I love it when people who don't have kids think they're experts on raising kids... - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 20 Old 04-05-2011, 05:25 PM - Thread Starter
 
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LOL. Seriously! Here's the story (and this, of course, is just one out of a million times I've heard something like this... "My kids will never..." or "As a parent I will ALWAYS...." LOL... yea right!)

 

So childless friend says: "I vow to never have picky eaters as children"

 

--I comment: "Don't jinx yourself! lol"

 

--Her boyfriend's comment: "Not hard really.. I ate what mom made or there was no food or playing.. Just my bedroom or chores.. I chose food every time.."

 

--friend's response: "Erica: it's not gonna jinx me, I will guarantee my kids won't be. Steve: exactly my love... You eat what is put in front of you or you wait til breakfast. This WAY in the future mommy will not be a short order cook!"

 

--My response: "Lol. Not hard on the kid. But stressful as a parent. Giving the ultimatum eat this or go hungry sounds easy but the stress of the freak-out that follows is taxing as a parent. Doesn't mean you don't stick to your guns but it's certainly not a walk in the park. lol. I'm just sayin' don't jinx yourself. lol. Melanie's an awesome eater and getting Deklan to eat is like pulling teeth. listening to those screams from their bedroom is anything other than "easy" lol."

 

ahhhh to be young and naive. smile.gif Trust me, we do anything but let our kids just walk all over us. We are very strict about certain things and I believe the most important part of parenting is consistency, but COME ON! How easy it must be to look back on our childhoods and remember it so clearly as this. lol. I doubt this child (her boyfriend) chose to eat EVERY SINGLE TIME. I'm sure there were plenty of stressful times in that household. Even kids who are beat and spanked into obedience have obviously had to learn the hard way how to "do the right thing"..... lol. It just cracks me up when people think it's just as easy as "oh well I just wont put up with it". lol. Sticking to your guns is one thing, saying that it's easy to do so is another. I mean, being a parent is soooo easy isn't it?? wink1.gif

 

Lol. Ok rant over. Just had to share this because I literally could not contain my laughter when reading it. I figured some of you could relate. LOL.


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#2 of 20 Old 04-05-2011, 05:41 PM
 
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I am not in this birth club, but I saw this post on the main community page and had to comment.

 

OMG, I can't agree more! I had a childless friend on FB yesterday make some comment about how parents with loud kids in a coffee shop are rude to the other patrons. I simply commented that it is not possible for parents to always be 100% in control of their children's behavior because they are after all kids. And she said that parents just need to take their kids someplace "kid friendly". I didn't bother responding. I live in a moderately sized city and of the 100 or so coffee shops we have there is one that I am aware of that I would call child-friendly. I don't take my kids to nice restaurants on a Friday night, but I see nothing wrong with taking them with me to get coffee on a Monday afternoon. They are actually people. All be it small and less interested in social norms, but people non the less.

 

What really got my eyes rolling was a child-less friend of this friend commenting "Yeah, ineffective parenting sucks". I try to let comments like this roll off my back. If any of these child-less people do have kids someday they will more likely than not look back on these things they said with horror and embarrassment. I remember swearing I would never use the TV as a babysitter. At the time I had no idea that babysitter would be the only way I could get a shower most days...


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#3 of 20 Old 04-05-2011, 05:57 PM
 
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DDCC as well but I wanted to comment hehe...

 

sometimes some things people say about how they will or won't parent in the future doesn't bother me (I will never spank for instance... that sounds feasible to me and something you can totally determine prior to children) but some things I think people just don't GET.

 

its not parenting that creates a picky eater... generally I find it is parenting that KEEPS a picky eater.  I've personally never known a kid who hasn't gone through a picky eating phase... changing tastes and something new to control... it just makes sense that most kids will go through the phase!  It is more about how you HANDLE the phase than trying to claim you, by your amazing amazingness, can completely skip it.

 

I also think it is funny when people say their kids will never tantrum or talk back or what have you.  Kids aren't robots for goodness sake... again, its not the parenting that prevents it completely as kids WILL realize they are independent creatures with their own emotions and opinions... rather it is the parenting that will help keep it to a minimum and help children to find more constructive ways of dealing with life.

