anyone sure that this baby is the last? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 31 Old 06-13-2011, 12:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
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and how do you feel about that?

 

dh definitely wants to stop at two.  i'm thrilled with our two and realize we probably should stop now (for a variety of reasons), but it also makes me kinda sad.

 

just wondering how others who have decided that this is their last (or who are considering it) are feeling.  or is it just to early to think about this?


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#2 of 31 Old 06-13-2011, 03:55 PM
 
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I've been wondering about this too.  Do people really know when they're done?  This is the first time I kinda feel done, but mostly it's because 4 is a lot of kids to handle and during the noisy chaotic moments I think I don't want any more.  Also we love to travel a lot and I'd like to travel abroad.  Both the expense and having more little ones will hold us back some.  Also I'm 38 1/2 and blessed to have 4 healthy children, I don't want to be greedy or tempt fate.  BUT as I hold this sweet baby, I can't imagine she's my last!

 

So my head says I'm done.  My heart says there's room for more.  My husband is fine with either way.  Let's just say I'm not dropping my maternity insurance.


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#3 of 31 Old 06-13-2011, 04:13 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:

Originally Posted by jr'smom View Post

Also I'm 38 1/2 and blessed to have 4 healthy children, I don't want to be greedy or tempt fate.  BUT as I hold this sweet baby, I can't imagine she's my last!

 

So my head says I'm done.  My heart says there's room for more. 


this exactly (more or less). 

 

i'm 39 and feel blessed to have two healthy children.  i'm quite happy with our family of four (and am sure i always will be), but it's hard to imagine not having more (or never being pregnant again).

 


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#4 of 31 Old 06-13-2011, 06:01 PM
 
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i think we were under agreement that 2 was our limit, but i don't think either of us are done now that we have zao :)

we do want to adopt or foster, but i kind of really badly want just ONE MORE BABY in like 5 years. 
and then adopt down the road. 


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#5 of 31 Old 06-13-2011, 06:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by ryleeee View Post

i think we were under agreement that 2 was our limit, but i don't think either of us are done now that we have zao :)
 


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i would love to foster (have always wanted to), but haven't convinced dh yet.

 


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#6 of 31 Old 06-13-2011, 06:40 PM
 
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I thought I was done after #1 (even though I'd wanted a ton of kids before).  I'd had a rough pregnancy and wasn't going to repeat it. Dh wasn't done though and so I've repeated it two more times.  Because of the large age gap, we do want one more....but goodness I had no idea it cost so much to add a newborn to our insurance so now I'm just not sure again...

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#7 of 31 Old 06-13-2011, 06:51 PM
 
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We are done.  I feel very fine with it, although I think when Aibhlinn hits, like, 2 years old I will be feeling the itch again.  But at that point I'll be 39 and will have been at home without an income for 6 years, I am going to also be getting pretty anxious to get back to work and pay off the debt we've accumulated!  Not to mention I am pretty sure having 3 running around will reinforce the "we're stopping at 3" idea. 

 

It's moot for me anyway because DH is done, done, done.  He would have been fine stopping at 2 but he's a pretty agreeable guy and was willing to go to three.  He would not be so willing to go to a fourth, I don't think...he is planning to have a vasectomy in the near future.

 

samstress, I would never have guessed you were 39!  I assumed you were in your 20's based on your photos.  :)

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#8 of 31 Old 06-13-2011, 07:20 PM
 
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I think we are done.

 

It still makes me a tinge sad, but my hands and my heart are full with 4 boys. 

 

And my body is worn out.. done.. does NOT like pregnancy.. I love being pregnant and giving birth.. but my chronic health issues are almost bad enough to wonder if I'd be disabled if I keep 'pushing it' and having more.  It will take me a long time to recover from this one as it is.

 

My DH is researching vasectomies..


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#9 of 31 Old 06-13-2011, 09:44 PM
 
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We're about 95% sure we're done.  I don't feel like our family is incomplete - quite the opposite, actually.  I just can't believe that I'll never be pregnant again, or have a squishy newborn again.  I'm just trying to enjoy Dylan as much as I can, and move on to the next stage of our family life.  :)  The plan is for me to get a Mirena at my 6 week PP visit, then if we go the 5 years without wanting another, DH will get snipped.  


