The annoying & rude comments thread - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 42 Old 02-27-2011, 11:19 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Well, it's about that time in our pregnancies when it seems everyone comes out of the woodwork to add their annoying and/or rude comments regarding our bodies, babies, choices, etc...

Friday, I got my first "you look like you're ready to pop" comment and today at breakfast I got my first, "Are you sure there is only one baby in there".  I am declining to comment on whether or not these two people are still alive...

My MIL is adding her own thoughts into the mix (every.single.time I see her).  

 

Seriously though, I would never say these things to people I know much less a total stranger!!

 

I guess you can never win when you're pregnant though; with DD I carried much smaller, and I had people ask me if my baby was "normal" because my belly was small.  Argh...

 

Is it a feasible idea to hide in the house for the next ~6 weeks?


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#2 of 42 Old 02-27-2011, 12:14 PM
 
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LOL I know what you mean! I had a woman in the grocery store give me that "Wow you're ready to drop." I was in the middle of trying to round up ds and was so stunned by the interruption and comment I didn't know what to say. I guess I should have gone on a rampage "No I have 8 more weeks! Yeah guess I'll be big as a house by then right? And I have back aches, cramps, it feels like the baby is stabbing a knife out of my na-na, my 'girls' are so sore I wanna cry if something rubs against them, I'm leaking, add some heartburn and indigestion, oh and the insomnia. Wanna come visit in 6 more weeks and see how I'm doing? Then I can tell you about the prodromal labor, how the baby is never going to come out, I'm pouring not leaking, oh and the discharge.. should have some mucous plug by then too yum."

 

 

Grr people shouldn't mess with preggos. All for plead the 5th and temporary insanity over here.


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#3 of 42 Old 02-27-2011, 02:01 PM
 
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I got my first "you're so big" comment this week too.  At a classroom party for DD's kindergarten one of the other moms asked how much longer I had to go.  I told her the baby is due April 28th and she said "oh wow!  You look like you could go any day now!"  I don't think I look like I could go any day now so I just sort of laughed and gave her a "aren't you a little crazy" look.  No one has said anything like that to me yet, so it took me by surprise a bit.  And sort of makes me wonder how big I really will end up getting!


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#4 of 42 Old 02-28-2011, 01:52 PM
 
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Oh man, I get the best comments from one particular woman I see a couple times a week, usually some variation on "You're getting fatter and fatter!" I don't take great offense from it, because of the particular woman and the way in which she says it. But still, it's not exactly the most tactful thing people say to me ROTFLMAO.gif

 

I also get a vast assortment of comments ranging from "You're huge!" to "you're so cute and tiny" to "You're sure there aren't twins in there?", so I have concluded that people have their own preconceived notions of how big pregnant bellies are that have no bearing on reality. Personally i think I'm a lot smaller than I was with my previous two. I can't wait to get down my bellycast that was done at 38 weeks with DS2 and compare it to when I reach that point.


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#5 of 42 Old 03-01-2011, 06:13 AM
 
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My female boss (who does not have children) keeps telling people (in front of me) that I'm huge, that my baby is going to be huge, etc. Several kind people have tried to turn it around by saying, "Oh, you mean tall?" because I am 5'10" tall. I definitely feel big, but I don't feel THAT big. And I've only gained a low-normal amount of weight, so I know it's because my boss just has no idea how "huge" huge can get. Still, I wish she'd stop. My male bosses (who all have children) never say anything like this. I don't think it's their gender, but the close association with at least one pregnancy that is keeping them nicer about it. wink1.gif

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#6 of 42 Old 03-01-2011, 06:47 AM
 
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I should find the posts I made from my last DDC (July 2008) about all the rude things said and done to me, especially in the last two weeks or so. People have lost all sense of what full-term pregnancy is supposed to look like; I wonder if it is because so many babies are induced relatively early these days?

