Baby name frustration - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 22 Old 03-29-2011, 09:23 AM - Thread Starter
 
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DH is Persian and wants to use a Persian names for the baby.  We chose a boy and girl name a while ago but when I mentioned the girl name today he claimed that no, he no longer likes it.  UGH!    Has anyone had their spouse change their mind on baby name this close to the end of pregnancy?  I don't have a problem, per say, with him changing his mind but the new suggestions for girl names are all unacceptable to me because they are just an utter mouthfull for an American/ English speaking person.  I like a name that is linked to DH's culture but not at the expense of the child hating their name and no one in my family, the child's school or any other place- being able to pronouce her name.  I just am frustrated because I already spent endless hours around 17 weeks preggo to come up with the girl name and have him agree.

 

Anyone else had to have this battle?  I feel like I have to stand up for my child as DH doesn't get it.  DH often complains how people in all kinds of places can't pronouce his name.... and his is not that difficult.... so I would think he would "get it".

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#2 of 22 Old 03-29-2011, 09:30 AM
 
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If you intend for you children to grow up here.. I'd give them names that are not so difficult for us Americans to say/spell.

I just looked at list of Persian girl names for you and spotted

Ava
Deena
Mina
Salome
Niki
Mona

Those are probably all fine.

What names was he favoring?
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#3 of 22 Old 03-29-2011, 09:40 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I'll have to ask him to send them to me. Problem is that I will go to various sites and come up with names like you have above and he'll nix them saying they are not "real" Persian names.  A few names he suggested: Afshan and Setareh.  I could pronounce them but they definitely are not names that I feel any connection with or feel like they would be easy to carry around in the US for a lifetime. kwim?

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#4 of 22 Old 03-29-2011, 09:57 AM
 
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Those are pretty bad. Sorry. Could you try to explain to him the bias we average Americans get when we look at something on paper that we know we can't pronounce correctly? Have him consider your children's future in a chaotic job market. Folks like names that they can "trust" on some level. They also choose politicians and doctors sometimes based on a name. I know it sucks, but its the truth. My hubby is often drafted to help interview folks at his job because he's friendly and talkative. He tells me the weird name applications have to have something extra special going on in their resume if they even want to get an interview at his company.

Maybe focus on a name that can have a regular sounding nickname?
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#5 of 22 Old 03-29-2011, 10:16 AM
 
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Karen I know what you are going through, throughout my whole pregnancy, both DH and I can't agree on anything and I only have 7 weeks left. If I am having a girl I would like to name her Ava Elizabeth and if it's a boy I would like to name him Alessio. My DH would like to be traditional and name the boy after his father which is Antonio. (we are italian). I have nothing against that name however I have tons of Antonio's(cousin's and uncle's) on both my mother and father side of the family and I do not want to add my kid to that list. I am not even willing to give it to my kid as a second name as I have to continue the tradition with my second kid and I can't see why I can't just give my child a whole new identity. As for a girl name hes making me even more frustrated and telling me that he doesn't care for that name but he has no other suggestions. GRRRR this is so frustrating!

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#6 of 22 Old 03-29-2011, 11:08 AM
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we name in either hebrew or yiddish and while most families i know could care less about if the names jive in the outside world....i kinda do (names with that "ch" are usually off the table.) while it's possible for us to remain fairly isolated in our communities i do want my kids to feel like they can do anything they want when they are older and a very difficult name wouldn't make it all that easy. plus, we do have family on my side that isn't involved in the way that we are and i feel like a "hard" name would alienate them a bit...theoretically.

i have hopes that these things work themselves out. we don't officially pick a name until after the birth but i do have a list and favorites. with dd the name kind of clicked with us a couple days before she was born...so there is still hope and time!


Reluctant 'Sconie, chassid and mama to sweet toughie Ada Bluma 9/9/09 and loving pittie-mix ("Judge the deed, not the breed!")
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#7 of 22 Old 03-29-2011, 11:32 AM
 
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So been there, done that!  Our second was supposed to be Seamus is he was a boy, we were pretty certain (or so I thought).  When we called my parents and BFF after the birth, we told them we were pretty sure he would be Seamus.  Then later that the morning, DH did a 180 and said he wasn't big on Seamus, what about Declan instead?  By mid-afternoon he had me thinking of the baby as Declan, so the name stuck.  But let me tell you, I was irked that morning when he pulled the rug out from under me!