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#10 of 31 Old 06-14-2011, 04:55 AM
 
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we are done - though it does make me a bit sad. I have super easy pregnancies, and now easier births (after the first!) I thought we were only going to have one, DH is an only child and was only wanting one, so convincing him for two was enough of a stretch for me smile.gif And we debated a lot about the second - tempting fate, I'm getting older, etc., that would be an even harder argument for a third I think. Plus, we don't have a huge house, I work FT and DH is the one kind of putting his career on a slight hold to be home with our kids until 15mos (then they start a local school) and no way would he want to hold off on more work for another stretch of time. Ill be 35 in October, I do feel at peace with the decision, but Ill admit I wish I had taken a bit more time at the end of the pregnancy to really enjoy it - Marina came a bit earlier than I expected and I was too excited to meet her to remember to really appreciate the last days of my last pregnancy greensad.gif plus, the second pregnancy just went by so much faster in general!



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#11 of 31 Old 06-14-2011, 06:59 AM
 
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I didn't take time to appreciate my last pregnancy either, at least not at the end...I do think I revelled in it up to a point, but by the end I was happily saying this was the. last. one. period.  :P  We took way more belly pics this time, I am very glad we did that. I feel sad that I won't feel a baby kicking inside me anymore, but beyond that I don't think I'll miss much about being pregnant ;)

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#12 of 31 Old 06-14-2011, 07:08 AM
 
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I thought I was done at 2. But, hubby kinda urged me to "trust God" and I was pregnant right away. I'm happy he did though as I'm so happy to have a little girl now. But, I honestly feel really done. I really don't want to go through pregnancy or birth again as they are really hard things! And I feel like I'm at a comfortable amount of kids to take care of at the moment. I can't really imagine taking care of more. I'll be homeschooling soon as well so my hands will be full. I am still young at only 25 though, so there are no guarantees and our only form of BC will be barrier method so, there's always the chance. So, though I don't plan on having any more, who knows.


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#13 of 31 Old 06-14-2011, 08:50 AM
 
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This was our third, but not our last. We don't have a set limit, and we're just taking everything one child at a time. I'm only 27, so I feel like I still have quite a few child-bearing years ahead of me. It's funny, during and after the births of my first two, I thought "Never again! I'm not doing natural childbirth again!" And during this last labor, which was the hardest of the 3, I kept thinking, "I can't believe I'm going to be doing this again a few times over." Ha! DH and I are on the same page, so I'm really grateful for that. Miss Louisa's presence in our home makes me want to have a million more babies. (Okay, not a million, but maybe one or two or three more. LOL!)


 
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#14 of 31 Old 06-14-2011, 11:50 AM
 
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Well, I have two girls now, and intellectually (and financially) I think we should probably stop here--DH and I have discussed big plans for both of us, at some point within the next five years, going back to school, moving, and getting different jobs (though not necessarily in that order).  Realistically, another baby would put a big kink in that plan--it's hard enough now with both of us working full time.  Also, the baby stage is hard for me--don't get me wrong; I love my new little one enormously but I had forgotten how stressful the colic is--DD1 screamed for eight months and this one seems a little more comfortable in her own skin, but she still fusses most of the day when not sleeping or eating.  In one way it would be a relief to be "done," but when i think about never being pregnant, giving birth, or watching another one grow after this one, I get really sad!  I have great pregnancies and births, and finally got the homebirth of my dreams with DD2.  So, I can't say for sure that this is the last one, and I know I don't have to make that decision now, but for some reason it keeps haunting me . .  we'll see.

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#15 of 31 Old 06-15-2011, 01:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
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glad to know that i'm not the only one feeling sad at the prospect of having no more kids (or who is conflicted about it right now).


     Quote:

Originally Posted by bluepetals View Post

samstress, I would never have guessed you were 39!  I assumed you were in your 20's based on your photos.  :)


well, you're my new best friend. smile.gif

 

i feel like it's kind of moot for me too, because my dh is done as well.  it's not that he wouldn't like more children, it's just that he thinks it would be completely irresponsible given our current financial situation. 
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by sonshine_rae View Post

My DH is researching vasectomies..

