Having a pity party -- in-laws' tradition is to pretend I'm not PG - Mothering Forums

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Old 03-18-2011, 02:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Anyone else experiencing a culture clash with having your baby?

Hubby's family is from a different culture, and they have some weird superstitions about celebrating things that haven't happened yet. We aren't having a baby shower because of this (although we plan a little Baby Party afterward).

I should mention it's the first baby on both sides of our family, so you'd think there would be a little anticipation!

Sometimes they ask about me through him, but they treat me more like I have a medical condition ... no mention of babies or new family members or anything like that.

At the holidays they made toasts to everything under the sun (tradition, again) but not the baby. Didn't even acknowledge that my belly was sticking out over the table cloth.

I think what I'm really worried about is whether they plan to be involved with the baby at all, or  if they think it's like we're getting a puppy and it doesn't really concern them ... which I know isn't fair, because I think they will be involved ... but I don't have any evidence of that yet!

Come to think of it, my own (American) family isn't that engaged either ... the only people who regularly ask how I am doing are my mother and my husband (both of whom are awesome).

Is it possible that pregnancy is just really uninteresting to other people?

Sigh ... (whining feels better, I must admit!)

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Old 03-18-2011, 03:18 PM
 
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if it is a cultural thing (their reason for not getting excited or involved before baby arrives) i would say there's no reason to believe they won't be extremely excited and very involved once baby does arrive.  especially since this will be the first grandchild. 

 

i gotta say, i didn't really care about people having babies (even people in my own family) until i had one myself.  now i get it.

 

i'm sure you (and your dh and your mom) have plenty of excitement to go around.  enjoy that and forget about the rest for now. 

 

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Old 03-18-2011, 03:23 PM
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well, not clashing so much because we come from the same culture but it's also our tradition not to make much of pregnancy either. yeah, it's a superstition thing kinda (avoiding the "evil eye.") so i do understand it more. we don't prepare at all beforehand, we don't have baby showers, try not to buy anything for the baby, etc etc... (i sometimes violate the "rule" and buy for the "gift closet." :) )

we don't even say "congratulations" on a pregnancy, we say "b'sha'ah tova" ( i know i spelled that wrong) which means "that it sound be in the right time."

but it's all because they really care about your health and the health of the baby that they are doing it. if they didn't worry then they wouldn't be ignoring it. just try to keep in mind that their superstitions are really about how much they care for you and the baby....might be hard, i know.

anyway, i personally think alot of it is very logical as well. i mean, i can;t even imagine if, g-d forbid, something happened to the baby and you had to come home to a fully decorated nursery and a closet of baby clothes.

and it might just be me but i would love it if nobody asked how i was doing etc etc.... i dunno, it just makes me feel like some kind of invalid to have people treating me not like myself but a walking incubator. i've been totally known to snap at people....oops! heck, i don't even tell anyone my due date because i hate the questions. but that's not part of the cultural thing, that's just my own issues.


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Old 03-18-2011, 03:51 PM
 
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With it being cultural, I wouldn't think anything of it. At all. Seriously, and I really should listen to myself, but don't worry about things until they're happening. With it being your first baby, they may turn into the hyper-excited overly-shopping grandparents that you'll be complaining about buying tons of clothes, toys etc. in our LWAB thread! My MIL is very... unexciting. It's not that she's excited, she's just very muted. I think it's partly because my mom's such a spaz about it, and she's doesn't show her emotions much. (She's also super busy dealing with a sick, overbearing, alcoholic husband, bipolar, demanding, brat of an adult daughter and her son). I don't let her excitement or non-excitement bother me, even though my mother gets highly offended when MIL doesn't get excited.

 

We'll be excited for you :D I am so stinking excited for all of us!! It's so close!!!!!


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Old 03-20-2011, 12:01 PM
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oh also, seeing that we don't do showers either we had always planned to do a baby party afterwards too. fact is, i just got lazy and never did it, maybe i'll do it with this one! regardless of tradition and culture i think a party like that could be way more fun anyway than a shower where everybody just stares at you while you open gifts. blah!


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