The most terrible thing anyone could ever say.... - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 32 Old 10-03-2010, 03:01 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi mamas. I need help...and of course...DH is such a MAN (he was upset too..just not as upset as me)....I apparently need to vent to women.

I work one or two (sometimes 3) nights a week at a local steakhouse as a server. There is a girl who causes trouble and who is on the verge of being fired, but hasn't been yet unfortunately.

Well.....in all the drama with our bosses asking us questions about what she says about others behind their backs to cause trouble, I found out something she said about me.

She told another girl, "I can't believe Tara is pregnant again. She can't afford it. I hope she looses this one too." (I've had two miscarriages this year).

*blink blink*

How the HELL am I supposed to work with this girl!?!?!?!?!

I mean this in all sincerity.....how the heck do I cope with seeing this girl and working with her. I don't even want to look at her. I am beyond upset about this comment. I don't want to work with her. I want her gone. It's inhumane to say such a horrible thing about someone. I have done nothing to this girl whatsoever. She actually treats me very nice (to my face).

I think the other thing that makes me so upset is that she has NEVER been to our home. She doesn't know if we're poor or not poor or whatever. Why would she think we're poor? We don't have our cable turned off or our heat turned off..never have. Now...we are not RICH by any means....but we are far from poor. If we were poor..you would think she would assume I would work more than I do? Instead I give my shifts to others to help them out (including her!) because I would rather be with my daughter.

I seriously don't know how to cope with being at work with her...(especially when she's so fakey nice to me it's going to make me ill). I feel sick to my stomach about it. I am normally not a very confrontational person. But her comment has crossed the line and brought out a side of myself that I only see/feel when people mess with my kid(s).

I seriously seriously need some advice. WWYD?!

Tara, mama to Addison (4/07) and brokenheart.gif 03/20/10, brokenheart.gif05/27/10, and our newest addition and  rainbow1284.gifbabygirl.gif Emerson Rae (4/27/11) uc.jpg, married to John
 
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#2 of 32 Old 10-03-2010, 03:12 PM
 
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My goodness. Miscarriage is not something I'd wish on my worst enemy! And to be so twofaced about it... that sickens me.

I know its hard but really the best thing to do is to be the bigger person.
"On the contrary: 'If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head'" --- Proverbs 12:20 NIV

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#3 of 32 Old 10-03-2010, 03:15 PM
 
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so sorry.

as awful as what she said is (and i do think it's awful), you need to not give it another thought (it's not worth the stress). consider the source. she's an ignorant moron and not worth your time.

can you just avoid her or is that impossible? you said she's on the verge of being fired? i'll keep my fingers crossed for you that she is (soon).

again, so sorry you have to deal with this nonsense.

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#4 of 32 Old 10-03-2010, 03:28 PM
 
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I would probably say something to the effect of " I know what you said and I think it was despicable." Then use all my self control to not kick her in the shins and run away...
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#5 of 32 Old 10-03-2010, 03:31 PM
 
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Oh honey, the initial shock of such an outrageous comment would probably send me straight to tears. However, then I'd have to realize how troubled and sick this girl must be. No normal person would say such a thing. I have to assume that she either has a major glitch in her brain resulting in some mental health issues, or that throughout her life she was treated in such a way that caused some mental health blip. You can't take this seriously because it did not come from a brain/heart that is functioning at capacity.

I hope you find compassion for her. I know it may sound crazy...but it's probably the only way you can get through the rest of the time you have with her.

"He drew a circle to keep me out,
A thing of scorn, a thing to flout.
But love and I had the wit to win,
We drew a circle that took him in." - Edwin Markham

I think the only answer is compassion. But, that's not to discount how hurtful her words were. Like I said, I don't think any healthy woman would wish miscarriage on another woman if in their right mind. She simply isn't in her right (healthy) mind.

I will send extra, double, major loving vibes to that little bean to stay put and keep growing to outnumber the yucky vibes sent by your co-worker!
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#6 of 32 Old 10-03-2010, 03:32 PM
 
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what a horrible thing for her to say

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#7 of 32 Old 10-03-2010, 03:44 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Dot-to-Dot View Post
I hope you find compassion for her. I know it may sound crazy...but it's probably the only way you can get through the rest of the time you have with her.


She obviously has no idea words are very powerful. Take the high road and try to let it go. It seems she has nothing better to do than hurt others. My thought is she may be hurting inside and it feels good to her to hurt others. Don't waste your energy.