 

i've told dh that his getting a vasectomy would be easier than the equivalent for me.  he's a bit nervous about it, but will do it.  it just seems so permanent.  and i'd rather not use any hormonal birth control.
 

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Originally Posted by LacieD View Post

We're about 95% sure we're done.  I don't feel like our family is incomplete - quite the opposite, actually.  I just can't believe that I'll never be pregnant again, or have a squishy newborn again.  I'm just trying to enjoy Dylan as much as I can, and move on to the next stage of our family life.  :)


exactly!

 

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Originally Posted by seafox View Post
Marina came a bit earlier than I expected and I was too excited to meet her to remember to really appreciate the last days of my last pregnancy greensad.gif plus, the second pregnancy just went by so much faster in general!


i knew there was a strong possibility that this would be our last, so i really tried to enjoy this pregnancy (even with all the discomforts).  and i certainly had plenty of time to enjoy it (ds was two weeks late).
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by bluepetals View Post

I feel sad that I won't feel a baby kicking inside me anymore, but beyond that I don't think I'll miss much about being pregnant ;)


i'll definitely miss this too.  i probably tend to romanticize the whole thing.  forgetting what i didn't love about it. 

 

i should probably just focus on the family i have and enjoy them (not that i don't) and accept that the childbearing years are behind me.  i imagine in time it will get easier.

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by dayiscoming2006 View Post

I thought I was done at 2. But, hubby kinda urged me to "trust God" and I was pregnant right away. I'm happy he did though as I'm so happy to have a little girl now. But, I honestly feel really done. I really don't want to go through pregnancy or birth again as they are really hard things! And I feel like I'm at a comfortable amount of kids to take care of at the moment. I can't really imagine taking care of more. I'll be homeschooling soon as well so my hands will be full. I am still young at only 25 though, so there are no guarantees and our only form of BC will be barrier method so, there's always the chance. So, though I don't plan on having any more, who knows.

 

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Originally Posted by lava mama View Post

This was our third, but not our last. We don't have a set limit, and we're just taking everything one child at a time. I'm only 27, so I feel like I still have quite a few child-bearing years ahead of me. It's funny, during and after the births of my first two, I thought "Never again! I'm not doing natural childbirth again!" And during this last labor, which was the hardest of the 3, I kept thinking, "I can't believe I'm going to be doing this again a few times over." Ha! DH and I are on the same page, so I'm really grateful for that. Miss Louisa's presence in our home makes me want to have a million more babies. (Okay, not a million, but maybe one or two or three more. LOL!)


you're both still young and i know that if i was 25 or 27 i definitely would be unsure about being done.  whatever i may be feeling now might change in five or even ten years (with still plenty of time to have more babies).  i'm just thinking that if i were to have more i'd want to start trying in the next year or two, but our situation probably won't change that much by then, so we may as well just quit while we're ahead.

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by morganlefay View Post

Well, I have two girls now, and intellectually (and financially) I think we should probably stop here--DH and I have discussed big plans for both of us, at some point within the next five years, going back to school, moving, and getting different jobs (though not necessarily in that order).  Realistically, another baby would put a big kink in that plan--it's hard enough now with both of us working full time.  Also, the baby stage is hard for me--don't get me wrong; I love my new little one enormously but I had forgotten how stressful the colic is--DD1 screamed for eight months and this one seems a little more comfortable in her own skin, but she still fusses most of the day when not sleeping or eating.  In one way it would be a relief to be "done," but when i think about never being pregnant, giving birth, or watching another one grow after this one, I get really sad!  I have great pregnancies and births, and finally got the homebirth of my dreams with DD2.  So, I can't say for sure that this is the last one, and I know I don't have to make that decision now, but for some reason it keeps haunting me . .  we'll see.


i get what you mean about how being done would be a "relief".  i feel that too, although i'm still torn.  why is this so hard?

 


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#16 of 31 Old 06-15-2011, 03:14 PM
 
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I don't want to stop at 2, but DH is dead set on being done. We discussed this before we got married and agreed on 2 kids since I wanted 2 or 3 and he wanted 1 or 2, so we thought, okay we'll have 2! Done. Well, I'm realizing now it's not that easy. The thought of that pregnancy and birth being my last makes me sad. It was a wonderful experience and my baby is an angel, really she's actually a pretty easy baby so far. I'd love to have one more, and we've decided we aren't doing anything permanent for at least 5 years(means I am going on BC). He'd go out and get a vasectomy right now if I'd let him, lol. He tries to tell me he's sure he's done and 5 years isn't going to change his mind, but I told him I can't permanently sterlize myself or would want him to right now. I'm only 28 and he's only 30. I feel like I'd regret it if I didn't at least leave it out on the table.


