born he said to everyone in the room, "Shhhh, she doesn't know." Quiet fell over the room, and after several long seconds of me just getting over the fact that I had evaded a Csection after a very long and hard labor, I finally pulled it together to see my son and said, "It's a boy" through emotional tears. I'll never forget it.

Jordana, mama to almost 8 year old Evan, 3 year old Atticus, and 1 year old Tabitha - my gifts from heaven

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#22 of 32 Old 10-28-2010, 12:37 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Wow, I haven't read any of the responses yet, but couldn't help but reply to this. Yikes, what a lame doctor!
She really was, just all around! At the time, I thought it was funny, because I said, "Oh, it's a boy?" and she said, "From this angle!" Well, I was all loopy on the meds, so I didn't really think about it at the time. But the more I think about, the more I realize just how sucky that was. That makes me lean a lot more towards not finding out.

She also mocked me a bit because I'd just had an appointment the day before where we'd scheduled an external version (for 39 weeks, so it probably wouldn't have worked anyway!) and the very next day my water broke - like I can control that! And then two months later we had an appointment because I was having a lot of pain with sex and the first thing she asked was if I'd had an episiotomy. Uh, YOU did my C-section! Yeah, I didn't have the greatest of experiences with the military docs.

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#23 of 32 Old 10-28-2010, 09:17 AM
 
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The last question, about if the baby turns out to be different from your assumptions, that can be difficult. It happened to me with DS1. I was SURE the baby was a girl, didn't even think it was possible for me to have a boy. When he turned out to be a boy, I was a little disappointed. I think it contributed to the difficulty I had postpartum.. not quite PPD, but more than baby blues.
this same thing happened to me, except i did find out the sex. so the sensation just came 20 weeks earlier. it would be impossible to know if it helped me get past the disappointment quicker post-birth to have known the sex earlier.

Sara ~ one dh + one 5yo boy + baby in 2011
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#24 of 32 Old 10-28-2010, 05:38 PM
 
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I'm not sure yet if we're going to find out this time. We have a few weeks until the appointment.

We did not find out with Dd1 and it was awesome to find out at birth.

We did find out with Dd2 and it was also awesome. I decided to find out with her because after 3 m/c I wasn't bonding with her the same way I had with dd1. Finding out really helped.

It's fun either way, but I didn't feel more or less prepared because I found out.

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#25 of 32 Old 10-28-2010, 09:40 PM
 
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We are not, but I am temped. But we won't. I have a feeling it's a girl based on different symptoms and a lower heartrate - has that been the case with anyone else? DS' heartrate was usually in the 160s and this one is 130s.

Alicia, wife to an loving and faithful DH, and mama to three fantastic though nutty children (cs, then an HBAC, then a VBAC!!).
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#26 of 32 Old 10-28-2010, 10:03 PM
 
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We are not, but I am temped. But we won't. I have a feeling it's a girl based on different symptoms and a lower heartrate - has that been the case with anyone else? DS' heartrate was usually in the 160s and this one is 130s.
I always thought the old wives tale was the opposite, higher for girls, lower for boys. DD1 160s, DD2 150s, this one 160s and I totally feel like this is a girl.

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#27 of 32 Old 10-28-2010, 11:25 PM
 
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I always thought the old wives tale was the opposite, higher for girls, lower for boys. DD1 160s, DD2 150s, this one 160s and I totally feel like this is a girl.
A friend was telling me today that it was the opposite for her. Lower for girls-higher for boys! This one has been 160 and above at all my appt's so who knows. We will find out at our anatomy scan in 3 1/2 weeks. I just like knowing!

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#28 of 32 Old 10-28-2010, 11:32 PM
 
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I always thought the old wives tale was the opposite, higher for girls, lower for boys. DD1 160s, DD2 150s, this one 160s and I totally feel like this is a girl.
That's what I've read too, but both my boys were in the 160s. This one has been 150 and the 145. I don't think the others were ever lower than maybe 155.

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#29 of 32 Old 10-28-2010, 11:56 PM
 
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Our decision not to find out isn't so much based on wanting to be surprised by the sex, as it is based on deciding not to get an ultrasound. I do think it's kind of fun to wait unti the birth to find out, but if for some reason an ultrasound was indicated, and we got one, we would probably go ahead and find out the gender.

So, no one, including our midwife will know the gender until the baby is born.

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#30 of 32 Old 10-29-2010, 09:44 AM
 
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That's what I've read too, but both my boys were in the 160s. This one has been 150 and the 145. I don't think the others were ever lower than maybe 155.
That's interesting! I've kinda secretly thought I was having a girl with a HR so high but we would love a boy since that would even out the boys and girls around here. But whatever we have will be fine!

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