 

I can say I'll never give my kid juice but I don't really think I can say they'll never throw a fit when they discover what it is.

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#4 of 20 Old 04-05-2011, 06:12 PM
 
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I know, I love these conversations. I actually said I'd never let my kid have food in the car (because it makes a huge mess) I could absolutely die laughing at myself!!! biglaugh.gifEvery time my oldest gets in his seat he realizes he's *starving* so I have a whole bag of snacks for the car! 


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#5 of 20 Old 04-05-2011, 06:21 PM
 
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DDC here too.  OMG- I used to do that all the time!  DH and I were married for 9 years before we had kids, so I had plenty of time to judge and speculate on how perfect my parenting was going to be.  DH and I always talked about how our kids would always a,b,c and how we would never x,y, or z.  It took about three days for me to realize that I didn't know anything.  That's also when I gained so much respect for all my siblings and friends who had been doing it and making it look easy and I had no idea!  

 

I had a friend on fb the other day post that people who have kids who have tantrums shouldn't take them out in public.  Should no kids go out in public?  I was fuming, but didn't respond.  I have an 18 mo, so we've definitely been dealing with our share of tantrums lately.  

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#6 of 20 Old 04-05-2011, 07:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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haha I love all these comments! Yea the worst of it is some of these people really will never go back and think "man, I was so naive" or have respect for others. They'll just keep on with their rude, annoying comments. lol. But those people are idiots anyway. And yea, when people talk about kids being loud or throwing tantrums in public I just seriously wanna say "Well I've heard over half of your conversation from all the way over here so you're not so quiet yourself" or " the tantrum you're throwing now is a good example..." or "I expect my 2 year old to throw a tantrum every once in a while... it's how I teach him what's an appropriate reaction and one that isn't.... but you're a little old to have not learned this technique yourself" lol.gif

 

I don't really let it bother me (most of the time) but I just had to laugh today because this girl and her boyfriend were so adament that they could easily parent a child who isn't a picky eater. LOL. yea right! Like they have any control of that. lol. I do agree with a PP that said we can control how we parent their picky eating, tantrums, etc. But again, are we always going to get it right? no! There will be plenty of opportunities for us to be perfect parents and plenty of times that we probably deserve to have our kids taken away from us as parents. LOL. it all balances out in the end.

 

BTW, love the comment about tv as a babysitter! lol. I used to nanny and would get irritated because the mom wouldn't allow her kids to watch any movies when I was there. Not because all I wanted to do was sit them in front of a tv with a movie but because every once in a while I should be able to tell the kids yes when they'd request one. Well, I wasn't so much mad that I couldn't show them one, I was mad that the mom saved tv time for when she was around by herself. lol. I thought it was kind of selfish. Looking back I'm like WTF are you kidding me?? TV time is MY time to get a shower, unwind for a minute, etc. and I'm not letting anyone steal this time from me. lol.


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#7 of 20 Old 04-05-2011, 07:21 PM
 
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Oh I love this, lol. I actually have had a very loved family member (no children of her own) tell me I need to loudly tell DD no, then give her a good swat to make her listen. It was so difficult to explain to her that DD isn't even 2 and forcing her to listen isn't going to work. She's not at the age where she understands things and sometimes it's easiest to re-direct her attention.

 

Before having DD I said I would never let my kids throw tantrums in public. The one time I let DD go through a tantrum in public, people were shocked that she hit me, kicked, and knocked stuff over. We were at a Thanksgiving dinner and I finally said that she's acting this way because she is hungry and dinner was supposed to be ready over an hour ago and that it wasn't her fault she was acting this way. The people without kids disagreed, but all the moms agreed and sympathized.


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#8 of 20 Old 04-06-2011, 12:10 PM
 
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I used to say this too.  Now I realize that saying this is like saying you will never let yourself get in a car accident.  You can do all in your power to prevent it, but much of it is beyond your control.  Sometimes it just happens.  Toddlers aren't exactly rational little creatures. :)

 

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Before having DD I said I would never let my kids throw tantrums in public.



 

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#9 of 20 Old 04-06-2011, 12:16 PM
 
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My bil was EXACTLY like that.  Now he calls us for advice lol.  He used to drive me nuts, telling me not just how he was going to parent, but how I should be doing it.  Of course hes SO not crunchy so there are def differences in parenting styles anyhow.  At least he calls us for advice. 