I have been getting rude annoying comments all along. I have a short torso, which means there is no place for my belly to go but out, plus this is my 5th pregnancy (3rd baby), so I started showing pretty much from the very beginning. Back in October people thought I was "about to pop!" I get asked about twins all the time, sometimes even triplets! These days it's, "Any day now?" to which I always respond, "No, about another two months" ... love the jaw-dropping looks I get from that answer. lol.gif
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#7 of 42 Old 03-01-2011, 09:52 AM
 
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I got a "still haven't had that baby yet?" comment when I walked into church last week -- I had to laugh, since I have felt extra huge this time around and have been showing forever.  And it was pretty funny to see the expression of this poor gentleman when I said, "Oh goodness, I hope not!  I have 6 more weeks to go!!"

 


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#8 of 42 Old 03-01-2011, 10:20 AM
 
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I had a very nice lady ask me yesterday how many months is my baby????? I said i have 6 more weeks to go and she said " oh your so beautiful" That was soooooo nice!

I feel huge and busted.....but she was my angel for the day. Since i do live in Mexico and I dont speak much spanish....i havent had many people say anything to me. And if they did...i probably wouldnt know what they are saying....lol.


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#9 of 42 Old 03-01-2011, 02:15 PM
 
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I get the jaw drop every time when I say "at least a month" instead of what I assume they expect..."oh yeah, due tomorrow..."

 

And I've had about a dozen people (strangers and people I know) tell me I've "dropped." He's low. I know that. I can feel him trying to escape, believe me I know he is low. But this dropping nonsense...I find that a little rude. Actually no...I find it crude. It's a crude term IMO. My baby hasn't "dropped" anywhere or anything. Everything is where they are supposed to be, and if he's running out of room and heading south, fine by me. Less work later.


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#10 of 42 Old 03-01-2011, 07:20 PM
 
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Ugh, seriously, what is up with the inappropriate and rude comments? Someone else pointed out earlier, that it always women making the comments. I hadn't thought about that. I work with lots of men (almost all have kids and grandkids) and have heard not a peep about my size, due date or anything drawing attention to my body. I go into a meeting or interact with women at work and the comments just seem to fly out of their mouths.

 

I've only gained 30 lbs and am almost 35 weeks. The belly is all up front & center & I haven't put on weight anywhere else.

 

Do people have no realistic idea of what a pregnant lady looks like in her 9th month? Other women seem all astounded by my size.

 

When asked, "how many are in there?" I have started replying, "Eight, and I'm planning on raising them all on welfare!"

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#11 of 42 Old 03-02-2011, 06:00 AM
 
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I had a random lady sitting in the doctor's office of all places, make a pretty snide comment about how close together my kids will be.  "Oh, are you having another?" "Boy you're sure having them back to back huh?"  to which I replied "Well, ds here will be nearly 3 when the baby is born.  We felt like that was a good spacing for our family"  But really, what business is it of hers??  I think 32 months hardly qualifies as 'back to back'.  But maybe it does to some folks.  Then she went on to quiz me about whether or not we would be having any more after that.  OMG lady!?  She may have not been there for OB care, but she was in an office that see on average, 200 pregnant patients a day (according to the nurses).  The lady in front of me in line had a much, much younger child than mine, and was pretty far along already.  I could see her being uncomfortable by this woman's comments to me.  Do people have no tact at all?  


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#12 of 42 Old 03-02-2011, 08:57 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gagin37 View Post

I had a random lady sitting in the doctor's office of all places, make a pretty snide comment about how close together my kids will be.  "Oh, are you having another?" "Boy you're sure having them back to back huh?"  to which I replied "Well, ds here will be nearly 3 when the baby is born.  We felt like that was a good spacing for our family"  But really, what business is it of hers??  I think 32 months hardly qualifies as 'back to back'.  But maybe it does to some folks.  Then she went on to quiz me about whether or not we would be having any more after that.  OMG lady!?  She may have not been there for OB care, but she was in an office that see on average, 200 pregnant patients a day (according to the nurses).  The lady in front of me in line had a much, much younger child than mine, and was pretty far along already.  I could see her being uncomfortable by this woman's comments to me.  Do people have no tact at all?  