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#17 of 31 Old 06-15-2011, 04:09 PM
 
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I belive we are done.I'm done,my uterus is done, my mind and body are done.Six children (9 pregnancies) in 12 years is plenty!I'd be pushing too far past the limits to allow another round.We're looking at DH having a vasectomy.It makes me nervous, but I feel I need to avoid hormonal birth control, and my body has certainly been through enough.I'm not actually sad about it.I'm calmed and comforted.This really was too much,but I think I can muster enough to keep it a good thing.Any more, and I really could be pushed over the edge,physically,mentally, spiritually,emotionally,psychologically and so on.I am very greatful to not be too far past any edges this time.We are incredibly fortunate to have been able to have 6 healthy,happy home births!!!!!Such lovely,beautiful children,and a few angel babies.I could not ask for more.:)


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#18 of 31 Old 06-15-2011, 06:18 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsBone View PostHe'd go out and get a vasectomy right now if I'd let him, lol. He tries to tell me he's sure he's done and 5 years isn't going to change his mind, but I told him I can't permanently sterlize myself or would want him to right now. I'm only 28 and he's only 30. I feel like I'd regret it if I didn't at least leave it out on the table.

 

i think this is smart.  a lot can change in five years.
 

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Originally Posted by KindRedSpirit View Post

We are incredibly fortunate to have been able to have 6 healthy,happy home births!!!!!Such lovely,beautiful children,and a few angel babies.I could not ask for more.:)


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#19 of 31 Old 06-17-2011, 02:32 PM
 
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I'm pretty sure I'm done after 4 but I still feel sad about it and will miss being pregnant, giving birth, and having babies.  I think I would be happy getting pregnant and having babies over and over for a long time but I couln't handle have 10 kids.  It's an amazing and exciting time and it's sad to see the end of it.

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#20 of 31 Old 06-17-2011, 04:59 PM
 
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We're done. Zephyra was a miracle conception anyway... I hit menopause about two years ago (I have pituitary dwarfism and it affects my hormone levels and fertility). I'll get my period back and it'll be regular for a bit, I'll be more fertile than ever for a few cycles, and then it'll gradually taper off as the issues come back and eventually menopause will kick back in. So I doubt I could do more even if I wanted to... but I don't: this pregnancy was so hard on me physically. There is no way I could do another. With my disability it was nearly impossible at the end, I was walking with a cane or a cart when I could walk at all and I just can't do that again. The pain was too bad.


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#21 of 31 Old 06-17-2011, 05:52 PM - Thread Starter
 
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i've been thinking about this a lot since my last post.  honestly, i think part of the reason i'm so not at peace with this being my last (even though i know it should be and probably is) is because i feel like i still haven't gotten the birth i so wanted.  yes, i did get my vbac and i'm so grateful for that, but it certainly wasn't the vbac i imagined.  the birth was still traumatic for me in several ways and i so desperately wanted one of those dream births i read about on mdc (maybe i should just stop reading birth stories). 

 

don't get me wrong, i'm not going to get pregnant just so i can experience the birth i want.  that would be rather selfish.  if we were to have another, it would be because we really want one.  also, there's no guarantee my next birth would be what i want either.

 

anyway, i'm thinking that's just one reason i'm feeling so conflicted.


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#22 of 31 Old 06-18-2011, 08:07 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by samstress View Post

the birth was still traumatic for me in several ways and i so desperately wanted one of those dream births i read about on mdc (maybe i should just stop reading birth stories). 

 

don't get me wrong, i'm not going to get pregnant just so i can experience the birth i want.  that would be rather selfish.  if we were to have another, it would be because we really want one.  also, there's no guarantee my next birth would be what i want either.

 

anyway, i'm thinking that's just one reason i'm feeling so conflicted.

