I am 14 weeks, and I have a friend at work who's 18 weeks. I ALSO have a boss who's 28 weeks. It's a baby-having time, I guess!
Unfortunately, my friend is currently really pissed at me. Here's the situation, and I'm looking for your perspectives:
She found out when I was 6 weeks. We had both been trying for a while, and I didn't ever ask her about her progress, but she is the type who was constantly asking "did you get your period yet?", etc. Well, long story short, she asked after I'd gotten a +, so I told her, on condition of not telling anyone else at work yet (I wanted to wait until 2nd tri). She then burst out that SHE was also pregnant, and was 4 weeks further along. It was a pretty happy day.
Well, fast forward to her at 13 weeks and me at 9. I asked if she was telling our boss/coworkers soon, and she said no...she is not coming back after and I think is she's worried/guilty about this and is hesitating to tell. I told her I was planning to tell at 13 weeks (2nd tri), but she was all concerned about the fact that our relatively small dept would have 3 people out (boss, her and me) and that was making her nervous, I think, about the possibility of telling last. We chatted a bit and then she said "let's not try to coordinate, let's just tell when we're ready since we have different comfort levels."
Well, I told 1 day after 13 weeks. She, of course (at 17 weeks) still hadn't told. Now she is PISSED OFF at me.
Now, I think this is unfair -- first, we specifically chatted about it and decided not to try to coordinate. But that's not even the most important thing, I think.
I think the real issue is that if she hadn't told me (unsolicited and unasked for, no matter how pleasant it was to know!), I STILL would have told at 13 weeks, before her anyway. Hell, I could have been like some people I know and told at 6 weeks! She is obviously dragging her feet, and I don't think it's my responsibility to wait until she's comfortable telling and "wait my turn."
Do you guys think I'm out of line here for telling when I planned to regardless of the fact she's further along (didn't "wait my turn"), or is she out of line for thinking I would have to wait for her so she wasn't last to tell?
Thanks ladies, I await your insight!
This Mommy and Military Daddy are loving their son.
DS born Dec 2010 Pregnant with #2, having another !
Babs + Curtis - Parents of Tempest (08/07/03 ), Jericho (11/01/05 ), Xan (10/03/06 ), Zephyra (06/02/11 ). @ babyslime.livejournal.com
Evergreen- Loving my girls Dylan age8, Ava age 4 and baby Georgia (6/3/11).
I never even thought about it, but you guys are right that her behavior can be kind of controlling -- I guess she has probably always been like that and it's likely her emotions are running high since she's getting to the point where she has to tell (and is probably worrying about that).
It's just sad because she was formerly friendly and now I go into work and face this hostility. Even though I know it's not "my fault", I am really upset about her being so upset. Argh, and I really don't need this stupid negativity during my first pregnancy.
If she's upset, she's jealous or just selfish. Don't worry about it. Continue to be friendly and respectful of her, though. And be positive about yourself and your pregnancy!
Happily married Christian SAHM of 2 boys, DD1 , and DD2 July 2013
Mama to DD 2.18.03, DS 3.18.06, DD 5.7.11
Sometimes it's hard to realize when you're dealing with your shit or someone else's... this is clearly issues coming up with her.
If you're really wanting to salvage things you could try some good communication techniques away from work...
When you ________ It makes me feel ________ maybe in the future you could _________.
Maybe this will show her how vulnerable/attacked you feel and you could express this in terms of missing her friendship.
But if you're not really missing the friendship I'd not go digging because even when you are in control and are communicating openly you can never predict what the other person will do.
Becky, sahm to 25/04/2000 Chloe 12/04/2002 Cameron 19/02/2004 Caitlin 28/06/2005 24/07/2006 and Caden 14/03/2008
19.05.2012 18.08.2012 24.05.2013 25.6.2013 04.09.2014
She is almost halfway, how long is she planning to wait. I think you waited long enough and I dont understand why she cares when you told. Its not like you stole her thunder or anything, theres already another woman pg too. Plus, she SAID not to coordinate, how were you supposed to know that she actually meant "dont tell till after I do"?
Holly and David
Adaline (3/20/10), and Charlie (1/26/12- 4/10/12) and our identical twins Callie and Wendy (01/04/13)
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