Is it normal to not be able to put your baby down? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 21 Old 06-15-2011, 03:26 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I have the sweetest rather patient little baby girl.  She's almost always happy...as long as we're holding her, or she's in the sling, or we're laying down with her while she's sleeping.  BUT leave her lying alone for 2 minutes and she's awake and calling for us.  (I say "calling" instead of crying because it rarely comes to that.  I respond first.) 

 

Now the average population would say we're training her to be this way, but I bet more people here go the Attachment Parenting route and I wonder what your experience is.  This is our 4th child and it's been this way with all of them.  In fact I'd rather it be this way than for the baby to cry herself to sleep or something.  But once the baby is asleep it would be nice to be able to set her down.  My only baby who would let me do that was our third because she loved being swaddled so much, I think it let her feel like she was being held and we could lay her down for a nap (sometimes.)  What's your AP experience?  Don't get me wrong, I love holding my children and living the AP lifestyle and am not looking to change anything, but I wonder what everyone else's experience is. 


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#2 of 21 Old 06-15-2011, 06:21 PM
 
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i've been wondering this too.

 

ds is quite happy as long as i'm holding him or he's in the sling.  i wait until he's in a nice deep sleep before i lie him down (just so i can get some stuff done) and he seems to wake up immediately.  i love holding him, but can't all day long. 

 

i held dd a lot, but remember being able to lie her down to nap.


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#3 of 21 Old 06-15-2011, 07:09 PM
 
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All my babies have been this way.  At some point (4-6 months?) they will take short naps alone, and usually they will nap alone longer on a car ride (DS1 would also nap in the swing, but not the other 2 kids), but other than that it's on me.  It is tough.  I don't mind it so much at night because I just park myself in front of tv or computer and the baby stays with me till I head to bed, but during the day mobility is a necessity :P  DD was napping fairly well in the wrap or mei tei but recently decided they are no subsitute for my arms.  Sigh.

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#4 of 21 Old 06-16-2011, 05:02 AM - Thread Starter
 
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You guys reminded me that my second child loved his jump-a-roo from 3 months on.  He would jump himself to sleep and would nap in there!  Funniest thing ever!  Sometimes he would suddenly wake up and start jumping again for a second.

 

Fortumately, my babies do sleep well in the car.  My first son got his naps that way (it was good errand time) until the second was born. 

 

Bluepetals, I don't know what I would do if DD wouldn't sleep in the sling!  My DH wears her several hours every day.  It's my only "free" time.  (With 4 kids there is no real FREE time!)


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#5 of 21 Old 06-16-2011, 05:10 AM
 
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my first babe was like this, though I could sneak away sometimes (middle of the day naps were easiest to do this, and I'd put him on a bed, curl up with him, and make sure we had a blanket between us (so it got warm) and roll away. As long as he was through light sleep it would work. It also got much easier as he got older, and we just kept trying it and it got easier. I did wear him for most naps 0-4mos old, and in the evening especially.

this babe is a bit different, she is easier to set down, but hangs out in light sleep for WAY longer, so I have to wait longer to do it than I did w/ Z - but she also sleeps way longer (Z from 0-4mos only slept in 45min increments) I also wear her for the start of the nap, for her it takes 20min or so before she's really 'out' and then I can set her down. She's also harder in evenings though, and mornings, and so I tend to wear her then or she sleeps on the mr.'s chest.

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#6 of 21 Old 06-16-2011, 07:54 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jr'smom View Post
Bluepetals, I don't know what I would do if DD wouldn't sleep in the sling!  My DH wears her several hours every day.  It's my only "free" time.  (With 4 kids there is no real FREE time!)


Well, apparently I spoke too soon - she is sleeping in the wrap right now.  Fingers crossed that it sticks again, LOL! 

 

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#7 of 21 Old 06-16-2011, 06:38 PM
 
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I feel a little lucky with this babe, she's so independent and easy to care for. I'd nurse her to sleep if she'd let me, but she doesn't work that way. I nurse her, she gets sleepy, but then wakes up and wants to be swaddled with the paci to go to sleep. I definitely have to swaddle her or hold her in my arms for her to go to sleep though. All I do is give her the paci, swaddle and lay her in her bad, awake. She goes right to sleep. It's weird, but I don't want to push too much to be too AP, because I had no choice with DS and he was a fussy baby that needed me at every nap and all through the night. I was SO worn out and I'm a horrible sleeper as is, so I was so drained, physically. Little Elliot is already sleeping 8 hours straight at night and I'm the one that wakes up after only being asleep 4 hours, wide awake. SO frustrating!