I get what you mean. I finally had my "dream birth." And it was so nice to finally experience that but, as you said, not a reason to get pregnant again and just like you said, who knows if you would get your dream birth that time around either. I hear ya though. :)
 

 


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#23 of 31 Old 06-18-2011, 08:56 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dayiscoming2006 View Post



I get what you mean. I finally had my "dream birth." And it was so nice to finally experience that but, as you said, not a reason to get pregnant again and just like you said, who knows if you would get your dream birth that time around either. I hear ya though. :)
 

 


thanks mama.  i needed that.

 

i talked to dh last night about this very thing (and i think he finally gets it).  he's been very, "we're done" and that's it.  i felt i needed him to understand why i am having a hard time with this.  he feels really badly that i feel the birth was traumatic because he views it as a success and he thinks i'm being too hard on myself.  he so desperately wanted me to have that ideal birth experience, but he feels, given our circumstances (going two weeks past due with doctors pressuring me to have a RCS) that i should feel good about getting my vaginal birth at all (and drug-free).

 

i'm so grateful for my two beautiful, healthy children and know that (in time) i will be at peace with all of this.   

 


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#24 of 31 Old 06-19-2011, 07:30 PM
 
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Thought I'd chime in, although it's been way too long since I've been on here. We are very done. We discussed through the last part of the pregnancy how he was done. I wasn't sure. Well, God made the decision for us. Less than a week after he was born, I started having heart problems. I couldn't get my resting heart rate out of the 40s, and sometime it would drop below 40. I was re-admitted to the hospital and they ran a ton of tests and determined it was possibly fatigue from the birth (aka, they have no clue what was going on but it stopped). We're both sure now. I don't want to go through that again. So, in 2 weeks when I go to my 6 week checkup, I'll be scheduling to get the Essure implants.

 

Part of me is sad. This is the last time I'll nurse a newborn, last time I'll wrap up a tiny baby on my chest. He's already in size 1 diapers (sposies)!! It seems like he knows he is the last, so he's rushing to catch up with his siblings! But, there's the part of me that knows we're moving on to another great part of our lives. Ari starts homepreschooling this fall, after the Essure I can start actively losing weight and getting fit (gonna start the couch to 5k program after the procedure, hoping to run a 5K by next winter), we plan on starting to invest in camping supplies and taking the kids camping, and (very exciting) when Josiah weans (at least 2 years from now) I will be getting a breast lift and reduction!! I'm a 42F and I have scoliosis so it's very much medically needed.

 

We've always got our heart open to adoption, but we also keep in mind the fact that both our parents are raising children right now too. My in-laws are raising their 7 year old grandson and his mother is bi-polar and unstable, and my parents have my three adopted siblings who are 12, 11 and 9. If something were to happen to either of our parents, we would be the guardians of the children. So, that is always something we have to keep in our thoughts. While adoption is a thought, I don't want to be raising children at the same time Arianna is. I love my siblings to death, but I sometimes wish my mom could just be a grandma, KWIM?


Me: femalesling.GIFDH: fuzmalesling.gifDD: hearts.gifDS1: superhero.gifDS2: babyboy.gif
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#25 of 31 Old 06-22-2011, 06:39 PM
 
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We are done.  DH is definitely done.  I think if he weren't so certain, I could be convinced to have a third baby.  However, I've always imagined a family of 4, and I feel happy and complete with my 2 girls. :)  I did tell DH he was in charge of birth control since he was more sure than I was.  He's already looking up urologists. :)  Though he isn't going to get it done immediately.  We'll probably hold off for a year so we're sure.

 

Since I got to experience natural labor and a vaginal delivery this time, I have to say I'm going to miss the feeling of birth.  My VBAC was incredibly healing for me.  It was just so amazing, and the rush I felt when her shoulders passed was just overwhelming.  However, I do NOT want to be pregnant again.  Pregnancy is really hard on me, and while I enjoy feeling my baby move inside me, I'm glad to be done being pregnant.


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#26 of 31 Old 06-23-2011, 04:04 PM
 
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Originally Posted by samstress View Post

i've been thinking about this a lot since my last post.  honestly, i think part of the reason i'm so not at peace with this being my last (even though i know it should be and probably is) is because i feel like i still haven't gotten the birth i so wanted.  yes, i did get my vbac and i'm so grateful for that, but it certainly wasn't the vbac i imagined.  the birth was still traumatic for me in several ways and i so desperately wanted one of those dream births i read about on mdc (maybe i should just stop reading birth stories). 