'09   
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#8 of 32 Old 10-03-2010, 03:49 PM
 
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DDCC. If she actually said it, that was an awful thing to say. However, even though it's likely she did, given what you know of her, the comment is still hearsay. Given that, you have no choice but to take the high road and say nothing. And believe me, I can understand how tough that is going to be. Would it help to look at the situation as some kind of Jedi training test? Something to prove just how capable you are of not joining her on the dark side?
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#9 of 32 Old 10-03-2010, 03:52 PM
 
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If it were me...I'd go straight to the man/woman in charge and let them know what she said and how you feel about it. A comment like that could get her fired.

I'd just like to say that I have anger issues and there's no way I could stay quiet if it was me lol

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#10 of 32 Old 10-03-2010, 04:27 PM
 
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Oh honey, the initial shock of such an outrageous comment would probably send me straight to tears. However, then I'd have to realize how troubled and sick this girl must be. No normal person would say such a thing. I have to assume that she either has a major glitch in her brain resulting in some mental health issues, or that throughout her life she was treated in such a way that caused some mental health blip. You can't take this seriously because it did not come from a brain/heart that is functioning at capacity.

Hurting people hurt others. It's best to keep their toxicity out of our lives. She will get fired soon and be gone. In the meantime, I would give the comments not heed and just keep trucking. Can you not work when she does? Trade shifts or something?

((hug))
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#11 of 32 Old 10-03-2010, 05:22 PM
 
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So sorry I've been getting some upsetting comments too lately. Try to brush it off? That's all I can say.

Christian SAHM & birth doula.
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#12 of 32 Old 10-03-2010, 05:41 PM
 
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My husband prayed for me to miscarry up until a week and a half ago, thereabouts. Its really hard to look someone in the eye after that.

~Sadie fly-by-nursing1.gifintactlact.gif  guitar.gif sewmachine.gif - mom to dd 9/15/01, ds 11/12/03 {ubac}, and ds 4/29/2011, wife to Mitchell.  pos.gif coming soon in late June!
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#13 of 32 Old 10-03-2010, 05:49 PM
 
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I saw this on new posts and couldn't read and not post. I am so sorry. What a horrible thing to say.

When I left my husband, a coworker made a really insensitive comment to me about the situation- it was an abusive situation. She said it to my face. I can't repeat it here, just the thought of typing it makes me feel ill. I decided to not tell my boss, instead, I try to be strong and confident, to show her that her words can not bring me down.

I hope you have a healthy and wonderful pregnancy, Mama.

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#14 of 32 Old 10-03-2010, 05:49 PM
 
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My husband prayed for me to miscarry up until a week and a half ago, thereabouts. Its really hard to look someone in the eye after that.

Mom to angel baby, grew wings at 5 weeks in May '07, William, born Dec '08, and another angel who grew wings at 8w4d (lost at 11w) in Oct '10. Rachel born Feb 2012, Another angel Lost Sept '13. New bean due Nov '14!
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#15 of 32 Old 10-03-2010, 05:54 PM
 
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My husband prayed for me to miscarry up until a week and a half ago, thereabouts. Its really hard to look someone in the eye after that.
I am so sorry

ribbonpurple.gif  "And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more than the risk it took to blossom." Anais Nin
   
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#16 of 32 Old 10-03-2010, 08:47 PM
 
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If it were me...I'd go straight to the man/woman in charge and let them know what she said and how you feel about it. A comment like that could get her fired.

I'd just like to say that I have anger issues and there's no way I could stay quiet if it was me lol
Yeah... It sounds as if management is already on the lookout and if they hear from you how it has affected you, it might help them in making whatever decision they need to make about her. Please let them know how badly that comment hurts and how hard it is to work with her.

Gossip is strictly forbidden at my workplace. Thankfully.

Momma to DS 1, age 8 and rainbow baby DS2 4-21-11.
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#17 of 32 Old 10-03-2010, 09:02 PM
 
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how awful, I'm so sorry

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#18 of 32 Old 10-03-2010, 11:29 PM
 
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that is absolutely horrible. i'm sorry you had to go through that...praying for a healthy pregnancy for you.

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#19 of 32 Old 10-03-2010, 11:50 PM
 
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forgive me, i haven't read all the posts in this thread because the subject of the thread infuriated me to skip all of them and make my own post.

#1--there is nothing you can say or do that will change people that think/talk that way.

#2--hopefully the girl will never experience the loss of a miscarriage, but if in fact she does, she will eat her words in due time.

#3--for the sake of keeping your job, you catch more flies with honey than you do vinegar. of course, restaurant jobs are a dime a dozen and it would be no sweat for you to find another place should it come to that (i've been in food and beverage my entire working life)
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#20 of 32 Old 10-04-2010, 12:47 AM
 
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iam the type of person that would say soemthing to her, and it wouldnt be pretty and then i would hit her, and quit my job and walk out.

i would never wish a m/c on anyone.