Yes, THIS! We get those comments ALLL THE TIME! DD just turned 3 in January, DS is 22 months and I'm 34 weeks with #3 so yes our kids ARE all close, yes this WILL be my 3rd baby in 3 years... THANK YOU I"M AWARE OF THAT! lol. When people say to me "Oh wow, how far apart are they going to be?" or "are they twins?" (to my son and daughter who are 15 months apart), etc. I've started saying "Yea we actually love our children and view them as blessings not burdens." Oh and the other comment we get all the time is "oh honey there is such a thing as birth control"...... SERIOUSLY?? I can't believe people have the balls to say this. I ALWAYS reply to that one: "if only your mom had known about it" and smile and walk away. If someone has the audacity to say something like that to a pregnant woman (or ANY woman) then they certainly deserve whatever comment I decide to spew back at them.

 


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#13 of 42 Old 03-02-2011, 08:58 AM
 
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i have a lot of people asking if Im having twins, or if im sure I only have one in there. it makes me sad because I really wanted twins this time.. I am just tiny with a small upper body so this poor baby has nowhere to go but out! I was showing at 9 weeks.

and while I get that 5 kids may seem like a ton to a lot of people it's not 19!! every single person who hears im on number five  first asks "your done now right?" like my fertility is any of their business. Im raising them, paying for them and they are all healthy. so their next remark is always "oh pretty soon your going to be like that lady on 19 and counting!or OCTOMOM!" WTH????!!!! seriously

then there are the people that assume because I have four boys that I am just trying to have a girl. NO. i like having boys. in fact I wanted four boys by 30 got that. now yes I would like a girl I will not be heartbroken if its a boy. I will be overjoyed. in fact I think it is probably a boy

ok

sorry for the wild vent


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#14 of 42 Old 03-02-2011, 11:13 AM
 
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I'm still getting hardly any comments. If I do, it's usually people who are surprised at how I only have two months to go--they comment on how small I look. Which doesn't really bother me because now at least I am obviously pregnant--before I was paranoid people would think I was having a hysterical pregnancy (I got my first comments from strangers at 28 weeks or so). People keep saying "you look great" in this surprised way, where "great" is obviously a euphemism for "smaller than I expected." Which is a little weird, because don't women who are bigger also look great? It's a bit embarrassing because I don't know what to say--thanks, but also, it feels weird to me--awkward to feel like people are scrutinizing my looks--I thought I would be so much bigger by now. This is just what my body's doing. I haven't gained much weight (10 lbs) and I don't know why--this is my first pregnancy and I am surprised myself. But the doctor isn't worried, just says the baby is doing fine, size-wise (actually measuring a bit ahead) so it's not an issue.


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#15 of 42 Old 03-02-2011, 02:05 PM
 
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Every time I hear a comment, I just remind myself that people just want to talk to pregnant women. They don't know what to say exactly, but they want to say something, and most of the time, the comments are just not what we want to hear, so that helps me.

 

The other day, a woman asked me what I was having, and I said girl. She asked if I already had a girl and I said nope, a 2 year old boy. She said "oh, so you're done then?!" Really? Why does that mean I'm done?

 

The same day, some guy (early 20's) said "Oh, you're pregnant? Congratulations. Is this your first?" me "no, I have a son." him "oh, same husband?"

 

WTF?


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Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsBone View Post

 

The same day, some guy (early 20's) said "Oh, you're pregnant? Congratulations. Is this your first?" me "no, I have a son." him "oh, same husband?"

 

WTF?



HAHAHAHAHA! OMG this literally made me laugh out loud. So weird!