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#10 of 20 Old 04-06-2011, 12:17 PM
 
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Lurking-but I saw this and had to chime in.  My childless SIL is apparently the parenting expert.  It drives me nuts when she is constantly saying that she would never do that or her kids will never act a certain way.  Plus, she is typically offering up unsolicited advice.  Although, she thinks she's the expert on everything so it doesn't surprise me that she thinks she has the parenting gig down.


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#11 of 20 Old 04-06-2011, 12:22 PM
 
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I know the type comment.  My least favorite are the ones from parents.  I know a few "absent" parents who think they know the way...THAT gets me.  I also really love the ones who have adult children who really struggle as a result of their parenting acting like "doing things their way" is a good idea - because, you know, their kid turned out great.  Grrr!!   Come to think of it, compared to these two types, people w/o kids who just don't know any better are quite tolerable.  ;-)  But, yes, I feel your pain!!  I often tell people that we all pick our battles as parents.  


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#12 of 20 Old 04-06-2011, 01:26 PM
 
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My uncle tried to give me discipline advice regarding my 2 year old son. I was talking about how when we go grocery shopping, I try to plan  for lots of extra time and involve my son in the shopping process; letting him choose things, and taking time to explore isles that he wants to explore. My uncle told me that children should be expected to remain by their parents side and not act up, and simply be quiet and submissive until the shopping trip is over, and that he was harsh with his children if they ever did not behave that way out in public. Interesting to note that none of his adult children even speak to him at this point, and most of them have been in jail. or have addiction problems. I almost asked if he had any marraige advice for next, as he's been married and divorced 4 times, cheated on all of his wives, and been in jail for domestic violence.

 

Thanks, but I think I'll stick to my way for now.


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#13 of 20 Old 04-06-2011, 05:50 PM
 
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We really try to not let her throw them in public (distract her or take her outside). If she starts acting up, it's usually because she's bored, hungry or something else and she doesn't know how to tell us yet. She just figured out how to say eat or snack when she's hungry and it helps soooo much! There are those times when it happens though, lol, and it's not fun.

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I used to say this too.  Now I realize that saying this is like saying you will never let yourself get in a car accident.  You can do all in your power to prevent it, but much of it is beyond your control.  Sometimes it just happens.  Toddlers aren't exactly rational little creatures. :)

 



 



 


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#14 of 20 Old 04-07-2011, 12:10 PM
 
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Um, yes, we do the same.  I don't prefer to let my DS throw tantrums in public.  smile.gif

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We really try to not let her throw them in public (distract her or take her outside). If she starts acting up, it's usually because she's bored, hungry or something else and she doesn't know how to tell us yet. She just figured out how to say eat or snack when she's hungry and it helps soooo much! There are those times when it happens though, lol, and it's not fun.



 



 

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#15 of 20 Old 04-07-2011, 12:56 PM
 
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DDCC

 

A childless  friend of mine recently told me that if her parents ever gave her kids plastic toys she wouldnt let them be around her baby. Hahaha.


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#16 of 20 Old 04-07-2011, 03:10 PM
 
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Quote:
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DDCC

 

A childless  friend of mine recently told me that if her parents ever gave her kids plastic toys she wouldnt let them be around her baby. Hahaha.



I just wish our parents would stop sending toys in general...my living room is filled with them smile.gif


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#17 of 20 Old 04-07-2011, 03:37 PM
 
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Which is something a whole lot of people (nonparents and parents alike) are vastly confused about. I firmly believe that most of the "problems" people experience with kids is because they think kids are, or ought to be, rational mini-adults.

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 Toddlers aren't exactly rational little creatures. :)

 



 



 


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#18 of 20 Old 04-07-2011, 07:43 PM
 
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Which is really funny to me when I watch people who treated their toddlers like mini adults start treating their tweens like small children!
 

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Which is something a whole lot of people (nonparents and parents alike) are vastly confused about. I firmly believe that most of the "problems" people experience with kids is because they think kids are, or ought to be, rational mini-adults.



 



 

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#19 of 20 Old 04-07-2011, 08:04 PM
 
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The happiest toddler on the block outlines this point exactly..it's a great read, and really helped me understand my toddler not as a mini adult, but as a toddler, irrational, and constantly learning.
 

