baby showers! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 9 Old 03-10-2011, 07:24 AM - Thread Starter
 
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So, at the beginning of the year, I had no plans for a baby shower(I don't really NEED much) so it wasn't a big deal, but then my mom asked me if anyone was throwing me one yet, and I said no, so she and my sister are throwing me a shower at MIL's house at the end of the month. I'm excited about it and I don't feel bad having family throw me a shower especially when there's very little that I need. It's more about celebrating the fact that I'll have a baby girl. The first on my side of the family in 10 years. I have a wish list on amazon of things I'd like to have, but if I don't get any of it, I'm not going to be in trouble at all..Here's the kicker. I have a mommy playgroup that wants to throw me a shower(the leader specifically said no presents are necessary, it's just going to be a mom's night out with the mom-to-be) so I don't feel bad about this one either. Even though I know there will be some presents, it's not going to be the main focus of the night. Last night I was talking to a friend of mine through church who wants to throw me a shower too. I said, well I appreciate it. I don't really need anything, but it would be fun to hang out with all the girls and celebrate this new life. She said "oh well, you know it would probably just be a few blankets and some clothes or something." I really want to make it sound like "please don't bring presents" because I don't want people to feel obligated(not to mention I'd probably end up getting a lot of what I don't need instead of the things I really want on my wish list, that people proabably wouldn't want to buy, like a diaper sprayer and breast pump parts, lol)

 

Is there a nice way to say this without sounding ungrateful for all the people in my life that want to share in this special occasion? If there's another board I can post this to, please let me know.


DH(9/04) DS(12/08) and DD(5/11)

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#2 of 9 Old 03-10-2011, 08:44 AM
 
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I don't think there is anything wrong with mentioning to your church friend that instead of a traditional registry you are using an amazon wish list. People who care enough about you to get you a present are going to care enough to want to get you what you need and not something that you won't use. And if you don't feel comfortable with saying that you can always mention that your are really excited to see everyone but that gifts aren't needed.

Communication is key. You can't get what you want/need if you don't tell anyone what that is.

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#3 of 9 Old 03-10-2011, 09:03 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SallyNichole View Post

I don't think there is anything wrong with mentioning to your church friend that instead of a traditional registry you are using an amazon wish list. People who care enough about you to get you a present are going to care enough to want to get you what you need and not something that you won't use. And if you don't feel comfortable with saying that you can always mention that your are really excited to see everyone but that gifts aren't needed.

Communication is key. You can't get what you want/need if you don't tell anyone what that is.


I agree.  Maybe let your family know about your amazon list and tell your church that presents aren't needed.  Another idea is to ask people to bring baby items to donate to a local charity in lieu of gifts and then deliver it all to a local woman's shelter or pregnancy crisis center.  I've also heard that instead of gifts asking guests to bring a frozen meal for mom or having guests sign up to make meals to be delivered to your house for the first month.
 

 

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#4 of 9 Old 03-10-2011, 05:21 PM
 
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Yeah, I'd just donate anything you don't want to a shelter or pregnancy center. That's what I'll be doing. Though I have to admit, I'm excited about my showers! I have four shy.gif being planned for me. One family, one church, one work, and DH's youth group that he leads wants to throw one for me. 


Mama to learning.gifJulian Matthew, born 5/10/2011 nocirc.gif  

Hopeful vbac.gif for the next!

 

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#5 of 9 Old 03-10-2011, 08:25 PM
 
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I had this eloquently worded response about how I'm kind of in the same boat....  but then a cat sat on my computer and strange windows kept opening and closing and crashing and.. *sigh* par for the course around here, I suppose. 

 

Okay, ready for a shower/registry rant?

 

I personally don't want a shower (hate the games, don't like the attention focused on me, don't have many female friends, etc)... my half sister says she's going to throw me one even though she knows I don't want it eyesroll.gif (and who the heck is she going to invite? her mother, her mother-in-law, her sister-in-law?) - she thinks she knows better on EVERYthing because she's 16.5 years older and has had lots of friends who've had babies (but doesn't have any kids herself)

Overall, she's nowhere near on the same page as I am when it comes to kids - she thinks cloth diapers are disgusting (she claims that she'll slap a 'sposie on the kid whenever it comes to visit her - DP and I are a. wondering when the kid's going to visit her without us, and b. thinking that if the kid's anything like us, s/he'll rip that sposie right off and pout/cry. hehehe), doesn't know I'm planning a homebirth (but would probably feign concern for my safety if she did...),  I could see her buying us a stroller even though we despise strollers... this type of thing.