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#8 of 21 Old 06-16-2011, 10:26 PM
 
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This is such an interesting thread. This little one started out very mellow, but at 5 wks is starting to get a bit more fussy and more of a light sleeper. She's pretty much in the moby or the pikkolo all day long when she's not eating or getting burped or changed (or the 5 minute spurts here and there when she's actually up and awake and not fussing), and sleeps on my chest or nestled next to me at night. She's been asleep on the monitor probably a dozen times, but the majority of the time she'll wake if we set her down. She'll often wake if we sit down when she's worn too, so we've been getting a lot of exercise... my bad knee is acting up and DH's feet and back are sore as well. My mom keeps telling me to count to 20 after she goes to sleep and put her down since that's what she did and obviously it would work with this baby too since all babies must be alike, right? :) Wishing you all a few minutes of sleep tonight -

 

  

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#9 of 21 Old 06-17-2011, 11:21 AM
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i thought for sure the 2nd kid would either have to be easy-going or would just get used to being put down, especially since there is more action going on this time with a toddler running around. but although i seem to have lucked out with a mellow kid...nope, can't put her down. and that vibrating chair doesn't work either.

poor kid has been taking all her naps in the swing. major mommy guilt b/c she sleeps alot so i feel like she's living in there. with my first i was so conscienscious of getting her good non-motion sleep. oh well. 


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#10 of 21 Old 06-17-2011, 05:25 PM
 
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My babies are like this, too. So it's pretty normal for me. :) swaddling and babywearing are my saviors!


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#11 of 21 Old 06-18-2011, 03:05 PM
 
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Well, my personal experience is my baby likes to be held or put in a carrier to fall asleep. If we intend to put her down she has to be swaddled. Sometimes she'll fall asleep on her own if she is drowsy and other times we need to hold her close until she drifts off. I'm not really "AP" but I'm all for doing what works. I do think it could be good for a baby to learn to fall asleep on their own if at all possible and be on there own in a swing or whatever for a little bit at a time because I think it's just something that is needed sometimes. 


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#12 of 21 Old 06-19-2011, 06:36 PM
 
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I just came on here to ask this question myself! I remember this to some extent with my first DD but with this sweet pea it seems like I can't even get her to sleep on her own for even enough time for a quick shower.  With DD1 it was easier because I didn't have a reason I couldn't just sit/lie down for hours at a time but with a 4 year old who doesn't nap and a house to take care of this time it seems much more tricky and exhausting.  She is 7 weeks this week and I am feeling a bit shot even though I love AP parenting.  She does get two 4-5 hour stretches a night though so I feel like I can't complain too much.  

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#13 of 21 Old 06-19-2011, 09:59 PM
 
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Maybe not a super popular opinion.. and my ideas of what attachment is when used in parenting is very different then some.. but I think they have to fuss a little.  No CIO.  You are there, you soothe them, you pick them up calm them and try it again 20 minutes later.. you let them fuss for a couple minutes and talk to them..  But if you dont ever put them down they arent gonna dig it when you do :)

 

I held DD1 all the time, this one gets held alot.  But what is so miraculous to me is that this baby will actually fall asleep both not sucking on me and not in my arms.  I think its just a product of having another one to tend to as much as the being okay with her voicing some displeasure in the form of grumping.  I dont let her cry frantically or anything but I have to put her down.  The last one killed my back in baby wearing, I never got enough sleep..  It HAS to be different this time so Mommy can be functional for the whole family :)

 

 

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#14 of 21 Old 06-19-2011, 10:05 PM
 
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Oh.. one last thing.. this is around 6 weeks for alot of us.  There is a big growth spurt and some babies this is the height of their colicky period.   Maybe in a couple weeks your babes wont mind being put down as much.

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#15 of 21 Old 06-20-2011, 06:54 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MamaChef View Post

Maybe not a super popular opinion.. and my ideas of what attachment is when used in parenting is very different then some.. but I think they have to fuss a little.  No CIO.  You are there, you soothe them, you pick them up calm them and try it again 20 minutes later.. you let them fuss for a couple minutes and talk to them..  But if you dont ever put them down they arent gonna dig it when you do :)

 

I held DD1 all the time, this one gets held alot.  But what is so miraculous to me is that this baby will actually fall asleep both not sucking on me and not in my arms.  I think its just a product of having another one to tend to as much as the being okay with her voicing some displeasure in the form of grumping.  I dont let her cry frantically or anything but I have to put her down.  The last one killed my back in baby wearing, I never got enough sleep..  It HAS to be different this time so Mommy can be functional for the whole family :)

 

 


^ yep. Though I do allow baby to cry some sometimes if there is no other option - super busy doing something with one of the other kids, etc.

 

I think babies need to be trained somewhat. There's still going to be their personalities to take into consideration but yeah.

 


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#16 of 21 Old 06-20-2011, 02:54 PM
 
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My baby is super mellow and as long as he isn't overstimulated/over tired, he is happy to be layed down alone for a couple minuets. Right now he is in his bassinet, half awake, trying to fall asleep, but he is not crying or fussy at all.