 

I've found him impossible on names this time around, he kinda just shrugs every time I bring it up and says he's not sure he still likes our stand-by girl name.  I brought  it up again over the weekend and got a similar response, so I said "We're 5 weeks away, I feel like we should at least have some ideas we agree on".  Bang, right then and there he agreed to a girl and a boy name.  So there's hope for you yet, I think.   

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#8 of 22 Old 03-29-2011, 11:46 AM
 
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Oh yes...just last night I suggested a middle name that DH didn't like a few months ago and now it's the greatest name ever;)  FWIW, we're still figuring our names out and we only have 5 weeks left.  (((hugs)))


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#9 of 22 Old 03-29-2011, 02:02 PM
 
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We kept having fights over middle names. We were almost just not going to give him a middle name, but my battleax of a mother (see other thread--I really do love my mom, don't get me wrong. I just would rather not be anywhere near her right now) was saying she was going to call him N.M.I. (no middle initial) and I told him if he didn't pick a middle name I was going to have a breakdown between the two of them. We eventually agreed on Morgan, her biological family's last name. He wasn't excited about it at first, but accepted it. Good luck! And hey, you could just hope for a boy! LOL!


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#10 of 22 Old 03-29-2011, 03:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks to everyone for the support.  I would think that DH would understand the frustration of a very foreign name.  He works as a support engineer in IT and will sometimes have to take a call for government and it requires the support tech be on US soil and an American citizen.  Invariably, they see his first name "Shahin" and assume he is not a US citizen.  He tells me time and again how this bothers him.  I'm going to back off the subject for a day or so and hope he calms down and maybe just send him an email with a list of alternate names and some examples.  It sounds impersonal but he gets so offended when we discuss that we never get anywhere.

 

I would love for this baby to be a boy... except that I don't want to deal with the circ issue.  I am against and he is for- because he was raised in an Islamic country and it is part of his culture.  I've battled on that point but won't bring that up here.

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#11 of 22 Old 03-29-2011, 05:41 PM
 
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Gosh certainly an example of what might be easier about going about this pregnancy and baby raising solo style!  

 

I think laying off it for a bit is a really good idea.  In my experience the mamas ultimately have the say in all things baby.  Maybe this is just my world! But even in my horrifically controlling marriage to my son's papa it was ultimately me who had the final say on all things baby.  I think I was able to do this by letting papa think some of the things were his idea!  So maybe try something like "oh remember when you suggested 'Mary'? I think that is just beautiful!!"

 

Also I think Setareh is pretty! Not to be unsupportive of what your saying I just really do like it.  Is it pronounced seh-tara?  I just see a very beautiful strong woman with this name!  

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#12 of 22 Old 03-29-2011, 07:43 PM
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Quote:

 

I would love for this baby to be a boy... except that I don't want to deal with the circ issue.  I am against and he is for- because he was raised in an Islamic country and it is part of his culture.  I've battled on that point but won't bring that up here.



funny how we're part of two kind of um.....oppositional cultures....your dh being muslim and us being jewish....but we are having the same issues! my dh is also terrified it would be a boy because of the circ issue. it's really not up for debate based on our strong involvement in religion but if he had the choice he wouldn't do it (and please, nobody here tell us that we do have a choice, i know we have free will but we are observant jews so it's not really up for debate.....just offering support.)


Reluctant 'Sconie, chassid and mama to sweet toughie Ada Bluma 9/9/09 and loving pittie-mix ("Judge the deed, not the breed!")
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#13 of 22 Old 03-30-2011, 06:41 AM - Thread Starter
 
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tzs- To be honest, DH caves on most other demands I have made with out babes- delayed/selective vaxing, exclusive BF'ing and home birth.  He understands the reasoning behind it but for this issue it runs into a deep cultural/religious area - and this is one where I have to give in. 