 

DP insists that I can turn this forced shower into something good by communicating to my sister that it's HER job to make sure people shop from the registry and ONLY the registry (he doesn't understand that this is considered poor etiquette and EXTREMELY rude in some circles, plus you'll ALWAYS get stuff that's not on the registry, no matter what)...  and explaining that we've just spent nearly a year decluttering our apartment and getting rid of "junk" that well-meaning friends/relatives/strangers have given to us, and we're really only looking to bring essentials into our living space.

I say fat chance, people will likely give us all kinds of plastic stuff we don't want, saying we "need" it... (the stuff we NEED, I can't really imagine people buying for us... who's going to spend $300+ on a medela breast pump or $100 on an ergo baby carrier or... most of the stuff on my registry is not cheap, and I don't really mind buying it myself.) 

which brings on this whole other issue of "it's the thought that counts".... except it kind of isn't... if they were thinking, they'd buy us stuff they knew we wanted, since the LAST thing I want to do at 8/9months preggo (or toting a newborn, for that matter) is try to return stuff I don't want and/or find a place to donate it, AND still have to purchase the $h!t I actually NEED. *breathe breathe breathe*

 

okay, done ranting....

 

I personally (in my situation) don't see a way to avoid the junk without avoiding showers all together (which is fine by me! mischievous.gif) but doesn't solve the OP's problem of wanting to see friends - I think in that case, I'd just make it clear that you have limited room and everything you need, you just want their company and "no gifts PLEASE"

something well worded like "the only gift that is desired is your company" :)

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#6 of 9 Old 03-10-2011, 08:45 PM
 
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I really agree that communicating honestly that you're more interested in some fun with the women than gifts is probably the way to go... maybe a twist on the donations idea, see if the woman arranging the shower would consider not only the "no gifts PLEASE" but also "If you're inclined to give, please donate - diapers, clothes, bottles, blankets, whatever - to This That and The Other Thing Charity in your Baby Girl's Name, Thank you so much"? That way, you don't have to organize the donations on top of everything else you're doing these days? Or not necessarily specify any shelter or charity, just make that donation suggestion? They could let you know or not?

 

Just a thought.

 

We just moved too far away from my friends and family, and while this is my third baby, we got rid of all of our baby stuff years ago (mainly hoping that would trigger a new pg, lol) and we have SO little! I kind of wish I'd stayed closer to home long enough to get some stuff. duck.gif But you guys are right... it wouldn't have been the stuff we want or actually need. One girlfriend gave me an enormous box of cloth diapers, and seriously, it was like a diaper shower in a box - they're awesome and there's probably enough to last for the first six months at least, and THEN she told me she no-kidding-does-not-want-them-back. Sell them to buy the next bigger sizes...joy.gif So really, that in itself is probably worth two showers with less-like-minded-mamas! I shouldn't whine! I am kind of hoping someone will suggest a "web shower"... but then again, like y'all said, who's going to buy me an Ergo or a breast pump?


It's such a relief to finally trust yourself.
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#7 of 9 Old 03-10-2011, 09:32 PM
 
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I hear ya! 

 

I recommend heading your guests off at the pass & telling them how you're feeling directly rather than leaving it up to your SIL. Then on the day of the shower you'll know you tried your best to create the experience you were hoping for. Then just go with the insanity. :) 

After the shower regift, regift, regift to free yourself of the clutter. If people really believe it's the thought that counts then they'll understand that you've kept the idea of their generosity without the baggage of unwanted stuff cluttering up your space. 

 

Best of luck! 

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#8 of 9 Old 03-10-2011, 10:02 PM
 
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I completely forgot about a shower for me until a friend told me she was throwing one.  It was a nice surprise but then I got all anxious about it.  I day in the spot light for being "knocked up"!  I started to worry.  I know I personally just feel blessed and grateful for this baby so I went with lets be excited to celebrate this.  My friends mom is a great cook and I'm stoked for the food... And the presents.  I have pretty much flat out been telling people if you want to get me a present get me a diaper!!  I registered at the local diaper shop.... fingers crossed.  

 

Totally smile and say thank you and donate your items you receive and don't want!

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#9 of 9 Old 07-14-2011, 11:30 PM
 
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No, I am not big on the whole, matching custom invitations, themed decorations, and food that fits in with the decorations and invitations.  However, people feel compelled to give gifts - with I am all for!  If somebody would like to give gifts, have at it.  Baby showers are a nice way of allowing everybody to give gifts all at one time, and get it over with!

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