 


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#17 of 42 Old 03-03-2011, 06:51 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsBone View Post

Every time I hear a comment, I just remind myself that people just want to talk to pregnant women. They don't know what to say exactly, but they want to say something, and most of the time, the comments are just not what we want to hear, so that helps me.

 

The other day, a woman asked me what I was having, and I said girl. She asked if I already had a girl and I said nope, a 2 year old boy. She said "oh, so you're done then?!" Really? Why does that mean I'm done?

 

The same day, some guy (early 20's) said "Oh, you're pregnant? Congratulations. Is this your first?" me "no, I have a son." him "oh, same husband?"

 

WTF?


Haha, I was looking for the like button :p  I wonder why people feel so drawn to pregnant women, they could spend their whole day passing by people

 


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#18 of 42 Old 03-03-2011, 06:41 PM
 
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I get a lot of shocked remarks when people realize how far along I am. Until about 2 weeks ago, when I was sitting, you couldn't even tell I was pregnant. I weighed myself today and I've gained 18 pounds (though I did lose about 5 at the beginning) so it's not like I'm skeletal or anything.


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#19 of 42 Old 03-04-2011, 05:15 AM
 
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The only person who makes comments to me is my husband. The best one so far this pregnancy was when he told me that this time I actually look like I'm pregnant while with my last pregnancy I just looked a little fat :p. He really likes to marvel over how big pregnant bellies get and thinks it's a complement when he tells pregnant women how amazing it is their bellies can get so big!

 

He's very, very lucky he hasn't gotten punched yet.


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#20 of 42 Old 03-04-2011, 05:08 PM
 
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My DP told me I have a "bear gullet," called me a "tanker" and then changed it to the "love boat" all in one day.  lol.  He's lucky I have a good sense of humor. 


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#21 of 42 Old 03-04-2011, 08:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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LOL at all the DP's and their humor!

DH calls me "Big Momma" all the time; I find it hilarious! He even has DD saying it now.  Anytime I try to do anything, he pulls out the big momma comment; ex: "Oh, Big Momma let me help you off of that couch (dramatically assists me in getting up off of the couch)" LOL!

I use it to my advantage as well; anytime he asks me to do something (wash a load of clothes that has something he needs in it), I use the "I'm Big Momma; I can't carry that basket across the house" line :D

 


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#22 of 42 Old 03-04-2011, 11:17 PM
 
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I haven't had any comments really at all this pg.

DH pointed to my belly tonight and said to our 2 year old son..."look what daddy did!" lol

My last pg I got big fast...I was skinny to start off with...and my MIL would not stop saying that I was having twins bc I was so big. She never said that this time...but I did bring it up the other day and rolled my eyes and gave a pouty lip at her when I said it...lol!
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#23 of 42 Old 03-05-2011, 07:46 AM
 
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This entire pregnancy I have been getting the twin comment from customers at work. And then when my back is turned and I'm waling away I hear "She's gotta be having twins!" Seriously, wouldn't I know by now? I am "bigger" than I was with DD and people who saw me then are aware of this, but they also know I got wider everywhere else and this helped to hide the pregnancy for a little bit. This time I'm all belly and it's huge!

 

Last weekend I got the best of the worst comments from a customer (never seen her before). She stopped me and said "Are you having a girl? You must be. I can tell by how it sucks all the energy out of your face..." and then she kept going on and on. Really lady, I've been up all day, it's almost midnight and I'm having crazy BHs because of your God awful karoake singing!


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#24 of 42 Old 03-05-2011, 11:56 PM
 
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Well, I carry small, so people act really surprised when I tell them how far along I am.  Apparently, I look closer to 6 months than 8.5 months. One random woman told me that I must be going to have a really small baby then and didn't seem like she believed me when I said the ultrasound put my daughter in the 50th percentile (meaning 100% average!)