Amanda mom to Mahmoud 7-20-06, Kareem 8-23-08, and Baby #3 due May 19th 2011
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#21 of 32 Old 10-04-2010, 01:06 AM
 
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I wonder how it would make her feel knowing you KNOW she wished your child was dead for no reason. I can't imagine the guilt she would feel. So that there makes me want to tell someone how devastated you are that she wished your child dead who has a big mouth and you know it will get back to her.

I'm so sorry. Even if you were poor that's no reason to wish your baby dead. THAT is sick
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#22 of 32 Old 10-04-2010, 08:30 AM
 
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I am a zero tolerance kind of person when it comes to this kind of trash. I would tell the manager what she said and request that I be allowed to confront the girl In the presence of the manager. I would then ask her if she said it. If she denied it, say my business is my business and I'd appreciate if she continued not to speak to anyone else about my personal life. If she admitted it, I would also say the above, but also mention that she doesn't know what she's talking about and her comment was way beyond hurtful and wrong.

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#23 of 32 Old 10-04-2010, 09:39 AM
 
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First of all consider the source. She doesn't sound like a nice person or someone whose opinion you really care about.

It's still going to hurt. I'd love to be able to confront her and let her know why what she said hurt. I'd probably be too nonconfrontational to do that though.

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#24 of 32 Old 10-04-2010, 10:43 AM
 
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That has got to be one of the meanest things that someone could say! I agree on taking the higher road on this. HUGS! Praying this baby sticks!
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#25 of 32 Old 10-04-2010, 11:33 AM
 
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I just had to come give you a that's really just beyond wrong. Sounds like she's probably a bit off and in my experience dealing with that it's better to let crazy be, you have to wash your hands of crazy.
I can't think of anything that would make the comment go away in your head, even confronting her isn't probably going to help. Even if she sincerely apologized (which I'm betting she's not going to, and she would probably just say something else nasty) it wouldn't make me feel any better in that situation.
I would however most definitely let management/hr know and tell them whatever you need to. I know that type of job it might be better to just go elsewhere but if you really like it hopefully it'll be the straw needed to send her packing. Sending you lots of peaceful thoughts to deal with that.

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#26 of 32 Old 10-04-2010, 05:37 PM
 
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I've had someone say something similar to me, and my personal way to deal with it is a more Buddhist approach. I tend to call them on it peacefully and say, sincerely, "I hope you never know the pain of losing a child, and I wish nothing but health and happiness for your family."

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#27 of 32 Old 10-04-2010, 05:38 PM
 
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^^^ That's my son.

Mom to angel baby, grew wings at 5 weeks in May '07, William, born Dec '08, and another angel who grew wings at 8w4d (lost at 11w) in Oct '10. Rachel born Feb 2012, Another angel Lost Sept '13. New bean due Nov '14!
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#28 of 32 Old 10-04-2010, 05:39 PM
 
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My husband prayed for me to miscarry up until a week and a half ago, thereabouts. Its really hard to look someone in the eye after that.
Oh my dear girl.

'09   
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#29 of 32 Old 10-04-2010, 10:51 PM
 
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First, I just wanted to send you a big huge hug.

The funny thing about words like that is that they say more about the person who says them then they do the person about whom they were said. To me, it sounds like SHE is the one who is poor, and therefore expects that anyone else that works the same job that she does must be as well. SHE couldn't afford a child, and therefore you must not be able to either. I bet she is soooo jealous of you, that somehow you manage where she cannot, that you get to have a baby and she can't. Probably doesn't make you feel any better, but that's my take on it.

More hugs to you, because there is no such thing as too many.

Melissa Andrew dd1 dd2 dd3 and
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#30 of 32 Old 10-06-2010, 11:56 AM
 
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What?! That's what this horrible woman said about you? Holy freaking cow. That's just .... beyond awful. I am so so sorry you had to endure hearing that, especially second hand.

You have every right to be hurt and furious.

That said, I have to say that being the bigger person and being compassionate is part of how I guess I'd advise you to react, but it's not all. I find it easier to let things go when I've said my piece and defended myself, at least a little bit.

I'd just tell this woman, listen, I know what you said about me. It is taking much of my self control to stand in the same room with you. I think your words are ignorant and disgusting.

Then move on. Don't engage her in any more discussion. And know that you're the better person in many ways, and that this girl is a sorry, sorry creature to lash out so cruelly to others. Don't let her words hurt you anymore, mama.

*hugs*

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