 

don't get me wrong, i'm not going to get pregnant just so i can experience the birth i want.  that would be rather selfish.  if we were to have another, it would be because we really want one.  also, there's no guarantee my next birth would be what i want either.

 

anyway, i'm thinking that's just one reason i'm feeling so conflict

So sorry you didn't get the dream birth you wanted.  I never did either.  Some get wonderful, perfect births and others don't.  I actually did have a really great birth for the most part and then it ended in a way that I really didn't want and it has been so hard to accept.  I can relate to wanting to give birth again and having to live with the sadness of not getting the birth you wanted.

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#27 of 31 Old 06-23-2011, 06:12 PM
 
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reading these posts make me feel more sure about being done...for now. I just can't shake the feeling that in 5 years I'll have a complete change of mind and be begging DH to have another one. So, that's the main reason we're not doing anything permanent. We also have to consider the effect more kids have on a marriage. So far we've done okay for ourselves, but I can see how more kids will bring more stress, more financial pressure, etc. So, I'm good for now and I hope I don't get an overwhelming urge to have another one, because it will take alot of convincing on my part. I just hate that each phase of baby's life goes by SOOOOO fast no matter how much time you spend soaking it up, you know!? I'm okay with this being my last birth. I had an ideal birth and I'm happy with it.


DH(9/04) DS(12/08) and DD(5/11)

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#28 of 31 Old 06-23-2011, 06:30 PM
 
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Originally Posted by MrsBone View Post

I just hate that each phase of baby's life goes by SOOOOO fast no matter how much time you spend soaking it up, you know!? I'm okay with this being my last birth. I had an ideal birth and I'm happy with it.


YES!!!!  I am trying so hard to slow things down, not get frustrated when she doesn't sleep, etc. just so I can soak up every moment with her.  (It's 99.9% that she's our last baby.)  Yet, I still feel like time has just flown by.  I mean, she'll be 6 weeks old on Saturday!  How did that happen?  I swear I just got home from the hospital with her...

 


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#29 of 31 Old 06-26-2011, 06:57 PM
 
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We are done now.  Arya is our third child and we really do feel like the two girls and a boy plus two dogs is more than enough for us to handle. Were I younger I would feel more conflicted about it but I just turned 41 and have never been able to conceive until my girls were close to fully weaned and I nursed both of them close to 3 yrs.  Also, I want to savor every minute of Arya being an infant but there is a somewhat selfish side of me that longs to have the freedom to persue some of the things I like to do, such as cycling and backpacking.  Finally, we are faced with the financial constraints of a 3rd child, even now.  I worked full time from home until the end of this pregnancy and now I am faced with finding a FT job and potentially paying a ton for childcare, almost not worth working.

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#30 of 31 Old 06-27-2011, 02:28 PM
 
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We're done.  I think I'll always have that little part of me that wants another one, but I could have 35275 children and still want "one more" I think LOL.  I do think I'm happy and content and feel "complete" with the three we have.  My first two are from my first marriage, so this is DH's first biological child.  He was really adamant about wanting a fourth (although he assured me that if I were adamantly AGAINST it he wouldn't push the issue... but I think he really thought I would change my mind and want a fourth).  The funny thing is, as soon as the pregnancy was over, I felt like I could go for a fourth.  But my husband saw me in labor and said he could NEVER make me do that again. LOL!!!  Yeah, I wasn't the most graceful woman in labor.

 

The biggest thing for me is that I really would like to have a career in nursing, but it's also important to me to stay home with my kids while they're young.  I need to go to school for nursing, of course, so there's a fairly long road ahead of me.  I'm 30, which I don't feel is "old" by any means, but with school ahead of me before I can begin the career I desire, I need to start thinking about that.  Having another child would push that off further.  Plus, we'd need (well, would like to have) a larger home if we had more kids (more bedrooms), larger car, etc.  So, for logistical reasons, we're done at three. :)  And I think I'm fine with that. :)


Beth
Mama to DD 2.18.03, DS 3.18.06, DD 5.7.11

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