 

I made up a list of girl names from an Iranian baby names site.  Now... some say Arabic origin ... so not sure they will fly with DH but I thought they were pretty

 

Ara
Azita

Mariam
Mina
Nadia
Shari
Sheeva
Tara
Zari

 

We'll see what DH has to say with this list.  My favorite is probably Tara or Zari.  Any one of them would be pretty and not completely stand out.

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#14 of 22 Old 03-30-2011, 10:46 AM
 
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Those are all lovely, KarenMT!  I hope he likes some of them (or at least one!).  Would Setareh be similar to Sitara?  Here in Canada there is an actress on a popular TV show (Little Mosque on the Prairie :P) whose name is Sitara.  Also a lovely name :)  If it's similar origin, it might be easier for people to guess on pronunciation while still have the same/close sound to the name your DH likes.  Just a thought :)

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#15 of 22 Old 03-30-2011, 12:10 PM
 
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Okay, this is probably a little sketchy, but I'm just gonna throw it out there. My aunt and uncle went through something similar with being unable to agree on names for the baby. After the baby arrived, when my aunt and uncle were holding their little one for the first time, my aunt murmured the name she wanted for the baby and there was just no way my uncle could refuse her. Not after watching her accomplish the feat of labor. :)

 

They joke now that my aunt had it aaallll planned out to get her way. Hahaha of course she probably didn't. But I agree with a previous poster- mamas tend to get their way in these matters.


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#16 of 22 Old 03-30-2011, 12:39 PM
 
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I'm glad people are agreeing that most Mama's do tend to get their way in these matters.  I was feeling a little weird in my post!!

 

I love Nadia too!

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#17 of 22 Old 03-30-2011, 01:06 PM
 
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Those names are beautiful, KarenMT!


 DD1 (8yrs) + DD2 (6yrs) + DS1 (4/25/11) = one crazy adventure!
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#18 of 22 Old 03-30-2011, 06:41 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Yes, I guess that if I did choose the name at the hospital and DH was in the glow of being a Daddy again he'd be much more willing to cooperate.  Setareh or Sitara is sort of growing on me.... who knows.  I emailed him my list but we were passing shadows tonight- had to run to the pharmacy when he came in to get DD2 some abx- poor thing has a bad sinus and dbl ear infection.  When I got home he was bathing the girls and I was about to start books.... then he took off to play hockey.  I didn't want to start a tiff right now... Maybe we just bring the list of baby names to the hospital and see which one fits the child.  I know that's what a lot of people do.

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#19 of 22 Old 03-31-2011, 03:34 PM
 
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just to throw this out there tzs, there are at least 2 organizations I know of that are practicing, religious, Jews against circ.  Google "jews against circumcision" or "rabbi against circumcision" and you are sure to find likeminded jews - they are certainly out there, living in jewish communities and refusing to follow this practice.

 

sorry to be a thread stealer.  my husband wanted to name our second son "Beauregard" or "Calhoun".  I cringe.  We have a beautiful baby Beau :) ....

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#20 of 22 Old 04-01-2011, 07:27 AM
 
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My dad really wanted to name me Svetlana...  I did not end up with that name, my mom nixed it.  :)

 

That being said, can you find a traditional persian name that could have a more american sounding nickname?  For instance, Setareh could be Tara?  (I actually kind of like the alternate spelling you posted... Sitar).

 

Best of luck... name picking is NOT easy!

 

 


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#21 of 22 Old 04-01-2011, 08:22 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Now that things have cooled down a bit the topic came up.  First DH said he liked some of the names on my list but they weren't all "true" Persian names... okay... I didn't say anything.  I very calmly said, would you like to bring the list I have with a few of your favorites to the hospital and if it's a girl we can just choose a name that seems to fit the babe?  DH said that he'd like to choose it beforehand.  He told me a few he likes on the list and I told him my faves and we left it at that.  I figure that if I keep making an issue out of this we'll never have a name and I'm just going to print the list of names and stick them in my hospital bag unless he initiates making a solid decision.

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#22 of 22 Old 04-01-2011, 11:13 AM
 
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Was Seterah one that he liked? I just love that one!!  Even though I think I spelled it wrong!

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