 


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#17 of 21 Old 06-22-2011, 06:32 PM
 
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Ashley doesn't like to stop moving.  At all.  So as long as I'm bouncing on a ball, walking, swaying, rocking, etc her, she's super happy.  But, omg, I consider myself to be physically fit, and I can't move like that continuously all day long!!  We are trying to get her used to her swing and bouncy seat, because I need a break!  We have lay time in the bouncy seat so she learns to associate it with something fun.  I have had to let her cry a couple times, because I put her down to use the bathroom, etc.  I hate it, but I don't consider it CIO because it's not intentional on my part.  I can't get off the potty mid-stream!  So, yeah, I agree with MamaChef.  (Can't wait to get through week 6 ... the magic corner is coming!!!)

 

This one also grunts a lot.  I don't go to her when she's grunting, because she's usually asleep or drowsy, and sure enough, she puts her self back to sleep (or stays asleep) if I leave her alone. 


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#18 of 21 Old 06-22-2011, 07:25 PM
 
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So nice to see this thread.  This is my 3rd child and Arya is just a very intense little guy.  Unless he is in the Bjorn or pouch sling, he really will not nap during the day.  I am exhausted from not being able to put him down. He also hates the infant car seat and if he wakes up while I am driving and wants to nurse he just goes nuts- screaming like we are killing him.  He won't stop crying until we are home or I pull over and take him out of the car seat.  I've been trying to find ways to get him to sort of self soothe himself to sleep but am not having much luck during the day.  The pattern we tend to see is that he will get super fussy and all wound up right before he takes a long nap.  Problem is that he likes to nurse a lot before he sleeps and will fall asleep while nursing but then startles when I try to move him.  My DD2 is also adding to the issue because she just can't leave him alone. The only time he gets into a deep sleep and I can get away is at night- 9pm to about 12:30am.  Arya will be 5 weeks tomorrow so I think we are still in the fussy/colicky phase.  I am still dealing with some oversupply/overactive letdown issues that are  causing a lot of reflux type symptoms.  I spoke with a lactation consultant today and made an appt to see if there is anything I can do as Arya is quite gassy and hiccupy.  I also have an appt for him to have a chiro adjustment on Tue so hoping we can resolve some of the physical reasons related to his fussiness.

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#19 of 21 Old 06-23-2011, 06:26 PM
 
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KarenMT- I could have written some of your post! Overactive/letdown isn't helping here either. AND my DD1 will not leave DD2 alone!! She constantly pokes/prods/kisses/hugs.  I've tried to tell her one kiss is enough, tried to distract her, tried to let her get her fill- this one has got me stumped. I just hope she will get over that stage soon. And the carseat screaming too...see below though for good news.

 

One thing that has helped us here is the Miracle Blanket because she can't get out of the swaddle and today I felt like a new person - she slept 7 hours last night!! (meanwhile my 4.5 year old still woke up!!) I was able to put her down for a few minutes to shower,etc. and spend some one on one time with DD1, took her in the carseat (still swaddled) without screaming AND she napped for two hours from 3:30pm to about 5:30/6pm.  

 

I had stopped swaddling her previously because she kept getting out of them and seemed to resist it but my neighbor lent me this and it has been really helpful so far!! 

 

I also notice the difference with DD2 in terms of letting her fuss a little bit too.  With DD1 I never did and now I think I know what sounds mean what a little more and I am not afraid to let her settle down by making noise whereas last time I always thought I had to nurse her or soothe her somehow.  I mean I still soothe her but I think I am better able to decipher her cues for what she wants.

 

 

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#20 of 21 Old 06-23-2011, 07:31 PM
 
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Quote:
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One thing that has helped us here is the Miracle Blanket because she can't get out of the swaddle and today I felt like a new person - she slept 7 hours last night!! (meanwhile my 4.5 year old still woke up!!) I was able to put her down for a few minutes to shower,etc. and spend some one on one time with DD1, took her in the carseat (still swaddled) without screaming AND she napped for two hours from 3:30pm to about 5:30/6pm. 

 

 

the miracle blanket is, indeed, a miracle.  ds gets the best (and longest) sleep in it.  and by "longest" i mean about five hours at the most which seems like a really long time to me.  i only put him in it at night, however, because i'm afraid if i put it on him during the day that he'll just sleep the day away.  during the day he pretty much only sleeps while i'm holding him or wearing him.  if i put him down, he'll wake up pretty soon after i do.
 

 


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#21 of 21 Old 06-24-2011, 07:32 PM
 
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the miracle blanket is, indeed, a miracle.  ds gets the best (and longest) sleep in it.  and by "longest" i mean about five hours at the most which seems like a really long time to me.  i only put him in it at night, however, because i'm afraid if i put it on him during the day that he'll just sleep the day away.  during the day he pretty much only sleeps while i'm holding him or wearing him.  if i put him down, he'll wake up pretty soon after i do.
 

 

yes today i had her out of it because last night she didn't sleep that  much so I thought maybe she slept to much during the day yesterday. we will see what happens tonight. she went down at about 8 and so far is still sleeping at 1030pm.
 

 

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