 

I've made jokes all along about how, since we already have a boy and this one is a girl, that we will have a complete set (though we're not sure yet if we're done or not.)  This has allowed me to have a decent sense of humor/good attitude at the number of people who have said that we can stop now since we will have one of each.

 

The saddest for me is my own mom making the occasional comment that we don't need anymore children after this one.  I honestly hope it's because we didn't have our own place at the time I got pregnant and were living with my parents.  She's seemed more excited about the baby since we've moved out.  It still depresses me, though.

 

The absolute rudest thing I've heard though, was from an ex-coworker.  She knew about our son, so when I told her that this one was a girl, she told me that as soon as she's born, I need to get my husband fixed!  We have one of each and don't need anymore, so I need to drop the money to make sure he can't get me pregnant again.  WTF?! 


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#25 of 42 Old 03-06-2011, 01:23 AM
 
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This entire pregnancy I have been getting the twin comment from customers at work. And then when my back is turned and I'm waling away I hear "She's gotta be having twins!" Seriously, wouldn't I know by now? I am "bigger" than I was with DD and people who saw me then are aware of this, but they also know I got wider everywhere else and this helped to hide the pregnancy for a little bit. This time I'm all belly and it's huge!

 

Last weekend I got the best of the worst comments from a customer (never seen her before). She stopped me and said "Are you having a girl? You must be. I can tell by how it sucks all the energy out of your face..." and then she kept going on and on. Really lady, I've been up all day, it's almost midnight and I'm having crazy BHs because of your God awful karoake singing!


did you ask her what HER excuse was....WE are pregnant, WE dont have a choice....


Just like when over weight people comment on how 'big' WE look pg....'what's YOUR excuse NOT being pg...'


Does being stared at count as annoying and rude? If so sign me up! I haven't gotten it that much this pg...but with my DS it was BAD! It's like I wasn't even there and they were staring straight at me then they scan their eyes to my belly and make some sort of expression like 'holy sh!t she is big and pg!!'
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#26 of 42 Old 03-06-2011, 04:49 AM
 
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Quote:
I've made jokes all along about how, since we already have a boy and this one is a girl, that we will have a complete set (though we're not sure yet if we're done or not.)  This has allowed me to have a decent sense of humor/good attitude at the number of people who have said that we can stop now since we will have one of each.

Hah, I've gotten that comment, too. "Oh, now you'll have one of each!" We're definitely not done yet, but at least as we continue to have kids (2 more, at least), no one will annoy me by assuming that we're just trying to get the gender we don't have. I've always wanted a good mixture of boys and girls :)


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#27 of 42 Old 03-06-2011, 06:47 AM
 
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A total stranger told me yesterday that I "needed to learn how to keep my legs closed" when I mentioned I was pregnant with my 4th. I said that we'd always wanted 4 so we were pretty excited and she muttered something about super glue and walked away. I know I'll be getting a lot of comments from people when I'm out and about with all the kids but I can't believe how rude this woman was. I tried to be nice but just wow. I don't see why people think they need to comment about this kind of thing at all. Why is it their business??


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#28 of 42 Old 03-06-2011, 07:19 AM
 
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This wasn't a rude comment, per se -- just rudeness:

 

I got on the subway the other day after work.  The car was pretty crowded.  I find I get offered a seat about 50-60% of the time -- but only if I unzip my winter coat so people can't just pretend that it's all padding.  This afternoon, I was standing almost directly in front of five high school girls.  One said loudly, "She's pregnant! You should give her a seat!" to her friend.  Then they (not quietly) discussed whether or not to offer me a seat -- right in front of me. They ultimately decided not to because they were squeezed together and two of them would have had to stand up (which wasn't even true; one of them was sitting next to a pole and if she had gotten up I could have taken that place and the other four could have stayed seated).  I was so embarrassed for them that they had no shame in discussing it right in front of me, but they weren't embarrassed at all!  I couldn't even make eye contact with them because I had a feeling they wanted me to, so that they could get even more attention. 