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Originally Posted by bleumoose View Post


Which is something a whole lot of people (nonparents and parents alike) are vastly confused about. I firmly believe that most of the "problems" people experience with kids is because they think kids are, or ought to be, rational mini-adults.



 



 


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#20 of 20 Old 04-18-2011, 12:25 PM
 
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My brother is 24. We had been VERY CLOSE up until almost 2 yrs ago when he left for college and they sucked his brain out and installed a freaking robot.
Within 2 mos of college  (he's 22 studying to be an architect, BTW, at this point) he started texting me advice on parenting i.e.; Tips on milestones my kids should have reached by now.

I got 3-4+ A DAY on my phone. I'm 34 now... and I have 6 kids (7 in a few weeks).

I know a little about milestones.

 

-" IS EMMA SITTING UP YET? SHE SHOULD BE SITTING BY NOW." he would text me.

-"YES, RICK- SHE IS SITTING AND ROLLING OVER THANKS 4 UR CONCERN."

-"HOW MANY SOUNDS IS SHE SAYING. THE RECOMMENDED MILESTONE IS 4 SOUNDS BY NOW, MORE 4 TALENTED KIDS"

-"RICK- EMMA IS DOING GREAT AND THERE ARE NO CONCERNS AND SHE IS PERFECTLY HEALTHY. :)"

-"KIDS SHOULD B GETTING GENTLE DISCIPLINE AND NOT SPANKINGS DO U SPANK HER"

-"EMMA IS ONLY 6 MOS OLD RICK- SHE IS A BABY AND BABIES THAT AGE DONT GET DISCIPLINED YET NOR WOULD I DO THAT... DO U NEED SOMETHING OR WERE U JUST WONDERING?"

-"I THOUGHT I WOULD LET U KNOW THAT IT'S DANGEROUS 2 FEED BABIES HONEY B4 1 YR IT CAN KILL THEM"

-"I KNOW ALL THIS ALREADY- NONE OF THIS IS NEW, PLEASE STOP GIVING ME PARENTING ADVICE I'VE BEEN DOING THIS 4 11 YEARS"

-"IF U DONT WANT TO BETTER URSELF WITH INFORMATION ON UR KIDS U ARE JUST KEEPING URSELF IGNORANT "

-"RICK- B4 U SEND ME ANOTHER PARENTING TEXT, GO TALK TO YOUR PSYCH PROFESSOR AND ASK HIM WHAT HE THINKS ABOUT U GIVING UR OLDER SISTER WITH 6 KIDS PARENTING ADVICE.... THEN ILL TALK TO U."

 

It got pretty nasty. He had absolutely NO CLUE that he was out of bounds. He then proceeded to write me a nasty FB letter about how my kids are the most ignorant kids he has ever met and how we have been irresponsible in how often we get pregnant especially considering there is an available Planned Parenthood down the street we could get condoms at.

Yeah.

I wanted to drive myself and my 'ignorant' kids up there and smack him a few and hope some of his common sense rolled back into his head.

 

My kids are pretty great, actually (I know I don't have to defend them) and I've been married for almost 13 years now (together for 16 in July). We arent on welfare, my husband is in advertising and Im a stay at home mom. I home school my 6th grader who is pretty DARN sharp, might I add. I can take them into public myself and they are fantastic about respecting other people's audible and physical boundaries.

 

More or less- my brother has been robotified by his university. He stopped eating meat for a while claiming they take up too many of the world's resources- and went on all these fad followings. I see him posting links to all these articles and scientific findings and then... he starts to post about how depressing psychology and humanities is and questioning if the smarter you get the more depressed you get and wondering what the rate on suicide is for geniouses.

Im pretty lucky where most people seem to recognize I have my head screwed on facing forward and my kids are well rounded. But yeah, it's the young and the childless that think they are experts.

 


 
-Jyn, Blessed mom of Abbie ('99), Gracie ('00), AngelBaby ('01), Danny ('02), Jacob ('03), Eva Bella ('06), Angel-Baby2 ('07), Emmalia ('09), Justus John Mark ('11), Jude Ellias Due 7-16-13
 

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