First child born March 2011.  Constantly in awe!
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#29 of 42 Old 03-06-2011, 08:19 AM
 
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OH. MAN. YES!!

 

@guppiegirl, gagin37, ericaRN, kittn...because using government assistance is the real concern, isn't it? eyesroll.gif

 

soapbox.gif  so sorry for the soap box rant, but it kills me that there's so much concern and debate over women's bodies recently, and it's a total catch 22. being up the duff is evidently the only legitimate role a female can play in this political climate (considering abstinence education and the defunding of PP and so on), and yet we're also a threat to the deficit if we have children young or if we have more than two, or we're not spacing children at the appropriate times, although timing is a more confused notion than it is a consensus…either pregnant or not pregnant (not pregnant = concerning our menstruation or our employment status), our bodies just can't be adequately under someone's control. it's the bristol palin/natalie portman contradiction. it's alright if bristol is a single mother, because she chose life, but it's a morass if natalie is expecting, even though she is earning her own wealth and has a partner. our bodies just act so craAAAaaaAAzzZZYYyy! these comments made to us are just indicative of how we are just a walking comment box. i'ma definitely start using that one (8 kids + welfare!) if anyone comments on my size, though. 

 

@mrsbone, i'm feeling you. i have a 2 yo boy and am expecting a girl, and i can bet on a comment like "oh, one of both, so you're all set!" thank you for giving me my fertility cut off point, random stranger. but you're absolutely right, pregnant women's bodies are just open for discussion in a way that regular bodies aren't. i have to remind myself that most comments are just vomited out, too. there's just this compulsion to touch pregnant bodies physically or through commentary. although that doesn't make them any less honest, i have to breathe and remember...well thought out, evidential and original…no.

 

@oregonicmama, immediately i cringe when i prepare to read posts about what husbands say to their pregnant wives…but it would have made my day if my husband had given me such ingenious descriptions like "bear gullet," "tanker," and "love boat." thumb.gif

 

anyway, i originally just wanted to mention that every time my neighbor sees me (every. day.), she says, "so you're still pregnant, huh?" or "how's the baby doing?"  Drives me crazy. this is the same woman who moved here and had nothing to say to me except how much she hates how her freedom and career was stolen by motherhood, and then, when i became visibly pregnant, mentions at least weekly that she cant wait to have another one…even though her husband is not on board at all. duh.gif

 

 

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#30 of 42 Old 03-06-2011, 01:20 PM
 
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I also loved when, while pregnant with DS, I was walking through the hospital where I was WORKING and got stopped by some random lady to ask me how bit my litter was going to be?  How freakin rude!  (She also informed that she wasn't going to babysit, and I still didn't have any idea who she was until almost a week later when I found out she was my MIL's friend. Ugg.)

 

A good friend of mine had one of the more interesting stories, though.  To summarize, she was standing in line waiting to pick up a prescription from the pharmacy when a woman behind her started going off on her for being pregnant.  "You know if you kept your legs together that wouldn't happen."  When my friend replied that that would have defeated the purpose, the woman acted all shocked and started going off on her about "ruining that kid's life" and asking her who was going to take care of it and complaining about there being another welfare baby on the way.  She had assumed that because my friend was wearing a hoodie that she was a teenager.  She is actually a married 34-year-old.  Needless to say that after losing three children to miscarriage, she is quite proud to be carrying this baby.  By the time my friend was through verbally laying into this woman with the facts of life, the offender left the store so fast there was smoke lining her tracks. :)

 

I do not understand what gives people the perceived right to make comments and pass judgment on a woman just because she is pregnant.  It's not like it's a normal biological process meant to keep our species from becoming extinct or anything silly like that.


Married to DH since February 2005, mother of selectivevax.gifdelayedvax.gifDS (8/18/2008) and DD in (4/2/2011)!  lactivist.gif familybed2.gif  Expecting stork-suprise.gif February 2013!

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